Category Archives: absurdities

August 7, 2010 · 11:45 pm

WTD – What the duck?

This is one of those stories you can not possibly make up. And proof that no matter how old your kid is, it is guaranteed that he/she will continue to do things to throw you off guard and cause havoc in your life.

Picture this. Two college student cousins on a family vacation on the Cape. One night they start getting into a conversation about what would be a cool pet to have. They remember a Friends episode with a pet duck. One thing leads to another, google is involved and the next thing you know they have ordered 6 ducklings online.

Fast forward  a week and some duck food arrives at my girfriend’s house. ‘What is this about’?, she asks her 20-year-old son. Um, we ordered some ducks as pets. ‘Yeh, right’, she thinks and goes about her business.

Until a few days later when she gets a call from her son:

Son: Hi

Mother: Hi

Son: Ummmm, hi.

Mother: What?

Son: are you home?

Mother: of course I am not home, you know I am at work and I am crazy busy. What can I do for you?

Son: Wellllll… the ducks are going to arrive to day.

Mother: that is unfortunate because I am at work and so are you so those are going to be some fried ducks when we get home.

They worked it out, had someone come over and let the ducks in and when they got home the son created an environment for them in the garage with a car roof carrier and a cooler, rigged with some netting to keep the raccoons out.

So my friend asks herself, “What the duck? I mean are you ducking kidding me?!!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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August 4, 2010 · 9:21 pm

Sometimes the king…

… is a woman.

I thought the saying was, ” If the Queen had balls she would be King”.

But this sign was found somewhere in the Village and many a queen has balls there, so I suppose this clarified it all.

My daughter sent me this picture on my phone late last night. I thought this was some performance art or protest that she was passing on the street and found it quite amusing.

Until this morning when it became infinitely more comical when she told me this was a sign that she and her friends found in the garbage and it was actually them who were holding it up for her to take the picture.

Yup, this one is my kid for sure. There is no denying that!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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August 3, 2010 · 10:49 pm

Funniest Spam Comment Ever!

Sometimes the comments that get caught in my spam filter are the funniest thing in my day. This one surely does not disappoint. I am leaving the links so all you perverts out there can check them out. (yes, someone actually owns and operates – no pun intended – ‘penisenlargement.com . What a great snag that url was, huh?)

HELP! I’m currently being held prisoner by the Russian mafia xyzrxyz penis enlargement xyzrxyz and being forced to post spam comments on blogs and forum! If you don’t approve this they will kill me. xyzrxyz penis enlargementxyzrxyz They’re coming back now. xyzrxyz vimax xyzrxyz Please send help! nitip vimax

I feel kind of guilty that there is a chance this guy was killed by the Russian mafia because I did not approve his comment.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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July 23, 2010 · 10:52 pm

No Soap Radio

Here is a perfect example of how I keep myself entertained at all times.

These past few weeks I have been exceptionally busy and preoccupied. Not in a bad way, I thrive on this pace. It has not been the stay up all night, work all weekend kind of busy. More like the very full day and lots of plans at night and on the weekends sort of busy.

The thing is, at times like these the little details of life seem to get put on the back burner. You know, like going to the bank, making sure there is milk, buying stamps (yes we still use stamps on occassion, we are very retro) and the biggie this week…

buying soap.

More than once I heard Gary at 6:30 AM mumbling to himself and then asking me, “Do we have soap?”

Infant that I am, the only response I could think of was:

No soap, radio.

Luckily I was smart enough to keep that to myself because frankly his humor is just not all that developed at such an hour. I, on the other hand, would snicker to myself and then rummage through the travel bags to find soap until I finally wandered down to the basement bathroom and grabbed a vintage bar from the shower that is hardly ever used. (does soap go bad?)

Seriously, if you don’t entertain yourself throughout the day, what is really the point? Now might be a good time to tell you how I was sort of dancing a little to a Frank Sinatra song in Uncle Guiseppes this morning holding a big ass can of coffee and was ‘caught’ by a friend who looked at the coffee (and the little dance) and said, “wow, that’s a hell of a lot of coffee, cranking on a deadline?” I told her that actually I was and she was rather impressed that I could still do that little dance.

Don’t kid yourself folks, inside I am way more of a wreck than I appear to be.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.


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July 22, 2010 · 6:20 pm

Naked Cowboy is suing again!

A while back I posted about the ever-famous Naked Cowboy and his quest to protect his brand. This man, who most of us New Yorkers regarded as simply another Times Square nut adding peripheral color to our otherwise drab days, turned out to be quite the savvy businessman.

When Mars used his likeness to promote M&Ms on a billboard he went out and hired himself a lawyer. Much to my surprise, and surely the shock of a giant like Mars and their not so savvy creative team, the (not so) little (naked) guy won the suit to the tune of 4 million bucks!

Now it seems our beloved undressed cowboy has gone one step further in protecting his intellectual (and I use that term loosely) property and has begun to sell franchises. For a guy who serenades without clothing in all sorts of weather in the middle of Times Square he has surely become wise to the ways of protecting his brand.

During a press conference on Wednesday (in his skivvies, of course), he announced that he is suing Sandy Kane, a 50-year-old former stripper who calls herself the Naked Cowgirl, for ripping off his Times Square act. It seems the king of the tighty whities already collects $5,000 annually in franchise payments from a woman named Louisa Holmlund, 27, who also performs as the Naked Cowgirl.

Now here’s the thing, and I don’t want to appear to be cruel here, but the woman who pays is, well, there is no other way to put this, she is a babe. And BTW, way more authentically naked. The new one, not so much. See for your self. Here is the ‘legally Naked Cowgirl’ in Naked Cowboy terms:

And here is the new one. Sorry grandma, if I were the cowboy I would not want you ‘diluting’ my brand, if you will. Oh and I would like to add; 50 MY ASS! She is pushing 60 if she is a day, maybe even 70 from this picture. Or maybe she just lived 50 really hard years, but seriously, cover that up. All of it, actually.

Yikes! This is just wrong. (I particularly like the woman on the left with the big smile).

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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July 18, 2010 · 10:09 pm

You never know what you’ll find in your dishwasher

Certainly when your college kid is living home for the summer.

Tucked in snugly between the cereal bowls and the water glasses on the top rack of my dishwasher, this jewish mother found…

the ever popular I heart Jesus shot glass. Thinking that it most likely did not belong to my husband, who not only does not drink but I am pretty sure does not heart Jesus either.

So I texted my sweet daughter:

Ummmmm…. I heart Jesus?!!!

And of course the answer was:

hahahaha. I will be home soon.

It appears this was a ‘gift’ from a friend. No disrespect to my Christian friends here, I think that there was simply something very funny about giving this to an obviously Jewish girl.

I am thinking of getting her an I heart Buddha shot glass for Hannukah, what do you think?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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July 13, 2010 · 11:12 pm

The Morning Walk and the Garbage Sentry

Every morning I start my day with a walk. I take the dog, or she takes me, and we both make sure that the other gets a little exercise before getting down to the business of the day. I play little games with myself to stay entertained. Some days I set out to connect with at least 3 people on my walk since I work alone and feel the need for eye to eye contact. Ok, so that is a little weird.

But not as weird as today’s garbage find. This was not the first stuffed animal that got tossed today but it was surely the most majestic. This time of year in the suburbs it is not odd to find all sorts of things you would find in a cluttered kids room out in the trash. This phenomenon is what is known as the room purge. It is done when the kids leave for camp. While they are not present we dump all the crap they will never miss.

As I stopped to take this picture with my phone, the dog did a little business of her own. A car passed by while she was in mid-squat and then stopped at the corner and stayed there. I did not think much about it as I sent the picture to both twitter and facebook on my phone. Yeh, I know, no need to comment on the tech addiction.

As I neared the corner the woman rolled down the passenger window and shouted out at me, “Don’t you think you need to go and pick up after your dog?” Mind you, I have the little plastic bone with the doody bags on the leash, I ALWAYS pick up after my dog.

Me: “Um, lady, she only peed”

Lady: “Oh, never mind.” And she drove away.

How’s that for some human connection. Jeez!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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July 7, 2010 · 5:25 pm

Fax Us Your Unwanted Faxes… huh?

Like This!

Ivy received this today, via fax of course. I don’t know why but it gave us both the giggles. Ok, I know why it gave her the giggles, she was jet lagged and sending a kid off to camp lagged in combination. Everything is funny when you are in that state. Me? I guess everything is just funny to me.

Or everything absurd, anyway.

So, I get the service. You fax them the crap you don’t want like the ones I got this week: “Right Tech Roofing” and “New Vacation Policy for All Employees”. Um, I work for myself and have not had a vacation in almost as long as I have owned a damn fax machine so I get why I would want to stop these from coming in.

Adding the word ‘Environ’ to their name was clever. And adding the Commission on the end adds a level of official business. Lovely branding, guys, really.

EnvironFax Commission

Let’s see, I get a fax. (sheet of paper 1). Then I fax it to them. (sheet of paper 2). Then they fax the sender (sheet of paper 3). Environ? Not so much.

Ok, I am not stupid, in theory they will handle the unwanted faxes and they will stop coming to me avoiding sheets of paper 4-4,000. And they are a nonprofit org so that is a good thing.

Still, the headline cracks me up. Is it me?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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July 6, 2010 · 10:40 pm

Little Head Thinks

Saw this in a parking lot this weekend and it cracked me up.

I have one comment:

Define ‘thinks’.

(btw, the url does not work but this is an East Hampton Band and you can hear them on MySpace)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.H

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June 28, 2010 · 12:42 am

Shoot The Freak

Nope, you don’t have to worry, I did not have signage installed in front of my house.

This amazing shot was sent by my crazy friend Joyce, who is always thinking of me and sending little tidbits of the absurd from her phone. You may remember the famous ButtPaste post that she inspired. I am thinking of putting her on staff.

I believe this shot was taken in Coney Island. Now there is a big surprise. Live Human Target… doesn’t get much better than that, huh?

I bet you are all happy that I am done with graduation and prom week. Back to the business of the absurd. But wait! Tomorrow is Tuesday…

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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