Tag Archives: parenting

June 15, 2009 · 10:38 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Family Movie Night

family-movie-night

Countdown to the kids leaving for the summer. When they were younger this was the 10-day period when I was both anxious about them going and elated to have 7 1/2 weeks of adult time and freedom from schedules. (except for work, but doing only one job was like a vacation).

This is the eighth summer that they will both be away. People used to ask us, “what do you do all summer without your kids?” and our response would be, “whatever the hell we want!”

Now that they are older, the thrill of having all that time to ourselves is tempered with the fact that during the year we pretty much do whatever the hell we want! And truthfully, our first choice of social companions at this stage of our lives are the kids themselves.

At almost 17 and 20 they are truly fun to be with. They throw us a bone now and then and agree to hang out, especially if we are paying.

Last night was Family Movie Night (yes on a Monday!) Infants that we all are, we decided to go see The Hangover –  a fine example of good parenting, I might add.

Sitting in the movie theater, with the glow of the screen illuminating what are now the grown up faces of our offspring, I could not help but flashback to their little faces watching the insufferable kids’ movies we used to take them to. Invariably there was always a kid that puked in the next row.

This time the puking remained on screen.

I glanced at Gary and could read his mind. He gave me that misty-eyed Gary face that said: remember when they used to sit on our laps? Remember how his fuzzy little head felt under your chin? Remember how her hair smelled? How one of them ALWAYS had to go to the bathroom at the best part of the movie? When we were sitting in the middle of a row. Next to a very cranky family with a really big tub of popcorn.

Last night, the sound of their laughter, the feeling of being this family unit – one that we do not get to have often – THIS is what it is all about.

For real.

The news, the distractions, the daily grind; they all melt away at times like these when we realize what we have built. These small moments that could burst through the walls if they got any bigger. In a world where there are no answers, I have found mine right under my nose.

In my family.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 8, 2009 · 10:09 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday: Priceless

There are a handful of moments in advertising history that have touched the souls of those who see them. One of the more famous examples is the Mastercard Priceless campaign. This past week, one of my mommy idols could have starred in one of these commercials.

The scenario: The Dave Matthews Band was playing on the Plaza in the Today Show Toyota Summer Concert Series. Both my friend and her 10th grade daughter are huge fans of the band. In fact, they are a full DMB family of fans. This particular friend has found herself to be an unlucky member of the Sandwich Generation. Many of us are in the midst of raising children at the same time we are dealing with aging parents with health problems. Being an only child of a widowed mom, she is the healthcare concierge extraordinaire. Last week was a particularly harrowing one on that front.

Enter the opportunity to go into the city at some ungodly hour (3:30 AM) to stand in line for the concert. She was all set to take her daughter and a friend until the weather turned nasty and she began to rethink the event. At this point her college-aged son pulled her aside in a sage-like manner and told her that she would never forgive herself if she missed this opportunity of a lifetime that her daughter would never forget. (please note: said son aspires to be a documentary film-maker).

Funny how our kids spout back at us what we have taught them.

So, without hesitation, sporting rain gear of all kinds, off they went on the 3:30 train into the city. I received an early text telling me she was there. Within an hour I texted back that I had not only seen her daughter dancing on camera, but had DVRd it. Her daughter could not be happier. Until… (yes this keeps getting better)

…she screamed out, ‘Dave, I love you” during a lull in the performance and he turned around and smiled at her. Kind of like a young girl’s dream come true. Wait, it gets even better.

During the show they gave out foam guitars to the audience. The daughter’s friend was holding one. After the show, Dave came around and signed the guitar! And the friend? He decided that since he would not have been able to go to the show with out her, gave the guitar to this very lucky girl.

I know, Time to Cry all the way around. I love this story. Not only because the main character is one of my main women, but because every step of the way it was about what I like to call ‘the good stuff’. Truly a priceless experience.

Here is a picture of the two happy teens on the train ride home. The inset shows the Dave Matthews sig.

After-the-show

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under aging parents, family, friendship, moms, music, New York, New York City, parenting, relationships, rock 'n roll, teenagers, Time to Cry Tuesdays, women

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April 20, 2009 · 8:05 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Twenty!

jana_at_20

Indulge me – if you will – this little walk down the long and winding road of parenthood, for this week I will celebrate not only the birthday of my oldest child, but the anniversary of my 20th year of parenting.

What the hell!

Sometimes I wake up and forget how old I am.  I have had some weird dreams about not studying for a test, or being at camp or some other adolescent place and I totally forget that I am the mom of these young adults. I am embarrassed to say there are times when they are way more grown up than I am.

When I stop to think about it the whole thing is rather staggering.

Twenty years of “I’m the mommy, that’s why”. Two decades of being responsible for the well-being of other human beings. Two hundred and forty months of always being cognitive of other people’s whereabouts and safety. Seven thousand three hundred nights of being only as happy as my most miserable child.

You get the picture.

I have done many things in my life. Built a career, nurtured (or is that tortured) a marriage, made a house a home, navigated the nastiness of the healthcare system with my parents, built friendships and contributed to a community. But there is no other single thing I have done in my life that has had a greater impact on me than being a mom. Seriously. Not because I am expected to feel that way. Or because that is what I want my kids to think. But because it is simply…

True.

I am a better person for what they have taught me to be. From the moment they could reach out and hold my hand as we crossed the street, to the day when they had to push that hand away and ‘do it themselves’. They have taught me when to hold tight, and more importantly, when to let go.

Here’s to you, baby girl. Kiss your teens goodbye and grab your twenties by the balls. You are truly someone to proud of.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 24, 2009 · 8:56 pm

Who needs a quarter when you have a little sister?

A few weeks ago Danny and I staged a funny shot with one of these machines. A friend sent me this video because it reminded him of that post. There is no sound but it is still hysterical. I particularly like how the parents are totally oblivious.

But this! This is proof that kids will get into everything. Literally. If it is small enough – and even if it is not–  they will invariably shove it up their noses. No matter the size of the space, they will collapse their little bodies like mice and slip into a place no one would ever imagine they could go.

I am reminded of a little girl who got her head stuck in the slats of the deck (sorry for the bad memory Jana) and one of my nephews who got a toy lunar LEM wound up in his hair so tight that they had to go to the ER to have his hair cut with a scalpel to free it. And of course my all time favorite story of a neighbor’s kid who got a red jaw breaker stuck up her nose. Tip: don’t use a tweezer, have a nose blowing contest holding the other nostril and that sucker will usually shoot out across the room.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 18, 2009 · 9:34 pm

Out of the Mouths of Moms

cursegraphic

We had an interesting dinner conversation tonight. We have a full house/table with Jana home from school. The dynamic shifts, as do the seats, to bring us back to the original four. We fall back into the way we were when she still lived here. There is truly nothing more comforting than a family that is whole again.

The conversation at our dinner table is always pretty lively. There are no rules. No taboo subjects, for me anyway. I believe in open discussion and the right to speak your mind as long as you are respectful to others. It was always this way, but somewhere along the line I guess I loosened up the reigns on cursing and *questionable family topics*. Especially for myself. Come to think of it I would say I am the one that says the most outrageous things at the table.

Not sure how it started, but for some reason I had a run of topics come out of my mouth that left my kids… well almost stunned.

Danny: Wow, think of a list of the most outrageous things to hear a mom say and you pretty much hit them all.

Jana: With each topic I did not think it could get worse… and then it did.

Me: Really? Crap, are you guys going to need therapy from this?

Jana: Nah, it’s fine.

Danny: Don’t worry, the damage was done a long time ago. We’re good.

Gary: this is definitely going to be a blog post!

Perhaps I should consider some restraint in the future.

Probably unlikely.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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February 25, 2009 · 10:50 pm

Technojanitor

Danny: I can’t find my driver’s ed contract.

Me: I will have the office fax me a new one.

Danny: What would I do if you were technically challenged?

Me: You won’t ever have to worry about that (and faxing would be more admin than tech)

Danny: The printer is not working.

Me: The chord probably  loose. Here you go.

Danny: Thanks mom.

Jana: (long distance) Mom! The track ball on my blackberry is broken.

Me: Yeh, that happens to me sometimes, just jiggle it around a bit and it should work.

Jana: No it’s really broken

Me: Then bring it in to Verizon.

Jana: Ughhhh!

two minutes later by Blackberry Messenger

Jana: It’s fixed!

Me: Must have been my voice on the phone.

Add technojanitor to this mom’s job description.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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February 3, 2009 · 12:26 am

Time to Cry Tuesday – Sunrise, Sunset

sunrise_sunset

The title of this post is for my brother. This is how I will be able to tell if he is reading. What, it’s not all about me and my blog?

When we were growing up my mom had a friend with a beautiful singing voice. At every Bar or Bat Mitzvah she would get up and sing Sunrise, Sunset with the band. As you would expect, all of us kids would roll our eyes, giggle a little, suffer glares and shushes from our parents and fidget our way through to the end of the song.

Years later, at my brother’s wedding, she got up and sang it again. As young adults the eye rolling was replaced with a wink, we had long since learned to stop fidgeting and our parents were way too busy full out weeping to worry about the likes of us.

Fast forward a quarter of a century. (this, too, is for my brother – everyone loves to think of themselves as being married for any fraction of a century, right?)

This past weekend I attended the Bar Mitzvah of a friend’s child. But this was not just ANY Bar Mitzvah. This, my friends, was the celebration of the last of the First Thursday children coming of age. The First Thursday group has existed since the month he was born, he is our measure for the length of our friendship and as you can imagine, he is our little mascot of sorts because of it. (surely every 13 year old boy would love to be referred to this way.)

Yes, number 18 has now become a man. Funny, but he still looked so young to me. Until the video montage looped its way into my line of sight and I saw all those kids frozen in time as they were when they were small.

Then I looked back on the dance floor and caught a glimpse of my sweet *J* (not Jana, this is my other J) in that beautiful blue satin dress the color of her eyes, of *N* and *K* in those drop dead sequin numbers with the high heels that would surely cripple the likes of me. And *V* dancing up a storm as if the whole damn world was her living room and she had it by the balls.

That’s when it friggin’ hit me. Like a ton of corny, OMG-I-have-surely-become-my-mother bricks…

I could have been singing the lyrics to Sunrise Sunset in my head.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 25, 2009 · 9:24 pm

Now she becomes a book reviewer?!

6a00d83451a8cf69e2010536eb729f970c-120wiI have spent the last 20 years trying my best to get involved in a book club and I have finally found the type I could handle. A virtual one. Yes, I know, I have a strange knack of finding almost everything I need in the basement. Kind of scary, but hey, it works for me.

The Silicon Valley Moms Blog was given the opportunity to review Diana Spechler’s new novel, Who by Fire. I jumped at the chance to read this and share my thoughts with the group. Other reviews will be linked at the bottom of this post as well as the lead in post on our group blog. The author will be available there for comments throughout the day, making this quite intriguing for me to participate in.

This is an interesting story about the power of family and how circumstance and human frailty can compromise these bonds. Being one who hates when a book review gives away the entire story – because then why bother – I will be brief in my description.

The story opens with the disappearance of the youngest of three children. It is set in a suburban community not unlike my own. The family is Jewish, and similar to my own family, more traditional than truly religious. The loss of their young daughter causes irreparable damage to this family. The parents split and the remaining siblings take very different paths. The son turns to Orthodox Judaism and flees to Israel, the daughter turns to a life of unfulfilling sexual encounters, often with strangers.

You are thinking, so much for not giving too many details? Sorry, you need these to follow my ‘review’. This is not a traditional book review filled with likes and dislikes or analysis of writing style. I did enjoy the book, found it a quick read and would recommend it for that reason. However it is the lesson from this story that stuck with me and kept me thinking long after I put the book down.

This book was about motherhood and the lengths to which we will go to save our children and preserve a sense of family unity, sometimes at the risk of destroying the individuals and their right to choose their own paths. As mothers, we claim to want to see our children lead happy and fulfilling lives. But what happens when the path they choose is not the one we sought for them? Do we support their life decisions, or do we push them away with the very acts that we think will draw them closer?

The mother in this story is torn by her son’s decision to pursue a more religious path than she has taken. She goes so far as to consider his choice cult-like. It aggravated me to think of how this tortured her and led her to manipulate her kids. I have known people who have chosen to live more religious lives than their parents. Although it is hard on their families they work it out and respect their lifestyle.

The hardest thing for a parent to do is to hold their tongue and only give advice when it is asked for. We live in a generation of helicopter parenting and over-involvement that sometimes pushes our families away instead of drawing them closer.

So far I have been fortunate to have children who have level heads and make well informed solid choices. But they are on the cusp of their adulthood. The choices get harder from here on. My only hope is that I will always be able to support them no matter who they are and where life leads them.

If you would like to read more reviews of this book you can find them below. Please be warned that these are more traditional reviews and give full details of the story.

Florinda at The 3 Rs blog

Rebecca at The Book Lady’s Blog

Julie at Booking Mama

Marie at Boston Bibliophile

Gayle Weiswasser at Everyday I Write the Book Blog

Meghan at Meghan’s Mindless Muttering

Sarah at Genesis Moments

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 14, 2009 · 11:32 pm

15 years ago I was really nuts!

jana4thinvitepdf2You think I am crazy now, you should have known me when my kids were little.

For those who did, you might remember this invitation to Jana’s 4th birthday party. For those who didn’t, this invitation was hand-drawn to match the fabric of the dress she wore to the party. But no, I did not stop there, the cake was also decorated with the same art. Nope, not one of those Carvel photo cakes. Yes that was me at 3 in the morning decorating the cake.

What would I have done if she spilled something on that dress before the party?

What a psycho! I suppose this was all part of my working mom, over-compensation, do it all, be everything to everyone, I am as good as any stay at home mom if it kills me sort of thing. Before all these terms existed I was a DIY (Do It Yourself), WAHM (Work At Home Mom), who always felt a little inadequate with the SAHMs (Stay At Home Moms) and had to prove I was worthy. Now I just want to be a MILF (sorry, no translations if you don’t know what that one is. And not really but it was a funny way to end this paragraph).

The day before the party I had lunch with a client who had become a dear friend. When she asked why I was so exhausted I told her of all the party preparations. That is when she reached across the table, put her hand on mine and said, “Hon, it’s time to stop the nonsense, order the damn Carvel cake and call it a day!” Her thought was that this surely meant more to me than the 4-year-old and in the long run this would not be the stuff she would remember.

Fast forward 15 years, Jana and I just talked about this and laughed the other day. Then today she decided to organize one of my many piles of pictures and momentos in my office. And what fell out of the pile onto the desk…

you guessed it, the invite art!

And you know what? We BOTH remembered it. I can laugh at how important this stuff was to me back then, but I am sure I would not change it if I could do it all over.

Once a psycho, always a psycho!

Now where are those magic markers…

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 27, 2008 · 11:39 pm

Maybe she was just hungry

hunger

I ran out to the market tonight to pick up a few things at an odd hour, 5:00 on a Saturday. And there she was, this magnificent mom with two equally beautiful children. They were all really breathtaking. She looked oddly familiar in a movie star sort of way but I doubt it. Just another well-healed North Shore Long Island women over-dressed for the supermarket.

But here’s the thing, she was a total bitch to her kids. Believe me, I have seen kids misbehave in a supermarket, sometimes even those of my loins. These two kids were not acting out, maybe being a little ‘overly helpful’ but certainly not worthy of reprimand. But the skinny bitch pretty mom? She did not have a shred of patience for them. To the point were she sent the little boy out to the parking lot to wait for them. (nice judgement, no?)

So here is what I am thinking:

Maybe she was just hungry.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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