Tag Archives: parenting

Time to Cry Tuesday – Nothing Like Family

Before I start this post check this out! One of my 50-something moms posts was picked up by the Fresno Bee! (ok, so it’s not the NYT but it’s a start)

This Time to Cry Tuesday mixes things up a bit and starts with a laugh. For those who are regular readers, you have heard mention of Gary’s toddler dance more than once.

Now don’t get all excited out there (especially you MizLiz, as I know you are dying to see it), this video does not feature Gary. But it does star our kids who named this dance and hold it close to their hearts. So without any further ado, I bring you The Toddler Dance by Danny and Jana.

Where is the time to cry piece, you ask? No worries. A good friend once told me it is good to both laugh and cry every day, then you know you have lived your day to its fullest.

Family. Some cringe at the word, break out in hives, get indigestion, run for cover. Especially this time of year with all the forced reunions and pressure to celebrate. Me? There is nothing more important. I was raised this way, it is in my blood. And I am fortunate enough to be able to say that when I hear the word family I am happy.

There is no feeling greater for a parent of a college student than the moment before they close their eyes and know that everyone is in their own beds under one roof. These times become more rare and increasingly precious. My kids may roll their eyes when I get this way – certainly Danny does because he has not left yet – but I know that in their hearts they feel the same way.

It is a tough world out there, and we as a society are facing very scary realities. But when you sit at a dinner table with your whole family and can laugh and enjoy simply being together, the world out there seems a little easier to face.

Thanks kids, for humoring me. Oh and being the first video on my great new Hannukah present…

a Flip Video camera.

How did daddy know I wanted this? Oh right, because I only mentioned it 1,000 times.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under carry a camera, danny, home video, Jana, products, teenagers, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Time to Cry Tuesday – Success

Before I begin this post I must point out Jana’s comment on yesterday’s hamster post. “You forgot to mention how after she died we kept her in a shoebox in the outside refrigerator for over a month before we got a chance to bury her.” Yes, we did actually freeze the dead hamster in the garage freezer in a box that was clearly marked. From what we can remember the ground was too frozen to bury her so we ‘stored’ her in our little makeshift morgue… next to the frozen waffles. Ok, maybe a bit quirky, I will admit that. (see below on raising non psycho kids)

silosuccess-mugThese crazy economic times have made so many people re-evaluate the meaning of success. Honestly, if I hear one more person bring up this topic I will be tempted to poke them in the eye. So I would fully understand your disgust if you don’t want to read my 2 cents here (or should I say my 1.25 cents with the state of the market).

Nowadays, flat is the new up (thank you to my financial friends who brought this to my attention). Poor is the new rich. So how do we begin to reconcile the true meaning of success when everywhere we hear stories of people who have worked their whole lives, lived prudently and saved only to find themselves nowhere near the comfort level of security that they imagined. Or worse.

Let me redefine success.

Today’s definition of success is the ability to keep one step ahead. To continue to plug away and make it work. To love what you do, or at least not hate it, even if it is not as financially lucrative as it once was. To think creatively of new ways to make your life full instead of filling your life. To be truly successful is to take stock in what works in your life and be grateful for that . As my Nana used to say, to look at those below you instead of those above, for there are many more in worse shape.

To have raised healthy productive children (translation: kids who are not psychos in spite of our child-rearing techniques). To maintain a marriage not only in the good times, but in the tough ones (translation: to not kill one’s spouse with a butter knife in their sleep). To be a good friend to those in need and know how to lean when you need the help (translation: know who will be available to drive you to the emergency room – thanks again Rik).

In short, the doom and gloom could kill you way faster than the actual situation can.

So lighten up everyone. Panic never helped the situation.

How do you define success? (Tip: net worth comments will be scoffed at here)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under carreers, current events, stress, Time to Cry Tuesdays, work

Time to Cry Tuesday – the reasons why Gary had kids

I first saw this questionaire on Yellow Jeep Blonde. Her sons did such a great job with it that I had to force ask my kids to do it too. It is a little long but a fast read. Last week I posted their answers for me. This week I am posting their answers for their dad, Gary. Wait, that sounded like we are divorced. Although he might like the idea of getting rid of me at least once or twice a week, as far as I know we are still happily married.For those who are new here, Jana is our 19-year-old, and Danny is our 16-year-old. Again, I urge anyone with kids to try this out. As the title of this post states, it reminded us why we had these kids in the first place; to grow up to be two of our most favorite people on earth!

Enjoy!

What is something I always say to you?
Jana: Do you want sushi for dinner? (that would be the night he ‘cooks’)
Danny: Schmohawk (a famous word passed down through the generations)
 
 
 
 
 
What makes me happy?
Jana: Winning in tennis 
Danny: Tennis (both answers a no brainer)
 
What makes me sad?
Jana: Losing in tennis
Danny: Work 
How do I make you laugh?
Jana: There are too many ways to write them all down (aw, sweet)
Danny: The toddler dance (this is absolutely so hysterical I must convince him to do a video, perhaps some coaxing in the comments could make this happen)
What was I like as a child?
Jana: Hippieee
Danny: Jew fro (again, with a little comment coaxing, maybe a picture will be in your future)
How old am I?
Jana: 52
Danny: 50 something
What’s my favorite thing to do?
Jana: Lie on the couch and watch TV with me (sweet)
Danny: Feed mel food off the table, so that mel loves you more and to piss mom off (funny and true)
What do I do when you’re not around?
Jana: Yeah, what do you do? 
Danny: sing charaoke (once again, video anyone? give us some comment love)
If I became famous, what would it be for?
Jana: Something involving music. Radio DJ possibly? (he would love nothing better)
Danny: Most amount of cd’s obtained by a human (creative)
What am I really good at doing?
Jana: Making me laugh (true, he is funny)
Danny: PIssing mom off (ouch, ok so maybe I do get annoyed at times…)
What am I not very good at doing?
Jana: Sitting in the car without saying anything while I’m driving
Danny: remembering/hearing things
What is my job?
Jana: Printer (kind of?)
Danny: printer
What’s my favorite food?
Jana: Everything… and to eat too much of it and complain about how full you are at the end of the meal
Danny: You eat everything (consistent)
What makes you proud of me?
Jana: That I have the Dad that everyone loves (true, true, true. i believe they say he is ‘chill’)
Danny: Your sense of humor 
If I were a cartoon character, who would I be?
Jana: Bugs Bunny 
Danny: Daffy Duck (hmmm, double looney tunes. interesting says the woman called kermit the frog and lois from family guy)
What do you and I do together?
Jana: Listen to music… Let’s go to more concerts together, k? (suck up!)
Danny: Watch sports and movies (lots of couch time in this house!)
How are we the same?
Jana: We both have a good sense of humor and love music/tv
Danny: Sociable (for sure!)
How do you know I love you?
Jana: Because you tell me everyday. (yes he does)
Danny:  Because everyday when I am so tired I can barely speak you tell me so when I get out of the car

Yeh, that last one made me cry too.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under danny, Jana, parenting, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Time to Cry Tuesday – the reason why I had kids

I first saw this questionaire on Yellow Jeep Blonde. Her sons did such a great job with it that I had to force ask my kids to do it too. It is a little long but a fast read. Actually my 19-year-old, Jana, did it in less than 24 hours. Danny, the 16-year-old, needed a little more constant incessant nagging coaxing to do it. Nonetheless, the result was the same. I urge anyone with kids to try this out. As the title of this post states, it reminded me why I had these kids in the first place; to grow up to be two of my most favorite people on earth!

This week I will post the answers they gave for me, next week I will do the ones they had for Gary. Of course I had to add my commentary on some of them. (come on, you know I can’t shut up!)

Enjoy

What is something I always say to you?
Jana: Keep your eye on your own prize. Don’t compare yourself to other people.
Danny: Be all that you can be.
 
 
 
 
 
What makes me happy?
Jana: Reading on the couch in the living room with blanket and family dinners with the 4 of us. (yes and YES)
Danny: puppies (corny, but yes. c’mon, who doesn’t feel happy from puppies)
 
What makes me sad?
Jana: Sad books? Or maybe when the school budget doesn’t pass. (she must be traumatized from my years of volunteerism)
Danny: George W. Bush (that’s my boy!)
How do I make you laugh?
Jana: When you curse more than I do. (um, yeh, well perhaps I should take a look at this)
Danny: By being ridiculous (are you getting an odd picture of my parenting?)
What was I like as a child?
Jana: Probably less crazy than you are now. (true)
Danny: Artsy (true again)
How old am I?
Jana: 28 (I thought Danny was the suck-up)
Danny: According to you… 30 (oh, right, he is)
What’s my favorite thing to do?
Jana: Go to the beach. (you bet baby!)
Danny: Think of ways to torture me (typical!)
What do I do when you’re not around?
Jana: Sing out loud in the car… oh wait, you do that anyway.
Danny: Sing “everybody was Kung Fu Fighting” (not only do I sing this often, they gave me a birthday card with the sound chip – they encourage this behavior)
If I became famous, what would it be for?
Jana: BLOGGING
Danny: blogging (one can dream, thanks guys)
What am I really good at doing?
Jana: Listening to me complain. (I have had lots of practice)
Danny: making fun of dad (in a loving way)
What am I not very good at doing?
Jana: You’re good at everything Mommy 🙂 (again, sucking up)
Danny: math (for sure, but honestly no one is going to mention sports?)
What is my job?
Jana: To make me happy. KIDDING… graphic designer/ soon to be professional blogger. Is there such thing? (there sure is)
Danny: graphic designer (yes STILL)
What’s my favorite food?
Jana: Eggplant (I can’t believe you know that)
Danny: I have no idea (I guess that is fair)
What makes you proud of me?
Jana: How dedicated you are. (wow)
Danny: People respect you. (wow again)
If I were a cartoon character, who would I be?
Jana: Kermit the frog (yes, we know kermit is a muppet, not a cartoon)
Danny: Lois from Family Guy (we LOVE Family Guy)
What do you and I do together?
Jana: A lot.
Danny: Lots of crap.
How are we the same?
Jana: We HATE shopping (yes we do)
Danny: Diligent (yes we are)
How do you know I love you?
Jana: Because you tell me everyday. (yes i do)
Danny: You tell me constantly that when I leave you will be found rocking back and forth in the corner. (yes i will!)

And there you have it. Just when you thought they weren’t paying attention!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog where Jana joins in the election bloglove.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under danny, family, Jana, parenting

Advice to my son

This is going to be a new series. I have decided to give Danny a piece of solid advice whenever I can. Occasionally, when I have compiled a nicely balanced list, I will post it here.

I am thinking I can establish myself as the teen advice-giver. What do you think? Well, perhaps you may need to sample a few posts before you actually want to share these with your own kids.

I figured this is my last chance to leave my mark on the little bugger. Now Janny, I know this might be pissing you off right about now because I never did this with you, so consider this for your ears as well. (Except when I mention body parts that you don’t have). And there may be one thrown in there for you once in awhile

Here is the first list. It is in no particular order.

1. Be all that you can be (not in the military way). I have actually said this to my kids every day before they left for school, right before they roll their eyes and walk out the door muttering some unsavory name under their breath.

2. Never spend money you don’t have. Credit card debt is a nasty hole you don’t want to fall down. (believe it or not I said this just before the financial crisis hit, I am sounding less stupid to him now).

3. Never show your penis in a business setting. This pertains to a story that I wish I could, but can’t share here. Danny’s response was, “what if I go into the porn business.” Note to self: decide if this is concerning.

4. Keep your eye on your own ball. This one works for everything but is especially crucial during college prep.

This one actually came up the other day in a conversation with Jana (since she thinks she is the more interesting child I figured I would throw her in):

5. Your true friends are the ones that will hold your hair back when you puke. To those who have done this for me in the past – and you know who you are – thank you from the bottom of my heart and back at ya anytime you need it. Or the grown up version of that which is ‘the ones that sit in the emergency or surgical waiting rooms with you’ when you get older. Why does it sound like puking is more fun in this context?

6. Don’t do crack. I figured this might be obvious but it can’t hurt to mention it.

7. Try not to hit anything when you are driving. Again, kind of obvious but he just got his permit and I thought it would be good to start with the fundamentals.

8. Don’t marry an asshole. Not sure how this one came up but it did result in him telling me that he thought I would make a good mother-in-law. Sweet, I will try to remember that and bite my tongue till it bleeds so as not to prove him wrong.

I am going to open this up for comments. Give me your best shot. I will compile and do a ‘Readers Advice to Their Kids’ post from the results, so I urge you to please join in.

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Filed under advice to my son, danny, family, humor, parenting

Time to cry

I know this blog is about laughter, but sometimes we have no choice but to cry.

Yesterday a dear friend and neighbor lost her life in a tragic traffic accident. She was only 58 years old. This post is a tribute to woman who personified the word family.

Every so often in our lives we come across people who lead by example. We are fortunate enough to live across the street from such a family for the past 20 years. They have 4 grown children, all of whom moved back to the area. A magical grandchild who I have joked about being the third grandparent to. And a circle of friends so wide and deep it is illustrated by the never-ending stream of cars that have lined our street since the hours after the accident.

This morning I heard a 12-year-old boy and a grown man ask the same thing. “How can you be here one minute and gone the next?”. Of course, there is no explanation that could satisfy either. This is the unfathomable.

We all leave behind a legacy of sorts. I would like to think of hers as our neighborhood guide to motherhood. She taught us all how to be parents. My husband joked with her and asked what she fed those kids to keep them coming back. She knew how to live life to its fullest and spread love through her work as a teacher and the way she presided over her beautiful family. A tireless woman who always had a way of making everyone feel special. A friend said that their family was like 6 degrees of separation in our community. Probably less in my estimation.

The last time I saw her was the day before she died. It was late in the day and she, her husband, daughter and grandson were walking down the street. I looked in my rear view mirror as I passed and waved, and thought to myself how lucky they are to have raised such a beautiful family and be so young to enjoy the next generation. Her daughter is pregnant with her second child… a girl.

A bittersweet cycle of life.

To you, my friend. I can only hope that wherever you are, you are able to see the impact you made on this world.

Some days time loses out over crying.

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Filed under family, friendship, loss

First Thursday

If you live in my house, or that of 6 other outrageous women in my zip code, the first Thursday of the month means a night out with ‘the girls’. I will use that term only in the cliché of ‘girl’s night out’, for the seven of us are certainly w-o-m-e-n. In all its positive (and not so positive) connotations. Our husbands may like to spell that b-i-t-c-h. (or more affectionately… bee-otch).

It is hard to describe this group and do it any justice. Were we born out of the need to be heard and not judged? Perhaps. I do know that this is a table where I can fool absolutely NOBODY. And if I try to, I am called on it… big time!

Our mission, if there was to be one, is to BE THERE, no matter what. And to laugh, laugh, laugh.

We started in the most haphazard of ways. We met riding the train, through carpools, as neighbors or running partners. There was no rhyme or reason to who was in… we just happened. We measure the time we have been together by the age of the youngest of our collective 18 children who was born 2 weeks before we started. (12 years ago!) We have shared each other’s joys and heartbreaks ever since. There have been many of both, which makes us all realize how important it is to have your girls.

Our beginning was the essence of the title of this blog, we all could cry but we just had no time. Funny…but not. We were all working mothers with children ranging in age from 0-10 when we began. We come from all fields: medicine, finance, design, merchandising, real estate and entertainment. We are business owners, consultants, full time employees… you name it. Some have stopped working (for pay), some have scaled back and others have ramped up. We are the embodiment of how to juggle at any cost. And we were all beginning to realize that ‘the cost’ was ourselves.

Now that the kids are older life is easier on a maintenance level, but way harder on a life issues one.

There is no table I have ever sat at that is more entertaining. The following is the list of topics discussed at one dinner:

hillary vs. obama, SAT vs. ACT, big 10 vs. private universities, medical neutering of men in power (sorry guys, but this COULD keep you focused), career paths, time off, homeopathic vs. western medicine, botox, tennis, pilates and yoga, 10 lbs. on your ass doing wonders for your face at ‘a certain age‘, social media ruining the focus of our kids or are they just learning in a new way, multi-tasking, facebook, study habits, glass ceilings,  spreadsheets, iphones, the choices of our kids, the ailments of our parents, south beach, vegas, perez hilton, dave matthews (how did those two get in the same conversation?), the right to choose… EVERYTHING in our lives, the size of our asses and our egos, face creams, bad dreams, edging towards, turning and passing 50… and everything in between. (And that is just the list I dare to publish).

Thank you my dear sweet First Thursdays, for keeping me laughing, and yes crying too! You make the good times more joyous and bad ones easier to endure.

I love you all. (admit it, you are tearing up a bit ; )

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Filed under family, friendship, parenting, trends, women, work

This is not a dress rehearsal…

With the graduation season upon us (today was the last day of classes in our district), and by request of a friend who flatteringly remembered an email I sent last year, I have decided to post this reflection. This certainly falls under the category of finding the time to cry. Even if you don’t have a graduate, this one will probably require a tissue:

This is not a dress rehearsal…

or watch the temp when you decide to iron the graduation gown.

6AM on the day that my first child graduates high school.

how can this be, she was just a curly-headed little whirling dervish whose door i had to hold shut as she was throwing her ever famous brand of temper tantrums. that same door with the loose latch from all the times she slammed it for effect when she stormed into her room in her tweens. you know the one, who at five years old marched into nuerosurgery to ‘get her neck fixed’ and never once asked ‘why me?’.

who was that radiant young woman that walked out of the house wednesday morning with her car packed and her keys in hand saying, “don’t worry mom, i have the garmin GPS, i don’t need a map!”

well i think, perhaps, i need a map today. someone tell me how to navigate this road. we surely have had enough practice. we graduate them ad nauseum – from the 4’s, kindergarten, 5th grade, 8th grade – the most graduated generation of all times. you would think we would get used to it. but this year’s cap does not have flourescent orange and green finger paint decorating it. this kid has actually grown up! how dare she. does she not know that my bravado this year has all been an act. of course i could not be ready for her to be the competant, independent, grab-the-world-by-the-balls person i worked so hard to raise. does she not know i was only kidding!! wisconsin?!! that is halfway across the country!

i digress – back to the gown and the iron. being a working mom i always look for ways to overcompensate and make sure that i am doing the mom thing as well as the work thing. so, of course, they both are never really quite up to the standard i expect. somewhere in the 4-page green directions for graduation (you know the one, where the assistant principal gives them a 10 bullet list for how to enjoy graduation and prom, 9 of which stress not drinking or doing drugs) there was mention of taking the gown out of the bag and ironing it. at midnight i was the mom who would just hang it up. at 6AM i decided no daughter of mine will graduate with a wrinkled gown!

so why is it, exactly, that they make these things out of the same material as basketball shimmer shorts?!

no, you will not be able to notice my daughter by the big brown iron mark on the back of her white gown. but if you look close, you may notice that on the front left shoulder the fabric is, how should i put it, a tad ‘melted’.

as jana would say, ‘it’s FINE’. as my parents would say, i did it ‘the Amy way’.

a huge thank you to the jana who has become one of my favorite people on earth to spend time with. surely the one that knows me the best, and loves me anyway. sometimes it seems that she is raising me. i think her humor and radiant smile will get me through this one. levity has always been her strong point.

love and congrats to all of you who have been in the parenting trenches with me the past 18 years. for some of you it is your first, others, your last. it is never easy to watch them go. but then again, we could all use a rest. and as my mommy mentors tell me, they come home, stay out all night, sleep late and bring lots of laundry.

let the games begin!

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Filed under family, humor, parenting, women

How to fit a 10 lb. dorm room into 5 lbs of luggage

Unbelievable! 9 months have passed since we left her standing there on State Street to begin her new life.

9 months! It took that long to grow her 19 years ago. All I can say is that I am thankful that she did not accumulate this much stuff in utero.

This room is not that big, and she only inhabited half of it, how could she possibly have THIS MUCH STUFF!

Enter… THE SPACE BAG. (this needs music in the background)

My friends, these are the Spanx of packing! And why, must I ask, am I always in the business of reducing things to small spaces? I discovered these when we moved her out there. They became a mild obsession. I spaced bagged everything in sight. The dog was quite nervous.

You cram the stuff into them and virtually suck the air out. Down coat,…less than an inch thick. Comforter… paper thin. Underwear… non existent.

Space Bags…priceless.

This experience took on somewhat of a game show atmosphere. Buy boxes and packing materials in the lobby of the dorm at highly inflated prices. Run upstairs and pack everything that is to be stored, dry cleaned, laundered and shipped in less than 23 hours, applying the bar code labels from the equally inflated storage company. Climb over roommate and her mother doing the same thing. All in a 10×12 space. Everybody circle to the left.

Cram remaining items in existing luggage. Drink heavily. Repeat in August.

Which brings me to…

May is the new June and August is the new September.

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Filed under family, parenting