Goony Golf

Yes, Dr. Jimmy, this is the post you have been waiting for.

A perfect summer day in Lake George. You:

A) rent a boat

B) have drinks at The Sagamore

C) play Goony Golf

By the title of this post you know that the answer is C but you can’t for the life of you understand why it won out of A and B. Here are just a few examples why:

Mother (strangling the) Goose.

Mary (the proctologist) had a little lamb.

And of course the proverbial Black Hole. I am pretty sure I have a dozen or so single socks somewhere in there.

Oh, and in case you were wondering…

Not going to lie, a good time was had by all. But next year…

it’s either A or B, hands down.

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Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, dr. jimmy

Schedules

You know those people who give you their schedules? This can happen in a volunteer setting or at work. Sometimes even for social plans. You ask them if they can help and the next thing you know you are listening to a droning list of kid’s activities, doc appts, hair, nails, work, family functions, yadayadayada.

Seriously folks. As if my to-do list is not boring enough I need to listen to someone else’s proctology appointment into grocery shopping into board meeting into sugar magnolia (that last one is for you Deadheads out there)? Or worse get the details.

To say this is a pet peeve is an understatement.

And then I realized that I was a schedule texter today. A friend asked where I was and on and on my list went in four part harmony complete with meetings, dry cleaner and chicken soup. (yes chicken soup in 90 degree heat – Jana has a cold and I felt bad for her, if you must know).

So what does this make me? Yep, a schedule spouting  bee-otch. And worse, that text went out to the person who I usually commiserate with over the schedule people.

So, Karen, this one goes out to you and I owe you a drink for being the recipient of the dreaded schedule.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Time to Cry Tuesday – Blogher Hangover

The other day I gave you a silly little peek into a moment I experienced at Blogher, the women’s blogging conference. I am usually prone to pick out the most absurd of moments and share them here because I like to entertain. And I have to admit, THAT was entertaining.

But the event itself was far from silly. For me it was proof that women from all over can come together and form a community that in a matter of hours becomes as close as those from which they have traveled. If not, in some ways, closer.

Women are a funny gender. We nurture by nature. Sure there are the mean girls and the cool chicks at the cafeteria table. And from where I came from, there are those who liked to mix it up with a little girl fight at the flagpole now and then. But for the most part, women rally around.

Someone is ill? We feed their families and care for their kids. Someone has a loss? We make arrangements, and give a shoulder in the darkest of hours when everyone else has moved on. And hey, when we puke, our truest friend will hold our hair back and never judge us.

So it is no surprise that when a hotel full of women bloggers got together there was a buzz; a feeling in the air that was hard to describe. Sure it was overwhelming at times. But the strangest things were happening. Coincidences and connections. With strangers. But not really. Women met each other in person for the first time when they had known each other online for years. And all we could say was, ‘I feel like I have known you for years.’

I spent the most fascinating hour drinking wine with a group of women in a hotel room. Most of us only knew one or two people in the room. ‘Where did you sit?’, my husband asked me. ‘You know, all over. In the chairs, lying on the beds. It was very relaxed.’ Of course his mind went into full blown girl on girl pillow fights. Yeh, well that is the penis for you.

I digress. The point was, the whole purpose of this conference was to share. Ideas. Lives. Business concepts. And everything in between. To give each other the balls to keep doing whatever it is that we do. For whatever reasons we do them.

I regret that I was only able to attend one day. But this 14-hour day left me so spent that going back was simply out of the question. I had a Blogher hangover (or maybe it was the wine) But, I needed to digest.

Now that I have, I am so proud to have been a part of this. Blogging is very much a way of life for me. There is no right or wrong way to do it. Some over-share, but it works for them. Some over-sell, but it works for them as well.

And me, well there were three things that made me happiest. One, I got to check in at the same time as Mrs. Potato Head.  Two, someone in an elevator saw my conference badge and told me that I had the best blog name of the day. And three, I got to hear a ballroom full of women chant the word vagina in unison. Seriously, where else could that happen?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under blogging, friendship, social media, Time to Cry Tuesdays, women

Concerning Twitter Follow

Once-a-Month Cooking is following me on twitter? This might be a bit concerning for my husband now that my kids will no longer be living home.

Hey if you see him on the street looking forlorn and hungry, can you take him in and feed him a home cooked meal.

You know, just in case this was some sort of foreshadowing.

Does take out count as cooking?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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WTD – What the duck?

This is one of those stories you can not possibly make up. And proof that no matter how old your kid is, it is guaranteed that he/she will continue to do things to throw you off guard and cause havoc in your life.

Picture this. Two college student cousins on a family vacation on the Cape. One night they start getting into a conversation about what would be a cool pet to have. They remember a Friends episode with a pet duck. One thing leads to another, google is involved and the next thing you know they have ordered 6 ducklings online.

Fast forward  a week and some duck food arrives at my girfriend’s house. ‘What is this about’?, she asks her 20-year-old son. Um, we ordered some ducks as pets. ‘Yeh, right’, she thinks and goes about her business.

Until a few days later when she gets a call from her son:

Son: Hi

Mother: Hi

Son: Ummmm, hi.

Mother: What?

Son: are you home?

Mother: of course I am not home, you know I am at work and I am crazy busy. What can I do for you?

Son: Wellllll… the ducks are going to arrive to day.

Mother: that is unfortunate because I am at work and so are you so those are going to be some fried ducks when we get home.

They worked it out, had someone come over and let the ducks in and when they got home the son created an environment for them in the garage with a car roof carrier and a cooler, rigged with some netting to keep the raccoons out.

So my friend asks herself, “What the duck? I mean are you ducking kidding me?!!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, pets, photography

Best Blogher Pitch of the Day

For those who do not know what the hell Blogher is, this is a conference for women bloggers. Go ahead, make all the jokes you want but you can only imagine how happy I am to be here. I am out of the zip code and amongst ‘my people’.

And these really are my people, even the ones who are pitching us. I was walking through the exhibition hall with @wendyscherer when all of the sudden a tiny powerhouse of a little blonde came up to us and asked:

“Can I tell you everything there is to know about your vagina in 5 seconds.”

Hmmm, I don’t know, can you?

I mean, I don’t mean to be narcissistic here but I was hoping that my vagina was worthy of a little more than 5 seconds. Anyone? Gary, want to jump in here and comment on this one?

She certainly got our attention and when she followed that line up with, ” the vagina is a delicate eco-system” I was pretty sure I had the makings of my first Blogher blog post of the day. (yes, kids, there may be more than one). And, no, I did not think it was necessary to add a photo to this post for those who were wondering. To quote my kids, “Ew Mom”.

Ok, I know what you are all thinking. Hundreds of women meet at these conferences to talk about their vaginas. Well, they do. But they also talk about family. And work. And grief, And politics. And fashion. And current events. And products. And marketing. And social good…

Are you getting the picture. This is a houseful of power. The women who drive not only buying power that brands so desperately seek, but the support and devotion that women give naturally to each other.

This is a very special place indeed.

Oh, and yeh, I am sure there are some pretty special vaginas here as well. (btw, did you know that the optimum pH for a vagina is 4.5? yeh, did not think you did)

Oh, and a plug for the little blonde whose name I did not get (sorry). She worked for lil’ drugstore and was selling all sorts of stuff to keep that hey-nanny-nanny in pH balance.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under companies, conversations, health, humor, Uncategorized

Sometimes the king…

… is a woman.

I thought the saying was, ” If the Queen had balls she would be King”.

But this sign was found somewhere in the Village and many a queen has balls there, so I suppose this clarified it all.

My daughter sent me this picture on my phone late last night. I thought this was some performance art or protest that she was passing on the street and found it quite amusing.

Until this morning when it became infinitely more comical when she told me this was a sign that she and her friends found in the garbage and it was actually them who were holding it up for her to take the picture.

Yup, this one is my kid for sure. There is no denying that!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Funniest Spam Comment Ever!

Sometimes the comments that get caught in my spam filter are the funniest thing in my day. This one surely does not disappoint. I am leaving the links so all you perverts out there can check them out. (yes, someone actually owns and operates – no pun intended – ‘penisenlargement.com . What a great snag that url was, huh?)

HELP! I’m currently being held prisoner by the Russian mafia xyzrxyz penis enlargement xyzrxyz and being forced to post spam comments on blogs and forum! If you don’t approve this they will kill me. xyzrxyz penis enlargementxyzrxyz They’re coming back now. xyzrxyz vimax xyzrxyz Please send help! nitip vimax

I feel kind of guilty that there is a chance this guy was killed by the Russian mafia because I did not approve his comment.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Time to Cry Tuesday – Checking Out

I admit it. I am a connection junkie. I have a blackberry, a blog, accounts on facebook, foursquare, twitter and countless other ridiculous places I won’t admit. I post, share, ponder, like, friend, tweet, IM, BBM, text, and in my retro way I am known to send an occasional traditional snail mail thank-you note when old-fashioned sincerity is in order.

But this weekend I worked pretty hard at checking out. Nestled comfortably in the heart of the 6 million acre Adirondack Park, I stayed in a sleepy little town called… no, not Petticoat Junction. But pretty damn close. It is called North Creek. And it is a bustling metropolis compared to the town we were there to really visit, which is called Minerva.

Minerva… 12851. 28N. Say those three things to anyone who has been lucky enough to spend their summers at the sleep away camps in that town and a glazed look will come over their eyes. The air smells so sweet, the sky is that extra shade of blue, the lake tastes like nothing on this earth. The stillness of its mornings and the majesty of its sunsets are amongst the most beautiful experiences on earth.

But the true gift of this little jewel on earth is found in its lack of cell service. Yes, you read that correctly. I was thrilled to be technically untethered for a few days. And although North Creek prides itself in its relatively new hot spots, I can honestly say I tried my best to keep away from them as much as possible while I was in town. Sure I threw up some shots on facebook and even checked in on foursquare once just to see if there were venues that were listed, but for the most part…

I checked out.

And kids, I have to tell you, it didn’t suck. Somehow being there and letting go made me remember who I am on some level. Or perhaps it was who I want to be.

Again.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under camp, facebook, technology, Time to Cry Tuesdays, twitter, vacation

This little lamb is ruining my life

When Jana was a little girl we fell in love with the video Shelly Duvall’s Rock ‘N Rhymeland. If you have little kids (and actually even if you don’t) this one is a must see. During the time when your kids are small you are subjected to watching the same videos over and over again until you want to stick a needle in your eye. A video like this is a breath of fresh air.

My husband was known to go into a rage over the ‘fat kid in the green sweater’ in the Wee Sing video, Grandpa’s Magical Toys. Seriously, this entire series was worthy of breaking the TV to avoid ever having to listen to those inane songs again.

But Rock ‘N Rhymeland was a breath of fresh air in the landscape of mind-numbing kid vids. We still quote it now and then with a look of nostalgia and fond memories of real humor infused in a film that helped keep these two parents from running from the room screaming like their brains were on fire.

One of our favorite scenes starred Cindy Lauper as Mary, and Woody Harrelson as her little lamb. Our favorite line of all times was from Cindy, “This little lamb is ruining my life.” At times when toddler Jana was wearing on our very last nerve we were known to quote her (with full brooklyn accent, of course). You can see the sequence here at about 4:11, it is really hysterical.

Fast forward about 18 years and Jana is interning in Battery Park City where none other than Woody Harrelson is shooting a film outside her building. She and the other interns loitered long enough outside the trailers to get to meet him. And he could not have been nicer. He chatted with her for a while and then gave her this autograph.

When she told me all I could ask was, “So? Did you tell him that you have always admired him for his role in Rock ‘N Rhymeland as the little Lamb and that you are pretty sure that video saved your parents from going mad.”

Her answer? “Haha, no m-o-o-o-m!”

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under humor, Jana, movies, rock 'n roll