Category Archives: family

July 25, 2011 · 5:55 pm

Night of the Living Undead

Here is quite a story out of South Africa today. Apparently a man was in the morgue for 21 hours who did not exactly qualify for the spot he was taking up. It seems the old fella was simply NDY (not dead yet  for all you Monty Python fans out there).

As reported by the NYT and sent to me by Dani G, “Morgue owner Ayanda Maqolo said he sent his driver to collect the body shortly after the family reported the death. Maqolo said he thought the man was around 80 years old. When he got there, the driver examined the body, checked his pulse, looked for a heartbeat, but there was nothing.”

It seems after almost a full day and a good long frozen snooze, the poor guy woke up and started screaming for help. Must have been a fun night in the morgue! The owner called the police – just in case, you know, it was a zombie or something.

The guy was reported to be pale (really? how shocking. I think that might have been a little freezer burn) and asked how he got there. What? You don’t remember your family deciding you were dead and putting you on ice. I surely would be looking over my shoulder for a while after this incident. I certainly would not be falling for that old could you go get me a steak from the walk-in freezer trick.

Honey, is grandpa dead again? Yes, I do think so, this time let’s hit him over the head with a frying pan just in case before we call the funeral home.

It was reported that the family was told he was alive while meeting to make funeral arrangements. They were said to be ‘happy to have him home.’

Anyone buying that?

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June 5, 2011 · 10:06 pm

You know your kids are older when…

My kids are home! For the first weekend in 6 months we have a full house. There is a lot of laundry, boxes everywhere, the dishwasher is always full and the fridge gets empty rather quickly.

It is a little disorienting but I love it.

Now that they are adults(ish) the dinner conversation has changed quite a bit. It really goes over the top when we have a full house with our dear family friends. The conversation is always lively and never fit for a family restaurant.

That has never stopped us.

Just a sampling of topics:

1. Fake boobs. Best comment on this topic: ‘Did you get caught looking at the mom’s fake boobs? Oh she is  the stepmom, that’s a different story’

2. Fake boobs and sisters. Consensus is this is not ok.

3. Nose jobs. How it is uncool to have one and then act like you didn’t.

4. Penis enlargements. Under no circumstances should moms every bring these up in front of their sons. Or call them an adictomy. Both happened (for the record it wasn’t me).

Believe it or not, that was just the tip of the iceberg. I am sure the rest of the patrons were quite happy when we left.

 

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May 11, 2011 · 1:18 am

More than half my life

Today marks the day 26 years ago that Gary and I were married. The day was an amazing, sunny, 85 degree day (because we were married in a loft with no AC), Gary had a bird crap on his Armani suit the day before (which my mom told him was good luck) and we… ahem… sort of ran out of food at the buffet. (don’t ask). We still had a great time (there was plenty of alcohol and music)

The good news is, my mom must have been right because 26 years later I have crossed over to being married to him for more than half my life.

Scary, right? Hey, who else would indulge my ridiculous behavior to the point where he joined right in. This is the man who steps into scenes so I can photograph him in them, loves zombies and leaves me notes to let me know the dog has been fed and had her insulin shot. He tolerates my crazy antics, like losing a ring in the back seat of the car and still makes me laugh when I am acting like a crazy old hag. So what if his hearing is not what it used to be. I mean this man shares my love for the Odd Couple to the point that he once bought me a set of bootleg videos of the entire series. That’s love!

We celebrated tonight by going to dinner and seeing Paul Simon at the Beacon Theatre. As we sat in that beautiful place full of history, in the company of friends who we have our own history with, listening to the music that we raised our kids on, I thought… hmmm, THIS is what it is all about.

Not the traffic on the way in or the cancelled LIRR trains. Not his last minute work emergencies that almost threatened his appearance at dinner. Not the day to day hassles or the hectic pace. It was about sharing the music we love. In that jewel of a theatre that is so dear to us. In the city that we began our life together in.

The music was layered and sophisticated. ‘The only living boy in NY’ treated us to inspired new compositions mixed with old nostalgic favorites. The day melted away and we were just us. Doing what we love best.

Together.

Happy Anniversary G! (and yes I know this has been the best 40 years of your life)

(oh and of course a big thank you to my other husband, Dr. Jimmy, for getting us the tickets)

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May 8, 2011 · 12:37 am

Happy Mother’s Day

For the first time in 22 years, I will be spending Mother’s Day without at least one of my kids. It is so very weird to write that… I don’t even know what to do with it. When they were little I used to ask for the morning to myself to plant flowers. Be careful what you wish for.

Since we cannot be together till next weekend I will do a little reflecting on what it has meant to me to be a mother. I was trained by the master… so a great big fat Happy Mother’s Day to my mom and of course to my mother-in-law as well.

Since I cannot be with my kids I decided to send them a random list of mom thoughts so that I feel like they are here. When they wake up (around 2PM) you will probably hear a collective ‘Awwww, mom’ from the Midwest.

1. Just when you both started to learn how to sleep late, I lost the ability to do so. So when I make too much noise in the morning when you are home, don’t think it is by accident. I do take more than a little bit of pleasure in the payback.

2. Although the house is very much in order when you are not here,  I would trade that for a hallway full of big sneakers and a kitchen full of bakers in a heartbeat.

3. A reminder that as your mother I feel obliged to tell you that although you are sure it is, Funfetti is NOT a flavor.

4. No, you may never consider calling the dog mommy (even when Daddy tells you it is ok – actually, especially at that time)

5. Danny, this may be hard to believe but I would sort of kill to be on the soccer field at 8:00 tomorrow, even if it is in Ronkonkoma. After so many years of complaining that there was no respect for family time by the soccer league, I realize that WAS family time!

6. Jana, don’t ever stop taking pictures on your phone and sending them to me. Even when you were on the other side of the world you always made me feel like I was right there with you.

7. Always remember when you see one of THOSE sunsets to say the words ‘sky blue pink’ to yourself and know that no matter where I am… I am with you.

8. Remember that nothing is ever too bad that you can’t tell me and no matter how much trouble you get into, chances are you will have a better shot of getting out if you call me first (with the help of Alan, of course, if it’s really bad).

9. If you think the milk is spoiled… it is. And don’t ask someone else to taste it, that’s mean.

10. I hope you both know that the single best thing I have done in my life was to become a mother. And that if I were given the chance to write down the qualities that I hoped my kids would have grown up to possess, it could never match the people you have become. I love you both so much it hurts.

Happy Mother’s Day to all!

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April 25, 2011 · 9:58 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – May is the New June

When you are a parent of school-aged children, June is one of those months when you think your head is going to explode. There are end of year picnics, concerts, class parties, playoffs and art shows… the list goes on. Every night and weekend is filled with activities. Forget about work schedules and any other outside the family pressures; they all seem to have to take a back seat. Over the years, June started to sneak into May.

And then the kids grew up, went off to college and all of the ‘stuff’ was gone. Did I miss it? Maybe a touch, but not the frenzy.

Enter college graduation weekend.

Halfway across the country.

With all 4 grandparents (I know, AMAZING, right?)

AND Danny, the freshman, moving out of his dorm the same weekend.

With a final at 5PM on Friday.

The Mother of all Mays!

So, as April gently rolls to an end I am beginning to spend my time as the family concierge again. Chief Shlepping Officer. The Grand Puba of Details. There are lists and spreadsheets, reservations and arrangements; all the things that were second nature to me for all those years. I am not going to lie, I am a little rusty. But you know, it’s sort of like riding a bike.

Did someone say empty nest?

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March 8, 2011 · 9:27 pm

Retirement Camp

We used to visit my kids at camp in the summer.

Now we visit my in-laws at camp in the winter.

I am happy to report they are having a wonderful time and we are pretty sure we won’t have to send any care packages… Publix is right down the road.

 

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February 16, 2011 · 9:51 pm

My Daughter the Doctor?

Every year for as long as I can remember my dad has always sent me flowers on Valentine’s Day. No matter where I lived, or with who, he always made sure that on February 14th my doorbell would ring and a beautiful bouquet of flowers would be delivered to remind me that I would always be his little girl.

As soon as my daughter was old enough to understand, she too, was the recipient of her Zaidie’s special Valentine’s flowers. Daughter #2 – my sister-in-law, was on his list as well. And of course he would never forget my mom. Simply put, there will always be flowers for all his girls.

This year the flowers came as I was running out to a meeting. I unwrapped them, looked at the card and called dad as soon as I could to thank him. I could not help but think how special this constant is. How the little things in life are the ones that form the memories you will never forget. Even though we know they will be coming, it is always so special to receive them.

This post could have been a Time to Cry (again) Thursday if the florist with the hearing problem did not add this humorous twist.

It was not until this morning as I was making coffee that I looked more closely at the card:

To my doctor who can do everything. Luv ya, Dad.

I can’t help but wonder if his doctor got flowers addressed to me.

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January 17, 2011 · 11:49 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Disorder in the House

This Time to Cry Tuesday has a little something for everyone. If you are a sentimental parent type, it has that poignant touch. If you are someone who could live without the family gushing (cough, cough… Dr. Jimmy) but you are a fan of good music, watch the great video of Warren Zevon and Bruce Springsteen at the top of this post. If you are both (that would be you Uncle Neal) then you will relate on all levels.

This Zevon song has always been a favorite, and although the premise is a little off topic the title is perfect. (oh and I love the line about even the lhasa apso being embarrassed – isn’t that a duplication of terms? I mean are they not the embodiment of embarrassment unto themselves?)

This Tuesday finds my kids back at school and my house a little quieter than I would like. As any parent of a college kid will tell you, they blow back into the house and everything goes back to family hyper drive as soon as they arrive. For most parents, as thrilled as we are to get the family back together, it takes a few days to get used to the…

disorder in the house.

And then we realize how very much we missed it all; the friends, the food, the late nights and even later sleeping habits, the messy rooms and the general lived in feeling the house gets when they are home. The desire to keep the house ‘picked up’ and everything in order soon dissipates for me as soon as I realize that a clean room and an orderly house means only one thing… no one lives there.

So as I walk passed the now recently vacuumed orderly bedrooms of my kids I can think only one thing…

damn i wish there was crap all over the floor in there with the blinds drawn and the countless empty water bottles and equally abundant amount of carmex tubes lying around.

yeh, i pretty much miss the disorder in the house.

 

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January 9, 2011 · 11:49 pm

What we say vs. what they hear

Today I was having a lovely conversation with my brother. We have been phone tagging most of the week and it was nice to finally catch up.

Somewhere towards the end of the conversation I said that I had to get going because ‘I had to go food shopping.’

He hesitated and then said, “What did you say?!”, with a bit of surprise in his voice. I told him that I had to go food shopping and thought, jeez, his life must be mighty dull for him to ask me to repeat that.

“Oh!”, he said, “I thought you said you had to give a blow job.”

Really?! I mean this was my friggin’ brother, mind you, not my husband who I would expect this response from.

Not sure if this was a hearing issue, like yoga vs. yogurt, or simply my theory of the answer to every question being, “a little head would be nice” still holding up.

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December 22, 2010 · 11:19 pm

Twitter Parenting

For those of you who don’t know me, I am somewhat of a social media obsessed 50-something mom that jumps on most trends before her college aged kids because… well because frankly I am way cooler than they are. (says me)

Tonight, as I was wrapping up work around 10:45 because I have no life am trying to take some time off while my kids are home. I did a quick check in on twitter because I am addicted you never know what groundbreaking news or info you will find there.

Right there in the middle of my stream was my sweet adorable daughter, one of the last living breathing souls left in Madison, WI. She has not broken her record for having a final on December 23rd – the LAST day of finals – four years running! This is what she had to say.

This cracked me up as we are the family of the HEAVY tag when we fly. So shoot us, we like to have options.

I thought I would ease her mind and tweeted back:

For those unfamiliar with twitter, the # is called a hashtag. You use a hashtag at the end of a tweet to designate a topic. When a lot of people tweet with the same topic, that topic ‘trends’ or becomes the most popular thing people are talking about on twitter. At this moment the top trending topic is #howtopissyourgirloff. So I am thinking that it is not far-fetched to think that one of my hashtags could catch on.

Ok, maybe not #schmanboy.

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