Tag Archives: humor

October 21, 2012 · 9:50 pm

Flat Cat on The High Line

I would like to start this post by assuring you that no animals were harmed just for a laugh.

We spent the afternoon on The High Line today. It was a glorious afternoon and there was a claustrophobic mass of humanity nice crowd out there enjoying the day with us. The thing about The High Line is that it was built after many of the apartments that are adjacent to it. I would imagine those who previously had lovely private terraces and windows facing what was an abandoned raised train track are now less than thrilled to have throngs of people strolling past their windows every day. I would also imagine that the window treatment biz picked up in this neighborhood after the completion of this extraordinary public gem.

I digress. One of these very not-so-private apartments facing the walkway had this cat wedged in between the couch and the window. At first a crowd started to gather and point in horror that this poor animal had been neglected and was now in its final resting place for all to see.

Until the little sucker moved. It sort of stretched and repositioned itself and settled back into its big snooze under glass.

This confirms my theory that cats are more than a little messed up in the head.

My favorite conversation:

Man: It’s not real.

Woman: Sure it is, didn’t you just see it move?!

Man: That doesn’t prove it’s real.

Me: (to myself of course) IDIOT!

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October 11, 2012 · 8:29 pm

Unattended Children

 

This sign hangs in the waiting room of my Vet’s office. (the wispy stuff is halloween related).

I love these people. We have been through a lot together in the past 13 years, both with my first dog and now my new one. They are kind, compassionate, loving people who have to put up with people and their pet craziness all day long. Which I would imagine is nothing compared to the irresponsible parenting that comes along with the territory.

I love this solution. Clear, to the point and with humor.

Hey, I wonder if there will be a band of wired kids and puppies running around in town this month.

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September 5, 2012 · 9:29 pm

Expiration date humiliation

Ok, I will admit it. I suck at throwing stuff away. I may appear to be all neat and Virgo when you first walk in my house but the pockets of stuff are way out of hand.

Labor Day found me in a flurry of ‘I must get rid of shit insanity’, so I tackled a few kitchen cabinets.

My dear nephew who is now a big old engaged grown up, used to come to my house as little kid and check all the expiration dates on my stuff. You know, mayonnaise, dressing, ketchup. Alright, so my condiments might have been a little out of date.

Well, Sir Matthew, this blog post is for you. Here is what I found:

1. 2004. Cough medicine. Yeh, probably will be still hacking away if we took this one. (fyi, box was still sealed, could be worth something)

2. 2005. Pepto Bismol. Do you think it may still cause ‘darkening of tongue or stool’? And while we are discussing this, are you not more than a little disturbed to find a healthcare product that uses the words ‘tongue’ and ‘stool’ in the same sentence?

3. 2008. More Pepto Bismol… tablets this time. FYI, this is Gary’s favorite OTC remedy. He actually likes the taste!

Ok, there was one more thing that even though it had been in my cabinet for over 23 years(!) it will never have an expiration date and I don’t think I will ever be able to bring myself to throwing it out.

I know, awww!

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August 22, 2012 · 8:56 pm

For 5000 years we were wandering…

 

The ‘WE’ for those not of the tribe are the Jews. We have been known to wander for give or take a few thousand years. We can be restless that way. Have you ever been to a restaurant with my husband? NEVER accept the first table.

This is engraved above the blinds in our favorite local Jewish deli. Actually it is the only local Jewish deli but if it wasn’t it would still be our favorite. So the photo above is one wall. And the payoff was… will a little bit scary but funny none the less.

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August 7, 2012 · 7:54 pm

Chip Off the Old Garbage

If you are new here, I have been known to post about garbage now and then (define now and then). Ok, so maybe there is a little more spring in my step when I go out to walk in the AM on a garbage day. What can I say, I have very creative neighbors.

Today, my daughter came off the train from work with a story about the boxes of random stuff that has been in her office for weeks. She has been thinking to herself, “Hey, why have I not taken a picture of this garbage that appears to have a penis sticking out of the top of the box.” Then she asked a co-worker, why have we not talked about that garbage over there and the friend replied, “Oh, you mean the penis garbage?”.

No lie.

She then proceeded to make everyone sit at her desk so they could get a good view of said penis garbage.

Go head, look at that picture and tell me you don’t see the penis. What? You are on a mobile. Well then let me help you. Here is a close up.

Oh the little things we do to amuse ourselves during the day.

Do all families behave this way?

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July 24, 2012 · 11:07 pm

All Stressed Out?

I received this as a text from my daughter on Saturday night. You have to love a kid that would send you something like this from the bathroom at a party.

I am not any more stressed then usual these days. And honestly, choking someone is not really my idea of a release. But I do like the homespun, country craft show look of the sign against that sweet calico wallpaper.

I am wondering if the woman of the house does her choking in a Martha Stewart apron.

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July 23, 2012 · 4:41 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Blank Inside

Of course this card is ‘Blank Inside’. What could they possibly have written that would have been as amazing as that image on the cover? It stopped me in my tracks as I walked down the street. It was sort of like simultaneously staring at the accident and going to a small town carnival while taking hallucinogenics. Not that I have ever done that, but – you know – it is how I would imagine it to be.

As soon as I took the shot, both my daughter and I agreed that it reminded us of one of her friends. I immediately posted it on her Facebook wall.

So, this is where the Time to Cry Tuesday piece comes in. (I am sure you were wondering where I was going with this). I have known this particular friend of hers since pre-school – almost her entire life. I have watched her grow up as I have watched my own kids.

I consider her one of my own.

Her humor is like ours; leaning towards the offbeat (is that an understatement?) . She is bright and fun and funny and…

the first person I thought of to share this with.

Which made me realize that all these little girls had grown up to be women who I love to be around. Their wit and wisdom is beyond their years and they have a way of making me laugh at a moment’s notice.

And they can surely teach me a thing or two about honing my Magnet for the Absurd skills.

So here’s to you, Miss Kate, a blog post dedicated to all you have become. I cannot wait to see how far you will go.

Hugs, love and come over and bake any time your little heart desires.

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May 17, 2012 · 11:40 pm

Please Drink

This was sitting on the credenza in the conference room of a colleague when I arrived for a meeting the other day.

It was early, around 1PM, and I felt perhaps it was not really appropriate to have a buzz on for the meeting. But – there it was – this blatant directive. Would I offend by not complying? Would it appear rude? I was a little confused by the ‘No Disease’ tag up in the corner. And the hand sanitizer bottle.

I decided the only thing to do was to take a picture and text it to the principal of the company who I heard on the phone in the next office along with the word “Really?”

His response: “Did you have a drink? This is advertising baby”

I answered the only way I knew how, “I was looking for the Koolaid.”

Ok, so maybe I do have some fun when I am working.

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April 16, 2012 · 10:58 am

Is it possible to throw out a garbage can?

If you are a regular reader you know my unhealthy obsession fascination with other people’s garbage. I am not sure if it is my neighborhood or the fact that I walk every morning before the garbage is picked up, but I have found some of the most amazing things sitting by the curb. I need to do a garbage round-up post soon so you can see what I mean.

Today I came across this gem. Monday is not a garbage day in my neighborhood. The last pick-up was Saturday. Which means that these people have left this here in hopes that tomorrow’s collection day will bring them some luck. Is it an undocumented phenomenon that it is literally impossible to throw out a garbage can? Notice the contents are gone but the can remains; even with a clearly marked note on the can. Are they not allowed to take the can or is it a big FU for not tipping at the holidays?

I have tried to do this before. It is not easy to get these guys to take the can. And this one seems to be in great shape, other than being sans lid which I am guessing is what is rendering it useless in the land of cats and raccoons.

I suggest first making a more elaborate sign, maybe one with some humor to catch their attention. Or maybe standing outside when the truck comes and begging. Or perhaps taping a little envelope to the signage with some incentive in it and a clearly marked dollar sign.

Any other suggestions?

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April 14, 2012 · 7:45 pm

Miss Friday

I wonder why I don’t go to the flea markets every weekend.

This pic was taken at a pretty seedy outdoor market in Chelsea where most of the stuff looked like it came out of the back of my parents garage. Again, this is an item I wish I had purchased. This would look great in the new office and who doesn’t want a headless secretary. Oh wait, people want a secretary that gives good head… never mind. (cheap, I know)

I particularly like the way she has her hand on her hip with an air of WTH do you want attitude. Take a look at the red and blue buttons in front of the hand. Do you think those are panic buttons? And the name plaque on her desk is the best. Oh how I covet this little tinny item.

I need to go back to this place and see if they still have her. She really is perfect. And honestly, who else would want this besides me?

 

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