October 23, 2010 · 11:15 pm

Yoga vs. Yogurt – a tale of hearing

This one can be filed under what we say and what they hear.

Tonight we were driving to a fundraiser that was based at a local Yoga Studio. Our dear friend Gail (yogamom to you who read the comments here) was kind enough to donate her beautiful space to the Port Washington Education Foundation for our first ever Amazing Race which was an amazing success.

I was telling Gary that the construction that was going on in some retail space in town was going to have a whole new row of stores facing the back parking lot. I also informed him a of a new yogurt place, that I thought was a franchise that was opening there. I said the guy already had 2 others.

Fast forward to the end of the race and poor Gail pulls me aside and says, “Gary already ruined my night so now you might as well give me all the details.” Hmmmm, I thought to myself, what the hell is she talking about. I leave him here bartending for an hour and a half and he has ruined her night? WTH.

Gail: So just give me the details and let me get this over with.

Me: Um, what are you talking about?

Gail: Gary told me a franchised yoga studio is opening in town.

Me: How would he know that?

Gail: He said you told him on the way here.

Me: (lightbulb going off in my battered brain). Not yoGA… yoGURT!

Note to self: schedule Gary’s hearing test.

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October 20, 2010 · 11:16 pm

Can it fit in a toilet?

This is the first question that Gary asks when told about a small dog. He is not a fan. (can you tell?) Being a big dog kind of guy I think this is his way of saying if you can flush it then there is no real argument for it having any pet value. I always sort of worry that he might actually try it one day. Then again, he used to call them puntable dogs and I never actually witnessed him drop kicking one, so I assume it is just his slang.

Anyway, this post is not really about small dogs. It is actually about toilets. And the crazy things that accidentally get flushed down them.

It seems that when shit happens (no pun intended), it usually happens in a big way in my house. We don’t like to do single crises. You could say we are calamity over-achievers.

So, as a quick overview, in the past few weeks I have been diagnosed with vertigo (it passed thankfully, except in extreme circular situations or when I hold my head funny), I chipped a tooth on a piece of toast and the biggie, my dad needed to have his pacemaker changed. He has had it done before, but being a long-term multi-issue cardiac patient it is a bit tricky. In all the confusion of family staying over and rotating bathroom schedules somehow the cap from the air freshener found its way into the bowl just as the water was going down.

Now, you may say to yourself, that cap is too damn big to go down a toilet.

Wrong!

Down it went and off to the hospital we went, with a call into my plumber of 22 years. Who, by the way, has still not returned my call from 9 this morning. So, yes, he is no longer on the preferred vendor list here. But another lovely plumber with some kickass blue super sonic gloves, a really cool telescoping mirror (kind of like the one the dentist uses, Dr. Jimmy, but a little less sterile) and the ever famous…

toilet vacuum! Yep, this baby sucked that cap right out of the toilet like it was nothing. And I am proud to say I now have the cleanest toilet in town. Kind of like a toilet colonic, if you will.

Of course I had to ask this guy what was the oddest thing he has ever seen flushed down a toilet? His answer?

False teeth.

EW! On so many levels

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October 18, 2010 · 11:57 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Badger Fever

 

photo: Jana Levinson

For those who do not know, I have two Badgers. That would be a freshman and a senior at the University of Wisconsin, Madison. And these two bleed red. Well, ok, we all bleed red but they bleed Badger red. Go red. Camp Randall sea of red on game day red.

And if you follow college football, then you would know that this past Saturday night the #11 Badgers beat #1 Ohio State in the game of the decade. As my daughter described it, the place was electric from the moment of kick off. As well it should have been since they scored in the first 12 seconds of the game. The level of intensity never let up. As you can see, they rushed the field at the end of the game; something she had never seen in her 4 years there. Her friend who was visiting said this was up with the top 5 days of her life and she was not even a student there!

But this is not about football. Well it is, but not really. This is about belonging. About a sense of place and feeling a part of something that is way bigger than you could explain, yet it feels like it is simply a part of who you are. My kids are lucky to have had this at camp. And now in college they have what feels like camp on steroids.

81,194 people jammed into that stadium, all chanting, cheering and praying together for that win. For their team. Their school. Their culture. Damn, it does not get better than that.

We go through that crazy college app process praying that our kids will find a place to ‘be happy’. A place they feel they belong. A place to grow that will shape their lives, not just in the classroom, but out as well.

I am a firm believer that much of what they learn there is not academic. The community of Madison has been as strong a teacher for my daughter as her professors have been. I can only hope for the same for my son.

Everyone gets hung up on the career prep in college. Sure we want them to get jobs and be fulfilled and self sufficient. But maybe part of what makes them ready to go out into the world is to know WHO they are, not necessarily WHAT they want to be.

And that, my friends, is something to think about.

 

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October 17, 2010 · 11:20 pm

60 Minutes and Erectile Dysfunction

Nope, they did not do a piece on 60 minutes about E.D. But they might has well have.

I was busy cooking away and more listening than watching 60 minutes tonight and first came (no pun) the new Viagra spot. It’s all Steve McQueenish with bluesy music and a classic car, the open road and a dusty gas station in the middle of nowhere. You can view it here.

I love this line: “This is the age of getting things done.” Oh jeez. Yeh baby, you can still ‘get things done’.  And then there is the bottled water spilling oh so sensually into the radiator. Yowza. But the line that got me the most was something about finding out what 20 million men already know.

Really? 20 million men have used Viagra. Damn, that’s a lot of wood! I am hard-pressed (again, no pun) to believe that all 20 mil actually suffer from E.D. What percentage do you think take it just to see… well you know.

Second spot was for Cialis. This brand has the best ‘warning’ line of all times: “To avoid serious injury, tell your doctor if you sustain an erection for more than 4 hours.’ I always wonder, ‘injury to who?’ This is Gary’s favorite. He loves how they made a warning line into a tagline.

So here is the thing. Two E.D. med ads during a single half hour of 60 minutes. Am I to believe that young guys don’t watch 60 mintues?

Yep, this is the sort of thing I think about when I am cooking.

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October 17, 2010 · 12:59 am

Patriotism

Nope, not retouched. This is a house I passed last weekend in MA. At first I thought it was abandoned but then I saw there was smoke coming out of its chimney.

Got to love their patriotism. Although I might have to doubt their decorating taste. At least they were not hostile about  it like these guys.

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October 11, 2010 · 7:52 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – MY Mom is NOT on Facebook

With all the attention on facebook these days, what with the movie and this week’s hysterical SNL skit about Mom’s being on facebook; I thought now would be a good time to talk about what my mom and I discovered this weekend.

Mom had never seen facebook and was curious. I took her through the basics and then drifted down the path of not so basics. You know, the ins and outs of semi-not-really-but-if-you-are-being-honest-with-yourself… stalking. Photo albums of friends of friends. Searching for people from your past that maybe have no clue that facebook actually has privacy settings. You know, some innocent stuff like that.

I must say, she was rather appalled. Both at how easy it was to view these things and what people will actually post about themselves. Being a very social, but equally private person, my mom could not fathom this place we call social networking.

When you put it that way, neither can I. Being one to pick and choose the digital footprint I leave,  I am very sensitive to that.

But the real revelation that came out of this exercise was not about privacy, it was more about why people of her generation – for the most part – don’t feel all that compelled to join in. Sure part of it is the technology piece. Some who are more technically savvy try it out to keep up with the grandkids but soon find that is ‘so not OK, mom!’, to quote a certain college student I know. But I think more than that, it is the fact that their lives ran deep but not as wide.

Unlike my generation – where friends moved all over the country, and my kid’s generation – where they will most probably move all over the world; they lived most of their lives in the New York area. Except for a stint when dad was stationed in Panama and she joined him, they have been New Yorkers. They still have their dearest childhood friends in their lives. They went to college locally. Their friends all moved to the suburbs, mostly our side of the city. Their parents were local. They raised their kids here and stayed in my childhood home. Their real-life communities were, and still are, stronger than any online community could be for them.

The only shift has been that they all migrated either full or part time to the east coast of Florida. For some, they have reconnected down there with people from their past much like facebook. Would that be called reality imitating virtual? Hmmmm, think about it. Floridian closed-gate communities are like the facebook of the older generation.

But the most compelling reason my mom had for lack of interest in engaging in this space was this, “I want to remember the people from my past that I did not choose to keep in touch with the way they were. I want to keep them in my mind’s eye as we were then. And frankly, if I did not really connect enough with them to keep in touch in real life, why would I want to reconnect?”

Good point.

And THAT is why MY mom is NOT on facebook, and does not feel like she is missing one blessed thing by not being there. (thanks for the insight mom).

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October 10, 2010 · 10:53 pm

Adkeeper.com, you had me at The Keep!

This one is huge. And I know you are all thinking that I am just about the hippest blogger in history that I am picking this one up just hours after the press release. Keep thinking that for now. Later I will tell you why I knew about this so soon.

So here is the deal, adkeeper.com is just what the name says. The ‘keeper’ gives you the ability to click on an online ad and save, or keep it (get it) for later when you want to engage. It lets you keep all the ads for products that you normally buy in one place. Start looking for the button at the top of this post on ads online and you can click it and start keeping. You can view the product demo here.

Simply put: you know how when you see an ad you are interested in online and then you refresh the page and you lose it and you’re really angry because they were offering a discount code for something you really wanted and you get really mad and stomp around the house, yell at your spouse and kick the dog. Well first of all, shame on you for kicking the dog and second you don’t have to worry about that anymore because now you can save it. (as far as yelling at your spouse, we all know that had nothing to do with the ad, so go resolve that please).

For you old schoolers, it’s like cutting out the ad, or offer, and putting it in a file for later. Like my mom.

To quote the CEO, Scott Kurnit (yes for all you web savvy souls out there – THAT Scott Kurnit… about.com Scott Kurnit):

For 15 years we’ve just had the IMPRESSION and the CLICK. Well, what about a KEEP? That’s it. A KEEP. Keep the ad for later, when I have the time, when I can engage.

Consumers in control. There’s an idea.

So, beginning today we’re offering a Keep Button™ for every ad and a Keeper™ to put them in. In their Keepers consumers can save, sort, sift, share, rank, review, click, print and buy. It’s “on my time advertising.”

For consumers, don’t get your panties in a knot about privacy. This is opt-in and permission based. And for you advertisers and media buyers out there, this is instantly measurable, on-demand advertising. Way coolio for everyone!

If you are still not quite clear on this check out this video. Or listen to what Scott has to say. His enthusiasm and history of how this idea came to be is infectious. And makes us all wonder, ‘Why did no one think of this before?’. It is actually so simple yet I believe this concept will revolutionize the online advertising business. Check out this super A-list Advisory Board – seems they think so too.

Ok, so full disclosure. I do not spend my Sunday nights looking for the hottest new thing to hit the interwebs. Ok, maybe I do… sometimes. But in this instance I knew about this because the babe of a COO, Todd Sloan, happens to be a dear friend.

Oh and Badger as well!

And since I have known about this for awhile and  he has not killed me yet, it is safe to say you can all trust me with your secrets.

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October 8, 2010 · 10:59 pm

The Mangler

Get ready for some really ridiculous posts. This weekend my mom and I are on a road trip. I told her we would be like Thelma and Louise. I thought it was funny until we were stuck in our 4th traffic jam on I-95 in as many hours and she told me she was going to take out a gun and shoot herself in the head. “Mom? Did you actually take me seriously and bring a gun on this trip?” I figured this one was going to be kind of hard to explain. Luckily she was only kidding.

We decided to take this trip to suburban Boston to visit my aunt (her sister) and my cousin who is like my sister. This is a very special trip as the 2 sisters have not seen each other in 5 years!

Dinner was a riot as we reminisced about our past and brought up names and stories of people long gone. Ok, who remembers Nana and Poppa’s phone number? Bang! We all recited it as if we had just called them. As my friend Joyce would say, “Just don’t ask us what we had for breakfast or what our kids’ names are.”

The most bizarre memory of the night was that of ‘The Mangler’. (my brother is going to love this as I believe it was housed in his bedroom for many of his formative years). Now wait till you hear what this thing is. It was a machine used to iron. It had knee pedals and you fed the clothing through the hot metal roller to press them. Yeh, I know, sounds like the perfect item to keep in a toddler’s room, right? And the name Mangler? Well, if you fed you fingers into that sucker instead of the clothing…

Hello Mrs. Z, this is social services! Yes, we were wondering why you thought it was ok to have this piece of equipment in the room of your young child.

Never! Remember this was the late 50s/early 60s. The era when you not only did not wear seatbelts but you let the kids hang out in the back of the station wagon on long car rides – without seats, let alone belts! When pregnant women smoked and drank coffee and lines like, “go play in traffic” were uttered when kids complained they were bored.

I find it rather funny that the helicopter generation was raised by the what the hell generation.

All kidding aside, my childhood memories are great ones. We always felt loved and secure.  There was always family around and we had a lot of laughs. Right and wrong were not so hard to distinguish. None of parents wanted to be cool; or be our friends. They were our parents, and if we screwed up, we paid for it.

And no, not with the Mangler!

 

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October 6, 2010 · 11:34 pm

Naked Cowboy Runs for President

Yes, kiddies, our old friend the Naked Cowboy is in the news again. This time he is not suing anyone for using his (not so) intellectual property in their advertising. He has actually announced his candidacy for president.

He held his press conference dressed in a suit. We are supposed to recognize him with his clothes on why?

And for what party would our old friend be running… you guessed it, the Tea(bag) Party. Oh the countless Sarah Palin jokes we could spin from this one!

So let’s see, “Sir, what are your qualifications?” “Well, I am able to withstand extreme temperatures in my skivvies”. Yup, that’s all I need in a national leader, how about you? I have to admit I sort of like his logo and the Blues Bros. pose in this picture.

He will be keeping company with the likes of a Delaware candidate who assured us – in a damn TV commercial – that she is not a witch. And the raving lunatic thug from Buffalo who has built almost his entire candidacy on anger and threats and thinks that sending racist and sexist emails to his friends is ok, as long as they are not public. Huh?

Although I do find this all amusing on some level, does it concern anyone else that political campaigns have reached a new level of circus?

Or should I say rodeo.

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October 5, 2010 · 6:17 pm

Awareness Weeks

During the course of my work I occasionally get involved with creating graphics for different awareness weeks or months. Usually these are disease-related and we need to create a look and feel for these events. I love patient information work, it makes me feel like during the course of making a living I am at least helping to educate patients and families, making the navigation through the unpleasant a bit more palatable.

Ok, I recognize this is (so far) not a very funny blog post.

I always start a project by procrastinating on the internet in the name of research, or as we like to refer to it in the business – doing a search on what is currently in the market. This week was no different. Here are a few of my favorites that I thought you might find entertaining.

Handwashing Awareness Week (Dec 5-11). Funny, but a good idea. And this site called Henry the Hand – Champion Handwasher, just kills me. I love the remake of Hand Jive that they use as their sound track.

Mathematics Awareness Month (April) because you can never get too much math!

Aggressive Driving Month Hmm, I know a few people who could ‘celebrate’ this… you know who you are, I will not call you out. Looks like this one was dreamed up by a promo company, go fig. Talk about a ‘Hallmark Holiday’.

National Ethics Awareness Month (March) Note: not observed on Wall Street (oops, so sorry to my finance friends, cheap shot but you can take it)

Optimism Month (oddly the same as Ethics month in March) Pessimists need not celebrate.

But, by far the best thing I stumbled upon today was…

Rabbit Awareness Week (April 22 – May 2nd) “…because rabbits get a RAW deal”. Get it RAW… Rabbit Awareness Week. Hey, if I have to explain this to you forget it, ok? Believe it or not this is a week and a website (nicely designed BTW) dedicated to fighting what I consider to be one of the great tragedies of our time…

Rabbit Obesity.

Seriously, I have nothing more to say after that.

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