Category Archives: women

Rebranding Menopause


Let’s face it, there is nothing cool, glamorous or fun about menopause. Pre, peri, post… all of it rings of insane women aging not-so-gracefully.

This idea of rebranding started when speaking to a dear (male) friend that I have known for many years. We were at a big party and it seemed more than one woman asked to have the AC turned up. Which turns to the obvious conversation about menopause. My friend said he thought that the name was the problem. Bad branding if you will. Let us dissect it for a moment. Men (bad start) O (extraneous letter) Pause… hmmm what does that MEAN?

Being the wiseass that I am, I asked “What should we call it then? Irrational bitches that sweat too much?” His answer was charming, “A better name would be – I will see you next Tuesday.” Cute right?

What name would better describe menopause with more dignity?

Let’s think about it this. Is the problem really in the branding? Or is the assumption that, not unlike when women are younger and everything is blamed on ‘she’s on the rag’, that a woman of ‘a certain age’ is always in the hot seat (no pun) when her behavior is erratic because she is doing ‘The Menopause Thang!’ (was this a James Brown song?)

Back to the rebranding idea. I once worked on a pitch for an erectile disfunction drug. A pharma co. spent a million dollars on a focus group exploring the idea of renaming erectile disfunction. What these geniuses came up with was that it was not, in fact, the name that was the probem, but more the condition itself. DUH!

So, my friends, I think it is safe to say that renaming anything that basically sucks does not change it’s level of suckage.

Now I need to go and turn the AC to the temp of a meat locker so I can sleep tonight.

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Filed under humor, women

EVERYONE loves a girl fight

Dinner table conversation:

Danny (15): There was another girl fight at school today

Me: No kidding. That is terrible. Wasn’t there one last week, too.

Danny: Yeh, the principal actually had to push me aside to get to the fight to break it up.

Me: What were you doing there?

Danny: Trying to get a good look

My husband: EVERYONE loves a girl fight!

Me: (typical fire shooting out of my eyes step away from the children look across the table) You ARE kidding me, right?

Danny: I am usually with you on things mom, but dad is right, EVERYONE loves a girl fight!

This would fall under the category of me thinking that my husband is nuts until I began to tell the story. All of my male friends gave me the look like, “I know how I am supposed to react as an evolved non- neanderthal man in the year 2008, but really Amy, EVERYONE loves a girl fight”. I am not talking about the macho, sexist sterotypical, man’s man type guys. I am talking, almost (well actually all) of them. We were at a beautiful upscale affair on saturday night and there is my husband talking to two of our more sophisticated intelligent guy friends and I walk over to hear, “Amy, we are sorry but EVERYONE loves a girl fight.”

I suppose I will end this topic with the other amazing phenomenon that I have noticed amongst men of all walks of life. The answer to every question you ask a man can always be answered with…

“A little head would be nice”

“Honey, can you take out the garbage?

“Sure, but a little head would be nice first?”

“Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

“As a matter of fact, a little head would be nice”

“My family is coming over, can you make sure there is gas in the grill”

“Your family? Well, I would think a little head would be nice first”

To quote Nana Julia “Men…”

(I believe the second half of that sentiment was …they should all hang from one rope)

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Filed under humor, parenting, women

The Emperor’s New Nail Polish

Now I am beginning to understand the meaning of ‘victim’ in fashion victim.

Yesterday’s NYT Thursday Styles section, aside from promoting a Pee Wee Herman-style suit as the next men’s fashion craze, announced that chipped nail polish is now chic!

This is the epitome of the fashion lemmings. A true sociological study on how women will do anything if we are told by the fashionistas that it is ‘in style’. A few of my favorite quotes from this article:

“PITY the mothers and grandmothers. Visible bra straps, glaringly obvious roots — these are but a few of the grooming no-nos that have become yes-yeses in recent years.” (scary opening)

“Over the last few years — since the era of the skull print scarf, let’s say, or the (metaphorical) rise of the Olsen twins — having streaked, chipped or just plain grotty nail polish no longer suggests drug addiction, manual labor or pure laziness.”

Well this a a great relief to me. Keeping with the theme of having no time to cry I certainly am not great about the nail appointment. Could this be the tipping point in fashion history where neglect due to over-scheduled lives drives what is acceptable, or better yet, fashionable?

Now I am cool, right? Oh no, no, no my friends. Read on…

“Being otherwise exquisitely turned out may be the key to making the undone-nails look work. (“Chipping is cool, but chipping in a schleppy way when you don’t have a $5,000 handbag is not as cool,” Ms. Baek said.)”

You are friggin kidding, right? First, if you are insane enough to spend $5,000 on a handbag (no offense to my friends that do) I would say you are using the same judgement in going for the chipped nails.

This one, of course, is my fave:

“I don’t think you can get away with it if you’re a woman of a certain age,” she said. What’s a certain age? “Anybody over 35,” she replied.”

All I can say to that is “kill me now, already”.

I leave you with this thought. What if next month they tell us that toilet paper on your shoe is the height of fashion… but only if you are wearing a pair of Jimmy Choo, Christian Louboutin or Manolo Blahnik.

You girls wearing Nine West… you just have simply left the bathroom in shameful ignorance!

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Filed under fashion, humor, trends, women

spanx, dunkin’ donuts and the fear of youtube

how can you resist a title like that one?

you have all been here at one point. (except my friend joanne who did not know what spanx were… bitch!) 9PM the night before an event with ‘nothing to wear’. you have just about finished emptying the contents of your closet onto your bed. there are shoes and clothes everywhere and your husband calls innocently from downstairs, ‘hey, what’s up?’

your response in the voice of some horror film character, ‘don’t even THINK of coming up here!’

then you find it. that little black dress that you have had so long you forgot about it. the one that you would have spent 4 days trying to find if you were to go shopping (if the event were not the next day and a 3 hour drive from your house)

great. problem solved. well, almost.

that 10-year-old dress will surely need ‘a foundation garment’ (i started my career at a lingerie company) enter the spanx. we love these. they suck you in and flatten you out. but if you attempt to wear these for the 3 hour drive you will surely need to be hospitalized for gastro-intestinal damage. so you figure you can stop and change in the bathroom at a dunkin’ donuts off I-95.

until you remember last week’s headline:

Hidden Camera Found In Dunkin’ Donuts Bathroom

Shop Employee Arraigned On Charges Of Unlawful Surveillance

KINGS PARK, N.Y. (AP) ― A doughnut shop worker installed a surveillance camera in the women’s bathroom at work and watched the footage from a computer in his car, police said Sunday.

JUST GREAT! my worst nightmare. what if this is a trend and the whole eastern seaboard is riddled with DD employees filming bathroom scenes. i can see it now, i log onto my computer monday morning and there is a link from my biggest client to a youtube vid of me squeezing my fat ass into a pair of spanx! it doesn’t get any worse than that!

lesson learned? get there early enough to check into the hotel and change.

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Filed under fashion, humor, women