Category Archives: humor

February 11, 2009 · 10:36 pm

Hanging babes

hanging_dolls1

I am not sure what to say about this picture. Nope, I did not take this at the trusty art supply joint where I found the bustier purse, Ricky Martin lunchbox and tacky Marilyn Monroe painting, although these cuties would have fit right in there.

These scary little vixens were hanging (literally) in the local Rite Aid that used to be Eckerd (which I never called it) but was Genovese first. Of course I still call it Genovese, I am old school that way.

So there I was, talking to Danny’s 4th grade teacher in Genovese – mind you he is in 11th grade now, small town. We are chatting away about this and that like fed exing valentines to the girls away at college and all sorts of school district gossip.

And then I spotted them.

The metallic hair on the chick on the right must have caught my eye. I stopped in my tracks and said, ” I MUST take a picture of these”. And she was all, “you carry a camera?” sort of what is up with you crazy lady. There I was down on one knee getting a good angle on them and don’t you know she jumped right into the fun and said, “make sure you get a good shot of the combs that their heads are hanging from”. Wow, hadn’t noticed that.

The whole product line is pretty freakish. Who designs this crap?

And it is quite obvious I can ramble on about any topic on earth.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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February 10, 2009 · 10:28 pm

You never know what will come in the mail

yearbook_button_150

The other day I received a mysterious envelope in the mail that had an odd lump in the middle. I opened it and out dropped the button above wrapped in a flyer. Yes, that is my High School yearbook picture on that button. No joke!

Personally, I find this a little creepy. The idea that a classmate of 30+ years ago is scanning the yearbook and industriously making these odd buttons in his free time is just a bit staggering. The flyer had a line I love, “The 30th reunion was not well attended because hundreds of classmates were not able to be notified of the date”.

Um, no pal, the reunion was not well attended because lots of people are fat and bald 30 years later or perhaps they simply don’t want to see the kids from ‘the old neighborhood’. Believe me, I attended the reunion with my 3 best friends and we had lots of laughs. But seriously, the crowd was a little scary.

You know, there is a reason we lose touch with many people from high school.

Me, I have certainly lost a huge chunk of brain cells somewhere along the line. People would come up to me and put their hand over their nametag and say, ‘I bet you don’t remember me’. Hey good bet, I have no friggin idea who the hell you are sistah! Seriously folks, when you go to a reunion, don’t play that game. As much as we all want to believe we look the same as we did as teenagers, or worse that we were truly memorable to everyone that sat next to us in math class, we just aren’t.

So, would you join the yahoo group listed on this button?

Me, think I am going to pass. Facebook is enough of a walk down memory lane for this old chick.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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February 4, 2009 · 9:28 pm

Don’t Change that Channel!

The other day I was speaking with a friend who made a suggestion in jest – at least I think she was kidding. She felt that, as a country, it would be to our benefit right now to have a sort of government controlled broadcast of television.

Now, before you get all freedom of speech on me, let me explain.

I wake up each morning, go downstairs to make coffee and breakfast, turn on the TV and immediately get sick to my stomach. I don’t know about you but quite frankly I wake pretty chipper and happy, a fact that has annoyed the hell out of my kids for the past 19 years.

I really don’t need to hear the latest who-the-hell-laid-off-how-friggin-many-how-far-the-dow-dropped-faster-than-the-price-of-my-house-what-stores-are-closing-which-magazines-are-folding kind of ramble. I am a business owner, you don’t have to remind me before caffeine courses through my veins how lousy things are out there. Fear breading more fear. It’s a frenzy I tell you… enough!

Jeez! Where the hell is Willard Scott and the tango dancing, still working, walk five miles a day 100 damn plus-year-olds? Sweet Lord give me a Smuckers commercial to lighten things up already! The only thing that eased the load this morning was the ground hog that bit Bloomberg in Staten Island. (actually, that was really funny).

So here was what my friend proposed:

Leave it to Beaver, 24 hours a day.

For those who are too young to remember ‘The Beav’, screw you for your youth and here’s a little video. For those who are old as dirt like I am, tell me this does not calm your nerves. (Sue and Maddee, this is worth watching on a screen instead of a crackberry)

Your thinking it’s not such a bad idea, aren’t you?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 30, 2009 · 7:23 pm

Manorexic

Scene: Three 16-year-old boys playing xbox 360 and laughing at youtube videos all afternoon, the day after mid-terms end. My basement. (yes, the one with the crickets)

Me: I am going to get the dog groomed (no, this was not her punishment for not eating crickets, she suffers from D.O. and needed a bath). Do you guys want me to pick up anything?

Boy 1: YES, can you get me a half and half from the deli? (this deli is famous for half iced tea/half lemonade)

Me: Go ahead and order lunch and I will pick it up.

My son: Thanks mom.

Upon my return we unpack the bag of food and I see there are only 2 sandwiches and 3 boys. 

Me: Did they forget a sandwich?

My son: No, Boy 1 only ordered a half and half.

Me: Why?

Boy 3: Because he is a manorexic!

Me: Hey, that’s funny! Did you make that up.

Boy 3: Nah

Which is true, he did not. Seems manorexic is in urban dictionary with more than one listing, my favorite of which was #2:

n. an anorexic of the male persuasion. an emaciated male.
Did you see that pathetic emo kid? He was such the manorexic.
 
Now please do not get all upset with me and say that I am being insensitive to a serious disorder. It is simply that I cannot resist a made up word! Think of it as my own illness! And hey, at least I was not crass enough as to put a picture with this post.
And seriously, I am not kidding here, I know that eating disorders are no joke.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

 

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January 29, 2009 · 9:20 pm

Crickets in January

Cricket 01Once again the command center has turned into a little episode of Wild Kingdom. For those who do not read me regularly (shame on you) the command center is my office in the basement. It is safe to say I spend a scant 10 hours a day here on average. Ok, maybe 12, I am just a little embarrassed about that.

A while back I wrote about the critter that was living in the soffit of my ceiling. I thought that little sucker was gone but it would seem that the freezing temps and snow must have driven the little guy back in there and he – with perhaps a friend or two – were doing the scurry thang all night last night.

No worries, I am sort of used to it and did not think all that much about it. Until…

I heard and then FOUND a friggin cricket hopping across the floor. A cricket?! In January? WTF, what the hell is going on. Pretty soon I am going to have a petting zoo down here.

And really, what is up with the dog? She can’t earn her keep and pull a little Where in the World is Matt Lauer and eat a cricket of two?

Thinking she wants to renegotiate her contract.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 23, 2009 · 1:17 am

Happy F*in Hippos!

happyhippo

Every once in awhile I come across a product that screams from the shelf with a sense of irony like this one. It would appear that Happy Hippo is a hippo shaped treat that looks something like a chocolate filled Twinkie with nuts and chocolate on the outside. Kind of looks like he his foaming at the mouth, no?

What should their tagline be? Eat happy hippos and you will soon look like one?

Seriously, who really wants to bite the head off of one of these things? You could certainly not eat one  in public without being self conscious. Mmmmm, gonna eat me some Happy Hippos and watch my hip(pos) grow.

Scary thing is, I bet they fly off the shelves. Looks like they even have a little Lego promo going on at the bottom left corner of the box.

What next?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 20, 2009 · 10:09 pm

Obama Rasta Keds and other Post Inauguration Ramblings

oabama-rasta

What a day! No, what a DAY!

No matter what your political persuasion, there was no denying the energy that surrounded this inauguration. It was like election night on steroids.

I will refrain from the political recap as I am far from qualified. But I will give you my brand of recap of the day. I will also hold back on commenting about Cheney in a wheelchair except to say I do not buy him doing his own packing.

Here are my top ten in particular order:

1. This was the first time since those awful post 9/11 days that we felt and witnessed such a sense of patriotism and pride in this country. The difference here is that we feel it as a result of something positive not in reaction to a nightmare. Proud to be an American is a sentiment that has been tested over the past few years. Nice to have it back!

2. Aretha Franklin! I will preface this with saying that she is one of my favorites of all times. But really, who the hell told her that hat was ok? Seriously.

3. One of my favorite twitter comments came during Elizabeth Alexander’s recitation of her poem:  @fraying: Did Maya Angelou turn down the gig or something?

4. Michelle’s gold suit during the day. Love. Dress at the ball, not so much.

5. Beyonce, Beyonce, Beyonce. Superstatospherestarpower.

6. Sting WITH Stevie Wonder… Brand New Day. Simply amazing.

7. F’in Shakira! Hate her and how dare she butcher a Van Morrison tune?

8. The new whitehouse.gov went up at 12:01 on the dot without a hitch. According to Jason Kottke, the Bush administration set more than 2,400 rules to prevent search engines from indexing certain material on the site. The new Obama site eliminates nearly all of these rules.

9. Great move on the part of the Hempstead, Long Island elementary school that named itself after Obama. For those who do not live in these parts, this district has struggled for many years. Perhaps this will help them get out of the hole.

10. My absolute favorite thing today was finding the Obama Rasta Keds on Zazzle.com in the picture above.

My hopes? To still feel this way after the first 100 days.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 18, 2009 · 6:52 pm

Ask a silly question…

flaming-ball

Walking into my front hallway yesterday I noticed a case of tennis balls. We usually keep these in the garage.

Me: Gar, why is this in the front hallway?

Gary: You can’t play tennis with cold balls.

Why do I feel like I set myself up for that one?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 11, 2009 · 12:46 am

Eat Me? Crude Sells.

eat-me_small

This should have probably landed on Leaving the Zip Code, but I needed to write more than I do over there and that poor blog has been quite neglected of late.

On St. Mark’s Place in NYC resides Crif Dogs, an eatery that specializes in the ever-so-healthy deep fried wiener. Aside from dreaming up ways to clog the arteries of New Yorkers, these guys have a great sene of humor and decided to hang a larger than life hot dog out front with the words ‘Eat Me’ written in an artful mustard script.

I saw this while circling for a parking spot and dragged my daughter and nephew back there to snap a shot.

Ask me how sick of my photog antics this next generation of my family has become. Actually, they bitch and moan about my snap happy behavior, but neither of them could deny that this would make a fabulous blog post.

Let’s face it, the signage is crude, but it did catch my attention. Did I purchase on of these death wieners? Of course not. If I am going to venture down the road of wiener death I am strictly a grilled Hebrew National Girl.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 10, 2009 · 12:20 am

Mantyhose, the Perfect Mansierre Companion

mantyhose2hmedium

Once again, my nephew has fed me another absurdity to share with my readers (thanks Matt).

Ladies and gentleman, I bring you:

Mantyhose! Not your mother’s pantyhose. (nice tagline)

Back in November I brought you the man bra, or what we Seinfeld fans like to call the Mansierre. Women, humor me for a moment and think of your significant other in a pair of these. Or better yet, everyone picture you dad. Your favorite professor. Your pediatrician. The gardner. Oh, I could keep going with this one, the visuals are fabulous. Oh wait…

The plumber! No more butt crack worries if he is wearing a pair of Mantyhose.

I love the ‘male comfort panel with convenient fly opening’. Guys, you will never have to know the joys or a pantyhose waistband around your knees while squatting over a public toilet.

My favorite part? Mild compression. I would imagine mild compression would be a nice sensation whereas tight compression could become a problem.

Want to purchase a pair? You can do that here.

Enjoy!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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