Category Archives: humor

November 23, 2008 · 11:48 pm

Are Bloggers the new ‘Media’?

callaheadsite

There is much talk about bloggers being viewed, or perhaps narcissistically viewing themselves, as media. Me? I view my self as someone with an off-beat view on everyday life that keeps me entertained and helps me from not going over the edge from the stresses of life. I have long kept my friends entertained this way and started to blog to bring this warped vision to a bigger audience. (friends and family getting bored).

You can only imagine how surprised I was to find a link in my stats that brought me here. For those too lazy or not inclined to click that link, my blog post about CallAhead portable toilets has been featured on their website in the media section!

This is where I tell Gary about how bloggers get free stuff all the time when they mention people’s products. Hey, CallAhead has a better social media strategy than J&J for Motrin? Yikes, way to go potty guys! Do you guys Twitter? You can find me there @amyz5.

Gary’s response: Great, so what will we get, a free porta san on the front lawn? You couldn’t blog about BMW?

Ok, so here’s the thing. If the social media director at BMW is out there scanning blogs I just want to let you know that I am a really loyal customer and I love, love, love, my X3 and the lease is coming up soon. And Gary happens to have a really sweet 325ci convertible that is getting kind of old and we have a kid in college and another one on the way into college so car $ are tight and I would be real happy to blog all the time about your fantastic products because frankly BMW is my life and we could do a thing called extreme vehicle makeover where you drive away my old car and bring me a new one just because I happened to write about a billboard with a funny slogan on it about being #1 at picking up #2…

Alright, so maybe the CallAhead on the front lawn is a little more realistic.

A girl can dream, can’t she?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, blogging, carry a camera, education, humor, humor, marketing, news, photography, products, social media, twitter

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November 19, 2008 · 12:14 am

Spam… A LOT

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Allen Brisson-Smith for The New York Times

Am I living in a time warp traveling at light speed back to my childhood? Could Spam actually be back on the top of the food charts? What next, Velveeta – the spam of cheeses? Vienna sausages?

Believe it or not, Spam made it to the cover of Saturday’s NYT business section. Andrew Martin wrote a comprehensive article about Spam sales in the down economy that gave me way more information than I ever cared to know about the grisly little cake of gelatinous gooey meat product. There were however some great factoids I have to share here:

1. They market Spam with the tagline “Crazy Tasty”. I LOVE that. I wonder how long they have used that.

2. Austin, MN advertises itself as Spamtown and has 13 restaurant with Spam on the menu. (Note to self: do not take Gary here, there will be no egg white omelettes, bagels with a schmeer or Earl Grey tea with honey) 

3. There is a Spam Museum where you can buy Spam ties (Rik, you need this account) as well as many other wonderful Spam gift items. The tagline is “Sure Beats an Art Museum”. I swear. I am crying from this. You should see me here in the command center, hysterical laughing. I am so easily amused. I MUST visit this place. Gary’s 50th was a trip to the Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland. Same guests, please pack your bags in September, my 50th is going to be in Austin, MN.

4. Because it is vacuum sealed, Spam can last for years. They say it is “like meat with a pause button”. Ew, I am sorry, that is just not right.

5. On a recent day 149,950 cans of Spam were made on the day shift. That’s a hell of a lot of Spam. Perhaps we should start watching Hormel’s stock.

Some other products with soaring sales are Velveeta (I read that after I wrote the first paragraph, I must be a trend forecaster), pancake mixes, boxed mac and cheese, instant potatoes, Jell-O and Kool-aid. Wait, did someone just open my mom’s pantry cabinet of 1968? Are canned string beans on this list too? Do they still make Fizzies? I friggin’ loved root beer Fizzies. Anyone? Fizzies? Was it just me?

So, what? We throw out all that we have learned about healthy eating and go back to high fat and preservative foods to save money? Hmmm… cyclical. What’s old is new again.

Spam is the new fois gras. Honestly, they look the same to me.

Since this post has made me nostalgic for my childhood days, I will leave you with one of my favorite Monty Python skits. Jeanne, this one’s for you babe. (email subscribers, click over the blog to watch this, it will make you laugh)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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November 11, 2008 · 9:41 pm

Was that Just a Box of Rain?

dso

File this under ‘you can’t make this stuff up’. Jersey City councilman, Steven Lipski, was arrested for urinating on the crowd from a balcony of a Washington night club during a Dark Star Orchestra concert last Friday night. For those who are unfamiliar with DSO they are a Grateful Dead cover band. The same band that not one, but both of my kids are going to see the night after Thanksgiving. Perhaps they should bring their umbrellas to avoid that potential Box of Rain.

With more Dead shows in my past than I care to admit, I can say that public peeing at such events was not all that outrageous. But off the balcony? Hey Steve, get a grip. And at 44 and in the public (or is that pubic) eye, perhaps a little discretion is in order.

I believe he was in a state that my family likes to refer to as ‘that guy’. You know the one. We have met ‘that guy’ before. They are like a tribe. One of them puked down my son’s shoulder at his first Jets game when he was 8-years-old (funny how he never asked to go again for a long time). I believe another spilled a beer down the part of my mom’s hair at a Rangers game. And of course game day in Madison, Wisconsin brings out scores of ‘that guy’.

In The Daily News report of this incident a source stated, ” he was very drunk”. REALLY now? Well this comes as a surprise. Don’t most middle-aged guys pee off a balcony when they are stone cold sober? Could they not get a better sound bite than that one?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog where Jana joins in the election bloglove.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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November 2, 2008 · 8:36 pm

Top 10 Search Terms (vol.4)

It is that time again. The monthly list of ridiculous search terms that land readers on this blog. For those who missed the last two you can read Vol. 1 here , Vol 2. here and Vol. 3 here. As always, I link the term to the post I think it yielded. And of course there is running commentary. Did you honestly expect me to shut up?

You can click on the terms and they will lead you to the posts that I think were found. For you email subscribers you will have to go to the page of the blog to use this function.

10. ghandi action figure An all time favorite, the Albert Einstien Action figure post. I must go look for this guy and start posing him in odd places.

9. vilma flinstone This must be the german version. 

8. how to post a vegas video on facebook Perhaps you want to think this through a little more.

7. what time can we eat on yom kippur, 2008 Jews! All we ever think about is food!

6. you tube mary black sonny don’t go away There is another post that this might have landed on, but the one linked here is my very first post EVER and I am kind of sentimental about it. Also, for those who have not read me all along, it is quite entertaining and gives you a clear picture of how insane I really am. (note to self: is this wise?)

5. don’t cry past tuesday I try to stick with this idea. Tuesday, cry all you want but come Wednesday suck it up and move on kids. I had a hard time picking my fave here but decided that this one works the best with all the uneasiness we are feeling pre-election and post-wall street apocalypse.

4. cool hand dryers Is this the Paul Newman version?

3. jeans big ass Hoping this was not anyone walking behind me.

2. black gay men with beautiful naked asses Not a clue here but I will take this opportunity to urge all my California friends to VOTE NO ON PROP 8! Give me a break CA, WTF? Reverse evolution?

1. i am a woman with a hairy back I am quite grateful that I am not.

And there you have it. Another month of absurdities brought to you by i could cry but i don’t have time. We hope you enjoyed the show. Please tune in tomorrow for election anxiety updates and a special guest post surprise!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms where they are celebrating their 1 year blogaversary. And at 50-Something Moms Blog… Poor is the New Rich and There is no Hair in Team .

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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October 24, 2008 · 11:12 pm

TOGAAAAA

Should I be concerned that when I IM’d my daughter to remind her that her credit card payment was due this was her auto-reply message? You have to feel a little bad for college kids today, their lives are always right out there all the time. The downside of technology.

No worries. She did, in fact call me. A little on the late side, but let’s face it, she had been at a Toga party last night. With visions of Animal House I asked her how her evening was.

‘Oh, it was fun. You know those jersey top sheets I have make a great Toga’.

Thank goodness, I will let Linens and Things in on that little tidbit and maybe they can include it in their Back to School flyer as a selling point. Actually, she has both brown and turquoise sheets. Either really would make a fine toga and I am sure the jersey fabric drapes nicely and is quite flattering.

And the phone call wasn’t a total loss, she did handle the credit card bill.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms where I discuss rabid soccer moms. And at 50-Something Moms Blog… Poor is the New Rich.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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October 21, 2008 · 9:54 pm

Pet Sounds?

I am pretty sure that there is some kind of critter living in the ceiling soffit in my office. Let’s just say I hear the skittering noise of what I am hoping is just a mouse, running back and forth at all hours of the day and night.

It is not like this is a new discovery. I must have mentioned this to the overpriced exterminator I have on a monthly retainer more than once. He reminds me that the office is in the basement and a wall backed by an outdoor staircase is susceptible to rodents. (ew)

I do like the staircase, though, in case I need to make a quick getaway. Of course I would have to move the copy machine to get out, my feng shui is so off in this office I don’t even have feng!

I digress – for a change.

Every once in awhile I hear the scramble of little feet in the ceiling and think, hey, this guy is much less work than the dog. I mean, I don’t have to feed him and I don’t have to worry about a sitter when we go away. He certainly does not bother either the Fed Ex or UPS guy. And he does kind of ease the loneliness of a solitary work environment.

So, I will let him be. The thing I worry about more is when the pitter patter of his little feet stops there could be a good chance I will have something dead in the ceiling!

Which makes something living in there seem so much more palatable.

Catch me today at Mid-Century Modern Moms where I discuss rabid soccer moms.

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October 19, 2008 · 9:20 pm

Living la vida lunchbox

Oh, my. Kind of creepy, right? I had to take a picture of this! Sadly, poor old Ricky M. was on the discount shelf at the art supply store. Who would have thought the artist with the 1999 song that topped the charts would end up here?

I got a particular charge out of this as that song was the theme of my 40th birthday dinner with the First Thursdays.

I guess every lunchbox has its day.

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October 14, 2008 · 11:49 pm

Campaign Voodoo-Op?


In celebration of the last presidential debate taking place just minutes away from where I live I thought I would bring this wonderful find to your attention.

Dover Publications has jumped on the election bandwagon with these campaign edition paper dolls. (fyi, if you are reading this on a blackberry you MUST find a computer to see this picture!)

I don’t think I can resist the buy. They are ‘collectibles’ for G-d sake. Somewhere down the line I know I will be so sorry if I don’t own these. Kind of like when I had to go back into the store to buy the Albert Einstein action figure last week. Hey, where did I put that? Isn’t it time I start posing him in odd places?

Take a look at the art on both of these. Obama has that suave debonair look of a 1960s James Bond. McCain? Well he has no neck for starters. Or maybe it is just that his head is not on right. (cheap shot, I know).

What struck me was their hands. The gestures are actually quite true to life.

The best part of all? These come with election night scorecards! THAT is truly fabulous.

Maybe I should buy these for Jana to celebrate her first election!

Go ahead, order them, they are only $7.99 each!

Now everyone get ready for the debate and don’t forget to drink on maverick.

I am very excited to be posting at 50-something mom blogs today. Don’t miss my tattoo thoughts.

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October 3, 2008 · 12:05 am

On my nerves in the news

How many of you are sick of the latest over-used sound bites in the news lately? Liz you have already voiced tweeted your distaste for the first one.

Here are the ones that make me the craziest. Feel free to send me others in the comments.

From Wall Street to Main Street (number 1 most over-used term)

A heartbeat from the presidency (too scary to comment)

The golden parachute (downgraded to silver?)

I’ll get back to ya on that (kill me now)

A regular woman like you and me (I am nothing like this woman!!)

Consumer confidence (there is none)

Market adjustment (that was one hell of an adjustment)

Derivatives (derivative of what? that is the big question)

Bailout (this is a bad word. we need a new name for this. let’s rebrand this baby. anyone? bueller?)

Maverick (this infers reckless behavior to me)

Joe six-pack (I like my Joe’s with an anatomical six-pack, thanks)

First dude (sheesh!)

Watching the debates tonight I noticed that there were quite a few people on Twitter playing Palin bingo (I love that idea). They were thrilled when she said Maverick (how many times was that by the way?)

Her winking and dropping of the g on all ing words… not so much.

add to del.icio.us : Add to Blinkslist : add to furl : Digg it : add to ma.gnolia : Stumble It! : add to simpy : seed the vine :  :  : TailRank : post to facebook

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September 28, 2008 · 11:19 pm

The Albert Einstein Action Figure

This could be, hands down, the best purchase I have made…EVER.

I was in a computer store on a very long line and they had all sorts of impulse buy items as you snaked through the aisle to the register.

And there, between the coffee molecule t-shirts and the mini travel toolkit was this! An Albert Einstein action figure. How could this be, I asked. What product manager would conceive of such a thing. And what is he holding in his hand? A piece of chalk? Perhaps he is ever ready to scribble a formula whenever the mood hits.

Of course I bought two, one to pose and put in ridiculous contextual photos (yes, you will be subjected to these from time to time) and one to keep in the original package in case he ever becomes a collector’s ite. Delusional? Maybe. But was the inventor of this item not a little delusional too?

I showed this to a friend and he asked me why I did not buy the Thomas Edison one.

I could not help but Google for a series. Not the same style or manufacturer but I did find full sets of both Geniuses and the ever popular Revolutionaries.

Who could possibly resist owning one set that includes Lenin, Gandhi, Che, Malcom X (does he really match the caliber of the others) and Mao?

Hey mom, I gotta get me some Mao…now!

These may not be posable action figures, but I am pretty they have all seen a lot of action in their day.

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