Category Archives: Jana

May 30, 2011 · 11:59 pm

Time To Cry Tuesday – It’s only a car (sort of)

For those who have been following along our road to mechanical breakdowns, I am sorry to report we had a true casualty this week in that department. No, not the ill-fated time capsule, that was replaced and it had no real sentimentality surrounding it. You could say it was strictly utilitarian.

But the Jeep… well she was almost part of the family. Bought used and giving us enough headaches over the years to be deemed a child of sorts, we loved her just the same in spite of her short-comings. She sat in the driveway on Jana’s 17th Birthday with one of those huge red ribbons on the hood like they use in commercials. It was that very day that she pulled out of the driveway with Gary screaming ‘Wait!’ for no apparent reason other than she was 17 and pulling out of the driveway unaccompanied. (certainly valid). She trekked the wilds of the Adirondacks for a couple of summers, filled with Jana’s camp friends who grew to love her as we did. 

Danny sort of half inherited/half shared her with his sister. Truth be told he was never all that thrilled with her although he did refer to her affectionately as ‘the go-cart’. I think he always felt a white Jeep was a test of his masculinity but he comes from the beggars can’t be choosy school of life and knew better than to complain too much about having his own wheels. And after all, he was the last to see her ‘alive’.

I know she was only a car, but like everything over the past few years of kids growing up, this is simply another melancholy moment of letting go of what we have grown accustomed to. The sight of that truck parked next to the house with its University of Wisconsin decal felt so very much like home. It felt like my kids. It gave them wheels, and wings and a sense of responsibility and freedom at the same time. So maybe it is only a car… but only sort of.

We will probably have some sort of ceremony for her when we are all back under one roof at the end of this week. The end of an era of sorts. She surely deserves that much respect.

And now? Well, now we need another car but we surely do not need another car payment. Funny how that happens.

RIP White Jeep Liberty. Thanks for the years of loving service.

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May 9, 2011 · 10:20 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – The College Graduation Post

I thought it would be a good idea to give fair warning in the title to all my friends who are about to embark on the road trip to graduation.

College graduation? Really? How could that be, she looks too young to have a child that age.

What? She doesn’t look so young? Oh right, she just thinks she does. Because she displays adolescent behavior she still feels like she herself is a college student. AND she is a little nuts with this talking in the third person thing. Ah, cut her some slack, her kid is graduating!

Ok, kiddies, here goes:

Four years? Has it actually been four years since I sat at this very keyboard and banged out the High School graduation post that brought us all to our knees? I suppose so, for as I look down at this keyboard I see that the passage of time has worn away any visible signs of both the ‘i’ and ‘n’ keys. (Odd, I know. There must be some significance to those letters, but it escapes me)

I have spent a lot of time thinking about this next rite of passage for my first born. At the beginning it seemed to not be such a big deal; certainly not compared to the emotions of her High School graduation. Sending a child off into the world felt monumental. It was the first step on the long journey of letting go. A tape loop of the curly-headed little whirling dervish danced in my head as I thought of leaving her halfway across the country.

She was SO ready.

I was so NOT.

For the most part we both did really well with it… until the first time she got sick and I felt just how far Madison, Wisconsin was from home. But she survived. And so did I. With flying colors, actually.

As graduation grows closer, the ‘not such a big deal’ theory is starting to get some holes in it. Who the hell am I kidding? I cry at Applebee’s commercials for G-d sake! I sent a 19-year-old kid off to college and this amazing young woman is coming out on the other end. It was like some crazy science experiment… 2 parts Badger, 1 part personal navigation and a 100 inches of snow a year. Shake well, supply digital equipment, a warm coat, a semester abroad, a shoulder to cry on when needed (aka, bitch too) and wait 4 years to see what it morphs into.

And morph she did! She is one of the few people on this earth that can put me in my place and not piss me off while she is doing it. She makes me laugh till I cry and cry till I laugh. She has my warped sense of humor tempered with a level head and a kind heart that floors me more often than not.

Did I mention she and her 80 lbs. of shoes (20 lbs a year) are moving back home. I suppose getting her back makes it easier than letting her go.

Sort of. But as much as she loves us, and our home, we are not foolish enough to think that this is where she wants to be. And as soon as her next chapter begins she will move out… for good this time.

Ouch. Sort of.

Here’s the thing (which BTW is the phrase she always used as a teenager to preface a difficult discussion… ironic). It is time for Miss Jana to become who she will be. And, like most young people her age there is a part of her that is scared to death. So this is for you my sweet girl:

I have always told you that you can do anything that you set your mind to (except maybe pee standing up… that one is tough). You can. Not everyone knows what they want to be when they grow up – most of my friends still don’t. The most important thing is that you just keep growing up – for the rest of your life. And equally as important, never forget the wonders of being young. Passions will find their way to you. Necessity will rear its looming head and drive you to reach your goals. Life is funny.

When you least expect it, you find yourself just where you should be.

Begin Anywhere.

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May 8, 2011 · 12:37 am

Happy Mother’s Day

For the first time in 22 years, I will be spending Mother’s Day without at least one of my kids. It is so very weird to write that… I don’t even know what to do with it. When they were little I used to ask for the morning to myself to plant flowers. Be careful what you wish for.

Since we cannot be together till next weekend I will do a little reflecting on what it has meant to me to be a mother. I was trained by the master… so a great big fat Happy Mother’s Day to my mom and of course to my mother-in-law as well.

Since I cannot be with my kids I decided to send them a random list of mom thoughts so that I feel like they are here. When they wake up (around 2PM) you will probably hear a collective ‘Awwww, mom’ from the Midwest.

1. Just when you both started to learn how to sleep late, I lost the ability to do so. So when I make too much noise in the morning when you are home, don’t think it is by accident. I do take more than a little bit of pleasure in the payback.

2. Although the house is very much in order when you are not here,  I would trade that for a hallway full of big sneakers and a kitchen full of bakers in a heartbeat.

3. A reminder that as your mother I feel obliged to tell you that although you are sure it is, Funfetti is NOT a flavor.

4. No, you may never consider calling the dog mommy (even when Daddy tells you it is ok – actually, especially at that time)

5. Danny, this may be hard to believe but I would sort of kill to be on the soccer field at 8:00 tomorrow, even if it is in Ronkonkoma. After so many years of complaining that there was no respect for family time by the soccer league, I realize that WAS family time!

6. Jana, don’t ever stop taking pictures on your phone and sending them to me. Even when you were on the other side of the world you always made me feel like I was right there with you.

7. Always remember when you see one of THOSE sunsets to say the words ‘sky blue pink’ to yourself and know that no matter where I am… I am with you.

8. Remember that nothing is ever too bad that you can’t tell me and no matter how much trouble you get into, chances are you will have a better shot of getting out if you call me first (with the help of Alan, of course, if it’s really bad).

9. If you think the milk is spoiled… it is. And don’t ask someone else to taste it, that’s mean.

10. I hope you both know that the single best thing I have done in my life was to become a mother. And that if I were given the chance to write down the qualities that I hoped my kids would have grown up to possess, it could never match the people you have become. I love you both so much it hurts.

Happy Mother’s Day to all!

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April 24, 2011 · 11:58 pm

Happy 22 @Janabelle25

Twenty-two years ago on April 25th I packed a bag and went to the hospital for what I like to call natural childbirth; no jewelry/no makeup. Due to her famous determined disposition, my sweet little girl was frank breech and a C-section was in order. In an archaic and barbaric procedure effort to turn her, the doc convinced us to try a procedure called external version. She basically flipped him the bird and turned right back to the position she had chosen in utero – head up.

That’s my girl! I am happy to report, 22 years later the very personality trait that forced a C-section is one of the most wonderful things about her. If she puts her mind to it… it’s hers. Three weeks shy of college graduation this will certainly come in handy.

When you give birth you don’t think much past babyhood, maybe a shade into toddlerhood. But you surely do not think that 22 years would fly by this fast (yes, I sound like a corny song) or that the infant that scared the hell out of you when you first brought her home would turn into one of your favorite people on earth to go shoe shopping with. Or watch a movie with. Or go to a concert with. Or, or, or… you get what I mean.

So, to the girl who makes me laugh when I don’t think I have it in me, who is my biggest fan, my number one focus group and the very light of our lives (with her brother of course), we wish you the very happiest of birthdays and we thank you for making us a family 22 years ago.

Comments on this post will be forwarded to her so please excuse the shameless mommy promotion and fire away. And for all of you on twitter, if you could wish her a Happy Birthday and fill her stream I would be very grateful. She is @janabelle25 and I guarantee if you follow her you will find her tweets are always pretty clever and fun. She might kill me but here are but a few of my faves:

https://twitter.com/#!/janabelle25/status/60020431398244352

https://twitter.com/#!/janabelle25/status/58251684283031553

https://twitter.com/#!/janabelle25/status/42616170968391680

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March 6, 2011 · 10:27 am

Friends with Benefits


For my family, the only upside of the protests in Madison is the living classroom it provides for my kids. Jana went up to the Capitol to document the event and this is one of my favorite shots.

When teachers are the protestors the slogans are surely one notch up on the clever scale.

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January 25, 2011 · 9:48 pm

Everyone Needs a Morale Captain

Think about it… you are feeling sort of low, your self-esteem is waning, you just can’t seem to get yourself going so you call…

The Morale Captain!

What a title! And what a perfect job for my daughter, Jana. She is it the ultimate camp counselor, the planner of all activities. She’s the one who gets everyone motivated, flights booked, lists made and out the door. So what better job for her during the University of Wisconsin Dance Marathon than to be the Morale Captain. Her job is to keep individuals energized and motivated to stay on their feet throughout the 15 hour event. And she doesn’t even drink coffee!

As the mom that raised this kid I can tell you sleep was never a high priority for the first few years of her life, so she is well suited for the task.

The Dance Marathon is a student run philanthropy project that funds the American Family Children’s Hospital. If you would like to donate to this fabulous event you can do so here. And who knows, she may even take your call when your feeling down and get you back on your feet again. I know she can always do that for me.

Go Jana go!

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January 15, 2011 · 11:33 pm

Everybody Loves a Girl Fight Vol. 3

For those who have not been reading all along, I became educated on the sociological fascination that men have with girl fights when my son was the tender age of 15. You can read the full story hear on the Vol 1 post, but the gist of the story is that although I thought my husband was being both a bad father and a neanderthal when he agreed with my son that everyone did, in fact love a girl fight, the notion was actually confirmed by almost every man we asked.

The Vol 2 post was yet another dinner chat where my brother in law chimed in that the best part was when their boobs popped out (which by the way has become one of the top search terms for this blog… G-d help me!)

Fast forward to yesterday when Jana and I were riding the subway downtown. Two young women got on the train at the same time. One sat down in front of me and the other stood by the doors behind me. The car was unusually quiet when this exchange began:

Seated girl: What are you looking at?

Standing girl: No what are YOU looking at?

Seated girl: Yeh, I know I am good looking you don’t have to stare.

Standing girl: No, YOU don’t have to stare (standing girl was not very creative)

This sort of hostile banter continued for a few minutes culminating in a ‘you/no you’ exchange until the entire car began to share in an anticipatory sense of awkwardness that left us all simultaneously uneasy and yet a little titilated. I am not going to lie, there was a part of me that was starting to think, “Damn, everyone loves a girl fight.” That is when I realized I have been living with Gary too long.

And I also realized that if there was going to be a girl fight I was directly in the line of fire and there was a good chance I could have had my picture on the cover of the NY Post the next day. “50-something mom gets knocked unconscious in subway girl fight” Subtitle: Everyone loves a girl fight except this mom.

But honestly, I sort of got the vibe that the whole train was thinking the same thing.

Of course Jana saw right through it and suggested that they were friends who were just trying to get a rise out of the crowd. As we got off at Broadway/Lafayette, so did they… together. And laughing all the way down the platform.

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December 22, 2010 · 11:19 pm

Twitter Parenting

For those of you who don’t know me, I am somewhat of a social media obsessed 50-something mom that jumps on most trends before her college aged kids because… well because frankly I am way cooler than they are. (says me)

Tonight, as I was wrapping up work around 10:45 because I have no life am trying to take some time off while my kids are home. I did a quick check in on twitter because I am addicted you never know what groundbreaking news or info you will find there.

Right there in the middle of my stream was my sweet adorable daughter, one of the last living breathing souls left in Madison, WI. She has not broken her record for having a final on December 23rd – the LAST day of finals – four years running! This is what she had to say.

This cracked me up as we are the family of the HEAVY tag when we fly. So shoot us, we like to have options.

I thought I would ease her mind and tweeted back:

For those unfamiliar with twitter, the # is called a hashtag. You use a hashtag at the end of a tweet to designate a topic. When a lot of people tweet with the same topic, that topic ‘trends’ or becomes the most popular thing people are talking about on twitter. At this moment the top trending topic is #howtopissyourgirloff. So I am thinking that it is not far-fetched to think that one of my hashtags could catch on.

Ok, maybe not #schmanboy.

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November 22, 2010 · 10:57 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – If these walls could talk

Home. It’s more than just a house. Sometimes it is not even the ‘right’ house. Certainly not the dream house. But definitely home. With its drafty windows, ancient kitchen and not enough space… I still take comfort within these walls.

This is the place where the kids came home from the hospital and now come home from college. Where I walked the floors with them as teething, croupy, bronchitis babies and walked the floors again alone waiting to hear that garage door open when they started to drive.

And now this house – that has been so quiet these past months – is starting to come back alive with laundry and the smell of bacon. One kid home, first with a stomach virus and then a with her boyfriend. (21-year-olds get better quickly). And the other kid will be home before Tuesday comes to a close.

Not only have my children been gone, but their friends have been missed almost as much. I cannot wait for the door to open to those man-boys who love yodels and hug me till I almost fall over. Who initial the fruit and leave notes in the cup cakes and whose humor keeps me laughing all night long. I long for a foyer full of big sneakers and the shouting of video games in the basement. I can’t wait to have a late night kitchen full of  young women who want to bake and hear all the plans of the lives they will soon enter when they graduate. I am thrilled to line this house with air mattresses and make breakfast for the masses.

There is now life in rooms that since the summer laid silent. And if these walls could talk they would tell the tales of a family that has grown up here. The years seem to echo in these walls, and as I walk through them things catch my eye that make me smile. For instance, the photo above brings me back 20 years. That would be a drip of Baby Tylenol on the wall in my daughter’s room. We have painted it twice since then, but it would appear that Tylenol trumps Benjamin Moore and it keeps bleeding through. It is a reminder of the strong will she had as a baby that serves her so well as a young woman.

If these walls could talk they would tell you that maybe this family never got to upgrade their house, but they have certainly built themselves a warm, solid place filled with love that they can always call home.

To my beautiful kids: don’t believe what they say…. You can ALWAYS go home again.

Happy Thanksgiving all. May you and your families feel at home no matter where you may be. And may your turkey not be pink when you carve it.

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November 15, 2010 · 8:50 pm

Time To Cry Tuesday – Four for Twenty

It is a bittersweet fact that as your kids grow, the time you spend as a family shrinks. If you have done your job well, their lives are full. If you are lucky, yours are as well.

We are four people with very full lives. Not one of us is the type to be idle or feel lonely. We have a great extended family, many friends and rich lives. We work hard and play hard.

Blah. Blah. Blah. Ok, so that is all academic. And though it is true on some level, after 21 years of being a family unit, you crave that time when you can be together. And you learn to appreciate the moments for what they are… fleeting and precious.

This weekend we visited our kids at college. If you don’t follow this blog regularly, my kids are away at school together as a freshman and a senior.

They love it. I love it more.

Parent’s weekend = fly. drive. eat. reverse. repeat.

But for twenty precious minutes, just the four of us sat on the couch in my daughter’s apartment and were simply US.

In all caps.

Nothing special was said. (oh except when my son told us about his human sexuality class and said he now knows more about the vagina than he ever cared to know – now that is something you rarely hear from a 18-year-old boy) There were no real heavy parenting moments. We just WERE. (again in caps)

And to me, there is nothing better on this earth than a little time with just us four…

even if it was only for twenty.

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