Category Archives: danny

June 22, 2012 · 8:51 am

The Graduation Post 2 – Zen and the Art of Letting Go

Here is the second of the graduation posts. How different to graduate your youngest child, this is when YOUR life changes the most. Timely as he is leaving for the summer today after only 3 weeks home… the longest amount of  time he has been here in 2 years. Hey, we raise them to grow up, kiddies. THIS is the good stuff. 

There are times in your life when you simply have to let it go. When you are a parent – and a control freak to boot – letting go is not the easiest thing to do.

But I know better. Time marches on and either we march along with it or we get trampled. Ok, so maybe I feel some boots on my back right about now. And I know I am not alone.

So, to all of you who are trying to march into step with the graduation class of 2010, here it is: the Time to Cry Tuesday post about graduating your youngest child.

The other day, during the 4-hour end of school/pre-camp errand, Danny and I found ourselves in the bookstore and I came across Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenanceby Robert M. Pirsig. This 1974 novel was one of my most favorites back in the day – whenever the hell ‘the day’ was. Maybe High School, or college. I like to recommend some quality books to my kids in between the trash so I suggested that he read this. After being rejected by over 121 publishers it went on to sell over 4 million copies and was translated into 27 languages.

I suppose I was not alone in my love for this book.

While he browsed, I stopped at the Starbucks to try to alleviate the sleep-deprived haze I found myself in that is all too familiar this time of year. I began to refresh my memory by reading the back of the book. Up until this moment I had done a damn good job of holding it together. He is ready. He is excited. He is moving on to the next chapter of his life with the confidence and unbridled passion that only a young man of almost 18 could have.

I was good, I tell you, until I read this:

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance is a powerful, moving, and penetrating examination about how we live… and a breathtaking meditation on how to live better… an unforgettable narration of a summer motorcycle trip across America’s Northwest, undertaken by a father and his young son. A story of love and fear – growth, discovery and acceptance – that becomes a profound personal and philosophical odyssey into life’s fundamental questions…

And that was when it happened. I broke. There in the Starbucks while ordering the grande iced latte (not even half caff, for G-d sake) I could not breathe. What if I had not imparted enough to him? Could I have done more? Could I have ‘lived better’ by example? Why did I never take a motorcycle trip cross country with him when he was younger ? (ok, that one is a stretch) Wait, I need a do over! I am sure there is some colossal parenting task I did not achieve well enough. Seriously, it went too fast, how could he make it without me?

And then I looked across the store.  And there he was, with that scruffy almost-beard and that ultra-confident, but in no way cocky little swagger that he has. And I realized the only wisdom that was not realized was my own:

The Art of Letting Go.

My friends, the road is long. And then it ends(ish). But as we who havegraduated the siblings before these kids know, being a parent is a life-long job. And this stage is in many ways more fun than any of them. They are the people we grew from babies.

Their own people. And with any luck they will take care of US when we are old. (which may be sooner than I think if I don’t get some sleep soon)

To my boy, may we always have days like these past few weeks we have shared. Thanks for humoring me through them. And for making me so very proud to be your mom.

I love you. Now go and be all you can be.

And be careful.

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May 11, 2012 · 11:20 pm

Parental Role Models

Today was our anniversary. This is the card we got from our kids:

This was what they wrote inside. And when I say ‘they’ I mean Jana. Sorry Dan but we know you had no idea it was our anniversary today.

Perhaps I need to be less candid with the kids.

 

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April 3, 2012 · 1:00 am

Time to Cry Tuesday – Z Goes Home

Way back when, Gary started to call me Z. I am not sure how it started, but it was in college and it just sort of stuck. The only people who call me that besides him are my college friends and Mo and Jo. In fact, when certain people call me Amy it sounds weird.

Z. That is just me.

I don’t remember when I found the book in the picture in this post, but I had to own it. Doing some Spring cleaning it popped up again. I just love the illustration. It made me think not of this house I was cleaning, but of what home means. What the essence of Z coming home means to me.

It was so timely to find this book this weekend. Danny came home for Spring Break on Thursday night. As luck would have it (for us, not them I suppose) both of my kids decided to stay home on Saturday night. I cooked dinner and we just hung out as a family. And Sunday was a lazy family day with brunch at the diner and all 4 of us under the same roof. All this was topped off by Chinese food and some favorite TV shows.

Z Comes Home.

To me, home is being with the family we built. Not doing anything monumental, just being us. Back in the day of diapers and teething, then carpools and sports, who would have ever thought that the idea of all 4 of us together would be so rare? Or that the idea of a diner brunch and chinese food on Sunday night would feel so special.

Z Comes Home.

When Z came home she learned to savor every moment; especially the small ones.

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November 1, 2011 · 7:22 am

Time to Cry Tuesday – Halloween cupcakes

Yesterday I woke up at 4:30 and couldn’t sleep. I would like to say it was because I love halloween and I was so excited, but really folks, women of a certain age just don’t sleep all that regularly.

Usually I would lie in bed and just chill, but yesterday I decided to get up and bake the Funfetti Halloween cupcakes instead, because… well, because if I did not bake them then I would have to wait a whole year. (Funfetti is sort of a religion in these parts)

As I was making coffee and taking on this ridiculous task for no apparent reason, I realized that was the whole point. I was baking Halloween Funfetti cupcakes at 5AM… because I didn’t HAVE to. For so very many years – as a working mom – I found myself baking some ridiculous confection in the wee hours of the morning (the cowboy hat cupcakes at 2AM when Jana was in 4th grade come to mind. btw, these are cool, involving a cookie, an upside down cupcake and string licorice). But now, I was doing it because I wanted to, not to prove that I could do it all.

As I waited for the timer to go off, I sat drinking a cup of coffee while the sun came up and the household began to stir and got more than a little nostalgic about Halloween with younger kids. I have never been one to pine away for the past stages of parenting; but yesterday morning, in the quiet of my kitchen I could not help but remember the sweet chaos of those days. Did I fully appreciate them wile they were happening? I like to think so. But in reality I am sure they were tempered with the rushed obsession to make it all the perfect halloween for the kids and maybe I did not savor it as much as I should have.

I have this thing about the seasons; I wish we could have just one day of beautiful summer beach weather in the middle of the winter and one crisp snowy day in the middle of a heatwave in the summer. Just one day. That’s not asking too much. I feel the same way about parenting now. Yesterday morning, as I was sprinkling the ‘fetti’ on the top of those cupcakes, I wished for just one day with ‘Little Danny‘ and ‘Little Jana‘, as they like to refer to their childhood selves.

Even the year when the little guy insisted on being a cowboy and I stayed up all night making his costume for him to wake up on Halloween and tell me ‘I want to be a Ninja like Dougie’.

I suppose the imperfections of raising kids are what makes parenting so perfect.

(BTW, ‘Big Danny’, since I tortured your dad that we did not have enough candy, you and the boys will be the happy recipients of a big box of candy… watch the package room for it.)

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September 16, 2011 · 11:50 am

Nineteen

Today marks the beginning of the last year I will have a teenager! That’s right, my boy is 19 today. I labored with this boy through my entire birthday and he was born at 1AM, leaving him to not have to share his  special day. It is hard to believe that we have reached this stage already. I have always said that the first 5 years of their lives lasts an eternity and after that it flies by in the blink of an eye.

The picture above is from his 10th birthday. This photo is the essence of Danny. Even though he looks more like the photo below these days, his core being is captured in the little carefree face on this cake.

Here’s to you, my boy. You are patient, kind, analytical, funny, thoughtful, responsible, silly at times (ok and maybe a bit of an idiot at others, but aren’t we all) and oh such a joy to raise. Sometimes I wonder who is raising who. As you’re 4th grade teacher once said, “Danny is a happy go lucky deep thinker.”

I could not ask for a better son. I love you more than life itself. Have a blast for your birthday and for goodness sake, BE CAREFUL.

(Hey, I am still a mom)

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September 2, 2011 · 10:19 am

Second Floor Live Porn in Madtown, WI

Yeh, that post title is a blog whore’s way of getting some (albeit unsavory) traffic. So shoot me. And no, my son had nothing to do with this… I hope. Actually, he could very well have been one of the dozen or so people gathered on the street watching this unfold, or undress as the case may be. A big thank you to Dr. Jimmy for sending this one to me.

This is one crazy story. It appears that 25-year-old Kevin Horner (seriously? is that REALLY his name?) took to jumping on the bed of a second floor hotel room in – of all places – Madison, WI. Mr. Horny, I mean Horner, was jumping in front of the window of his room at the University Inn on Frances and State Streets…. sans pants.

I happen to know his corner quite well as it directly across the street from the freshman dorm that both my kids lived in. In fact, you could be running on the treadmill in the second floor gym and look straight into the window that Kevin was wiggling his johnson in. (no not on Johnson Street, that was Frances Street).

The arresting officer said his goal was to keep any innocent bystanders from being exposed and offended by the view. Damn, that guy is no fun! Unless of course the Horner Johnson was, in fact, an offensive looking one.

Horner admitted, “I made a mistake and should have kept my pants on”.

Why is no one asking why a 25-year-old was jumping on the bed?

Can’t make this stuff up.

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August 30, 2011 · 10:55 pm

Scanner Dan

If you have spent time in Madison, Wisconsin you would know Scanner Dan. He is sort of famous. He hangs on State Street, carrying a police scanner. He is a true character. He talks to himself and makes running commentary about the people that pass by. He is known to shout out sorority names as girls pass by, giving his opinion on their affiliation.

While I was in Madison last week, my Dan and I spotted him at an outdoor cafe table. I had to get this picture of Dan Squared.

My kids really are good sports, aren’t they?

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August 23, 2011 · 7:59 pm

College Move-in Fiasco (Time to Cry Tuesday)

Five years, two kids, hundreds of pounds of luggage and thousands of dollars at Bed Bath and Target and you would think I had this thing down pat already. Actually, the funny part is I really thought I did. Until of course I reached the rental car line at the Milwaukee airport and realized that somewhere between the security check at LGA and the very spot I was standing I had somehow…

LOST MY LICENSE.

Loud enough? I wrote that in caps because I want you all to understand the gravity of being 74 miles from Madison with upwards of 160 lbs of luggage, 150 lbs of boy and NO CAR. That’s right kiddies… almost 52 years old and I am still losing my license. I like to think of it as part of my charm. My son likes to think of it as one of my least endearing qualities.

After a few moments of OMG panic and what the hell are we going to do now behavior I figuratively slapped myself across the face and subscribed to my friend Jeanne’s famous theory, “Money is the answer, now tell me your problem”. Let me just interject with the fact that I do not really believe that, although outside of loss, health issues and affairs of the heart it is hard to argue the point that money can’t fix most things. It certainly fixed this problem.

I would like to thank my new BFF Jodi, from Step Ahead Services in Madison, WI who jumped in her town car and rescued me from winning the Loser Mother of the Year Award. If you are ever in the Milwaukee/Madison area please consider using their services. Not only did she drop everything and get to us as fast as humanly possible, she agreed to take us to Bed Bath/Target, stop at my hotel to drop my bags, a restaurant to pick up Danny’s keys from his roomies and ultimately to his apartment – all at no extra charge.

While waiting for Jodi I ran around the airport reporting the lost license to the airport sherrif’s department, where I met the lovely Officer James who had a hard time understanding my NY accent along with the brewing laryngitis from the plague I have been suffering. Then there was the fabulous Luce at the AirTran lost and found and of course the ever sympathetic crowd at the Enterprise office who were praying that I did not start to cry while begging them to rent me a car to an 18 year old. (no go, btw). Almost got them to drive us to Madison for the price of my rental.

The saga continued and yes I was able to fly back thanks to the fact that I have lost my license before and had a spare one that was not expired in my house (hold the comments on pattern of behavior, please). My hero Jimmy G just happened to be flying back to Madtown from Equifunk on Sunday and promptly delivered it to my hotel… indebted to that boy for life. AND of course my dear friends Linda and Richie made sure to rescue me to the bar that first night and help me see the humor in the situation.

All in all a lesson learned.

Don’t lose your damn license when you are traveling!

 

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May 30, 2011 · 11:59 pm

Time To Cry Tuesday – It’s only a car (sort of)

For those who have been following along our road to mechanical breakdowns, I am sorry to report we had a true casualty this week in that department. No, not the ill-fated time capsule, that was replaced and it had no real sentimentality surrounding it. You could say it was strictly utilitarian.

But the Jeep… well she was almost part of the family. Bought used and giving us enough headaches over the years to be deemed a child of sorts, we loved her just the same in spite of her short-comings. She sat in the driveway on Jana’s 17th Birthday with one of those huge red ribbons on the hood like they use in commercials. It was that very day that she pulled out of the driveway with Gary screaming ‘Wait!’ for no apparent reason other than she was 17 and pulling out of the driveway unaccompanied. (certainly valid). She trekked the wilds of the Adirondacks for a couple of summers, filled with Jana’s camp friends who grew to love her as we did. 

Danny sort of half inherited/half shared her with his sister. Truth be told he was never all that thrilled with her although he did refer to her affectionately as ‘the go-cart’. I think he always felt a white Jeep was a test of his masculinity but he comes from the beggars can’t be choosy school of life and knew better than to complain too much about having his own wheels. And after all, he was the last to see her ‘alive’.

I know she was only a car, but like everything over the past few years of kids growing up, this is simply another melancholy moment of letting go of what we have grown accustomed to. The sight of that truck parked next to the house with its University of Wisconsin decal felt so very much like home. It felt like my kids. It gave them wheels, and wings and a sense of responsibility and freedom at the same time. So maybe it is only a car… but only sort of.

We will probably have some sort of ceremony for her when we are all back under one roof at the end of this week. The end of an era of sorts. She surely deserves that much respect.

And now? Well, now we need another car but we surely do not need another car payment. Funny how that happens.

RIP White Jeep Liberty. Thanks for the years of loving service.

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May 8, 2011 · 12:37 am

Happy Mother’s Day

For the first time in 22 years, I will be spending Mother’s Day without at least one of my kids. It is so very weird to write that… I don’t even know what to do with it. When they were little I used to ask for the morning to myself to plant flowers. Be careful what you wish for.

Since we cannot be together till next weekend I will do a little reflecting on what it has meant to me to be a mother. I was trained by the master… so a great big fat Happy Mother’s Day to my mom and of course to my mother-in-law as well.

Since I cannot be with my kids I decided to send them a random list of mom thoughts so that I feel like they are here. When they wake up (around 2PM) you will probably hear a collective ‘Awwww, mom’ from the Midwest.

1. Just when you both started to learn how to sleep late, I lost the ability to do so. So when I make too much noise in the morning when you are home, don’t think it is by accident. I do take more than a little bit of pleasure in the payback.

2. Although the house is very much in order when you are not here,  I would trade that for a hallway full of big sneakers and a kitchen full of bakers in a heartbeat.

3. A reminder that as your mother I feel obliged to tell you that although you are sure it is, Funfetti is NOT a flavor.

4. No, you may never consider calling the dog mommy (even when Daddy tells you it is ok – actually, especially at that time)

5. Danny, this may be hard to believe but I would sort of kill to be on the soccer field at 8:00 tomorrow, even if it is in Ronkonkoma. After so many years of complaining that there was no respect for family time by the soccer league, I realize that WAS family time!

6. Jana, don’t ever stop taking pictures on your phone and sending them to me. Even when you were on the other side of the world you always made me feel like I was right there with you.

7. Always remember when you see one of THOSE sunsets to say the words ‘sky blue pink’ to yourself and know that no matter where I am… I am with you.

8. Remember that nothing is ever too bad that you can’t tell me and no matter how much trouble you get into, chances are you will have a better shot of getting out if you call me first (with the help of Alan, of course, if it’s really bad).

9. If you think the milk is spoiled… it is. And don’t ask someone else to taste it, that’s mean.

10. I hope you both know that the single best thing I have done in my life was to become a mother. And that if I were given the chance to write down the qualities that I hoped my kids would have grown up to possess, it could never match the people you have become. I love you both so much it hurts.

Happy Mother’s Day to all!

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