Category Archives: Uncategorized

April 8, 2014 · 4:47 pm

Time to Cry Tuesdays – Grieving is not for Sissies

sod

I know, quite a blog post title to resurface with, but hey, it’s Tuesday. What do you expect?

I like to find the humor in most situations. This grief thing is surely putting a damper on my style, but I work hard at trying to find a way to laugh when I can.

Today I have hit new heights. Amongst the odds and ends of things on my to-do list today, snuggled nicely between ‘call to have the sprinkler system serviced’ and ‘fax e-file forms back to the accountant’ sat this ominous listing:

Call the cemetery to inquire about the sod issue.

Really? The sod issue? Why should there be an issue about sod when we are talking about a grave. Should grass not be a given? Shouldn’t our lowest expectation of a cemetery be that they would lay some sod on a final resting place (Yes, I realize this sounds like a cemetery marketing piece) Apparently not, because they told my Dad that they only lay sod in the fall. So, I decided to call them myself and get to the bottom of this.

First call yielded a recording:

We are experiencing unusually high call volume at this time. Please try again later. (seriously!!!! People dying to get in today… ba dum bum)

Second try:

Me: I am calling about having sod put down on a grave for an unveiling* in June.

Her: I am sorry, we only lay sod in the fall. If we lay it in the spring and we have a hot day, it burns. And we care for it if we put it down.

Me: Were we told that last spring at the funeral (as if we would remember). Or did you send us a notice, like ‘hey, if you don’t want a dirt grave for your loved one you need to order sod in the fall’

Her: No, we don’t.

Me: Hmmm, you might want to consider putting that in your packet. Can we put down our own sod?

Her: Yes, but you will have to take care of it.

Me: Do you have a sprinkler system (yes, after I said that I realized it is probably unlikely and frowned upon to start digging in a cemetery, but I had a momentary loss of rational thought from this conversation)

Her: We do not. Your other option is that you can wait till the fall and we can rent you a grass matt for the unveiling for $10 a square…

with this I sort of lost my mind and said:

Me: Are you kidding me?! More fees! This is like a Larry David.

Her: Who is Larry David?

Me: OMG… Seinfeld? The Larry David Show? Ring a bell?

Her: Oh, never heard of him. Never watched it.

Me: That’s too bad. Ok, so basically you are telling me that my father, who is in his mid 80s, will have to lay sod himself on his wife’s grave so we don’t have to look at the same raw dirt that was there the day of the funeral. And if we want said sod to stay alive, we should drive there a couple of times a week from Long Island to New Jersey to water it. And this you do not find both horrifying and hysterical at the same time.

Her: Well, when you put it that way…

Me:  You should REALLY see if you can find re-runs of Larry David.

Yeh, grieving is not for sissies, indeed.

*Unveiling: Within the first year after the passing of a loved one, mourners and their family gather at the gravesite for a ceremony called the Unveiling, the placing of the tombstone. At this event, a grave marker is put into place and the monument is formally dedicated.

Source: shiva.com. (who knew there was such a url?)

9 Comments

Filed under humor, loss, religion, Time to Cry Tuesdays, Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

January 13, 2014 · 12:15 am

Baby DJ School

photo

Oh those Brooklyn hipsters, they make us yuppies of way back when seem like we did not indulge our children. I am usually saddened by the race to adultify babies. Having been through the whole raising of the kids thing, I want to stop these parents and tell them there is plenty of time for them to become little hipsters and ‘mix music that is super dope’, just not while they are still drooling on the soundboard. But then I fear I am becoming that woman who stopped me on the street over 20 years ago while both my kids were screaming and told me I would miss these days. (that day, I have never missed, btw)

We saw this flyer while walking down Bedford Street and I had to take a picture. A little further investigation, and I found this HuffPo piece on the place. The woman who started it is definitely a genius. I am all for someone being entrepreneurial and preying on the insecurities of the tragically hip. And she has great cred. DJ and composer Natalie Elizabeth Weiss  has shared the stage with LCD Soundsystem and Dirty Projectors. She could, however, use a little graphic help. Just saying. (cute kid, though)

But this mom?  I sort of wanted to punch this mom in the face:

Samantha Al-Fayez, the mother of one of Weiss’ new students, told the Wall Street Journal that her 1-year-old Julien “loves gangsta rap.”

Seriously, Samantha?! Why is your 1-year-old listening to gangsta rap? I shudder to hear his first words! When he calls you mutha, don’t come crying to us when he figures out the second half of that word.

I am happy to report that Weiss does not play any music with profanities for the kids.

Hipster wholesome!

I did so want to make fun of this whole thing but honestly, for the older kids this is quite fabulous. Check out this 4-year-old. I love him. And his dad is a riot. The kid totally gets it, no?

Leave a comment

Filed under absurdities, childhood, music, New York City, parenting

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

August 13, 2013 · 3:46 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – The Flying of Time

boy-grows-up

Time flies. Where did the years go? How could he be so old? All those cliché lines of motherhood… why do I roll my eyes at these sometimes and at others they bring me to my knees?

Today I am teetering. Yes, I am more emotional than usual these days. And yes, having him home during the hardest 3 months of my life has been both a comfort and a joy. But the straw that broke this mamas floodgate today was this yearbook ad I did for my son when he graduated HS (yeh, it is both a blessing and a curse to have a mom who is a graphic designer). I came across it today on my Pinterest motherhood board (don’t make fun, I work in the mom blogger market). 

That ever-changing face. The same one that now sports a scruffy beard and fronts such a level head for an almost 21-year-old. This boy has turned into a man that I am so proud to say I raised. Part luck, part skill, parenting him has been such an amazing ride.

I am watching him this week between an internship and the journey back for his senior year in college. Gone are my days of checklists and phone calls, Bed Bath and Fed Ex, doctors appointments and errands. He has his list and he is checking things off as they are complete. He may not handle it the way I would (seriously, Dan, are you really moving into an apartment you have NEVER seen?), but he handles it all.

Also gone are the butterflies I used to get when my children would leave. Volumes are written this time of year about the leaving of the nest – but not many write about being comfortable with the dance. If we do our job correctly, they are good to go. And we should be ok with that, even if we get a little weepy during the transitions.

While perusing the motherhood board (for work, I swear!), I came across this quote that says it all for me:

It is easier to build a boy than it is to mend a man.

– Mahatma Gandhi

He is surely ‘letting his life proceed by its own design‘, of that I am quite certain. But he is using the foundation we built to spring from. And that is all any parent can ever hope for.

Faring thee well, my (man)boy, faring the well.

6 Comments

Filed under advice to my son, college, danny, parenting, Time to Cry Tuesdays, wisconsin

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,

January 23, 2013 · 1:00 am

Siri

UnknownI don’t know about you, but Siri is the bane of my existence. I have tried to like the bitch, but she taunts me to no end.

I have been driving in my car and found myself screaming at her that she sucks. Yes, I scream at the phone.

Me: Siri, YOU SUCK!

Siri: That doesn’t sound good.

You’re damn straight it doesn’t sound good! I am convinced she is both deaf and slightly brain damaged. And a little passive aggressive, now that I think about it.

So I say it again (I swear this is for real)

Me: Siri, you SUCK!

and her response?

Siri: I would rather you didn’t.

Apparently she never got the ‘a little head would be nice’ memo.

Gary just got an iPhone and I was showing him how to voice text. He was pouring syrup into a pitcher for breakfast and I saw we were running low, so I voice texted him:

Me: Siri, message Gary “We need more syrup”

Siri (to Gary): Gary we need more Siri.

He looked at me and I said, “See, I told you she was self-involved.”

3 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

November 8, 2012 · 1:58 pm

A Tip for LIPA: Knowledge is Power

Let me start this post with the fact that today marks the 11th day that I have been without power in my home, where I also have my office. But, post Sandy reality for me has been more of a major inconvenience than a major hardship.

I say this because I have still have a home; one that is whole, dry and undamaged. And I have dear friends who are housing us AND our dog! My parents home is also in perfect shape and they sit in the middle of a community that has been highly compromised. I was fortunate enough to help them get out of town to warmth and safety, since we had no idea when their town would be ‘reenergized’. (Good Lord, I am getting tired of THAT word)

I consider myself truly blessed.

This post is not about demanding accountability or judging the job LIPA is doing on the ground. I will assume they are doing the best they can. I do not have the knowledge of what their plan IS to make any judgement. THAT is exactly the problem.

I am writing this post in desperation for myself and my community; for those throughout LI who are sucking it up and dealing with their new normal the best they can. I am not saying, ‘plug me in first’, I am  only asking to be informed. If the news is grim, we are grown ups, we will deal with it.

Instead, we are left in the virtual dark; the communication to individual communities is non-existent. There are more rumors and speculation than facts. That is way more dangerous than serving up the truth.

How do we explain to Long Island Power Authority – LIPA that they are in the midst of one of the biggest social media fails of the century. Forget the tens of thousands of tree trimmers and linesman. Stop posting those ridiculous charts with number of customers and outage maps that mean nothing to us. Give us a solid line of two-way communication.

Respect us.

Where is their crisis management comm team? There is absolutely no managing of expectations where I live. I have seen @LIPAnews answer questions on twitter, but I have not received a single response to over a dozen tweets and Facebook posts. That poor soul manning their twitter account must be having a nervous collapse trying to keep up. I don’t blame them either.

What they need is a social media STAFF. Call a staffing agency that specialized in trained SM experts including a crisis strategist; I will be happy to give you some names. Set up an individual twitter and facebook account for each set of effected communities. Staff them. Team each group with a field manager who knows the daily updates and give them a direct line of communication to enable them to answer individual questions in realtime. This is not brain surgery, this is crisis management.

I have not seen a single truck in my ‘hood. So therefore people assume we are the forgotten and become angry. I get that there must be a plan. Tell me 3 weeks and I will cope. Tell me Long Beach needs power first to pump out their flooded homes and I will donate a week of juice to help them. (if you know me, I would… just don’t share that with my neighbors). I will even be your evangelist. But tell me nothing and ignore my tweets and you only inflame me.

Sending out an SOS. (fyi, it could be the 12 day sinus infection that is making me crankier)
Photo credit: Amy Zimmerman. Model Release: my deceased apple tree leaning on my neighbor’s house. If you know of a tree guy with some free time, give me a shout.
NOVEMBER 9TH UPDATE:
I will take back my comment about judging whether they were doing the job well or not… it is apparent this is, as Rep. Steve Israel said, ‘a disaster managing a disaster.
In a press conference today, local officials called for the Federal Government to take over the recovery effort from LIPA. Lack of communication with the public was one of the major complaints. A request was made to have a federal plan implemented immediately. Watch the press conference here. 

2 Comments

Filed under current events, Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , ,

July 25, 2012 · 9:27 pm

Snob Nails?

 

I passed this place the other day in Long Island City. If you are not from the area you would not realize how funny that is. LIC is just across the river from Manhattan; but a short while ago there was nothing about the area that would make you think that an upscale, slightly-affected nail salon (understatement) called Snob would crop up. It is amazing how one minute a neighborhood can be all industrial and sketchy and before you know it you can get a mani pedi at a place called Snob.

I sort of wanted to hang around and see what type of person was OK with frequenting a place called Snob. Do you think they have shopping bags with their logo on it. I would SO love to have one of those.

A quick little hop over to Yelp yielded a slew of 4 and 5 star ratings and a nice sound byte: For a place called “Snob”, they have a very friendly staff! But there was one patron who was very unhappy with her brazilian wax and got way more graphic with TMI review.

Hey, do you think they sell t-shirts?

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , ,

June 22, 2012 · 8:45 am

The Famous Graduation Post 1 – This is Not a Dress Rehearal

I have decided to make this an annual post at graduation time of year. I wrote this before I was a blogger. It was an email I sent to those who had been parenting with me since preschool. It was written on the morning of my daughter’s HS graduation. It still makes me cry. Funny how she is now a COLLEGE grad, one year out and has been living home, soon to move on to her own apartment. THAT will be some post… the final launch.

This is not a dress rehearsal…

or watch the temp when you decide to iron the graduation gown.

6AM on the day that my first child graduates high school.

how can this be, she was just a curly-headed little whirling dervish whose door i had to hold shut as she was throwing her ever famous brand of temper tantrums. that same door with the loose latch from all the times she slammed it for effect when she stormed into her room in her tweens. you know the one, who at five years old marched into nuerosurgery to ‘get her neck fixed’ and never once asked ‘why me?’.

who was that radiant young woman that walked out of the house wednesday morning with her car packed and her keys in hand saying, “don’t worry mom, i have the garmin GPS, i don’t need a map!”

well i think, perhaps, i need a map today. someone tell me how to navigate this road. we surely have had enough practice. we graduate them ad nauseum – from the 4’s, kindergarten, 5th grade, 8th grade – the most graduated generation of all times. you would think we would get used to it. but this year’s cap does not have flourescent orange and green finger paint decorating it. this kid has actually grown up! how dare she. does she not know that my bravado this year has all been an act. of course i could not be ready for her to be the competant, independent, grab-the-world-by-the-balls person i worked so hard to raise. does she not know i was only kidding!! wisconsin?!! that is halfway across the country!

i digress – back to the gown and the iron. being a working mom i always look for ways to overcompensate and make sure that i am doing the mom thing as well as the work thing. so, of course, they both are never really quite up to the standard i expect. somewhere in the 4-page green directions for graduation (you know the one, where the assistant principal gives them a 10 bullet list for how to enjoy graduation and prom, 9 of which stress not drinking or doing drugs) there was mention of taking the gown out of the bag and ironing it. at midnight i was the mom who would just hang it up. at 6AM i decided no daughter of mine will graduate with a wrinkled gown!

so why is it, exactly, that they make these things out of the same material as basketball shimmer shorts?!

no, you will not be able to notice my daughter by the big brown iron mark on the back of her white gown. but if you look close, you may notice that on the front left shoulder the fabric is, how should i put it, a tad ‘melted’.

as jana would say, ‘it’s FINE’. as my parents would say, i did it ‘the Amy way’.

a huge thank you to the jana who has become one of my favorite people on earth to spend time with. surely the one that knows me the best, and loves me anyway. sometimes it seems that she is raising me. i think her humor and radiant smile will get me through this one. levity has always been her strong point.

love and congrats to all of you who have been in the parenting trenches with me the past 18 years. for some of you it is your first, others, your last. it is never easy to watch them go. but then again, we could all use a rest. and as my mommy mentors tell me, they come home, stay out all night, sleep late and bring lots of laundry.

let the games begin!


4 Comments

Filed under communities, family, Jana, parenting

Tagged as , , , ,

June 4, 2012 · 11:16 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Laugh and Cry

Life is hard. Whoever forgot to tell us that when we were young… thanks a lot.

I try to make it a point to remind my kids that feeling like crap gives happiness context. I am sure I have written that here before.

Someone once told me that it is good to laugh and cry at least once every day.

They might have been bi-polar so I try to adhere to that loosely. But I agree. I love to laugh. There are days when I have the expectation of misery and something will make me laugh so hard I cannot breathe. And there are times when out of nowhere I can here a song, smell something, see something… and burst into tears with a memory.

Yeh, so no I am NOT bi-polar. But I am a good crier. And a GREAT laugher.

The key is to find the right balance between the two.

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as ,

April 13, 2012 · 9:08 am

Friday the 13th

I love when this happens. People get all crazy and nervous and spend all sorts of energy trying to avoid bad luck; the intervention usually causes the accident.This is one of my strict playground theories and it carries over to real life quite well.

So, my Friday the 13th thing is that in 10th grade, my Social Studies teacher – Mr. Hansen – bless his sense of humor, thought it would be funny to put me in row 13, seat 13 for the Regents exam. You know, because although I had good grades I was sort of a wiseass. I know, that shocks most of you. Well, wouldn’t you know it… I aced the exam with a 98. From then on I felt I had broken the Friday the 13th curse.

I love to be a contrarian whenever possible. Again, a big surprise, I am sure.

Yesterday Mashable posted about Zombie Apocalypse preparedness with this lovely little map of the dead. Zombie fans, like Gary, will love this.

For the rest of you kiddies that are not Zombie predisposed, go out there and Carpe the friggin’ hell out of the Diem. Find a black cat and let it cross your path, walk under a ladder… do whatever the hell people freak out about when they are superstitous and prove this day to be lucky for you.

Either that or start drinking heavily at an early hour.

Leave a comment

Filed under current events, humor, Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , , ,

February 17, 2012 · 5:22 pm

Mannequin Malfunction

Only in South Beach! For a moment it seemed that this was perhaps a practical joke by a passerby until we thought about it and realized the store probably did this on purpose. I have never seen so many mannequins with over-sized boobs and nipples in my life. I mean nipples? Isn’t the best part of mannequins their vague anatomical construction? (like the male ones with the penis-less bulges) And correct me if I am wrong but does her arm look like it is on wrong?

Coming up Ocean Drive after a magnificent beach path walk and a wonderful breakfast at the News Cafe, this was a sharp reminder of the other side of South Beach. The one that dresses like hookers day and night and everyone is someone in their own mind. Or wardrobe.

I, on the other hand, am no one and every one. And I am happiest on the beach side of Ocean Drive, far enough away from this silliness. Although I am not immune to the humor in it all.

Hey, do you think that suit looks as good with both boobs in?

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , ,