Category Archives: humor

February 7, 2010 · 10:48 pm

Superbowl ad roundup

Yeh, I am one of the people who is more into the ads than the football. Although this year I was a little bit into the football since I have an affection for the Saints after my trip to New Orleans. Or maybe it is more the Saints fans that I loved. Whatever, I am happy for a city that has known so much pain to have a real reason to celebrate (as if they need one – that town can party!)

Back to the ads. I will give a blanket opinion… they sucked. Except, of course, for talking babies because no one will ever get tired of them because, well because they are talking babies! And Milkaholic was a great word. So E-Trade, you got it right and keeping with what works was a good idea.

Ok, how about Pop Secret? (or whatever popcorn brand it was) with the people as dolphins which was just damn creepy. And that unforgettable tagline: Awesome + Awesome = Awesomer. Um, yeh, that’s brilliant, right? I have sat in on many a creative presentation in my day. I can’t imagine who on earth would not only approve that but agree to sign a check for it. The group I was with decided the boss’s 11 year old kid came up with it, they forced it on the agency and they figured they would save some money on creative. Big fail!

Then there were the series of women bashing, “I am tired of being a ‘whipped’ husband” type of ads. The best line of all was in the Dodge Charger commercial where one of the lines in between “I promise to be nice to your mother” and “I will always take out the recycling” there was this gem of a line “I will hold your lip balm in my pocket.” C’mon ladies, how many of you out there ask you husband to ‘hold your lip balm’. Aside from every one of these ads looked like they hired their talent from one single casting call, I wonder why in the year 2010 we are not evolved enough to avoid playing into the obvious neanderthal ads making being a husband seem like the worst job on earth. Oh and of course there was the Dockers ad with all the guys in a field in their skivvies. The point of that was, “Put your pants on” Um, again, huh?

So… I am sticking with my opinion that Pepsi made the best move of all by taking all their millions and deciding to make a difference. Check out the Pepsi Refresh Project. Take a stroll around the site and check out the many ways they are going to make a difference in the coming year…

Instead of goofing on guys and making wives look like a pack of blogging, oops I mean nagging biatches.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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February 4, 2010 · 9:59 pm

An unfortunate choice of typography

Break fart at Brennan’s?

Well with all the hollandaise sauce that would probably be likely.

Is it me, or does that ‘s’ look like and ‘r’?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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February 3, 2010 · 6:21 pm

Unfake it

We all get them. These stupid spam emails that come from all sorts of ridiculous sender names. They have silly subject lines and almost all of them lead to a canadian pharmacy website peddling erectile dysfunction drugs. I always wonder why I get these emails. Am I targeted for being the type of woman whose penis envy is suffering from erectile dysfunction?

I found today’s email particularly entertaining. Let me break this one down.

Senders Name: Summer Flumerfelt. Now there is a porn star name if I ever heard one. Seriously, when did your flumer last get felt properly? Season or month first names always seem so fitting for porn stars.

Subject: You would, would you? Hmmm, cryptic, no? Definitive yet questioning. Or maybe this makes no sense at all but keeps us guessing that maybe we just are not sophisticated enough to get it. I love the two ‘woulds’ flanked by the two ‘yous’. Is anyone else out there as fascinated by sentence construction as I am? Did the writer even get that they were doing that? Do I have too much time on my hands today? (that last one was rhetorical)

Message: Treat-libido-problems-^efficently.. I guess the hypens between the words are an indication that this is some auto-generated messaging. Not sure about the other senseless punctuation but the message made me laugh. I can see wanting to treat a rash or dandruff efficiently, but libido? I would prefer treating that a notch or two above efficiently.

url link: http://unfake.it/smJO I almost missed the message in the middle of this one:

Unfake it.

I think that needs to be added to my t-shirt line!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 30, 2010 · 5:58 pm

Confession: I am a Costco Neophyte

Not kidding. I have lived in the suburbs for the past 20 years and have only been to Costco one time. Until today. Gary usually does the Costco run. He loves keeping inventory, as my friend Todd would call it. And the CD section is his little treat at the end of the spree.

Today, I needed paper towels, Swiffer supplies and light bulbs. So I figured I would go with him to avoid spending $300 in the quest to buy those few items.

We drove up and someone had a couch on a dolly, wheeling it out to their car. They sell furniture at Costco?! Honestly, can I actually be the last person on earth who does not know this? Or who does not shop at one of the big box stores for that matter. I really need to get out of the basement more.

Not gonna lie, I did get a kick out of the place. And Karen, you were right, the little snack stations are simply divine. But for the life of me I cannot understand why anyone would think it was good merchandising to sell area rugs directly next to fresh fish. That just seems wrong. “Honey, I love this new rug you bought for the living room but it smells oddly like crab legs.”

My favorite purchases? 18 pack of sponges! Love that. And the big thing of cinnamon for 4 bucks (I make my coffee with cinnamon every morning. Hey, it adds up).

So, in my quest to avoid having Gary spend $300 by himself, we spent…

$325 instead!

Agreed, impossible to get out of there for less. But hey, we needed it all, right?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 28, 2010 · 6:18 pm

Bread Gloves

This one had me laughing for quite awhile. I LOVE the unleavened option; nice sensitivity to the tribe.

Look at this guys face, he could almost be described as ecstatic. How many shots do you think they had to do before they got this one. Or wait, are those mits photoshopped in?

I can’t wait till they come out with the muffin slippers.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 27, 2010 · 5:27 pm

iPad. Can I have one even if I had an ihysterectomy?

I am sorry, did that title make you feel uncomfortable? No worries, I had that surgery quite a few years ago and left my ovaries which would explain my raging insane menopausal behavior. My title is not as funny as my friend Jessica Gottlieb‘s but then again, she is a rock star and I am not. (and in all fairness, to my knowledge she still has a uterus).

But this post will NOT be about my girlie parts. This will be about the abnormal obsession that I, and hundreds of thousands of other Apple geeks have for all things Mac.

I have been a MacUser since before many of my readers were out of iDiapers, I am sure. I used to be in the minority but now I am just a semi-cool mom who gets all hot and bothered when that technostud in the black turtleneck, Steve Jobs, comes out on stage to unveil a new Apple product.

Today was no different. With 4 windows open on my extra large cinema display I watched a lousy ustream attempt at live streaming and followed the tech specs for the new tablet today as they were unveiled on engaget.com and twitter. After much speculation about the name it was announced to be the iPad. The photo at the top came across my twitterstream during the presentation. (thanks to Katmanalac). Photoshop users are not only funny, they are fast. You can see what the real one looks like here, and watch the dazzling video about all its features.

So here is the story in a nutshell. This is an iPhone on steriods. For those of us who like realtime email and blackberry messenger and hate AT&T we will not have to keep longing for the iPhone anymore. We can keep the blackberry and add this to the arsenol. Personally, I don’t care if I have one device that does it all and these 50-year-old eyes would way prefer to read off a 9.7″ screen than an iPhone any day. The typing looks easier and the ability to read books, listen to music, read newspapers and magazines, view pictures and videos, and surf the web all on one device that I don’t have to squint at is rather appealing. The Keyboard dock got a lot of wows from the audience as it was foreshadowing into what this baby will grow up to be. The fact that is missing a camera is a big negative.

If you are not excited by this, you will be by the third generation of this product. You can go bury your Kindle out back with your VCR because this baby blows that dinosaur away! The Apple cool factor is intoxicating as always.

I have a strict policy of never buying the first generation of anything tech item because there is always a level of disappointment by the next holiday season when they release the bigger, better, less buggy version of whatever it is. But at the $499 entry level it is hard to not want this toy. Do I think that there is anything revolutionary about this product? Not really as is, but I think that it will be very soon. Although the iBook store, Apples book version of iTunes, will surely blow Barnes and Noble/Amazon and the Kindle right out of the water. And the potential for developers is endless.

For those geeks hungry for tech specs, you have probably heard them already but here they are:

1/2″ thin, 1.5 lbs, 9.7 ips display, full multi-touch, 1Ghz apple A4 chip 16, 22 or 64GB flash storage, wifi 801.11n, 10 hr battery, iphone apps work out of the box, keyboard doc and a price point ranging from 16GB with no 3G at $499 to 64GB with 3G for $829 with the big news that although it is still on the dreaded AT&T network  there is NO contract. $14.99/month for 250mg data and $29.99 for unlimited.

To my parents and inlaws, sorry for this post, I am sure I lost you on ihysterectomy!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 26, 2010 · 7:06 pm

A little dog food never hurt anyone

I am convinced that my dog and I are genetically linked. I think I wrote about this once before but I can’t find the post and quite honestly it has been a long day.

Mel and I both suffer from hypothyroidism. Not all that uncommon in women ‘of a certain age‘, this basically means that we have underactive thyroids that do not produce a certain hormone and can cause us to feel sluggish. There are other more miserable things that it can cause but luckily neither one of us gone that far.

As a result of this disorder, I find myself in the odd circumstance to be taking the same medication as my pup. There on the windowsill in the kitchen sit two (almost identical) bottles of pills. One sleepy morning this week I took a pill from my bottle and buried it neatly in a chunk of the wet dog food that I mix in with Mel’s kibble. As I was inserting the pill I noticed it was yellow and not lavender, indicating this was my pill not hers.

Now don’t get me wrong here but at the price I pay for meds these days I was not about to throw away a perfectly good pill just because it had a slight slime of dog food on it. Like any self-respecting dog owner would, I wiped it off and put it back in the bottle.

So if any of you notice me scratching myself behind my ear with my foot or barking uncontrollably this week you will understand why.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 24, 2010 · 8:57 pm

Psychic Dinner

I kid you not. This was a little promo that was sitting at the front desk of a place where we ate last night. Don’t you sort of want to go to the Psychic Dinner? When you sit down at the table do they already know what you want to eat?

We were told by our waitress that the readings were ‘public’ and that there was no guarantee that everyone would get a reading. Well that sounds inviting. “Mr. Jones, your wife is going to leave you for your best friend and you will lose your house in the next year. Oh yeh, and your dog will get hit by a car.” What the hell is poor Mr. Jones to do with that info in front of a $65 dollar a head fabulous buffet dinner crowd (with soda, coffee and dessert)?

Seems these dinners are rather popular as the waitress also told us that she thought is was sold out. On a Monday night!

I particularly like the fact that the psychic only has a first name.

Anyone interested in signing up for next month with me?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 21, 2010 · 10:29 pm

¿dónde está el cuarto de baño?

At pivotal times in the lives of our offspring we feel compelled to impart some wisdom. We can’t help ourselves. As parents we are convinced that no matter how competent our children have become, they still need that last bit of advice from us as they jet off to exciting new destinations.

Tonight Jana left for semester abroad in Sevilla Spain. We were driving back from lunch when I told her that I wanted to give her some words of wisdom. All I could think of was:

¿dónde está el baño? , which I thought meant ‘where is the bathroom’ but in fact it means ‘where is the bath’. Great! So now not only am I being a total pain in the ass, I am giving her the wrong information. I also told her to ask ¿tienes mantequilla? , which may or may not mean ‘do you have butter’ in case they gave her dry toast. This was only because mantequilla rhymes with Sevilla and I thought that was entertaining.

As you can imagine there was quite a bit of eye rolling in the car.

So that’s it for now on the semester abroad updates (since some dentist that will go nameless seems to think I am acting like too much of a mom blogger and would like more MFTA stuff).

Unless of course till Time to Cry Tuesday…

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 17, 2010 · 10:07 pm

Did you call me a Hotard?!

Situation: The family riding on the downtown streetcar in New Orleans. Me, chattering away about how much I love the architecture and similar thoughts on how interesting the city is.

Jana: Hotard!

Me: What?!! Did you just call me a hotard?

Jana: What? What the heck is a hotard? I was just reading the name on the back of that bus in front of us.

Me: Oh, sorry, I thought that was another one of those words you guys make up. Like the camp language.

Jana: Oh, jeez!

So then we got to talk about what a hotard would be and how it was wrong on so many levels. Think about it. Break that baby down. ‘ho. ‘tard. Both, SO not ok.

Hey, you can’t blame me for thinking this was another one of those slang words my kids seem to know the meaning of and are always trying to explain to me. Like just the other day they spent all sorts of time explaining to me what a meep was.

Now if only I wasn’t such a hotard I might remember what they said.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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