Category Archives: friendship

October 11, 2011 · 1:19 am

Time to Cry Tuesday – A Dog’s Purpose

And she said losing love 

Is like a window in your heart.

Everybody sees you’re blown apart.

Everybody hears the wind blow.

– Paul Simon, Graceland

Mel, the wonder dog, my walking companion, the canine comedian, sadly died on Friday. It was sudden and shocking. Even though she was a 12 year old Lab with some health issues, she still behaved youthful. We had saved her from the brink of death twice already, so this one was unexpected. And fast. Too fast.

Part of loving a dog is losing a dog, and I found that out the hard way this weekend. But I also found out how incredible people can be. How they reach out with kind words and even lend you one of their dogs for the first walk after yours is gone. How they lay on the floor with her and say good-bye and text you tirelessly to make sure you are ok even when they know you are not. How they tolerate the tears that feel like they will never end and never say ‘she was just a dog.’

Strange and wonderful things happen even in the worst of situations. There are simply no coincidences in life. You just need to pay attention and it is all clear.

Mel was named after the ice cream man. The kids loved him (who doesn’t love the ice cream man). Late Friday afternoon I was picking up dinner and when I got to my car there was a long line of cars waiting for the light to change. There, next to where I was parked, was Mel the Ice Cream Man. 

On Main Street.

In October!! WTH!

There are no coincidences.

Last week I read A Dog’s Purpose by W. Bruce Cameron. This charming tale is written from the point of view of a dog who keeps dying and is reincarnated until he finds his purpose. Each life had a purpose of  its own. Yes, we personify our pets, but I truly believe they get IT (note the caps). And I thank Mr. Cameron for the point of view that helped me through one of the hardest decisions of my life – to let her go before she started to suffer. I finished the book a couple of days before Mel died.

There are no coincidences.

Mel was my other half, my walking buddy, the one who soothed me when I was at my saddest. She was a good sport about my habit of taking pictures and would pose patiently whenever called upon. As I have said before, she acted like each ride in the car was a trip to the Caribbean. She was full of joy and never complained. The Schmoop, as she was affectionately called, was larger than life and a huge part of our family. We will miss her terribly.

If you have a dog, go grab the leash and take her for a walk. Throw a ball. Enjoy every joyous moment of her unconditional love. Get over the chewed shoe or the the tumbleweeds of fur she sheds and give her a big hug on Mel.

Oh, and a huge thank you to the Vets and the entire staff at The Port Washington Animal Hospital who not only saved her so many times, but treated her, and us, with the greatest compassion and dignity. We will forever be grateful for your love of animals.

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July 4, 2011 · 11:35 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Timing is Everything

Do you ever wonder what makes you decide to do something at the exact moment that you do? What makes you feel the need to complete a task that sets you on a specific path at a specific time? Sometimes there is a higher power at work. No, I am not getting all religious on you, more fatalistic. I am a firm believer that some things do not happen by accident. Sometimes we are part of a predestined plan.

Today was just such a day. Today we were supposed to go to the beach, but got caught up in doing stuff around the house. Today Gary had an almost obsessive need to drop a few bags of stuff that have been in the garage for weeks in the Goodwill box. Today he made the decision to leave at just the very moment that made all the difference in the world.

Minutes after he left – only a few short blocks from our house – he came upon a friend in dire need and set the ball in motion to help. If he was not there at that very moment the whole experience would have gone down completely differently. Our friend would have been alone. And more frightened than he already was. No one would have known what had happened. It was as if he was guided to that very spot at that very time to make a terrible situation a little easier to navigate.

Timing is everything.

And we are incredibly lucky to have the kind of friends that we do.

Very lucky indeed.

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June 24, 2011 · 11:57 pm

iheartny for legalizing same sex marriage

Ok, let’s get passed how damn cute these two were and think about how utterly amazing June 24, 2011 has become. On the very day that my parents are celebrating their 60th (!!!!!) wedding anniversary, the great state of New York has given the right to EVERY one of its citizens to grow up and marry the person they love.

The two little boys in the picture did get the chance to grow up and marry the person they love, but they were forced to do so in another state because the one in which they lived did not give them that option. In the very state in which they pay taxes, work hard, fight for causes, make a difference every day; they were not considered eligible to be married.

Until tonight.

That cutie on the left is one of my dearest friends on earth – my gay husband. He has fought tirelessly for the cause. Tonight it has all paid off.

Never in the history of the long road of friendships we have shared, have I been happier to celebrate a victory so huge that I can barely type through the tears. Those magic numbers: 33-29. The great friggin’ state of NY has finally stood behind the premise of equality and made history. I am so proud, so moved, so through the roof ecstatic for those who have fought so hard and won the rights for so many.

Frank, you are an inspiration, my favorite dog with a bone, the man who never says die and puts not only your money, but your time, where your mouth is to fight for a cause.

I am thrilled for all those who will finally be able to ‘grow up and marry the one they love’.

To quote a favorite children’s book, “Let the wild rumpus begin”.

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March 14, 2011 · 10:29 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Just Kids

I don’t usually do book reviews here at Time to Cry, but this one I could not resist. I just finished reading Patti Smith’s Just Kids and it left an indelible mark on me. A promise made to a soul mate on the day before he died to write their story makes this all the more poignant.

Not because I am a fan of Patti Smith (although I am) or of Robert Mapplethorpe (I am(ish) with a caveat that some of his work is just way too graphic for me). But because this is the story of two of people who were their art. And simply because this is one of the truly great love stories. Not just of romance, but of  two people who were inextricably linked. The story of young artists feeding each other’s souls in a way that is almost difficult to understand. In many ways they were but one soul. Their relationship started as a romantic one and transcended Mapplethorpe’s coming out.

With NYC of the late 60s and early 70s as it’s backdrop, Smith has woven their story almost as if it were poetry.

As with any biographical account, I am sure the omissions where plenty and the story romanticized a bit, but the net of it all is that these two people were so incredibly connected. In many ways, one completed the other. They reveled in each other’s fame and suffered from each other’s failures. Their sense of responsibility to one another was inspiring.

If you create, this will give you chills. If you don’t, it gives you insight into the minds and hearts of those who do. And if you have ever loved deeply, this will give you a good old fashioned Time to Cry at the end.

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February 21, 2011 · 10:03 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Laughter and Alchohol

Sometimes that is all you need to knock out what ails you. Seriously, 10 days of antibiotics, countless cups of tea and honey, more bowls of chicken soup than I care to think about and I still was not feeling like myself.

It would appear that all I really needed was one night with my 3 girls – the ones who have known me since 6th grade. The same ones who can say one word and set off the kind of laughter that makes my face ache and my sides feel as if they will explode… in a really good way.

Add a few glasses of wine and a crisp morning walk the next day to chase away the time-release hangover. Halfway home from that walk one of them said to me, “you are SO not sick anymore”. And she was right.

Life is hard. Shit happens. Things don’t always go as planned. Illness lingers and stress is ever-present.

So what!

A little fun on the rocks is all any of us truly needs to counter the demons.

Thank you to my O’side girls; who know everything there is to know about me and love me anyway. Who let me lie in their beds and facebook stalk with me on the iPad, laughing until we cry. Who share their clothes, let me eat off their plates, play practical jokes with me and even ‘break’ a guest or two. (hey, every once in a while someone has to be sacrificed for the good of the joke – it’s harmless).

Feeling very fortunate indeed.


 

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December 15, 2010 · 11:15 pm

Magnet for the Absurd

Doorbell rings. Dog barks. UPS man drives away. And there on my front stoop is a big old box from Cafepress.com.

Hmmm, what can this be? I open it up and there are 16 neatly wrapped identical square packages. I open the first one and there it is… the perfect MFTA mug.

Thanks to (uncle) Neal, who not only named me the MFTA but is not under any circumstances my uncle – and I still have no idea why we call him that. But he is surely as much my family as anyone who carries my bloodline. And knows me better than most.

The best part of this story is poor Neal had shoulder surgery last week and under the influence of some pretty crazy prescription drugs did not realize that instead of ordering 4 mugs he was ordering 4 sets of 4 mugs. I am thinking of planning an absurdity brunch. Imagine the criteria for an invitation!

Once again… I am the magnet for the absurd.

Thanks Neal, for the mugs, and for truly appreciating the finer points of my insanity. Love you, man.

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September 9, 2010 · 12:01 am

A Sweet New Year (and the funny thing about mashed potatoes)

There is an odd phenomenon surrounding the making of mashed potatoes. There is truly a fine line between the perfect amount of milk and…

well I would have to say:

wallpaper paste.

Yes, you guessed it. I was there. They were really perfect. But I could not leave well enough alone and had to add that one little drop more of milk. And the next think I knew I was preparing boxed rice pilaf (on a holiday, that’s simply a crime!) and dumping those potatoes before Gary got home to witness my failure.

But here’s the thing. It’s not about the mashed potatoes. Or the rice. Or the fact that you find yourself cooking chicken soup and brisket on labor day as if someone pulled the switch on your summer and sent you tumbling down the Days of Awe water slide.

It’s about stopping and taking a deep breath and remembering that even though it is 85 degrees out and you have a Chambers Stove from the 1930s that is causing your kitchen to feel like a sauna; traditions, community, family and friends are what the whole thing is about.

Like the friend that picks up your parents’ synagogue tickets for you because you were too harried to get there yourself. Or the one who wakes up to remember that she is out of flour but she always bakes you a challah and makes sure to get to the store early enough to make you one again this year AND have her son deliver it to you. Or it is sitting in Synagogue (yes in that state of post ruining the potatoes shame) and looking to your left and right to see not just both your parents, but both of your in-laws as well.

So to all the members of the Tribe that read this blog, L’Shana Tovah. May you have a good, sweet year.

And just a tip, go light on the milk in the mashed potatoes.

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September 6, 2010 · 10:23 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Valentino’s on the Green

This week Time to Cry Tuesday takes a different twist. Having safely deposited both of my kids at college halfway across the country, I will focus this week on the joy of work.

Yes, you read that correctly. As a good friend from art school so wisely posted on facebook recently, ‘find something you love and then find someone to bill for it’. Every so often my career takes a turn back towards doing what I truly love; getting involved in a business and helping them to realize their vision for how they should look and feel.

One such client is a fabulous new restaurant and catering venue in the NY area called Valentino’s on the Green. I was hired to create their menus and associated materials. It just so happens that not only did I have the honor of working with this new venue, but one of the partners happens to be one of my dearest friends from High School, Chef Don Pintabona of Tribeca Grill fame. (we did not call him Chef, back then).

To add to the excitement, Don is planning to build a solar-and-biodiesel-powered vertical farm on the property, where he hopes to grow about 80 percent of his raw materials, from mushrooms and potatoes to farmed fish. He also envisions a teaching lab for local schools. How cool is that?

The restaurant is housed in Rudolph Valentino‘s summer home in Bayside Queens (hey, don’t laugh, in the 20s Bayside was like the Hamptons). The renovation is spectacular, the staff is award winning and stellar, the food is to die for. And Sunday night I had the joy of dining there during the Friends and Family opening.

I cannot tell you the thrill of entering that building I have watched turn from a construction site into an elegant restaurant over the past few months and see it filled with people. People who were actually holding my menus! But the most wonderful part of all was to see my dear friend Don – beaming as he walked through the place – at home in a way I have not seen in a very long time. There is nothing better than seeing a dear friend realize a vision and being able to take part in it.

Sometimes work feels like pushing a boulder up the hill. But if you are lucky, other times work is about doing what you love – with people you love – and finding someone to bill for it. It was an honor to work with a team of passionate professionals who truly cared about every single detail that led up to the opening of this restaurant. Don, Giorgio and Deanna, working with you has been a dream! Jimmy, Michael, Antonio, Don C., Lauren, Erin, and the entire staff, thanks for the great night last night, you were all on the top of your game.

So plug, plug, plug, full client/friend disclosure and all that transparency nonsense, you will surely thank me for turning you onto this place. Let’s help them find ‘many some ones to bill for it’. Join me in making this venue the great success I know it will become. Check it out here, or call and make a reservation at 718.352.2300 and tell them that Amy sent you. Do it now before this article hits and they are all booked up. (Oh and if you are looking to throw a party, their upstairs catering room is magnificent!)

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August 11, 2010 · 10:58 pm

Schedules

You know those people who give you their schedules? This can happen in a volunteer setting or at work. Sometimes even for social plans. You ask them if they can help and the next thing you know you are listening to a droning list of kid’s activities, doc appts, hair, nails, work, family functions, yadayadayada.

Seriously folks. As if my to-do list is not boring enough I need to listen to someone else’s proctology appointment into grocery shopping into board meeting into sugar magnolia (that last one is for you Deadheads out there)? Or worse get the details.

To say this is a pet peeve is an understatement.

And then I realized that I was a schedule texter today. A friend asked where I was and on and on my list went in four part harmony complete with meetings, dry cleaner and chicken soup. (yes chicken soup in 90 degree heat – Jana has a cold and I felt bad for her, if you must know).

So what does this make me? Yep, a schedule spouting  bee-otch. And worse, that text went out to the person who I usually commiserate with over the schedule people.

So, Karen, this one goes out to you and I owe you a drink for being the recipient of the dreaded schedule.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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August 9, 2010 · 10:59 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Blogher Hangover

The other day I gave you a silly little peek into a moment I experienced at Blogher, the women’s blogging conference. I am usually prone to pick out the most absurd of moments and share them here because I like to entertain. And I have to admit, THAT was entertaining.

But the event itself was far from silly. For me it was proof that women from all over can come together and form a community that in a matter of hours becomes as close as those from which they have traveled. If not, in some ways, closer.

Women are a funny gender. We nurture by nature. Sure there are the mean girls and the cool chicks at the cafeteria table. And from where I came from, there are those who liked to mix it up with a little girl fight at the flagpole now and then. But for the most part, women rally around.

Someone is ill? We feed their families and care for their kids. Someone has a loss? We make arrangements, and give a shoulder in the darkest of hours when everyone else has moved on. And hey, when we puke, our truest friend will hold our hair back and never judge us.

So it is no surprise that when a hotel full of women bloggers got together there was a buzz; a feeling in the air that was hard to describe. Sure it was overwhelming at times. But the strangest things were happening. Coincidences and connections. With strangers. But not really. Women met each other in person for the first time when they had known each other online for years. And all we could say was, ‘I feel like I have known you for years.’

I spent the most fascinating hour drinking wine with a group of women in a hotel room. Most of us only knew one or two people in the room. ‘Where did you sit?’, my husband asked me. ‘You know, all over. In the chairs, lying on the beds. It was very relaxed.’ Of course his mind went into full blown girl on girl pillow fights. Yeh, well that is the penis for you.

I digress. The point was, the whole purpose of this conference was to share. Ideas. Lives. Business concepts. And everything in between. To give each other the balls to keep doing whatever it is that we do. For whatever reasons we do them.

I regret that I was only able to attend one day. But this 14-hour day left me so spent that going back was simply out of the question. I had a Blogher hangover (or maybe it was the wine) But, I needed to digest.

Now that I have, I am so proud to have been a part of this. Blogging is very much a way of life for me. There is no right or wrong way to do it. Some over-share, but it works for them. Some over-sell, but it works for them as well.

And me, well there were three things that made me happiest. One, I got to check in at the same time as Mrs. Potato Head.  Two, someone in an elevator saw my conference badge and told me that I had the best blog name of the day. And three, I got to hear a ballroom full of women chant the word vagina in unison. Seriously, where else could that happen?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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