Category Archives: family

October 1, 2008 · 8:32 pm

Reborn dolls and women who mother them

Woah! This video really freaks me out! It is long but I could not pause it. Kind of like staring at the accident. The song choice makes it all the more disturbing. If you don’t get to the end, the best part is where we are sternly instructed not to search for ‘fake baby’ as the correct term is ‘reborn’. WTF!!

I searched YouTube for these ‘babies’ after seeing a scary little news story on the Today Show. You can see the story here.

Matt Lauer interviewed some frankly wacko rather interesting women Wednesday morning about these dolls called reborns. What the hell does that mean, reborn? EW! This interview was in anticipation of a BBC film called ‘My Fake Baby’ which is a documentary about these ‘babies’. (shame on you BBC, you did not use the right terminology, how ignorant!).

These dolls sell for thousands and are collected by women, some of whom dress them up and ‘care’ for them as if they were real. Yeh, this is real healthy. Touted as the perfect baby (um, wait, why is this ok?) one woman says that while she doesn’t have children this ‘satisfies a female instinct’ in her. Women find them therapeutic. Oh, I am thinking there is surely some therapy needed. This is way creepy, no? OK, so why do we not think these women need some serious help?

I particularly like the way you can pop their heads off, but hey, that’s me. Seriously, I never got to do this with my kids and I find that to be a nice feature, don’t you?

G-d bless the doll ‘artists’ who are making a fortune on these things. It got me to thinking that this could be a woman’s version of the sex doll. Seriously, they satisfy a need, right? No one gets hurt. Well maybe they do. I wonder about the woman in the interview who had a two-year-old at home. This woman left her real kid home to take her fake baby on TV, um yeh, we are real healthy. I worry about that kid getting the right kind of attention. While mommy is rocking plastic bro to sleep is real life toddler sticking her finger in a socket or something? (I know, I can be so judgmental sometimes).

My favorite line from the Lauer interview:

Matt: What do you do with an old baby when you get a new baby, put the old one on a shelf?

I am thinking if you did not have children there are many creatures that you can ‘satisfy your female instinct’ with. How about a cat? A puppy? Even a fish?

Then again, hard to dress up a fish.

Although there is something to be said about not needing to get a sitter.

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September 29, 2008 · 10:42 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday: Keeping the Faith

For those of you who are Jewish, L’shana Tovah. For those of you who are not, that translates into: don’t forget to take a Pepcid before you start your holiday meal and don’t worry you should never be forced to eat gefilte fish if it grosses you out. Oh, and of course it is the day that every mother of a boy scrambles from friend to friend trying to find a pair of pants that are not up to their teenage son’s ankles.

Just kidding, this is how we wish each other a happy new year. Rosh Hashanah, which began at sundown Monday night, is the Jewish New Year. I always thought it was kind of cool to start a holiday at sundown. And it makes for such great traffic stress on the Long Island Expressway, doesn’t it?

All kidding aside, in the midst of all the turmoil our country has found itself in these days, it is a wonder anyone can still keep the faith. Whatever your religion, if you take comfort in the rituals it surely helps to ease the anxiety of the times.

I am not a particularly religious person, but I am one that holds strong to my heritage and the traditions that are tied to it. To me, religion is about family and friends. And I try my best to keep the faith against all odds.

The fact that I can set a table and know that both my parents AND both my in-laws will be sitting down to a holiday meal with us is truly a blessing. Don’t get me wrong, we are all crazy in our own ways and that surely makes for some lively discussion, but how many teenagers can say that they have 4 living grandparents? Not many. Over the past few years we have had some holidays with one or another family member sadly absent from the table and hospitalized for a host of reasons. Thankfully this is not one of those years.

As a kid, going to services was torture for me. I am sure my kids feel that way today. Although I wonder now that Jana is so far away if she would not secretly rather be in the building. Ok, maybe just at the table for the home cooked meal is more realistic, but maybe not. Both kids are so comfortable there.

Now when I walk into the synagogue I am taken by the power of sitting within the community that I raised my children. This is the building where we have celebrated happy times and grieved sad ones, where the kids went to pre-school, became b’nai mitzvah. I see the all the faces and through them gauge the time I have spent here. I feel very fortunate to live in a place where people care so deeply for one another.

These have been wonderful years. I have made friendships that I could not think of living without. People who have seen me through my darkest days and who understood my warped ways and love me anyway.

With all my talk of the need to leave the zip code, when it comes down to it…

there’s no place like home.

(toto/mel, i don’t think we are in kansas anymore…)

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September 23, 2008 · 10:18 pm

Lace Love

Ok, everyone. Since Jana claimed to be more interesting than Danny in the comments section of my last post, she is proving it by taking part in our first poll experiment. After waiting many, many weeks Jana’s custom Nikes have arrived. They are cool, aren’t they? And tiny I might add… size 6.

She looks a bit like the Mona Lisa in this shot, doesn’t she? Well, she would if that uptight bee-otch – Mona not Jana – would have really cracked a good smile and showed off those beautiful teeth that her parents spent all that money on braces for.

Wait, did I just call the Mona Lisa an uptight bee-otch and did I claim she wore braces? I am really losing it.

This is a screen shot from a video chat session. She wanted us to help her decide. Note how happy Danny looks in the bottom screen. Frankly I think he is pissed about being labeled less interesting.

I just love this, don’t you? My kid is halfway across the country and we can do this kind of thing. Very cool indeed.

I expect lots of voting here everyone. That means all of you who don’t like to comment. I see the stats people, I know you are visiting!

And all of you who receive this by email, you lazy slugs are going to have to go directly to the blog to vote. Janny-girl, you better have all your friends vote so we don’t look foolish here, ok?

Come on everyone! Stop being so non-participatory for G-d’s sake. This is an interactive medium.

So interact. (jeez she is bossy!)

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September 17, 2008 · 8:55 pm

Gary and Amy’s Ronkonkoma Adventure

Yesterday I wrote about the Relations Auto Body Shop in this town. But I am so not done with the subject of Ronkonkoma. I really like to say that word! If you have ever ridden the Long Island Railroad there is a certain way they announce this station:

“Ron-Kon-Ko-Ma!”

In a really loud bellowing voice that starts in the diaphragm.

Oh sorry, I digress for a change. So, we drop Danny to go in search of a much needed cup of coffee and a bagel. I am pretty sure there is a law in suburban New York that there must be a bagel place (they are called places, not stores or restaurants) every 10-15 miles, max.

Now, Gary has this annoying habit of always pulling over and asking ME to ask some weirdo on the street for directions. They are usually unintelligible, have no teeth, smell terrible or are just plain stupid.

The first person we asked satisfied the first 3 criteria. He was this rather old, skinny, shuffling sort of guy who mumbled and pointed in a direction down the road, kind of smiled and giggled and wandered off. We drove about 200 yards and came across a 7-11 and assumed that is where he was sending us.

The second person we asked was in the parking lot. She told us there was a great bagel place but she had no idea how to give us directions to it. She satisfied the last criteria (just plain stupid).

Gary went inside and got directions and on his way out who came shufflng up but the old guy. So, what did he do? Of course he brought him over to the car to ‘meet his wife’.

Oh Gary, so funny.

After googling on the blackberry and a false turn into a parking lot with a really sleezy bagel place we did find the perfect one and had a lovely, rather inexpensive in a let’s move to Ronkonkoma sort of way, breakfast.

But all this was not the truly funny part of the day. That happened a little later in the day on the way home when we stopped at a mall to buy Danny is birthday I-touch (jealous? I am).

On the way out we passed a mattress store with two people lying on a bed. Gary got that glint in his eye that can only mean trouble and said, “Watch this, I am going to lie down in between the two of them.” Danny did not believe him. Yes, of course he marched himself into that mattress store and started to crawl up on the bed in between the couple. The salesman freaked, “Uh, sir. What ARE you doing?”

Gary, “Oh, I’m sorry, I did not realize anyone was on this bed.”

Imagine the look on a 16-year-old boy’s face when his father pulls a stunt like that!

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September 15, 2008 · 10:40 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday

This past weekend we had the good fortune of attending the Bar Mitzvah of the son of dear friends. These particular friends have been living in the theatre of the absurd for the past few months and it was a joy to be with them in celebration instead of misery. (well perhaps both, but that is not what this post is about.)

Their synagogue is one with a very different style of worship. As Reconstructionist Jews they are encouraged to bring a piece of who their family is into the service. This included select non- sectarian readings of the likes of Robert Frost and Langston Hughes. They flatteringly included the lyrics to Better Things from a Time to Cry Tuesday past as well as the lyrics to songs that were dear to them and the ideals of their family.

I am here to post about one such song. Their eldest son, who holds the connection between our two families as we met when he and my daughter were in elementary school together, performed a song that just near broke my heart. He has grown into a really cool young man, one whom I enjoy spending time with and am honored that the feeling is mutual.

The rabbi introduced the song with a preface about the current military situation that our country has found itself in. He spoke about mothers, spouses and children who have suffered losses that get lost in the propaganda and politicization of these wars. This beautiful 19-year-old boy I have known for most of his life, got up with his guitar and sang the Dispatch song, The General.

I sat in this holy space and listened with my whole heart to the words of a young man who was fortunate to be born into a generation that has not known the draft. But with his words and through his heartfelt performance I felt the pain and fear we all hold for the families of the soldiers who so bravely volunteered for the armed services of this country. And I gave thanks that, for now, my 16-year-old son (whose birthday is today making this all the more poignant for me) is safe from the fear of being drafted.

The chorus of this is written from the point of view of a General in battle. It says it all:

I have seen the others
and I have discovered
that this fight is not worth fighting
I have seen their mothers
and I will no other
to follow me where I’m going

Take a shower, shine your shoes
you got no time to lose
you are young men you must be living
go now you are forgiven

May those who defend this country come home safely and may this madness end!

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September 13, 2008 · 7:25 pm

Do Not Open until September 2007…


No joke. This is an actual note from Jana. On the 2nd anniversary of its writing, I thought I would post this to give all of my friends of HS seniors a laugh and let them know that ‘this’ happens in every household.

I distinctly remember the day she wrote this. Her level of frustration had reached an all time high. In turn, my level of exasperation followed her lead and it would be safe to say the two of us were certainly not having our finest mother-daughter moment. Danny and Gary run for cover in these instances.

We went to our respective corners to lick our wounds and try to decompress. After some time she walked in my office (the command center in the basement) with a folded up piece of paper, sealed on all sides with the words “Open September 2007” written on it. She tacked it on the bulletin board over my desk and made me promise not to open it sooner.

Hard to believe but I actually waited. I did not even hold it up to the light. Every once in awhile during the course of that bittersweet emotional roller coaster of her senior year, I would glance up at it and get all teary-eyed in anticipation of what poignant words could be written inside. After all, was I not the parent that held her hand through the grueling process of college selection? Did I not help her compile the coveted ‘binder’ that had her friends green with envy? Oh wait, I think that might have been my friends. Or were they actually discussing their concerns about my OCD behind my back?

Anyway, I did wait till September 2007 to open this. I came back from the trip to Wisconsin with that pit in my stomach that every mom of a college freshman has. That feeling that maybe the idea of sending my daughter half way across the country was not all that well thought out. I sat down at my desk – tissues in hand – and slowly opened the note, expecting an outpouring of sentimentality.

Instead, I found a genuine piece of my Jana written on that page. With the wit and sarcasm I have grown to both love and miss so desperately. You will always keep me laughing baby girl. I love you.

Oh and now I am starting the process all over again with my OTHER favorite child.

Wait, this was not supposed to be a Time to Cry Tuesday post.

Whatevs.

BTW, as you have read, she finally did say screw you to Penn State and chose to be a Badger instead of a Nitanny Lion. Perhaps it had something to do with that torturous online app.

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September 3, 2008 · 9:50 pm

Yesternight

I will be shamelessly self-promoting my new photo blog, leaving the zip code, here from now on. You won’t be disappointed, I promise. Let’s see if some of you will take the ‘submit’ challenge.

I have always felt that there were words that should be in the english language but were not. Early in my blogging days (way back 3 or 4 months ago) I did a post called Bloganoia. I think that one needs to be revisited, so go vistit. Or re(visit). It is kind of a cool post.

Anyway, we have always had an ongoing list of words in this family that should have been in the dictionary. One of our favorites was yesternight. The little boy across the street (who is now 13!) said it and we loved it. I believe he is also the author of whobody. (very Suessian). I think that one was in the context of “Whobody farted?”

Tonight, I was battling all sorts of technology (more on that tomorrow) when Jana IM’d me and told me she was going to send me a picture message on my phone. Hmmm, when I was in college calling my parents only once a week – if that – I don’t remember picture messages and IMing being on the menu.

I digress. Imagine my delight when that picture came through. There in the text of good ole’ Frankenstein (a light read) is the word yesternight.

Not gonna lie, I feel kind of sad that it is no longer just ‘our word’.

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September 2, 2008 · 9:16 pm

Was this just about putting any skirt in the seat?

I will be shamelessly self-promoting my new photo blog, leaving the zip code, here from now on. You won’t be disappointed, I promise. Let’s see if some of you will take the ‘submit’ challenge. And today you can read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms as well.

Perhaps this is an appropriate Time to Cry Tuesday post (late and confused from the holiday weekend).

Not one to get into the political fray all that often, I could not help but do a short post about the Sarah Palin choice. I am saddened by what I think is an insult not only to the women of this country, but the people of this country. I started this post hours after the announcement was made but was hesitant to continue. Now that the theatre of the absurd has unfolded it just can’t go unmentioned here. (with my sarcastic twist, of course). This does not contain any new, groundbreaking commentary, but it may make you laugh (a little) while you cry.

I am not claiming to know much about her (scary detail #1) but I certainly do not feel all warm and fuzzy about her being one heartbeat away from the presidency (scary detail #2). What really freaks me out is that McCain would think he could capture 18 million Hillary supporters with a pro-lifer (scary detail # 3,4 and 5).

Another great quality I want in my VP: card carrying member of the NRA.

Oh, and now the pregnant teenage daughter. His people KNEW about this and were still ok?!! Wow, talk about securing those family values votes. This is like a bad Saturday Night Live sketch! What next…Yeh, well we knew she killed a man, but she is still under investigation so we thought it was cool.

Of course you knew this was coming:

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

So, my brother and I were talking the other day and I told him I had a very strange feeling that perhaps Sarah Palin was, in fact, Dick Cheney with a sex change. His answer? Can’t be, she has not shot anyone in the face yet.

To sum it all, this quote says it all for me:

A woman voting for John McCain is a like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders.

– Cecile Richards, President of Planned Parenthood

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August 26, 2008 · 10:17 pm

UPS and the 21lb. box of shoes

Last college moving post, I promise.

If you have ever schlepped a kid and their stuff you will love this one. And if you have ever had to track a package you will love it even more. I touch on this in my post at Mid-Century Modern Moms but here is the full story with the outcome. (BTW, my Wednesday post there was moved to Thursday this week)

First, yes, we did actually send 21 lbs. of shoes to Madison. AND she is only a size 6 so that is 21 lbs. of tiny shoes. We are thinking of changing her name to Emelda.

The package was ‘lost’ by UPS. After being not so nice to the rep on the phone about the incorrect address they ‘claimed’ we wrote on the package, we find out from her friends that it was, in fact the incorrect address. Ah, what is a few digits amongst shippers? Having to call UPS back on the 800# what is the shot I would get the SAME rep? Yes, that was a little embarrassing. Nonetheless, he BS’d ‘assured’ me this was being handled and would be delivered on Tuesday.

Fast forward to Monday, I track it online and find this:

Yeh, well ok. WTF!

Note each time they talk about the incorrect friggin’ street number signifies each time I was on the phone with these idiots and…

you guessed it, nothing happened.

Finally, the least of the incompetents ‘regional facility agent’ called to tell me that this was handled and would be delivered this afternoon. The best part of our little chat was when she actually said to me, “Oh, you have been dealing with the 800 national call center? They really don’t know what the heck they are doing and never seem to resolve anything.” (no lie)

That is when I asked her what number I should have called and she informed me that is the only one available and actually said, “Yeh, I know it is a terrible system.”

This is UPS for G-d sake. You know what is coming here, my favorite line:

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

But of course, all is well that ends well. I am sure my sweet daughter will finally be able to wear something on her feet other than the 3 pair of flip flops and one pair of converse that she traveled with.

Oh and the missing printer, that was found too. But who really cares about a printer in college when you have 21 lbs. of shoes?

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August 25, 2008 · 12:13 am

I could have used those 8 arms!

This is kind of what I looked like over the past 48 hours. College move in day is always a bittersweet, hectic marathon. 

Pack. Unpack. Shop. Eat. Hydrate. Hug. Laugh. Run cable wire (jack is ALWAYS on the opposite side of the room from the TV). Call the internet guy. Track missing packages. Meet her friends. Lose the car keys (constantly, I am a space cadet). Eat room service. 

Spending the time alone with my daughter is such a treat it is well worth the insanity. Seriously, not only did she embrace pulling over to get this shot, but she took it! Oh how we love the Octopus Car Wash!

Thanks Jana, for being you! Hopefully you will find the missing internet guy and be able to read this!

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