Monthly Archives: April 2009

April 7, 2009 · 11:01 pm

All the Other Vegetables Were Jealous (vol. 2)

horseradish_penis2

I am always amused at the comedic way Mother Nature toys with us in the produce section.

While frantically shopping for the Passover Seder in what felt like an episode of Supermarket Sweep, I ran into a dear friend near the broccoli. She was asking what I used for the bitter herbs on my seder plate and I told her that I was a fan of fresh horse radish. As she reached into the pile and pulled out this beauty we could not help but notice its striking resemblance to…

well, I don’t think I need to spell this one out, do I? No wonder I am a fan, right?

This past summer I wrote about a certain cucumber who I am sure would be quite jealous of the way this horse radish was being held.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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April 6, 2009 · 5:29 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Lifelong Friends

watercolor_heart

I collect people.

Seriously. I have people in my life for decades. I always thought this was common, as my husband does too, but I have come to realize that most people are not fortunate enough to have friends in their lives that they have known since they were young.

Me? I still have my best friends from 7th grade. Three of them. I was late to the party as they have known each other since kindergarten. They are the place I go when the world is too much. Or when I want to laugh to the point of tears.

I can be 16 with them, when being 16 is completely out of the question because 4 of our collective 8 kids is older than that already. They will never tell me what I want to hear, but they will surely tell me what I need to.

There are code words and phrases that we share like a secret language – or twinspeak. Our own intimictionary of vocab that would have an outsider shaking their head trying to figure out what we are talking about.

Months can go by with little contact, no more than a passing “I would freak but i don’t have time” kind of conversation. But still our love for each other is undying.

The decades pass. We fall, we get up, we live to the point of tears and then we trudge on thinking that if we have to live one more day of this crazy life we will surely scream. Then we stop and spend some precious time together. And laugh so hard we forgot that was possible.

That is when I realize I am the luckiest person on earth. Not one but three! Each of whom would drop everything at a moment’s notice to be THERE. Wherever and whatever THERE is. And believe me, THERE wears many costumes.

Three words for you girls:

Love. Love. Love.

(and no Ali, we did not have any fun without you this weekend ; )

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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April 5, 2009 · 6:55 pm

Rebranding STDs

Tonight’s post dinner clean up conversation:

Danny: In health they are trying to get us to stop calling sexually transmitted diseases STDs. They want us to call the STIs

Me: What does the I stand for?

Danny: Infection. The thought is that ‘infection’ is less scary sounding than ‘disease’ so we will think of them as something that can be cured.

Me: Oh great, they are trying to rebrand STDs. That will never work. They tried to do that with erectile dysfunction too. And I have written about rebranding menopause. Also a no win.

Face it, when something sucks you can’t make it suck any less by changing its name.

Case closed.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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April 4, 2009 · 11:47 pm

Nomadic Ancestory

Pile of backpacksPacking.

What is it with putting things in a bag to go away that makes all my insecurities bubble up to the surface?

There is so much to consider; unpredictable weather systems, multiple options of my basically all black wardrobe (complete with white dog hair), health and beauty aids, hot flashes (keep your comments to yourself, this is a 50th birthday celebration weekend), music (thank goodness for the invention of the ipod), and of course electronics. The last item is paired down to a blackberry, flip video and a still camera – I am traveling techno-lite this weekend.

It stands to reason that the whole experience is overdone, I hardly leave the basement let alone the zipcode!

Seriously, an overnight trip and I could stay there for a week with what is my bag! I would have sucked at the 40 days and 40 nights thing.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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April 3, 2009 · 10:00 pm

Twordsmithing

As you may know, I am a huge fan of making up words. There is nothing more fun than coming up with a new way to say something that no one else has thought of.

I have taken to submitting my words to Urban Dictionary from time to time. The first word was Bloganoia, back in December. This came out of a couple of blog word posts.

This week one of my twitter friends, @earthxplorer tweeted his firstborn’s childbirth. Surprisingly he did not fall victim to a blunt force head injury with a smartphone. I highly admire his wife for her restraint. This experience inspired me to submit:

twitobirthThe whole experience made me think about twitter users, both newbies and power users. This line of thinking spawned:

twirginand

twexpertIf you would be so kind, please jump over to twitobirth, twirgin and twexpert and give me a thumbs up. It would give this pointless activity a sense of meaning.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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April 2, 2009 · 10:28 pm

Random Thought Thursday

Second installment. I know most of you will be reading this on Friday but know that I wrote it before midnight.

Random ramblings from the inside of my head:

1. Why must I call to opt-out of junk fax solicitations, shouldn’t I have to opt-in to receive them in the first place?

2. If my life was a made for TV movie would I change the channel because it was too ridiculous to be believable?

3. Is it fair to NOT read a book because it is on the Oprah booklist?

4. There is no reality, only perception. (can’t take credit for this one, a shrink once pointed it out to me).

5. If my dog pukes in the dining room and I pretend to not see it will someone else clean it up?

6. Coke or Pepsi? (I don’t really care because I don’t drink soda, just curious).

7. Should I point out to the local supermarket that is trying to market a passover menu that noodle pudding should not be on their menu?

8. Would you rather have a hoof or a paw? (again, can’t take credit. A woman that used to work for me posed this question).

9. Why is it ok for my car and pocketbook to be filthy when my house has to be clean?

10. If not now, when? (use this for anything you have been putting off).

That should do it. Head is empty…

for now.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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April 1, 2009 · 11:44 pm

Pardon me for being an infant… Fart Pads

fart-pads

I am so sorry. I could not resist this one. Just in case you were worried from yesterday’s post that I really did lose my sense of humor, this should dispel that myth.

I will dedicate this post to my brother who is more of an infant than I am, if you can imagine that.

This picture is priceless. I would have loved to have been the art director on this project. Imagine talking to the illustrator, ” You know, make it look like a cross between a mini pad and a spoon.”

So, let me tell you about this product. It is called Flat-D. That would be short for Flatulence Deodorizer. I kid you not. You must read the About the Inventor page on the website.

Because I could never do justice quite the way they do themselves, here is a little excerpt from their website:

Hey, isn’t it time to stop the release of unpleasant pungent gas odors? Our exclusive doctor recommended Premium pad instantly clears and sanitizes the air when gas is expelled… Without the tell-tale lingering odor that can instantly put you in a very awkward situation. 

Oh, you mean like that smell just before someone says, “Ew, who farted”? I wonder if it also acts as a silencer.

There is more:

Is embarrassing gas a concern for YOU?
Discreetly neutralize it fast with our Flatulence Deodorizer Premium Pad
• A doctor recommended way to neutralize gas odor
• Washable and reusable
• Perfect for IBS sufferers, gastric bypass surgery individuals, or anyone with excess gas

Washable and reusable?!!! “Honey do you mind rinsing out my fart pads tonight, I have a big meeting tomorrow.”

Anyone with excess gas? Um, is that not EVERYONE.

Oh wait, except my mom, there is no way she farts.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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