Category Archives: absurdities

January 30, 2009 · 7:23 pm

Manorexic

Scene: Three 16-year-old boys playing xbox 360 and laughing at youtube videos all afternoon, the day after mid-terms end. My basement. (yes, the one with the crickets)

Me: I am going to get the dog groomed (no, this was not her punishment for not eating crickets, she suffers from D.O. and needed a bath). Do you guys want me to pick up anything?

Boy 1: YES, can you get me a half and half from the deli? (this deli is famous for half iced tea/half lemonade)

Me: Go ahead and order lunch and I will pick it up.

My son: Thanks mom.

Upon my return we unpack the bag of food and I see there are only 2 sandwiches and 3 boys. 

Me: Did they forget a sandwich?

My son: No, Boy 1 only ordered a half and half.

Me: Why?

Boy 3: Because he is a manorexic!

Me: Hey, that’s funny! Did you make that up.

Boy 3: Nah

Which is true, he did not. Seems manorexic is in urban dictionary with more than one listing, my favorite of which was #2:

n. an anorexic of the male persuasion. an emaciated male.
Did you see that pathetic emo kid? He was such the manorexic.
 
Now please do not get all upset with me and say that I am being insensitive to a serious disorder. It is simply that I cannot resist a made up word! Think of it as my own illness! And hey, at least I was not crass enough as to put a picture with this post.
And seriously, I am not kidding here, I know that eating disorders are no joke.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

 

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January 29, 2009 · 9:20 pm

Crickets in January

Cricket 01Once again the command center has turned into a little episode of Wild Kingdom. For those who do not read me regularly (shame on you) the command center is my office in the basement. It is safe to say I spend a scant 10 hours a day here on average. Ok, maybe 12, I am just a little embarrassed about that.

A while back I wrote about the critter that was living in the soffit of my ceiling. I thought that little sucker was gone but it would seem that the freezing temps and snow must have driven the little guy back in there and he – with perhaps a friend or two – were doing the scurry thang all night last night.

No worries, I am sort of used to it and did not think all that much about it. Until…

I heard and then FOUND a friggin cricket hopping across the floor. A cricket?! In January? WTF, what the hell is going on. Pretty soon I am going to have a petting zoo down here.

And really, what is up with the dog? She can’t earn her keep and pull a little Where in the World is Matt Lauer and eat a cricket of two?

Thinking she wants to renegotiate her contract.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 27, 2009 · 11:30 pm

Fur Coat and Cowboy Boots…

fur_coat_cowboy_boots

…on an eight-year-old?

Whenever I think I have seen it all in this crazy little zip code I call home, someone comes along and surprises me.

I was out to dinner at a low-key brick oven pizza place with my boys this evening. We were enjoying our dinner, with the guys pretending to listen to me but really watching soccer on the TV over my shoulder listening intently to me and hanging on my every word.

Suddenly, the little girl at the next table stood up and with all the attitude of a truly privileged little monster self-assured super-model, she swung her little fur coat on and pranced out on her little be-booted feet like she owned the place.

Hey twentyfour, money town has nothing on this east coast version.

The other highlight of dinner? Paulie from Rocky was sitting at the next table!

Gotta love this town.

(an no that is a not a picture of the kid silly, she was wearing a short fur jacket and much hipper Frye boots)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 23, 2009 · 8:50 pm

Goodbye Norma Jean

marilyn

“You had the grace to hold yourself, while those around you crawled”

Sir Elton, how about this bizarre rendering of Marilyn?

Hold herself? Is that what is going on in this painting? Are those supposed to be her hands, because I am thinking that it might be physically impossible for one’s hands to be in that position.

So then I thought, ok, maybe they are someone else’s hands. I mean, really, not such a stretch to think that someone would want to cop a feel of those bodacious tatas, right? But notice the french manicure. So  that would make it a woman touching her (not that there is anything wrong with that) but I have never heard talk of Marilyn Monroe being gay. Hey, you never know, my dear friend Frank tells me that everyone is gay except my husband because he knows that will freak me out.

Are you wondering if this is hanging in my house? Don’t be silly, we only moved in 20 years ago. You can’t possibly think that I have hung the artwork yet.

I saw this in the art supply store. The same one that housed the ever famous bustier pocketbook and the Ricky Martin lunchbox on its sale rack. This place is the mecca for tacky.

Note to self: visit Pearl Paint at least once a month for blogging material.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 23, 2009 · 1:17 am

Happy F*in Hippos!

happyhippo

Every once in awhile I come across a product that screams from the shelf with a sense of irony like this one. It would appear that Happy Hippo is a hippo shaped treat that looks something like a chocolate filled Twinkie with nuts and chocolate on the outside. Kind of looks like he his foaming at the mouth, no?

What should their tagline be? Eat happy hippos and you will soon look like one?

Seriously, who really wants to bite the head off of one of these things? You could certainly not eat one  in public without being self conscious. Mmmmm, gonna eat me some Happy Hippos and watch my hip(pos) grow.

Scary thing is, I bet they fly off the shelves. Looks like they even have a little Lego promo going on at the bottom left corner of the box.

What next?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 21, 2009 · 7:04 pm

Not a Snowball’s Chance…

mel_snowball

Once again, the infamous Mel finds herself on the blog. She is truly becoming an internet celebrity. I am not sure but I think I heard her asking for her own spinoff blog. And I saw an application of name change near her bed… she really does not look like a Perez!

Yes folks, that is a snowball in her mouth. She did cheat a bit as I saw her digging and then she jumped in the car with this. I believe there is a tennis ball in the center of that snow. (again, mention of cold balls, this is getting ridiculous).

Note to self: have car cleaned.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 16, 2009 · 10:11 pm

They won’t call me a prick anymore!

Well, this is a major relief. Late last night I received the email below :

noprickTalk about a subject line. Really, who wants to be called a prick anymore. Especially those of us who had no idea we WERE being called a prick. And quite honestly I only know a select few people who even use the term prick regularly. Don’t most people use the word dick? Or maybe douche bag?

On that subject I feel compelled to tell the story of a fellow overvolunteer mom (who will remain nameless). She was stuck in the throws of a PTA project that was wearing on her last nerve. The women who she was dealing with were more than she could handle. One of her dear friends was on the committee with her. My friend (no really it was not me, it was a friend) sent her an email to the effect of: ‘Let’s hope this last version will fly with these douche bags.’

Unfortunately she committed the worst crime of email, accidentally replying all to the email. This resulted in copying these said douche bags on the correspondence.

Ooooo boy. Not funny to her, but her friend and I found it most entertaining. We came up with all sorts of covers for her. Like she could start the meeting with ‘I am so happy all you douche bags could make it’. Then move on to tell them that she uses that term affectionately.

Yeh, kind of weak.

I went so far as to take a Summer’s Eve package graphic and create a nametag for her friend. Ok, too much free time on my hands. I just can’t help myself with graphic support!

Back to the email above. This came from Adtek Guide in Elkhart, Indiana. Could not find these guys on a quick search but I am curious about why the picture did not come in on my email. And seriously, what was this email all about.

Anyone? Wendy?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 15, 2009 · 11:36 pm

Celebrate the Changing of the Guard

original_image

In celebration of our new president, Paste Magazine has put up the most fantastic idea, Obambaicon.me.

Yes, that picture above is the ever fabulous and famous Mel. For those who don’t know her or follow me around the web, my avatar, or icon is a picture of the pup with sunglasses on. She is quite cool.

Obamaicon.me allows you to alter any photo to match the style of the iconic Obama campaign graphic. You can upload a photo or use the camera on your computer to snap a new shot. It also allows you to add a slogan.

Genius!

Thanks Joe Laves, for turning me on to this. If anyone cares to submit their version to me I will be happy to post them here. Send to a2zdes(at)gmail(dot)com.

And yes, the dog is a liberal democrat who is looking forward to change.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 11, 2009 · 11:21 pm

What’s the poop with this paper?

elephant-poop-paper-printed

Photo via treehugger via Future Feeder

Here is a shout out to my Twitter friend @flipgonzo, who never is at a shortage for interesting conversation and links of equal intrigue. He sent out a weekend tweet on this one and it was something I could not help but share. Thanks for the material, my friend!

This is too good to be true. A Sri Lankan company called none other than Mr. Ellie Pooh brings us elephant poop paper. No sh*t, this paper is really made from this crap. Ok, that was weak, sorry. You can read all the real stuff about this product at treehugger.com but the following is the Amy version which is infinitely more entertaining.

You will all love the reason for the creation of this paper; to save the elephants. They were becoming a nuisance by trampling crops and were being killed by the Sri Lankans. By creating paper from their droppings Mr. Ellie Pooh (do you think this is his real name?) hopes to create a new market for this country and make the elephants a a valuable natural resource. Unless, of course, they should become constipated at some point. Then there will be a need for prune farmers. It’s all good.

The paper is made from 75% elephant crapola and the other 25% is all post-consumer waste. My green mama friend Jessica Gottleib should surely love this stuff. What do you think Jessica?

Poopy papers can be purchased through Pixxlz.com, a Massachussetts based print products company.

Here is my one big concern; is this paper, or is it not, scratch and sniff?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 11, 2009 · 12:46 am

Eat Me? Crude Sells.

eat-me_small

This should have probably landed on Leaving the Zip Code, but I needed to write more than I do over there and that poor blog has been quite neglected of late.

On St. Mark’s Place in NYC resides Crif Dogs, an eatery that specializes in the ever-so-healthy deep fried wiener. Aside from dreaming up ways to clog the arteries of New Yorkers, these guys have a great sene of humor and decided to hang a larger than life hot dog out front with the words ‘Eat Me’ written in an artful mustard script.

I saw this while circling for a parking spot and dragged my daughter and nephew back there to snap a shot.

Ask me how sick of my photog antics this next generation of my family has become. Actually, they bitch and moan about my snap happy behavior, but neither of them could deny that this would make a fabulous blog post.

Let’s face it, the signage is crude, but it did catch my attention. Did I purchase on of these death wieners? Of course not. If I am going to venture down the road of wiener death I am strictly a grilled Hebrew National Girl.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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