Monthly Archives: October 2011

October 12, 2011 · 11:29 pm

Not Pregnant

Ok, so if you know me personally this comes as no surprise. The fact that my kids are 19 and 22 and I am sans uterus makes it seem like the purchase of this item (and a 2-pack, no less) would be a waste of money.

Today, yes. In 1999, it seemed like the right thing to purchase. Ok, so what’s my point.

Well, the office purge was still going on when I came across a bag in the very back of the closet behind a box of old photos. And this was what I found inside…

with one test missing. I must have shoved it back there to hide it from you know who.

There was a period of time (no pun) when I seemed to always think I was pregnant. Not wanting a third child and having a spouse that sort of kind of did, I was always worried about it. Invariably I would go to the pharmacy the very next day to buy Tampax.

I am pretty sure they all laughed when I walked out.

 

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October 12, 2011 · 7:15 am

Note from Your Wife

Once again, a big thank you to Susan who has become a better magnet for crazy signage than I.

This one comes to you from our local paint and hardware store. I would assume that after countless husbands came back into their store with tails between their legs, they decided to have a little fun with it and give a gentle nudge towards encouraging spousal approval.

I thought of this yesterday as I was in the supermarket picking up dinner. There in the middle of the store, was a husband staring at a shopping list with a dazed and confused look on his face. Then I saw him dial his cell phone. He was someone I knew so I asked, “Not empowered to make that decision?” and he just cracked up.

What is it about married couples? Are we wives simply ridiculous control freaks or are our husbands truly incapable of these small domestic decisions because we have been handling them for so long?

Or both?

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October 11, 2011 · 1:19 am

Time to Cry Tuesday – A Dog’s Purpose

And she said losing love 

Is like a window in your heart.

Everybody sees you’re blown apart.

Everybody hears the wind blow.

– Paul Simon, Graceland

Mel, the wonder dog, my walking companion, the canine comedian, sadly died on Friday. It was sudden and shocking. Even though she was a 12 year old Lab with some health issues, she still behaved youthful. We had saved her from the brink of death twice already, so this one was unexpected. And fast. Too fast.

Part of loving a dog is losing a dog, and I found that out the hard way this weekend. But I also found out how incredible people can be. How they reach out with kind words and even lend you one of their dogs for the first walk after yours is gone. How they lay on the floor with her and say good-bye and text you tirelessly to make sure you are ok even when they know you are not. How they tolerate the tears that feel like they will never end and never say ‘she was just a dog.’

Strange and wonderful things happen even in the worst of situations. There are simply no coincidences in life. You just need to pay attention and it is all clear.

Mel was named after the ice cream man. The kids loved him (who doesn’t love the ice cream man). Late Friday afternoon I was picking up dinner and when I got to my car there was a long line of cars waiting for the light to change. There, next to where I was parked, was Mel the Ice Cream Man. 

On Main Street.

In October!! WTH!

There are no coincidences.

Last week I read A Dog’s Purpose by W. Bruce Cameron. This charming tale is written from the point of view of a dog who keeps dying and is reincarnated until he finds his purpose. Each life had a purpose of  its own. Yes, we personify our pets, but I truly believe they get IT (note the caps). And I thank Mr. Cameron for the point of view that helped me through one of the hardest decisions of my life – to let her go before she started to suffer. I finished the book a couple of days before Mel died.

There are no coincidences.

Mel was my other half, my walking buddy, the one who soothed me when I was at my saddest. She was a good sport about my habit of taking pictures and would pose patiently whenever called upon. As I have said before, she acted like each ride in the car was a trip to the Caribbean. She was full of joy and never complained. The Schmoop, as she was affectionately called, was larger than life and a huge part of our family. We will miss her terribly.

If you have a dog, go grab the leash and take her for a walk. Throw a ball. Enjoy every joyous moment of her unconditional love. Get over the chewed shoe or the the tumbleweeds of fur she sheds and give her a big hug on Mel.

Oh, and a huge thank you to the Vets and the entire staff at The Port Washington Animal Hospital who not only saved her so many times, but treated her, and us, with the greatest compassion and dignity. We will forever be grateful for your love of animals.

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October 7, 2011 · 12:02 am

And… We’re Branded!

No, you are not in the wrong place. This is the same old i could cry but i don’t have time with a whole new look.

Yes, this is a tale of the shoemaker’s kids having no shoes. Believe it or not, this blog has been around  since 2008. And yes, I was a graphic designer without branding. I liked to think of it as my rebellion against too many decades in the business. You know, like the fashionista who goes out in sweatpants just to prove she is not shallow.

Actually that is a horrible analogy and the real reason this blog never carried a designed header is because:

a] I was lazy

b] I was never happy with anything I designed for it

c] I was lazy

d] I had commitment probems

e] all of the above

oh and f] I was lazy

Anyway, I bit the bullet, took the plunge, reveled in the fact that I did not toss out that fabulous book of archival drawings in the big office purge and today I bring you the newly branded, jam master i could cry but i don’t have time. (maybe i should change the name to i could design but i don’t have time – but that would not be clever or funny, for that matter)

Ah… change and commitment. Neither are ever comfortable but this was long overdue. I hope I don’t wake in the middle of the night and regret this. (prone to drama)

I am still playing with theme design but this is a start. If you have any comments, critiques, suggestions or opinions… keep them to yourselves.

Just kidding, I would love to hear what you think.

Oh, and for those of you on email subscription who don’t want to click over to the web and see this baby in real life, here is what the logo looks like:

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October 6, 2011 · 12:20 am

Steve Jobs Tributes

It would appear this is a Time to Cry Wednesday. The world grieves the loss of one of the true geniuses of our time. One does not need to be a technophile. Or a Mac User. Or a lover of all things innovative to feel the loss of this great man who died way before his time.

As he was for many, Steve Jobs was my hero. He changed the way I worked as a graphic designer. He made me want to learn… all the time. Even when it hurt (and still does sometimes). In my own little corner of the world, he pushed me to be better. Every day.

This man who forced the world to Think Different, inspired so many.

A few favorite Jobs quotes:

“I want to put a ding in the universe.”

“Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter anything to me. Going to bed at night saying we’ve done something wonderful, that’s what matters to me.”

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”

“Design is not just what it looks like, design is how it works.”

It has been a few short hours since the announcement of his passing, yet the web has already exploded with tributes, both simple and clever… reflecting the man they remember. Even Google – a fierce competitor – posted an understated, extremely classy gesture tonight – a single line of text with a link to Apple’s home page.

Here is a roundup of what I have seen so far:

cultofmac.com

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October 5, 2011 · 1:04 am

Y Kvetch

I had an exceedingly ridiculous day replete with a car that died in a parking lot, a blackberry that kept crashing (but who cares, its days are numbered – iphone 4s is fine for now – they should have just called it a 5 – BTW), an iPad that kept dropping service, a cancelled meeting and yadayadayada.

So I figured, hey, Y Kvetch! I love this license plate. I saw it in a parking lot yesterday and laughed out loud. I always wonder, what drives someone to drive something with a plate like this?

Perhaps the owner of a Ranger Rover has nothing to kvetch about. But seriously, kvetching knows no socio-economic boundaries. And many times those with the most abundant lives have the most robust habit of kvetching.

So, after a day of nothing more than surface aggravation, albeit more than a usual day should have, the Y Kvetch sentiment fit the bill. Hey, maybe we should start a movement.

For those not of the tribe:

kvetch/k(ə)veCH/Noun: A person who complains a great deal. Verb: Complain.  

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October 3, 2011 · 10:55 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Buckaroo

I am not one of those moms that pines away for the days when their children were little. Don’t get me wrong, I loved raising my kids. And though sentimental by nature, I am not one of those ‘oh-where-have-my-babies-gone’ types. Each stage had its joys and its challenges and I loved them all. Some were more trying than others, but as a package, motherhood has been a great gig.

But every once in awhile something hits me. I am innocently cleaning the closet in my office (yes, I am still on the office project) and buried in the pile of quilting fabrics (yes, I was a quilter) was this tiny pair of cowboy motif pajamas.

Not just any pajamas, but the ones that had to be washed constantly so that my son could sleep in them yet again. They are threadbare and soft as can be, with faint stains of what is probably maple syrup from the 1,000 waffles he ate at that age. Just the sight of them gave me that tight feeling in my chest that I get when a piece of my past comes crashing into me.

Perhaps when he wore these is when we started calling him Buckaroo. We don’t use that name often, but when we do he tolerates it probably for the same reason we say it; it brings us back to little boy time we both loved.

I took this shot and texted it to my now 19-year-old son with the caption ‘Bucka-f’ing-roo’.

Sometimes you have to know your audience and tailor your message. Know what I mean?

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October 2, 2011 · 11:46 am

The MILF Hotel

Yes, all you babes with children out there, I am happy to announce that now NYC has a hotel dedicated especially to you: The Milf Plaza. What better recognition for all the women who have worked hard to stay in shape and look great after having kids than to dedicated a landmark hotel to them.

Some of you may be saying to yourselves, ‘Hey, I am a New Yorker, you can’t fool me, that is the Milford Plaza with the o-r-d retouched out.’ (sounds sort of like a Monty Python routine… fish license, anyone). I will say to you all, ‘No, no, no; this baby is for real’. We can thank Mark R. for posting this on facebook and Cathy S. (his lovely wife, and according to him the ‘highest authority’) for validating its authenticity.

When you see stuff like this you can’t help but think that someone at that hotel was having some fun with this. Or could it simply be serendipity that those letters all went out at the same time for the sheer purpose of entertaining the likes of people like my friends and I.

Now I can’t stop singing The Lullaby of Broadway (this commercial ran constantly back in the 90s – check out the talented staff and the price!)

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