Monthly Archives: March 2009

March 10, 2009 · 9:58 pm

Top Ten Search Terms (vol. 7)

This monthly post has become a favorite. I apologize for the delay in getting to this installment. I guess I was all caught up with Butt Paste and Mirdles and forgot to post this one. For those who missed the past installments you can read Vol. 1 here , Vol 2. here , Vol. 3 here , Vol. 4 here  Vol. 5 here, and finally Vol. 6 here.

6 month old with hairy back That is concerning. did you wax that baby?

luck flushing crickets If i knew it was lucky i might have gone for it!

white trash barbie for sale Did they make a white trash barbie? If they did I think I really need one of those!

www.colonmedic.com/cancel Oh my, can you cancel the colonmedic in the middle?

cougar pole dance THIS  I would like video of.

psychological issues for women who carry Women who carry what?

funny pics of fat guys in bathing suite Um, I believe that would be SUIT

my moms ass looks so good That is so not OK.

miss nipples Wait, did someone else speak to this woman besides my dad?

janie knight I knew she existed! Why else would someone be searching for her? Gary is so dead!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 9, 2009 · 10:02 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Three Mugs

success_peace_loveWe have these three wonderful mugs in our house. I am not sure why we bought a set of only 3, but they strike such a beautiful balance that it seemed ok.

Gary loves the shape of these mugs. He loves their size and how the handle is perfectly formed. Mostly he loves that he can drink his *earl gray with honey* in a mug big enough that he does not need a refill (anyone who has ever eaten with my husband is surely smiling at this comment). This drink is like a religious experience for him.

I was quite sure he never looks at which mug he grabs. He only cares that it is one of these perfect sage green ones. As a little test I asked him tonight what the three green mugs said. “um, joy?” No sorry, hon. “peace and love?” good call. “happiness” forget it babe. Do you care which one you drink out of? “yeah,right!”

I bought them for both their form and their decoration. These three words seemed so perfect.

Success. Peace. Love.

I love words. I guess those of you who read me regularly know that. I have words pinned up to bulletin boards, etched in rocks, inlaid in mosaics, stuck to the fridge, you name it. There is something comforting in being surrounded by them.

So it would seem fitting to drink out of a specific one of these word mugs as my mood changes. This makes sense if you are insane in the same way that I am.

Success. In these crazy economic times, especially after waking to the unsettling morning news, I drink my coffee out of  Success, figuring I need all the help that I can get.

Peace. During times of turmoil, both global and personal, I will reach for his mug and hope that it will calm me to drink from it. I usually drink tea from Peace.

Love. When I miss my little girl or right after I watch my boy walk out the door as the man he is becoming, I drink from the Love mug. It reminds me how lucky I am to have built this beautiful family.

In a world gone crazy, at a time when nothing seems within our control, it is nice to keep small rituals that feed your soul.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 8, 2009 · 7:52 pm

Would your man wear a mirdle?

mirdle

I almost missed this one last week and then remembered something on twitter that mentioned the ‘mirdle’. Having a little time to myself on this fine Sunday I thought I would Google it and have a look see.

I have brought you a few other male foundation garments in the past. There were mantyhose, spanx-like pantyhose for men. And of course the ever popular mansierre.

This ‘mirdle’, or as the manufacturer, Equmen calls it, the ‘Core Precision Undershirt’ is quite the garment. Let’s see what they have to say about this baby:

Gently pulls the shoulders back while compressing the core. Targeted ventilation maximises breathability. Moisture-wicking action keeps you dry. Improves posture, supports core muscles, optimizes form, controls body temperature and visibly streamlines.

Hey, what doesn’t it do? Translation: makes fat guys buff. Check out the diagram:

singlet-catalogSeriously, this has way too many arrows. And honeslty, look at the picture above. Are we to believe that these guys get their shape from this undergarment. Why don’t they have a before and after pick of the fat schlub who is desperate enough  most inclined to purchase this item. Which, by the way is $99! Even the pricey bras don’t cost that much!

Here is something to think about. Are we, as a society, now leaning in a direction of manorexia? Is the obsession with thin now leaking over to what was once the more clueless sex. Think about it. All those years that the big fat guys would walk down the beach with their guts hanging out, are those days over?

Nah. I think, perhaps the mirdle just won’t make it. At least not at that price point.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 8, 2009 · 12:02 am

Butt Paste

butt_paste

People like to send me absurd things from time to time. I have a reputation for having a deep appreciation for these sorts of things.

This one did not disappoint. A big thanks to Joyce for finding this beautiful example of product naming that tells it exactly like it is.

Butt paste, my friends, is that gooey stuff that you use to coat your kids behind. Name it what you may, it looks like this item is nothing more than repackaged zinc oxide. My favorite part is the claim that it has a ‘pleasant smell’. Oh great, so in case you want to sniff your babies ass you won’t be offended.

Love the goofy illustration of the baby with the big ears and the goofy look on his face like…

well, like someone just spread a nice thick layer of butt paste on his tush.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 6, 2009 · 8:16 pm

Gandhi for Sale?!

gandhi_auction_itemsAs I sat down to read the NYT with my breakfast this morning I was struck by the absurdity of a headline just below the fold on the front page:

Despite Outcry, Gandhi’s Meager Belongings Sell for $1.8 Million

I found myself reading that headline three times before it registered and sunk into my rather frazzled brain. In short, his modest possessions were put up for auction at Antiquorum Auctioneers in Manhattan today.

These simple items made up his daily life; wire-rimmed spectacles (not glasses, mind you, these are truly spectacles), a pair of sandals (these look mysteriously like the water buffalos I wore in the 70s), a bowl, a plate and a pocket watch. These five items were viewed with a yellowed copy of the January 30, 1948 issue of The Piqua Daily Call, an Ohio newspaper. The headline read, “Gandhi Shot and Killed Today”.

There was all sorts of controversy surrounding the auction which you can read about in the link above if you want the details.

For me, the irony is so overwhelming. Here is a man who, quite frankly, loathed the material world. Hey, if asked whether he would rather be thin or rich, this guy would have no choice but vote thin by default (that was for my First Thursdays).

Seriously, could there be anything more ridiculous than this? Well maybe perhaps something I read on twitter today from @BirdOnAWire55, “all hell breaks loose when Catholic student hands out condoms at a Catholic College…the whole world has gone crazy!”

The world is a strange place today, my friends. I will leave you with this thought as I enter into a much needed weekend:

Gandhi was once asked what he thought about western civilization. His response was:

“I think it would be a good idea.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 4, 2009 · 10:56 pm

Cougar Barbie

I have written about good ‘ole Barbie  before. I am fascinated by all the attention she still gets. Do little girls still play with Barbies? My daughter had them but I don’t remember caring all that much about them. Seems they were alway naked and those damn little shoes were always getting stuck in the vacuum. I am sure someone got one stuck up their nose at one point.

Today I was talking to a client about turning 50 and after we hung up she sent me this video. It gave me my laugh for the day. How can you resist the idea of *dream botox* and pole dancing accessories?

Hope all you cougars out there – of any age – enjoy it.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 3, 2009 · 9:56 pm

Men and Their Meat

your_right_in_liking_meat1

American Meat Institute, 1947

Nice title, right? I am sure I got your attention with that.

Today was Gary’s birthday, and I am a total loser that I did not capitalize on it and do some little heartfelt birthday thing for Time to Cry Tuesday so everyone could send him their good wishes. Please feel free to jump out of the lurking mode and send him a shout out a day late.

For his big day we let him pick the restaurant. This guy, who is the picture of low-fat eating 364 days a year,  jumped out of the box and craved a good old- fashioned, testosterone boosting slab of meat.

We walked into the steak joint and quickly noticed that my girlfriend and I were amongst maybe 6 women in the entire restaurant. Tuesday night in the land of steak was all men. Table after table of guys chewing the fat, seated around overloaded plates of meat, meat, meat. Kind of an odd scene for me. It almost took on the feeling of some old time movie.

A primal, back to basics birthday for the man.

Happy birthday Gary, hope you enjoyed your meat!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 3, 2009 · 12:15 am

Time to Cry Tuesday – No time…literally

Sorry all, this week’s installment of Time to Cry Tuesday simply did not happen. In a crunch and did not have time to finish the post. I had a choice to watch 24 with my boys, or write. (aw).

Stay tuned next week for something brilliant and poignant.

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March 1, 2009 · 9:35 pm

UW Chi O Toddler Dance 2.0

For those who do not know the origin of the ever famous international dance craze known as ‘The Toddler Dance’, please take a little hop over to this post and see where it all started.

Since this a true favorite of my daughter’s, she decided to bring it to the girls of the Chi Omega sorority at the University of Wisconsin, Madison. This past weekend the university took part in its first ever dance marathon to benefit UW American Family Children’s Hospital. Miss Jana personally raised $772, her sorority raised $6,000 ($4,000 over their goal) and UW raised a total of $56,880.94.  Although this does not even compare to the millions of dollars raised at Penn State or Indiana, their total is still very impressive. They were able to raise more money in their first year of Dance Marathon than any other Big 10 schools raised in their first year, exceeding them by at least $20,000. For those inclined I believe donations are still open.

At the last hour of this all-night event, without any sleep and having not sat down for the entire danceathon, this group of Jana’s sorority sisters decided to end their stint with a rousing rendition of the Toddler Dance. Here’s a shout out to my dear friend @flipgonzo , the funniest clown on twitter, who named this…

The Toddler Dance 2.0.

Thanks girls. You did our family proud!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 1, 2009 · 12:06 am

Feeling a bit pig-headed?

pork-brains-milk-gravy

These lovely morsels came to my attention from my old friend Nina (thanks Nin). I love when people send me disgusting things to blog about. Makes me feel I have really honed my brand. You know, everyone in the blogosphere has now become ‘a brand’, guess mine is the queen of absurdities.

Back to the, um, PORK BRAINS?! People really eat these? They make Spam look like health food. Check out the circled portion of the label. 1170% cholesterol. What? I don’t get that.

Looking at the ingredients, I was rather impressed that this can is almost 100% brains. Seriously, do you know anything that is 100% brains? Would you want to? Sure there is some milk but there is less than 2% water, corn starch, salt and sodium nitrite. You know, all those pesky additives that are bad for you. Not like good wholesome BRAINS OF A FRIGGIN’ PIG.

Oy, eating these can’t be ‘kosher’!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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