Category Archives: humor

September 5, 2008 · 12:13 am

Why Pay that Pesky Tuition?

OMG, I love this so much. I have been saving all sorts of scam emails for awhile. (to date I think I am eligible to receive somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 billion dollars from South Africa – if only I had the time to respond).

Let’s dissect this one, shall we? “Now you can Buy Bacheelor, Degree, MasteerMBA, PhDD at LOW Price!!”

The key takeaway here is the low price (note the two exclamation points). Degrees guaranteed. Spelling is not.

“100% No Pre-school Qualification required!”

Great, a Ph.D. and I don’t have to worry about having gone to pre-school. That is a good thing because in my generation we did not.

And of course my favorite: “…available in the Field of your choice so you can even become a Doctor and Receive all the benefits that Comes with it!”

Let’s forget the content for a moment and try to figure out the rule of capitalization they used here. So let’s see, I can become a doc, have all the benefits (nice house, nice car, nice office, free band-aids) and never even go to pre-school. Not bad. I think I need to find the follow-up program on where to buy my malpractice insurance.

I particularly like that I can see the BCC list and that one of the recipients is thetrojans@gmail.com.

Perhaps this is a subliminal message about the horse they are coming in on.

3 Comments

Filed under education, humor

Tagged as , ,

September 3, 2008 · 9:50 pm

Yesternight

I will be shamelessly self-promoting my new photo blog, leaving the zip code, here from now on. You won’t be disappointed, I promise. Let’s see if some of you will take the ‘submit’ challenge.

I have always felt that there were words that should be in the english language but were not. Early in my blogging days (way back 3 or 4 months ago) I did a post called Bloganoia. I think that one needs to be revisited, so go vistit. Or re(visit). It is kind of a cool post.

Anyway, we have always had an ongoing list of words in this family that should have been in the dictionary. One of our favorites was yesternight. The little boy across the street (who is now 13!) said it and we loved it. I believe he is also the author of whobody. (very Suessian). I think that one was in the context of “Whobody farted?”

Tonight, I was battling all sorts of technology (more on that tomorrow) when Jana IM’d me and told me she was going to send me a picture message on my phone. Hmmm, when I was in college calling my parents only once a week – if that – I don’t remember picture messages and IMing being on the menu.

I digress. Imagine my delight when that picture came through. There in the text of good ole’ Frankenstein (a light read) is the word yesternight.

Not gonna lie, I feel kind of sad that it is no longer just ‘our word’.

3 Comments

Filed under blogging, family, humor, Jana

Tagged as , , , , , ,

August 31, 2008 · 10:48 pm

The Perfect Labor Day Outfit

I will be shamelessly self-promoting my new photo blog, leaving the zip code, here from now on. You won’t be disappointed, I promise. Let’s see if some of you will take the ‘submit’ challenge.

Once again, I have illustrated why you should always carry a camera. Or why I should, anyway.

The image gods dropped this babe for me from photography heaven.

After the most perfect beach day imaginable, spent with my one of my BFFs from childhood, we stopped at a local lobster market to pick up dinner.

As we were getting back in the car we happened upon this couple. Fumbling for my camera we lost sight of them. Off we rode down the block into the belly of the beast of bars and restaurants until we caught up with them.

I love black leather boots on Labor Day Weekend! What was that rule about wearing white?

4 Comments

Filed under carry a camera, fashion, friendship, humor, photography, trends

Tagged as , , ,

August 28, 2008 · 11:38 pm

Love/hate relationship with Spanx

I know. I spend way too much time making references to Spanx. If I spent that much time doing sit-ups I could finally lose this Spanx jones and get that lycra monkey off my back/ass. (oh, sorry, i digress into my Jimi Hendrix persona now and then). 

So, when one of my BBFFs (best blog friends forever), Finding Blanche, posted this video today with a suggestion by Mary (below) that we continue the love with this one, I jumped at the chance. It is long but so funny (almost as funny as my Seth Diamond video) you will go back and watch at least parts of it again. This is why I love the internet! This one is actually the Leggs version. (hey, maybe I should try those)

Here is the history: Finding Blanche posted this after she found it on Gnightgirl who posted it after she found it on Fighting Mad Mary who found it on GloZell. That’s whose it is, by the way. GloZell’s.

Would love to see this keep on going. Any takers for tomorrow?

7 Comments

Filed under fashion, friendship, humor, products, trends, women

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

August 27, 2008 · 11:41 pm

Lavatory Services?

A reminder to read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms today. And another shameless plug for Leaving the Zip Code. Trust me, you will really enjoy the pics over there.

Driving this baby just can’t be a good job.

Not sure if you can see, but there are some funky tools on the top of that truck. Could that be a shovel? Is that simply too cliché – to shovel the proverbial shit?

Really, can anyone tell me exactly what these guys do? Pardon my ignorance, but I always thought when you flushed on the plane it just kind of, well you know, got processed in some pneumatic tube kind of thing, was freeze dried and flew out the bottom of the sucker. Does it actually go into some sort of tank that these guys in turn have to… service?

Ok, so I could not resist doing a little research. Here is the yahoo answer in its entirety, but I had to include this excerpt because I could not stop laughing (which since it is Thursday there will be no crying till next week):

While we could not find specific FAA documents on disposal regulations, it’s common knowledge that the so-called “blue ice” or “brown goo” that accumulates within airplanes does drop onto unsuspecting targets from time to time.

Recently, an unlucky resident of Santa Cruz, California, received a special blue ice delivery courtesy of an American Airlines plane right through the skylight of his boat. He took the airline to small claims court and won a modest sum. A Pittsburgh woman’s home was also subject to such a delivery. Other folks describe mysterious biological material that appears splattered around their houses and property.

I absolutely love the use of the word ‘delivery’. How funny is that?

I guess the only response to this is…

EW!

3 Comments

Filed under humor, travel

Tagged as , , , , ,

August 26, 2008 · 10:17 pm

UPS and the 21lb. box of shoes

Last college moving post, I promise.

If you have ever schlepped a kid and their stuff you will love this one. And if you have ever had to track a package you will love it even more. I touch on this in my post at Mid-Century Modern Moms but here is the full story with the outcome. (BTW, my Wednesday post there was moved to Thursday this week)

First, yes, we did actually send 21 lbs. of shoes to Madison. AND she is only a size 6 so that is 21 lbs. of tiny shoes. We are thinking of changing her name to Emelda.

The package was ‘lost’ by UPS. After being not so nice to the rep on the phone about the incorrect address they ‘claimed’ we wrote on the package, we find out from her friends that it was, in fact the incorrect address. Ah, what is a few digits amongst shippers? Having to call UPS back on the 800# what is the shot I would get the SAME rep? Yes, that was a little embarrassing. Nonetheless, he BS’d ‘assured’ me this was being handled and would be delivered on Tuesday.

Fast forward to Monday, I track it online and find this:

Yeh, well ok. WTF!

Note each time they talk about the incorrect friggin’ street number signifies each time I was on the phone with these idiots and…

you guessed it, nothing happened.

Finally, the least of the incompetents ‘regional facility agent’ called to tell me that this was handled and would be delivered this afternoon. The best part of our little chat was when she actually said to me, “Oh, you have been dealing with the 800 national call center? They really don’t know what the heck they are doing and never seem to resolve anything.” (no lie)

That is when I asked her what number I should have called and she informed me that is the only one available and actually said, “Yeh, I know it is a terrible system.”

This is UPS for G-d sake. You know what is coming here, my favorite line:

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

But of course, all is well that ends well. I am sure my sweet daughter will finally be able to wear something on her feet other than the 3 pair of flip flops and one pair of converse that she traveled with.

Oh and the missing printer, that was found too. But who really cares about a printer in college when you have 21 lbs. of shoes?

4 Comments

Filed under absurdities, family, humor, parenting

Tagged as , , , , , ,

August 25, 2008 · 12:13 am

I could have used those 8 arms!

This is kind of what I looked like over the past 48 hours. College move in day is always a bittersweet, hectic marathon. 

Pack. Unpack. Shop. Eat. Hydrate. Hug. Laugh. Run cable wire (jack is ALWAYS on the opposite side of the room from the TV). Call the internet guy. Track missing packages. Meet her friends. Lose the car keys (constantly, I am a space cadet). Eat room service. 

Spending the time alone with my daughter is such a treat it is well worth the insanity. Seriously, not only did she embrace pulling over to get this shot, but she took it! Oh how we love the Octopus Car Wash!

Thanks Jana, for being you! Hopefully you will find the missing internet guy and be able to read this!

6 Comments

Filed under family, humor, parenting, signage

Tagged as , , , , ,

August 21, 2008 · 9:31 pm

Why did the Chicken(suit) Cross the Road?

So his friend could try on his head!

Standing outside a restaurant on Main Street with Danny we saw a man in a chicken suit! Of course I had my camera. But it did this weird resolution conversion thing to the pic that made it look more like a painting (notice how when I screw up a shot or a vid I come up with all sorts of artsy descriptions for it?)

What was even funnier is when I showed Jana the pic it turned out that we knew the guy!!  And then tonight, we were in a restaurant and the same guy came in (sans suit). Nothing like a small town! How very John Mellencamp.

Funny how sometimes cool things can happen even if you don’t leave the zip code (another shameless plug for the new blog).

1 Comment

Filed under blogging, humor, photography, video

Tagged as , ,

August 20, 2008 · 9:53 pm

Why You Should Always Carry a Camera…Everywhere!

NOTE: Shameless self-promotion here. Check out my new photography blog, Leaving the Zip Code. Scroll down and take a look at the past posts. And note this one is designed to be participatory – see the Submit page for details.

For those who have been reading along, you know I have been carrying my camera everywhere. You never know what you might see. This great little camera has a vid option that is kinda cool in a raw and artsy sort of way.

Everyone, meet my dear old friend Seth Diamond. You will find his picture next to the word ‘character’ in the dictionary. This vid was taken at breakfast in a tiny little town in the Adirondacks called North Creek. The waitress was rumored to have a beautiful voice but was quite shy. Seth volunteered to sing first and, well, he got carried away. Gary went back to the our room at the motel and of course he happened to have the Stylistics song on his ipod.

Seth, you make us all feel brand new, baby!

8 Comments

Filed under carry a camera, friendship, humor, video

Tagged as , , , ,

August 19, 2008 · 10:23 pm

#1 Sign that Your Daughter is Too Old for the Pediatrician’s Office

NOTE: It’s Wednesday and that means I am posting at Mid-Century Modern Moms today. Don’t miss it!

Jana is home for 5 whole days between camp and school. We like to think of this week as relay for health. We fit many doctor’s appointments into a short period of time. Last visit was the dentist, eye doc and gyn. This week it is allergist x 2 (trying to get that asthma in check) and the dreaded annual check-up with…

the pediatrician. Ok, so she is 19 and we are still visiting the pediatrician. Yeh, like we are the only ones doing that! While we were in the exam room I heard what sounded like a full grown man in the other room taking an eye test.

Note the ‘gown’ she was asked to put on. She wanted to know what short little porker size kid this was designed for. Wait, didn’t I see this top in a Vera Wang ad in the NYT fashion mag?

What is with our generation that we don’t trust the big people’s docs with our college kids? Do we have some strange masochistic nostalgic streak that makes us feel the need to still be around kvetching babies and toddlers in the waiting room to validate our vision of ourselves as ‘mom’?

Here are a couple of favorite sound bites from the ONE HOUR wait to see the doc:

8-year-old-girl: Mom, remember our babysitter Uma from Iraq?

Mom: She was from Canada!!

Mom: Let’s play the guessing game. I am thinking of a man.

Kid 1: Is he a singer?

Mom: Yes.

Kid 2: Bob Dylan?

Mom: No.

Kid 2: Bob Marley?

Note to self: kidnap Kid 2 and take her home. She fits perfectly with our musical tastes and Gary always wanted a third child. 

6 Comments

Filed under family, humor, moms, parenting, teenagers

Tagged as , , , , ,