Category Archives: current events

May 9, 2012 · 9:35 pm

Mothers of the Year – Tanorexic Mom and Pink Bikini Hooker Mom

Oh, how proud I am to live in the Northeast these days. We are blessed with two fabulous mother role models  just in time for Mother’s Day. How inspiring.

Some of you moms out there are worrying about your parenting skills. My friend Michelle Lamar has been writing about raising teens on Huff Po this week and lamenting about whether or not she is making sound choices. Have no fear, Michelle, these two beauties will make you feel much better.

Julio Cortez/AP Photos

Tanorexic mom? That would be the name of the new action figure doll from herobuilder.com that is modeled after the woman from Jersey who got all sorts of attention for obsessive tanning. The story started with an accusation of taking her little one into a tanning booth with her, but the media became so enthralled with her that she hit SNL this past weekend with a sketch that had me in tears. (I loved the toast part… I am such an infant)

Fox News

Then there is Pink Bikini Hot Dog Hooker Mom (name just rolls right off the tongue, doesn’t it?) This morning as I poured my first cup of joe I was assaulted with the image of this lunatic. And, scary but true, she lives not far from where I grew up. As she told us so wisely, “Stripping and prostitution are 2 different things.” Ok, hon, so where does lap dancing fall? Better yet, where does lap dancing after luring the guys to your hot dog truck in a pink bikini. Talk about self esteem… I wish I could see what this chick sees when she looks in the mirror. I simply loved her closing statement on the news, “Come to Sunrise Highway in Baldwin tomorrow and I will have on my pink bikini and we’ll take a picture by the hot dawg truck.”

What’s the shot I can convince Gary that the best Mother’s Day gift he can give me would be a picture of him with this lunatic?

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April 13, 2012 · 9:08 am

Friday the 13th

I love when this happens. People get all crazy and nervous and spend all sorts of energy trying to avoid bad luck; the intervention usually causes the accident.This is one of my strict playground theories and it carries over to real life quite well.

So, my Friday the 13th thing is that in 10th grade, my Social Studies teacher – Mr. Hansen – bless his sense of humor, thought it would be funny to put me in row 13, seat 13 for the Regents exam. You know, because although I had good grades I was sort of a wiseass. I know, that shocks most of you. Well, wouldn’t you know it… I aced the exam with a 98. From then on I felt I had broken the Friday the 13th curse.

I love to be a contrarian whenever possible. Again, a big surprise, I am sure.

Yesterday Mashable posted about Zombie Apocalypse preparedness with this lovely little map of the dead. Zombie fans, like Gary, will love this.

For the rest of you kiddies that are not Zombie predisposed, go out there and Carpe the friggin’ hell out of the Diem. Find a black cat and let it cross your path, walk under a ladder… do whatever the hell people freak out about when they are superstitous and prove this day to be lucky for you.

Either that or start drinking heavily at an early hour.

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January 17, 2012 · 9:35 pm

Protesting SOPA/PIPA

Credit: sopastrike.com

Wednesday, January 18, 2012 if you sign onto this blog you will find that I am joining sites all over the internet to protest this bill coming up in the Senate next week, S.968: the Protect IP Act (PIPA). this is an attempt to let U.S. lawmakers know how much opposition there is.

You will also find that I am in some pretty heavy hitting company. Wikipedia, Google, WordPress, Reddit, to name a few. There are many sites rumored to be participating, so don’t get frustrated when you sign onto the net tomorrow and find these blackouts.

While I am in full support of the protection of intellectual property, I fear this legislation has gone too far. I support a government that is willing to collaborate with internet thought leaders and innovators to reach a solution that makes sense for all parties.

This is grassroots organizing at its finest. I, as many others, worry that those who are voting on this legislation are thinking they are doing so with good intent to protect intellectual property, but have little understanding of the ramifications of their actions.

This video does a good job of explaining things. And this post from Mashable  outlines who the confirmed supporters are. This NYT front page article  is what I consider fair and balanced mainstream media coverage of the issue.

I urge you to take a little time to familiarize yourself with the issue and try to get a grasp on the ramifications. If you agree, please join the official strike here.

Thanks and I promise to come back and be funny on Thursday.

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September 12, 2011 · 12:29 am

That must have been SOME slice!

Dr. Jimmy definitely wins the crazy link of the week award! Today we have another ridiculous news story from my fave midwestern town, Madison, WI.

A woman and her son went out for pizza, leaving their 70-year-old relative on the floor after a bad fall. The woman died two days later. Hey, who could blame them, the cheese in Wisconsin is to die for. (sorry, that was low, even for me).

And these two crazy nuts decided to stash her body in the garage. Yikes. The son told investigators that when his aunt was talking he ‘told her quite frankly to shut up.’ Charming guy.

The son’s name was… get this one… Steven King. (different spelling but nonetheless sort of ironic)

Horror story indeed!

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September 10, 2011 · 11:31 pm

9/11 + 10

We are all here. Some will reflect, others will try to ‘move on’. But we are all here, whether we like it or not. We sit 10 years out from the day that changed EVERYTHING. I try to remember what pre-9/11 felt like and I can only think of how my kids have no reference point. They were too young when it happened to have memories of air travel without taking off their shoes or worrying about liquids in tiny bottles. They have no idea what it was like to live in a world that did not have colored levels of terrorist warnings.

This is their norm. And there is nothing about post 9/11 life that saddens me more.

I keep remembering a class trip being cancelled some time shortly after 9/11 because we were in orange and schools in our area would not cross bridges or tunnels in orange. My son asked me what color level they cancelled class trips for when I was his age. It was hard to explain to him that there were no terror threats when I was young. He simply did not understand this.

It was not his norm.

The photo above was taken by Susan. She usually sends me funny things that she sees. This time she sent me something that moved her. As she said, finally a red cup put to good use. (for those without teenagers, the proverbial red cup is synonymous with teen drinking).

In case you can not read the copy in the photograph I am inserting it here. This is a fabulous interactive piece of art that allows everyone who sees it to take part in its power. If you are in the neighborhood I encourage you to go out of your way to participate in this.

“In observance of the tenth anniversary of 9/11, illegal art has marked each of the 110 floors on the sidewalk with chalk, starting at 5th Avenue and 14th street and heading north for 1, 368 feet (417 meters), the height of the taller of the two towers.

Passersby, like yourself, are encouraged to walk the height of the once standing buildings along 5th Avenue and write any words that express your feeling or experience related to 9/11.

www.illegalart.org

May the threats be idle and may you all heal but never forget the power of hate and the subsequent power of humanity that followed.

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September 2, 2011 · 10:19 am

Second Floor Live Porn in Madtown, WI

Yeh, that post title is a blog whore’s way of getting some (albeit unsavory) traffic. So shoot me. And no, my son had nothing to do with this… I hope. Actually, he could very well have been one of the dozen or so people gathered on the street watching this unfold, or undress as the case may be. A big thank you to Dr. Jimmy for sending this one to me.

This is one crazy story. It appears that 25-year-old Kevin Horner (seriously? is that REALLY his name?) took to jumping on the bed of a second floor hotel room in – of all places – Madison, WI. Mr. Horny, I mean Horner, was jumping in front of the window of his room at the University Inn on Frances and State Streets…. sans pants.

I happen to know his corner quite well as it directly across the street from the freshman dorm that both my kids lived in. In fact, you could be running on the treadmill in the second floor gym and look straight into the window that Kevin was wiggling his johnson in. (no not on Johnson Street, that was Frances Street).

The arresting officer said his goal was to keep any innocent bystanders from being exposed and offended by the view. Damn, that guy is no fun! Unless of course the Horner Johnson was, in fact, an offensive looking one.

Horner admitted, “I made a mistake and should have kept my pants on”.

Why is no one asking why a 25-year-old was jumping on the bed?

Can’t make this stuff up.

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August 27, 2011 · 2:57 pm

Hurricanes trump earthquakes… FU Irene

Ok, T minus who the hell knows how many hours till the storm hits the Island of Long. To all my east coast friends, sit tight, drink often and remember that if you have a coffee press you don’t need electricity.

For those who are worried about my parents, they are safely evacuated to my house and we are hunkering with plenty of alcohol (for me) and a puzzle. May AT&T stay live so my iPad remains working and may you all have an easy hurricane (sort of like an easy fast on Yom Kippur for my fellow tribesman).

BTW, bbm or text Jana if you can. She is stuck in this house with her parents and grandparents; yep she is pretty glad she graduated and is living home! (thank goodness she has the dog).

Two more sleeps and this damn thing will be over.

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July 25, 2011 · 5:55 pm

Night of the Living Undead

Here is quite a story out of South Africa today. Apparently a man was in the morgue for 21 hours who did not exactly qualify for the spot he was taking up. It seems the old fella was simply NDY (not dead yet  for all you Monty Python fans out there).

As reported by the NYT and sent to me by Dani G, “Morgue owner Ayanda Maqolo said he sent his driver to collect the body shortly after the family reported the death. Maqolo said he thought the man was around 80 years old. When he got there, the driver examined the body, checked his pulse, looked for a heartbeat, but there was nothing.”

It seems after almost a full day and a good long frozen snooze, the poor guy woke up and started screaming for help. Must have been a fun night in the morgue! The owner called the police – just in case, you know, it was a zombie or something.

The guy was reported to be pale (really? how shocking. I think that might have been a little freezer burn) and asked how he got there. What? You don’t remember your family deciding you were dead and putting you on ice. I surely would be looking over my shoulder for a while after this incident. I certainly would not be falling for that old could you go get me a steak from the walk-in freezer trick.

Honey, is grandpa dead again? Yes, I do think so, this time let’s hit him over the head with a frying pan just in case before we call the funeral home.

It was reported that the family was told he was alive while meeting to make funeral arrangements. They were said to be ‘happy to have him home.’

Anyone buying that?

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July 15, 2011 · 11:50 pm

And the Lorena Bobbit Award Goes to…

Catherine Kieu Becker, the woman who drugged her husband, tied him to the bed, cut off his penis, dumped it in the garbage disposal and turned it on.

The dumping was unusually harsh; I mean didn’t Bobbit through it out the window? At least there was some hope for being ‘reunitied’.

When asked why she said, “He deserved it.”

Yikes.

When my kids were little and some ‘crime’ had been committed I used to ask them what happened right before they were served with some injustice.

I certainly would like to know what the hell this guy did right before his wife decided to grab an knife and cut of his package.

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May 22, 2011 · 10:20 pm

Elmo and The Rapture 2011

Well folks, May 22, 2011 and we are still all here. Guess that end of the world thing did not work out all that well. Sorry to all of you who spent all your money, told your boss to F off or blew off doing your homework. Looks like you will have some explaining to do.

I don’t know if this was some sort of sign, but today at a local shopping area I came upon this little lost Elmo. All I could think about were the poor parents whose kid dropped this. My son, on the other hand said, “Hey that looks like a Elmo Jesus.” Of course I stopped to take the picture and send it to my daughter who texted back, “I thought it was an Elmo Jesus.”

Seriously, sometimes I think these two kids are the same person!

Could this be some sort of Muppet dogma? Is the world not coming to an end but now we will be forced to worship Snuffleupagus till the end of our days?

Is this post more absurd than my usual ones?

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