Category Archives: absurdities

September 18, 2008 · 10:17 pm

Welcome to Croatia


I still have a fax machine. I am not always sure why because most of the things I receive announce vacation packages, low health insurance costs and home improvement specials. (Actually, I should stop throwing that stuff out, I could use all three).

Today I received the actual Croatian Passport above. Believe it or not I also received the inside but I thought that it would not be all that fair to this guy named Ivan (no joke, that was really his name) to be putting his passport (not the most flattering pic I might add) up on the internet for all to see.

I think somewhere in the past I might remember that there is a travel agency in another zip code that has the same number as my fax. Either that or I just made that up and Ivan is some sort of spy and he thinks that I am his leader and we are going to escape to go on a very dangerous undercover global espionage adventure this weekend.

Wait. No I’m not. I am actually flying off to Vegas tonight to Blogworld and New Media Expo.

Yep, all you bloggers are jealous, right?

All my friends in real life (that would be IRL) can stop laughing at the thought of me in Vegas and be encouraging. Gary is coming to be supportive, provide comic relief and try to find a way for me to turn this crazy blogging jones into billable hours. Oh, and to probably sit by the pool and do a little gambling.

Hey, I wonder if there is a basement in the Bellagio in case I get freaked out above ground too long.

4 Comments

Filed under absurdities, blogging, humor, travel

Tagged as , , , , , ,

August 30, 2008 · 11:15 pm

Top Ten Search Terms (vol.2)

I will be shamelessly self-promoting my new photo blog, leaving the zip code, here from now on. You won’t be disappointed, I promise. Let’s see if some of you will take the ‘submit’ challenge.

This one was really hard to narrow down to only 10, so I cheated and put all the tampons in as one listing. They were all too funny to leave any out.

As I did last month, I have linked these to the posts I think the search yielded:

10. petafile aroiund my neiborhood (uh, do we have a spelling issue going on here? this link is a stretch but I could not think of what else they found with that)

9. victim nail polish (I was once a victim to nail polish but I went into therapy and now I am good)

8. highway to hell photo code (wait, is there a password to get into hell?)

7. does menopause make women irrational and (Duh!! No, these hormones are not a problem sonny, just don’t come near me when I have a knife in my hand. I cannot help but wonder what came after the ‘and’…homicidal? frankly psychotic? certifiably insane? any other suggestions?)

6. mars cheerleaders (imagine the outfits they would be wearing)

5. decision ball outlook so so (this is a pretty wishy-washy magic eight ball, no?)

4. okay to drive baby in convertible? (helloooo, if you have to ask we should get your number and call social services)

3. acronym for burnt mouth from hot pizza (that would have to be BMFHP?)

2. adirondack milfs (I believe this may be an impossibility, have you ever been to the adirondacks?)

1. tampons don’t work (um, maybe you need to change it more often),  yank out tampon  (ouch, must you yank?), strategies for getting tampon out (this one should be pretty simple, did you not know that was what the string was for?) and the all time fave…

obama covered with tampons (just the visual alone is hysterical. yes I posted about this one already, so sue me)

There were a few more that I loved, but I need to be selective, right? Feel free to vote for your faves. And claim any of them if they were yours.

5 Comments

Filed under absurdities, humor, search engine terms, searches, Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,

August 26, 2008 · 10:17 pm

UPS and the 21lb. box of shoes

Last college moving post, I promise.

If you have ever schlepped a kid and their stuff you will love this one. And if you have ever had to track a package you will love it even more. I touch on this in my post at Mid-Century Modern Moms but here is the full story with the outcome. (BTW, my Wednesday post there was moved to Thursday this week)

First, yes, we did actually send 21 lbs. of shoes to Madison. AND she is only a size 6 so that is 21 lbs. of tiny shoes. We are thinking of changing her name to Emelda.

The package was ‘lost’ by UPS. After being not so nice to the rep on the phone about the incorrect address they ‘claimed’ we wrote on the package, we find out from her friends that it was, in fact the incorrect address. Ah, what is a few digits amongst shippers? Having to call UPS back on the 800# what is the shot I would get the SAME rep? Yes, that was a little embarrassing. Nonetheless, he BS’d ‘assured’ me this was being handled and would be delivered on Tuesday.

Fast forward to Monday, I track it online and find this:

Yeh, well ok. WTF!

Note each time they talk about the incorrect friggin’ street number signifies each time I was on the phone with these idiots and…

you guessed it, nothing happened.

Finally, the least of the incompetents ‘regional facility agent’ called to tell me that this was handled and would be delivered this afternoon. The best part of our little chat was when she actually said to me, “Oh, you have been dealing with the 800 national call center? They really don’t know what the heck they are doing and never seem to resolve anything.” (no lie)

That is when I asked her what number I should have called and she informed me that is the only one available and actually said, “Yeh, I know it is a terrible system.”

This is UPS for G-d sake. You know what is coming here, my favorite line:

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

But of course, all is well that ends well. I am sure my sweet daughter will finally be able to wear something on her feet other than the 3 pair of flip flops and one pair of converse that she traveled with.

Oh and the missing printer, that was found too. But who really cares about a printer in college when you have 21 lbs. of shoes?

4 Comments

Filed under absurdities, family, humor, parenting

Tagged as , , , , , ,