Category Archives: family

December 27, 2009 · 11:04 pm

Career Choices

The scene:

Driving to a family gathering. Jana is cranky.

Me: What’s the problem, why so cranky?

Jana: Because everyone will ask about college, my major, my trip abroad and what I want to do with my life.

Gary: Just tell them you want to be a stripper.

Got to hand it to him, that is pretty damn good advice. Kind of nips that conversation in the bud.

Sure enough, someone asked her that question right off the bat. And to tell you the truth, it worked! Although he did ask why you needed to go to college for 4 years to do that.

Some people have no sense of humor.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 25, 2009 · 12:45 pm

Confirmed Sibling

I received this message on facebook this morning. I have to say I am quite relieved. I guess our contract was almost up and I can be a bit of a pain in the ass, so the confirmation is comforting. Hey, Kei, is this like renewing your vows when you are married. Every 50 years you confirm your siblingship?

All kidding aside, I am thrilled and honored to have my big bro ‘confirm me as his Sister’. Without him my life would be much different. Short of turning this into an USTTCT (unscheduled time to cry tuesday) let’s just say there is no one out there like my big brother. And if you think I am out of my mind, I am mild compared to him.

Now, if there are any other family members out there that feel the need to confirm our relationship, bring it on.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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November 23, 2009 · 9:49 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Thankful


My mom found this the other day. I think Danny wrote it in 4th grade. (you gotta love the illustration!)

One would expect a little brother, three years junior to his sister, would idolize her at that age and write something sweet like this. But what got me as I read this was how close they have become now that they are grown. Not just siblings, they are truly friends who always have each other’s back.

‘I hope you be with me till the day I die’

And that, my friends, is a hell of a way to start Thanksgiving. Welcome home Jana-girl – nothing like everyone sleeping in their own beds!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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November 8, 2009 · 6:30 pm

You may never look at strawberries the same way again

strawberries

Sometimes I worry about sharing the absurdities in my household.

Wait, no I don’t, this is one of the main reasons I started blogging.

Backstory: Gary has all sorts of crazy sayings that he claims ‘everyone knows’. Most of them are not exactly family-rated (ok, I guess the Steely Dan post wasn’t either). This is one of the kids’ favorites. When you say something to aggravate him he tells you to…

“Jump up my ass and look for strawberries!”

No, I am not kidding. At first they tried to analyze what it meant. (scary) Then it just became a given.

Sunday morning phone call:

Gary: I am done with tennis, what do you want to do for breakfast.

Me: I am making french toast but I need strawberries.

Gary: Great, I will pick some up.

then he hesitates a moment and says:

Or… I could bend you over and pull them out of your ass.

Yeh, well maybe you had to be there. Or maybe you are calling social services as you read this. Forget about it, the younger one is 17. The damage is already done.

French toast anyone?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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November 1, 2009 · 9:59 pm

What a Difference a G Makes

anus-deluxe

Yep, thinking of going out tonight with the family to try the new Micky D’s Anus Deluxe. You know, because the Anus Minis are just not filling enough. I will refrain from all the other follow-up comments that have run through my twisted little brain as I am listed as a mom blogger in some online communities and really, this is so inappropriate.

Ok, so maybe everyone loves a girl fight, doodyman, and metal dildos are probably not all that maternal either.

Thanks  to Cousin Frankie for sending me this photo. Keep the absurdities coming, folks.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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October 28, 2009 · 7:39 pm

Zaidie was right!

steely_dan-can_t_buy_a_thrill-big

I have been sitting on this story for the past few days wondering if it was a good idea to share with you all how crazy my family truly is. And then I figured if I have not scared you off yet, this one will entertain you.

The players:

Gram: my mom

Zaidie: my dad

Danny: my son

Gary: my husband

Me: me

(phone rings)

Me: Hello

Gram: Hi. Hey do you know what Steely Dan is.

Me: Sure, mom, it’s a band

Gram: No, I know it is a band. We were just listening to them. But do you know where the name came from.

Me: Um, no. Gary, do you know where the name Steely Dan came from?

Gary: (funny grin, then makes the universal hand signal for a boner)

Me: Really?! Ok, mom, Gary says it’s a boner.

Gram: A boner, nope. Dad said it is a metal dildo.

Ok, so let me interject here for a minute. My mom is 78! And she has always been rather proper. So I am going to say it is a safe bet that I have never heard her say ‘dildo’ before. Surely not ‘metal dildo’ (ouch, BTW)

Danny: (from downstairs) WHAT are you guys talking about?!

Me: Zaidie says that a Steely Dan is a metal dildo but Dad says it is a boner.

Danny: Oh Jeez!

Me: Danny, can you google it please.

a moment passes and then…

Danny: Hey Zaidie was right, it is a metal dildo. Sometimes 2-headed. Ew, I cannot believe I am having this conversation with my parents and grandparents (I believe that was paraphrased)

Seriously, don’t you think that hearing your 17-year-old son say, “Zaidie was right, it’s a metal dildo.” is somehow crossing the line?

Yeh, well, it will all come out on the couch.

FYI, here are may favorite definitions from urbandictionary. com:

1) proper name of a steam powered dildo from the novel Naked Lunch by William S. Burroughs.

STEAM POWERED?!! ouch! and this one:

2) A Massive Metal dildo, sometimes double-headed.

Yeh, well that will surely fuel a nice little therapy session for my son in his future.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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October 19, 2009 · 9:03 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Where the Wild Things Are

where-the-wild-things-are

“Oh please don’t go – we’ll eat you up – we love you so!”

I can’t help it. That line kills me.

Every time.

To say that I have a soft spot for this book is an understatement. A few weeks ago I mentioned that my son hit send on his first college app as the movie commercial aired. Danny agreed to see it with me. Part humoring me, part his own nostalgia, I suppose.

Life takes mysteriously coincidental turns. As we were leaving to see the movie yesterday, I did a quick check on the college website to see his status. Miraculously, before my eyes, the pending status changed to…

Danny_accepted-collegeAll sorts of screaming, tears, and jumping up and down ensued (that was mostly me). And then we went off to see the film. (which by the way I LOVED, but by no means should you take little kids to see this).

Sitting there in the dark with my boy – watching this childhood fave come to life – was such a MOMENT. But when that last line was spoken, those words were almost too much to bear. In my head I thought, off you go, my son, on to your next adventure. But in my heart all I could hear was…

“Oh please don’t go – we’ll eat you up – we love you so.”

Congrats to my boy who worked so hard to get all that he deserves. And I want you to always remember that no matter where you go, when you come home to your ‘very own room’ you will always find ‘your supper waiting for you’

‘and it will still be hot.’

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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October 8, 2009 · 11:27 pm

Tales of Open School Night

open-school

This was it. The last open school night. After 16 years, tonight marks the last time we will walk the halls – forever lost – searching for the right classroom.

Instead of getting all weepy about the end of an era I will tell you the funniest thing I heard all night. This is from a dad who always makes me laugh.

“I have spent the whole night following around the wrong middle-aged mom.”

He told me that with each frantic class switch he would try to keep up with his wife and each time followed the wrong ponytail down the hall, only to hear his cell phone ring with his wife on the other end reprimanding him for getting lost again.

Let’s face it, moms. We bring our husbands to these things to show the teachers that there are two concerned, involved parents in the household and we make sure that we sign their names on the sheets so they get credit.

Uh oh, now I am sure that I am in big trouble with all you REALLY involved dads out there, but please understand you are in the minority. Don’t get me wrong, Gary is into going(ish). He was very impressed with the SMART boards and the amazing course offerings… for real! But if given the choice I am sure he would prefer hanging out in the halls socializing.

Kind of like being back in high school, isnt it?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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October 5, 2009 · 9:37 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Bloggers for More Birthdays

For this Time to Cry Tuesday I am joining some of my blog friends in the American Cancer Society Bloggers for More Birthdays blog chain. As part of a continuing effort to create a world with less cancer and more birthdays, the American Cancer Society Blogger Advisory Council is harnessing the power of women in the blogosphere to build awareness and activism around this movement. We have been tasked with adding our voices and sharing a story of how cancer has touched our lives. So consider me harnessed.

There are moments in your life that change you forever. Some are joyful and others are devastating. You remember where you were sitting, what the moments right before felt like and how that turn of events changed the way you view the world from then on.

It started like any other ordinary day.

And then the phone rang.

It was my dad. He asked if I was busy or could I talk. He seemed distracted. And then he just said it. “Listen, your mom has breast cancer.”

So, how do you react to that one!? I will tell you how we reacted. The way we always do, as a family.

Taking my mom’s lead we all sprung into action and dealt with it. Head on.

My mom? She showed us a brand of strength that we would stood in awe of. She kept her wits and most importantly her sense of humor through surgery, treatments and the misery of hair loss. My dad? He showed up one day at my son’s basketball game with my mom’s wig on to keep us all amused. My brother? He kept us all going with his undying ability to keep it cool and point out the absurdities that kept us laughing. Me? I did the research and made the binders. Hey, what can I say? I am a Virgo, it is how I cope.

Throughout her treatments she was always concerned about the other patients. One particular day comes to mind. A women was there for her first chemo treatment. She was a young mom and was so very frightened. My mom sat with her, held her hand, looked into her eyes and helped her cope with what she had to face. She acted like… well, like a mom. The quintessential mom. Even through this, her most difficult time, she kept reaching out to others.

I am happy to let you know that mom has been cancer free for 7 years. She has walked in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure, proudly wearing her pink shirt hoping to inspire others to find the bravery to keep going. Her philosophy has always been one of reaching out to help others. When I told her about Bloggers for More Birthdays she embraced the idea of the movement. “Anything that will help build awareness and early detection is something I want to be a part of.”

Thank you mom, for showing me what bravery looks like, and for keeping the glass half full. I love you.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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September 29, 2009 · 12:27 am

Time to (laugh till you) Cry Tuesday

Smoked Salmon Bagel

Jews were not meant to go without food.

It is a simple fact that without caloric intake, and surely caffeine, things can go haywire.

Big time.

Antics. That is the only way to explain the absurdity of the end of my day. Amy antics. To the nth degree.

Keep in mind that the patriarchs in the family are hearing about this for the first time with this blog post, so to my dad and father-in-law, sorry the bagels were not warmed up and really, it was all my fault.

Here goes. And understand that there is no way you could make this stuff up.

I, in my control freak fashion infinite kindness, tried to help my mother-in-law out by picking up the food for break fast and keeping it in my garage fridge so it would not spoil. On cooler days she can keep it on her terrace, but in the name of not wanting rancid smoked fish and egg salad, we offered to keep it here and bring it over to her house at 5 when my husband and the dads went back to closing services for Yom Kippur.

For reasons of logistics I was taking my dad’s car. I loaded the trunk, closed it and realized I had just…

locked the keys in the trunk!

Yeh, well that did not suck much. I was going to run to my parents house (35 minutes away) to get another set of keys when my mother-in-law, in her infinite wisdom suggested AAA. The fact that she was not ready to kill me at this point is truly amazing.

I begged the guy on the phone to get here ASAP telling him how my dad was going to kill me. Then promptly told him how old I was when he replied, “hey, I am 62 and I am still afraid of my mother! She used to chase me with a wooden spoon.” Alrighty, then.

Sure enough they sent a locksmith within in the hour.

My man Andre! Oh, how I loved him. Especially when we found out that the trunk release button did not work unless the key was in the ignition. If you are still with me here, THE KEYS WERE IN THE DAMN TRUNK. He used the little entry to the trunk through the armrest in the back seat and somehow navigated around platters and bagels and kugels to find those keys. And during it all gave some sage-like advice about some higher reason why we should not be where we were supposed to be at that moment and that is why this happened.

Zen locksmith.

And then it started to rain.

Luckily we got there about 15 minutes before the starving temple guys and made a quick effort of getting it all together.

Sorry dad, but don’t worry, the car is fine. Thanks to my mother-in-law for being such a good sport and my mom for staying calm and sharing a good (nervous) laugh through it all.

Moral of the story:

Stay out of it and risk the rancid fish on the terrace.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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