Category Archives: fashion

August 28, 2008 · 11:38 pm

Love/hate relationship with Spanx

I know. I spend way too much time making references to Spanx. If I spent that much time doing sit-ups I could finally lose this Spanx jones and get that lycra monkey off my back/ass. (oh, sorry, i digress into my Jimi Hendrix persona now and then). 

So, when one of my BBFFs (best blog friends forever), Finding Blanche, posted this video today with a suggestion by Mary (below) that we continue the love with this one, I jumped at the chance. It is long but so funny (almost as funny as my Seth Diamond video) you will go back and watch at least parts of it again. This is why I love the internet! This one is actually the Leggs version. (hey, maybe I should try those)

Here is the history: Finding Blanche posted this after she found it on Gnightgirl who posted it after she found it on Fighting Mad Mary who found it on GloZell. That’s whose it is, by the way. GloZell’s.

Would love to see this keep on going. Any takers for tomorrow?

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August 9, 2008 · 11:35 pm

Do Hare Krishna take a day off?

Sitting on the beach today, we were behind this man with an intriguing hairstyle. I mean no disrespect as am truly tolerant of all cultures. But this one had me baffled. There was much speculation about it. Was this a rat tail of the 80’s, tied up for the sun and surf? But what was with the shaved sides of the head? It was kind of a cool look but we needed answers.

Then it came to us. Maybe he was a Hare Krishna on a day off.

He could very well have left the airport, robe and bells behind for a little fresh air.

Hmmm… maybe I had a little too much sun today.

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August 8, 2008 · 12:19 am

Michelle Obama is the New Wilma Flinstone

(sorry Maddee, you thought it was Betty Rubble, wrong necklace)

Just came home from a stellar night with the First Thursdays. For those of you who are too lazy (or linear) to click the link, these are a group of women who have gotten together for 12 years. We meet mostly on the first Thursday of the month, to laugh and when we have time, to cry. I recommend clicking the link as it is worth reading about them.

Not only did this one actually fall on a first thursday, but we were celebrating a 50th birthday. Birthdays are always a special treat with these women. They come complete with props, songs, gifts (some with batteries – use your imagination), and always lots of wine.

Tonight I was in charge of the camera (of course) and recording the list of running commentary, the best of which started out as ‘Michelle Obama is the New Betty Rubble’. But when researching the images I realized she is actually the new Wilma Flintstone.

Through the years, many women in politics have created a signature look that received attention. In my book, none has been as quite as significant as this.

What was she thinking?

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July 24, 2008 · 8:44 pm

The Ring, John Mellencamp and the Back Seat of My Car

Good title, right? I am sure I will get lots of hits from old rock ‘n rollers on this one (sorry in advance to disappoint).

This story is the perfect illustration of my style of living that my parents like to call, ‘Doing it the Amy Way’. It is very Lucy and Ethel and many of these things are so ridiculous that they seem made up.

I assure you, sadly they are not. Here is a little shadenfruede to make you all feel grateful that neither you (nor your spouse) has done anything this lame.

A couple of weeks ago we had the good fortune of getting VIP seats to John Mellencamp at Jones Beach Theatre (thank you Frankie P). For those who do not know it, this is another Long Island gem. (who would have ever thought I would sing such praises for Long Island). We had a great night with dear friends.

Here is where the action starts. I was in the back seat (with Riki, not John Mellencamp) on the drive home and I had an itch under one of my rings. When I went to scratch, the friggin thing popped off my finger and was nowhere to be found. We looked everywhere.

Suddenly, I look down to the seatbelt clasp and noticed there is a little space around it. I was convinced that was where the ring went. I stuck my fingers down there, when we got home I even used a shish kabob skewer to hunt for it. Out came the flashlights and that damn ring was nowhere. Gary thought I was crazy. (I wish I could say this is the first time I have done this, but once before I had my friend and her very fancy upper east side sister-in-law ransacking the garbage after a bbq to find another ring. We found that one)

After much grumbling from Gary, I convinced him that the car had to go to the dealer to have the seat removed. That was after a short consideration by Riki and I to try to remove the seat ourselves. We figured two jewish girls could cause alot more damage to the seat than it would cost to have the dealer do it.

Here is a scan of the dealer’s receipt. This is just way too funny (and yes it cost me $236!!).

I am happy to say, I am now wearing the ring again and smile whenever I look down at the keyboard and see it sparkling.

Hey, come to think of it, for $236 they could have at least cleaned it!

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July 21, 2008 · 12:22 am

Busting Chops


(I’m back – for those of you who might have missed me) Just returned from 4 days in the Adirondacks visiting the kids at camp. No cell service/no internet! More on that at a later date. 

Throughout history there have been revivals of a ridiculous sideburn fashion called ‘mutton chops’ for the obvious reason that the guy looked – well, pretty much like he had a little lamb hanging off his face.

For some reason – probably just because they can (or in some cases, kinda can) – 16-year-old boys at my son’s camp try out the growing of facial hair. Danny embraced this custom with a little more enthusiasm than his genetics would allow. (see above) He made a valiant effort at a goatee as well. Seemed there was simply more space than hair for the poor guy.

That said, on first seeing my daughter and asking how her brother was doing she said, “ his facial hair is soooo not ok.” She is usually very supportive but in this case I have to admit she was not too far off.

When I saw it, I was amused by the fact that my youngest was actually old enough to make this attempt. As the first day of visiting progressed we received all sorts of commentary about ‘Levinson’s Chops’. The older guys and most of his peers were supportive. The girls? Hands down felt they had to go. There were even requests to his counselors to shave him in his sleep (I think that was made by my daughter).

Danny? He appeared to enjoy the discussion without showing any signs of ego. I love this guy. He rises above it all and has a good time with it.

Saturday morning they were gone. I assume he was proud of his first attempt, felt the need to share it with us, but had grown tired of the growing.

This whole thing made me think, wow I am the mom of a facial hair grower. There I was, visiting the place I loved so much as a child. A place where so many rights of passage occurred in my own adolescence. This was our last visiting day at camp! Next year he will be a counselor. And she, well, she may be ready to move on after ten years.

Right there it occurred to me that I was aging out of this camp for the second time in my life.

I suppose you never stop the bittersweet job of growing up.

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July 11, 2008 · 4:23 am

F the Botox. Eat a big sandwich.

One interesting evening with the First Thursdays I was asked what I had been using on my eyes. ‘Huh?’, I asked (profoundly, I might add. I can be that way). “Um, what do you mean on my eyes?”. To clarify, they wanted to know what I was using on my eyes because they were not that wrinkled.

Here’s the thing. I do happen to have wonderful genes. Both grandmothers had amazing skin. So I am blessed. That aside, I subscribe to the theory that as Catherine Deneuve once said (and I paraphrase) 10 lbs on your ass does wonders for your face at a certain age.

Or in my words, “F the Botox. Eat a big sandwich”. 

Let’s face it my friends, being extremely thin after, let’s say fortyblahblahblah, gives ones face a gaunt look. The little bit of extra weight is like natural Botox if you will. It fills you out, and stretches those wrinkles away.

Hey, I am all for anything that makes you feel better about yourself. And I am not going to preach about not having plastic surgery, because if that rings your bell and makes you feel good, go for it.

But what scares me is the obsessive race for perfection. Two consecutive weeks the NYT ran articles as absurd as the Emporer’s new nail polish.  

First one from June 23rd was in the Suburban Trends section, called Promoting Plastic Surgery Party Style (oy). Here is a quote if I ever read one:

“The event attracted about 200 people, mostly women, paying $20 apiece; it cost about $12,000. Dr. Greenberg described it as “like a bar mitzvah.” It had an open bar, a disc jockey and performers on stilts during cocktail hour. The dinner buffet included carving, pasta and dim sum stations.

Hey ladies, lay off the friggin dim sum and pasta and you can avoid the lipo altogether! And of course the Bar Mitzvah comment was heartwarming. Now performers on stilts are considered commonplace when celebrating your child reading from the Torah?!

July 3rd Sunday Times Style section had this article about – no this can’t be true– and a woman doc no less… vaginal cosmetic surgery! Just when we were starting to worry about our crow’s feet and sagging whatevers, some lunatic has now come along to tell us that we need to consider a little nip and tuck in, as my husband fondly says, the hey–nanny-nanny. This must fall under the category of WAY too much time and money on your hands. Here is the most hysterical post from blogher on that article.

The race to beat aging is a losing battle. I’m not saying let yourself go, but hey a nice big sandwich once in awhile can’t be a bad thing. Sure beats shooting poison into your face!

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June 26, 2008 · 6:41 am

Bras Save Lives (or mammary survival techniques)

Ok, believe it or not there is more underwear in the news this month. This one is pretty amazing:

BERCHTESGADEN, Germany, June 23 (UPI) – An American woman was rescued from a mountain in Germany after she used her size DD bra to get the attention of nearby loggers, officials said.

The 24-year-old Colorado woman had been missing for three days before a helicopter crew spotted her colorful sports bra, the Daily Mail reported Monday.

The woman said she attached the bra to a cable used for moving logs down the mountain.

I mean no disrespect to this woman or her rescuers but this report begs the following question. However indelicate, and certainly not politically correct, do you think if she were just a B that she still would have been saved? Was the size of the cup a motivator for the rescuers? (“Hey guys, there is a woman with huge boobs up there with no bra on, let’s go find her!”) If not, why did they bother to report the cup size? Kind of absurd, no?

I heard this on a promo for the 11:00PM news so I googled it and you would never believe this but I found ANOTHER story about life saving bras:

May 17,2006 TAMPA, Fla. (AP) – A 44-year-old woman escaped serious injury from a gunshot Sunday thanks to her seat belt and a thick bra strap, authorities said.

That must have been one hell of a bra strap!

Wait, did I miss something? Is this National Foundation Garment week?

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June 19, 2008 · 8:30 am

Thong Danger?

It must be a slow news day.

The Today Show not only reported about a couple who found 60,000 bees in the walls of their house (would this not be rather loud?), but they covered this story as well. All during the 7AM hour. Is NOTHING important going on in the world today? Having started my career designing bra and underwear tags (don’t ask), this one caught my attention.

52 Year-Old Woman Sues Victoria’s Secret Over Defective Thong

… Apparently 52 year-old Macrida Patterson, a traffic officer with Los Angeles’ Department of Transportation, was simply slipping on her “low-rise V-String” from Victoria’s Secret’s “Sexy Little Thing” line when a decorative metallic piece flew off the undies and struck her in the eye.

THE EYE?!!! Are you kidding me? I was hoping for some really edgy sort of injury. I mean, anyone who has ever worn one of these babies knows that it is not the most natural thing to have a string up your ass all day. (all in the name of not having VPL). I thought perhaps the metal piece heated up and left her branded where the sun don’t shine. Or in a floss-like manner the string got stuck and needed to be surgically removed. Gives the term ‘getting your underwear in a knot’ a whole new meaning. This sounds like a Larry David episode. Perhaps VS will be required to put directions on these items: “wear protective glasses when slipping into this item to avoid risk of eye injury”.

Sorry, I have to go. Need to check out my lingerie drawer and see which item has the potential for making me a quick 25 grand.

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May 23, 2008 · 1:05 pm

The Emperor’s New Nail Polish

Now I am beginning to understand the meaning of ‘victim’ in fashion victim.

Yesterday’s NYT Thursday Styles section, aside from promoting a Pee Wee Herman-style suit as the next men’s fashion craze, announced that chipped nail polish is now chic!

This is the epitome of the fashion lemmings. A true sociological study on how women will do anything if we are told by the fashionistas that it is ‘in style’. A few of my favorite quotes from this article:

“PITY the mothers and grandmothers. Visible bra straps, glaringly obvious roots — these are but a few of the grooming no-nos that have become yes-yeses in recent years.” (scary opening)

“Over the last few years — since the era of the skull print scarf, let’s say, or the (metaphorical) rise of the Olsen twins — having streaked, chipped or just plain grotty nail polish no longer suggests drug addiction, manual labor or pure laziness.”

Well this a a great relief to me. Keeping with the theme of having no time to cry I certainly am not great about the nail appointment. Could this be the tipping point in fashion history where neglect due to over-scheduled lives drives what is acceptable, or better yet, fashionable?

Now I am cool, right? Oh no, no, no my friends. Read on…

“Being otherwise exquisitely turned out may be the key to making the undone-nails look work. (“Chipping is cool, but chipping in a schleppy way when you don’t have a $5,000 handbag is not as cool,” Ms. Baek said.)”

You are friggin kidding, right? First, if you are insane enough to spend $5,000 on a handbag (no offense to my friends that do) I would say you are using the same judgement in going for the chipped nails.

This one, of course, is my fave:

“I don’t think you can get away with it if you’re a woman of a certain age,” she said. What’s a certain age? “Anybody over 35,” she replied.”

All I can say to that is “kill me now, already”.

I leave you with this thought. What if next month they tell us that toilet paper on your shoe is the height of fashion… but only if you are wearing a pair of Jimmy Choo, Christian Louboutin or Manolo Blahnik.

You girls wearing Nine West… you just have simply left the bathroom in shameful ignorance!

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May 13, 2008 · 7:35 pm

spanx, dunkin’ donuts and the fear of youtube

how can you resist a title like that one?

you have all been here at one point. (except my friend joanne who did not know what spanx were… bitch!) 9PM the night before an event with ‘nothing to wear’. you have just about finished emptying the contents of your closet onto your bed. there are shoes and clothes everywhere and your husband calls innocently from downstairs, ‘hey, what’s up?’

your response in the voice of some horror film character, ‘don’t even THINK of coming up here!’

then you find it. that little black dress that you have had so long you forgot about it. the one that you would have spent 4 days trying to find if you were to go shopping (if the event were not the next day and a 3 hour drive from your house)

great. problem solved. well, almost.

that 10-year-old dress will surely need ‘a foundation garment’ (i started my career at a lingerie company) enter the spanx. we love these. they suck you in and flatten you out. but if you attempt to wear these for the 3 hour drive you will surely need to be hospitalized for gastro-intestinal damage. so you figure you can stop and change in the bathroom at a dunkin’ donuts off I-95.

until you remember last week’s headline:

Hidden Camera Found In Dunkin’ Donuts Bathroom

Shop Employee Arraigned On Charges Of Unlawful Surveillance

KINGS PARK, N.Y. (AP) ― A doughnut shop worker installed a surveillance camera in the women’s bathroom at work and watched the footage from a computer in his car, police said Sunday.

JUST GREAT! my worst nightmare. what if this is a trend and the whole eastern seaboard is riddled with DD employees filming bathroom scenes. i can see it now, i log onto my computer monday morning and there is a link from my biggest client to a youtube vid of me squeezing my fat ass into a pair of spanx! it doesn’t get any worse than that!

lesson learned? get there early enough to check into the hotel and change.

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