December 26, 2011 · 11:46 am

The Eggnog Woman

Dairy Barn. I am pretty sure they are only in the Northeast. They may only be on Long Island, actually. But they are by far the best retail invention of my lifetime. Ok, maybe the Apple Store is better, but in a much different way.

You see, ever since I was a kid, the Dairy Barn was the stop on your way home, go out in your pajamas and slippers, get stuff way into the night, how could I live without this place store. They never updated their look and for that reason the sight of them still carries that comfort of being the little kid in the back seat hoping for Entenmann’s chocolate donuts when mom picked up that last minute gallon of milk. When we learned to drive, my brother and I loved to be able to drive through the Dairy Barn and be the one to say.”out of $5.00″ when they told us the purchase was $4.55. And when my kids were little, I would buy whatever they had at Dairy Barn before I would take a sleeping kid out of the back of the car to go to the supermarket.

All in all, until today, the Dairy Barn has been a constant in my life that I have failed to pay homage to. Seriously, I friggin’ LOVE this place.

Yesterday morning, in my pajamas and slippers thank you very much, I ran out to get some whole milk for a recipe. (I know, cute domestic peek of me that I don’t usually reveal). And there behind the kitschy sliding glass doors of the place was none other than…

The Eggnog Woman.

Who, you might ask, is The Eggnog Woman (note initial caps). She is a rather large individual of questionable sexual designation. There were times when the kids were little when we were convinced she was actually a guy. And she seems to only be semi-seasonal. I NEVER see her in the summer, but she does seem to hang around till the spring sometimes. AND, we sometimes see her at Dairy Barns in other zip codes (Gary thinks she is a floater from Dairy Barn corporate).

So the thing about her is, she seems to take the egg nog and its availability only during the holidays, very seriously. To the point that my neighbor Janet became obsessed with asking for it when it was out of season.

Just for the laugh.

And it sort of caught on when the kids were little. So yesterday, I just had to call Janet to tell that The Eggnog Woman was back and wish her a Merry Christmas. She was so excited that she was going to jump in the car just to see her.

There was something so nostalgic about connecting with an old friend over a silly thing that entertained us. I certainly would not have thought to call her for the holiday had that not happened. If you are thinking this was all at the expense of The Eggnog Woman, please don’t. She is truly an icon.

Happy and Merry to all.

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December 20, 2011 · 10:10 pm

Mall Fail

Ahhh… the zebra head hoodie; no wardrobe is complete without one.

What the hell? Who is responsible for this design? And who approved it? And who, on this planet would find themselves needing to own this?

Where do you wear such a thing? Trip to the zoo? East Village? Zebratown? (that’s a neighborhood, isn’t it?)

I know, way too many questions. (great, now someone is definitely going to buy me one of these as a gag gift, right?)

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December 20, 2011 · 12:30 am

Time to Cry Tuesday – Be Here Now

I might have written about this before, but you can never hear it too much. This time of year it is especially hard to stay in the moment. We are rushing from celebration to celebration, work is piling up, everyone is trying to pass things off to the next desk (tag you’re it) and we become generally hassled trying to ‘enjoy the season’.

Ridiculous.

In my real life I wear many hats. (actually, I rarely wear hats, I have a freakishly small head) One of my jobs is blog editor for a brand blog. It is one of the projects I am most proud of. I have 5 fabulous women writing for us each week on varied topics. Yesterday’s blog was written by Kim Ross, who also blogs at A Little Bit of the This and That. Kim is an amazing mom who has been able to strike a balance in her life and I feel honored to work with her. Today she wrote this post about enjoying the holidays. Go ahead and read it, I will wait.

Sweet right?

I had just finished reading her post when I came upstairs and found Jana with Iko on her lap. She said, “don’t you wish she could stay this little longer?” As she said that I could not help but remember feeling the same way about her when she was a baby. Seems like yesterday and 100 years ago at the same time.

I told her this,”Remember this feeling. Look at that puppy and never forget this moment of savoring her puppyhood. Look back on what this feels like with the puppy when you have a baby. Don’t rush its life away longing for all the things you can’t wait for it to do; smile, sit up, hold its bottle, crawl, walk. It all happens so fast and then all of the sudden you have a toddler and your baby is gone.”

The whole idea is to enjoy it all.

From my house to all of yours, I wish you a very happy holiday and the ability to sit back and savor the moments. Every one of them.

 

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December 18, 2011 · 6:43 pm

Dog High Chairs

I have written – with disgust–about kids on leashes and dogs in strollers. The former spawned a call from Dr. Phil to try to get me to come on the show and duke it out with the leash supporting moms of America.

I am always astonished at the lack of separation out there between parenting kids and owning pets. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my pets. Losing Mel was one of the hardest things in my life, and now having Iko and nurturing a young puppy is a whole new set of emotions. But I never once confused them for my kids. Or felt I was parenting them. Not to say putting my toddlers in a crate to discipline them wouldn’t have come in handy, but a dog is a dog. A kid is a kid. And the idea of taking the methods used in raising one and projecting it on the other is concerning.

Enter the clip-on dog high chair. I believe when my kids were little we used to call these Sassy Seats (stupid name!). Now, in my home, we spend an enormous amount of time getting our dogs NOT to eat at the table. No begging. No jumping. Certainly no taking the food off the table or the counters. That would be specifically because…

THEY ARE DOGS!

But it seems that the makers or buyers of this ridiculous item don’t agree with the theory that dogs belong on the floor when they eat. Again, because…

THEY ARE DOGS!

Note there are more than one of these on the market indicating there is demand or people are trying to create one. Crazy stuff. And if you ask me all these dogs look a little out of their minds and certainly over-indulged.

The last one is really scary. Is she eating flan with a straw and a paw candle with a side of bisc(uit)otti?

My favorite search result is the April Fools video from Ikea. I just love this guy:

So, show of hands. Are you comfortable with your dog at the table. (warning: those who say yes, we will not be eating together any time soon)

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December 15, 2011 · 10:34 pm

Revolutionary Signage

More from Woodstock. This post is dedicated to the signage. Again, I did feel like Woodstock had turned into sort of a parody of itself, but the nostalgia made us smile. There was the requisite window sign:

Apparently hippies are welcome but cell phones are not:

The oh so corny rainbow candle next to the Dream Bigger lighted sign in the candle shop:

And my favorite item that I am SO sorry I did not buy on a whim… the Che Guevara watch. You know, because it is always a good time for a revolution:

And the quintessential Woodstock official signage from a very groovy Education Department that discourages apathy and respects dissent; a great follow-up to the Che watch. Sort of a nice tagline for that hallowed ground, no?

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December 14, 2011 · 9:23 pm

Tie-Dyed Einstein

Only in Woodstock! I love the way Albert had this sheepish look as if I had just caught him shopping for tie-dye, his apparent guilty pleasure.

We took a trip to Woodstock 2 weeks ago to see the Midnight Ramble, which I still need to write about. But in the mean time I have a series of amazing blogworthy shots that I have to share. I will do another post on just signage and probably one more on oddities. Yeh, I am back, alright.

This picture was taken in what Gary called ‘that other little hippie store’.

We split up for a little while and this is how the conversation went:

Me: Where are you now?

Gary: In that other little hippie store.

Me: Um, we are in Woodstock, you are going to have to be a little more specific.

A few minutes later I called Dr. Jimmy to again find out where they were. Here is how that went:

Me: Where are you now?

Dr. Jimmy: In front of the headshop

Me: Again, you are going to need to be a little more specific.

Woodstock was fun but a little too much like a hippie museum. Sort of like the 60s version of Disney. But it was fun. And hey, where else can you go from store to store and hear all Dylan all the time?

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December 13, 2011 · 10:15 pm

Biker Dude

I know, only I could run across a french bulldog with a pleather Biker Dude jacket  in Home Depot.

On a Monday night.

In the suburbs.

Because, my friends, I attract this sort of thing. And I fully accept my lot in life and whole-heartedly embrace the responsibility to share this with those of you who are less fortunate in the ways of crazy occurrence in daily living.

Or just don’t carry a camera. Or a smartphone. Or – we can’t rule out – don’t care enough to document (shame on the last category)

Sunday I came across a ridiculous man with a dog in a stroller in the Bloomingdales shoe department. The next day I meet a foreigner with a biker bulldog in Home Depot. That makes sense, right? I am usually a firm believer that pets do not belong in clothing. They already have a coat, if you put one over it they might get overheated. Except in the case of my dear dog friend Penny, she just gets a little chilly and needs something to warm her up in her old age.

But since this coat was so spectacular I loosened my rule and started a conversation with the guy:

Me: OMG can I take a picture of your dog?

Guy: Um, I guess so (heavy slavic accent)

Me: He seems to like wearing it.

Guy: Yes, he does.

Me: Where did you get such a thing?

Guy: (with a much thicker accent than I thought he had at first.) Wal-Mart.

And there you have it kids. Another day in the life.

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December 12, 2011 · 9:17 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Vision

Sure, I have vision. I am a designer, for G-d sake, vision is my business. But I am not talking about the capital V kind of Vision today, I am talking about eyesight.

This story starts over 26 years ago – half my life has passed since this tale began. In some Magnet for the Absurd – and in this case Unfortunate –twist of fate, I contracted Viral Keratoconjunctivits on none other than my honeymoon. Yeh, go ahead and make the ‘if you do IT to much you will go blind’ jokes all you want, but this is serious, kiddies. This bizarre eye infection left me with a scarred cornea.

Permanently.

I know, kind of sucks.

Don’t feel too bad for me though, because with both eyes open I don’t really notice it all that much. But I always worry that if anything happens to my right eye I might hope that good ole Iko can be trained as a guide dog.

Fast forward to this month when on the recommendation of my opthalmologist, I went to see a cornea specialist. After telling him my tale he asked me how long I had been married. ’26 years’, I told him. ’26 years!? And you are first coming to see me now?’, he asked. (wiseass). After explaining he is the 3rd guy to get a crack at this problem he went ahead and solved it like no one else was able to.

Basically, I am having a corrective gas permeable, or ‘hard’, lens made that with a fluid barrier is able to cut down on the light refraction that causes the blurred vision from the scarring and for the first time in 26 years I will have 20/20 vision in my left eye.

Have I mentioned this has been half my life?!

So, yeh, I did get a bit choked up in the chair when I realized this last week. Now more psychedelic topographic mapping tests and numbing drops later I have one week and then the custom lens will be ready to rock and roll.

I know, pretty cool, right?

Now if only I could remember where I put my glasses…

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December 11, 2011 · 6:15 am

Out of sight

20111211-061455.jpg

OUTAMYND?

I hope not. I know it has been quite a while since my last post. A few of you have asked where I have been.

It seems after 3 years of consistently blogging every day, life on the other side of the keyboard got a little too acute to accommodate daily posting. It has been a hell of a few months over here. But I am happy to report things are starting to fall back into place (probably shouldn’t have put that in writing) and I am back and ready to roll on a daily posting schedule.

Here’s hoping that you have missed reading about my antics as much as I have missed posting about them.

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November 30, 2011 · 11:37 pm

Subterranean Homesick Blues

In Dylan terms, that means I miss the basement!

If you have not been following along, I have had not one, but two floods and countless craziness that has misplaced first my stuff and then me, from the basement office.

I am happy to report that there is a light at the end of the tunnel (hopefully not with a runaway train right behind it) and I am starting to believe I might actually get back in the newly renovated office soon. (define soon).

Here is why I have confirmed that working upstairs is not for me. Yesterday would be a perfect example.

8am-10am: House renovations across the street on one side reach a fevered pitch

10am-12pm: House on the other side takes down a tree and woodchipper whines on for 2 hours

12pm-1pm: Fall clean-up with the gardener at the next door neighbor

1pm-3:30pm: landscapers come to roto-till my yard since the waterproofers left a big section of dirt (aka mud) after the drywall went in.

So, pretty much that was a solid 7 and a half hours of white noise.

No can do.

Of course that did not hold a candle to the 5 hours of jackhammering in the basement last Wednesday from the waterproofers. (that my son slept through, BTW)

So my friends, it is almost back to the basement for this noise sensitive lunatic. And I couldn’t be happier.

 

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