Tag Archives: parents

Tales of Open School Night

open-school

This was it. The last open school night. After 16 years, tonight marks the last time we will walk the halls – forever lost – searching for the right classroom.

Instead of getting all weepy about the end of an era I will tell you the funniest thing I heard all night. This is from a dad who always makes me laugh.

“I have spent the whole night following around the wrong middle-aged mom.”

He told me that with each frantic class switch he would try to keep up with his wife and each time followed the wrong ponytail down the hall, only to hear his cell phone ring with his wife on the other end reprimanding him for getting lost again.

Let’s face it, moms. We bring our husbands to these things to show the teachers that there are two concerned, involved parents in the household and we make sure that we sign their names on the sheets so they get credit.

Uh oh, now I am sure that I am in big trouble with all you REALLY involved dads out there, but please understand you are in the minority. Don’t get me wrong, Gary is into going(ish). He was very impressed with the SMART boards and the amazing course offerings… for real! But if given the choice I am sure he would prefer hanging out in the halls socializing.

Kind of like being back in high school, isnt it?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under education, family, gary, humor, parenting

Time to Cry Tuesday – Circling the Drain

down-the-drain

This is cruel as the previous mentioned 7 girlfriends sending off 7 daughters (and a son) are in full swing of departure this week. But I could not resist this post because, well because after all it is Tuesday and quite frankly I need a good cry.

I would like to start this off with a quote that makes more sense every year. A dear friend told me when her first child went off to college that ‘It was good for them’. I did not quite get it until I experienced it myself. But let’s face it folks, they are in college and that is a blast and we send them off and have to stay home and figure out how to pay for it and that is not. Period.

My daughter comes and goes and has for the past two years. She is never home for more than a few weeks at a time. We are used to her ebb and flow, her presence and absence. We are thrilled when she is here, sad when she leaves and back to our routine within a few days of her departure.

Bullshit.

I mean the routine gets easier but it is mostly because we have trained ourselves not to dwell on it. This is the mother of all parental behavior modification techniques. We know we need to let go and we do (on the outside anyway). Her growth outweighs our desire to keep her close by because her very absence and experiences out in the world are what make her so much more of what she is; a remarkably independent, capable, amazing young woman, who happens to have a great sense of humor and fabulous hair. (ok, so I am partial because she is my kid. This is my blog, I can brag if I want to).

So today when my friend told me that she was ‘circling the drain here’ I could not help but laugh. Until I got choked up and started to cry. For her. I knew exactly what she meant. We are thrilled and excited for them but surely in the first few weeks of their freshman year we are also scared to death. Way more than they are.

Here it is in a nutshell. We are their mothers (and fathers). We spend all these years raising them to be what they have become. But there is that defining moment, the one where the universe as we know it shifts and things are never truly the same. Things are not worse, on the contrary they are actually better for this is the payoff for all that hard work.

But once a year, when the universe shifts yet again, we have that recurring moment where we feel like we are going down the drain.

Don’t worry my dear parents of freshman, let me be your emotional plumber. I will fish you all out and dry you off and make sure there is a good stiff drink on the other side. I love each and every one of you – and your daughters (and one son), and I am so very proud to have you all in my life.

Tissues, please!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under college, family, Jana, moms, relationships, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Time To Cry Tuesday – Happy Campers

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No, make that counselors. Yes, after 11 years of writing a check to that haven in the adirondacks I am happy to say BOTH of my kids are staff members this year.

But the joy of not paying is tempered by the fact that for the first time in 11 years I will not be attending visiting day. And though I am sad that I will not be able to visit with my kids I could be equally heartbroken that I will not be able to eat the best fried chicken on earth and those heavenly little lemon meringue tarts with the little dollop of whipped cream on them.

Seriously, this is Time to Cry Tuesday so let me squeeze out a few tears for you.

We have aged out – for the second time in our lives – from a place that holds such intense memories that its culture is ingrained in our family as much as, if not more, any other piece of us.

I look at this picture and wonder, how can this be them? Wasn’t this just us? (note the Grateful Dead T) Ok, Gary’s beard was way more impressive (Danny is partaking in the great facial hair experiment). But I look at this photo and I know exactly what they are feeling. How the air smells first thing in the morning. How the lake tastes. The sense of belonging like no other from a place that is rival to none. For us still!

I look at those faces and the passage of time is so evident. (and I think what good money was spent on the orthodontist). Yet I could conjure up what a day at camp feels like as if I attended last year. So could my mom (yes, she went there too). And of course I have that tug at my heart that asks, “what happened to my little campers?”

I know they appreciate every minute. Jana surely did not think she would be there again this year. And they are forever grateful that we gave them this gift.

They are giving it right back with this image. Thanks guys for bringing us back, yet again.

We love you both, more than life itself.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under danny, family, Jana, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Time to Cry Tuesday: Priceless

There are a handful of moments in advertising history that have touched the souls of those who see them. One of the more famous examples is the Mastercard Priceless campaign. This past week, one of my mommy idols could have starred in one of these commercials.

The scenario: The Dave Matthews Band was playing on the Plaza in the Today Show Toyota Summer Concert Series. Both my friend and her 10th grade daughter are huge fans of the band. In fact, they are a full DMB family of fans. This particular friend has found herself to be an unlucky member of the Sandwich Generation. Many of us are in the midst of raising children at the same time we are dealing with aging parents with health problems. Being an only child of a widowed mom, she is the healthcare concierge extraordinaire. Last week was a particularly harrowing one on that front.

Enter the opportunity to go into the city at some ungodly hour (3:30 AM) to stand in line for the concert. She was all set to take her daughter and a friend until the weather turned nasty and she began to rethink the event. At this point her college-aged son pulled her aside in a sage-like manner and told her that she would never forgive herself if she missed this opportunity of a lifetime that her daughter would never forget. (please note: said son aspires to be a documentary film-maker).

Funny how our kids spout back at us what we have taught them.

So, without hesitation, sporting rain gear of all kinds, off they went on the 3:30 train into the city. I received an early text telling me she was there. Within an hour I texted back that I had not only seen her daughter dancing on camera, but had DVRd it. Her daughter could not be happier. Until… (yes this keeps getting better)

…she screamed out, ‘Dave, I love you” during a lull in the performance and he turned around and smiled at her. Kind of like a young girl’s dream come true. Wait, it gets even better.

During the show they gave out foam guitars to the audience. The daughter’s friend was holding one. After the show, Dave came around and signed the guitar! And the friend? He decided that since he would not have been able to go to the show with out her, gave the guitar to this very lucky girl.

I know, Time to Cry all the way around. I love this story. Not only because the main character is one of my main women, but because every step of the way it was about what I like to call ‘the good stuff’. Truly a priceless experience.

Here is a picture of the two happy teens on the train ride home. The inset shows the Dave Matthews sig.

After-the-show

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under aging parents, family, friendship, moms, music, New York, New York City, parenting, relationships, rock 'n roll, teenagers, Time to Cry Tuesdays, women

The Big Two Oh!

jana_forever-young

I know I have already blogged about this once this week, but this is monumental.

Today is the 20th birthday of the fabulous Miss Jana. All you lurkers out there, the pressure is on to throw a comment in to wish my not so little girl a very happy birthday. Keep in mind she is in the home stretch of the semester and life is not all that much fun so she could really use a shout out from all of you.

In celebration of her birthday I will share my top ten most favorite things about Jana (in no particular order)

1. her hair (Dr. Jimmy is with me on this one)

2. her smile (thanks to the orthodontist who gave her the straightest teeth in the zip code)

3. her ability to suck it up in tough situations.

4. the fact that she will always be the one to tell me when it is time to get my hair colored (this could be one of the things I miss the most with her gone)

5. her kind heart

6. the way she taught me that it really doesn’t matter if a teenager’s room is a mess.

7. the way she treats her brother

8. her love for music (her dad made sure of that)

9. the way she hates to shop (where could that come from)

10. the fact that my behavior rarely embarrasses her

For the second time this week, but on the actual date you popped out, happy birthday Janny girl!

Now come on, let’s see some comments here…

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

9 Comments

Filed under family, holidays, Jana, parenting, teenagers, top ten lists

Sleepaway. 10 for 2.

As I mentioned in my Jeep packing post, BOTH my kids left this time.

Sleepaway camp, that kidtopia in the mountains of upstate NY that they dream of all year. 10 for 2 translates into living 10 months in anticipation for the 2 that they are at camp.

For anyone who has never experienced this, and certainly parents who did not have sleepaway in their childhoods, it sounds absurd to send your kids away for the summer. Mine both started at 10. It is his 7th summer and her 10th! She is a third year counselor and group leader and he is a waiter. Waiter/waitress summer is the ultimate summer at this camp. They define themselves by this year, he will forever be an ’08 and she an ’05. I met someone recently who went there and he told me he was an ’88. I had to explain to others what that meant.

At breakfast yesterday a friend asked me to explain this camp. What was the lure that kept these kids coming back year after year, some well through their college years, others through grad school and sometimes beyond if they are teachers.

This friend happens to be the grandmother of 2 ‘legacy/legend’ counselors at the boys camp. One of them is 24, has graduated UPENN and taught in South America for the past year. My point being, this is no lazy slouch. In trying to explain, I told her this:

To start, I went to this camp. I know first-hand what keeps them going back. My husband, brother, in-law siblings, cousins and even my mother and aunts went there. My kids are known as third generation (a prized status, I might add). There is actually a fourth generation family. We are very jealous.

So what is the IT? The best explanation would be the sense of family, of belonging to a place and it to you. A culture of acceptance that no matter who you are or where you come from, this place is yours. Athlete, musician, artist, actor, outdoorsperson, offbeat personality, wise-ass – they are all accepted and embraced equally for who they are. This place is the level playing field where kids form relationships with other kids they would otherwise never hang with. Relationships there last a lifetime. Our kids are friends with the children of our camp friends!

Many camps can make this claim. But when you see generation after generation sending their kids, the proof is in that action. Some claim it is a marital dealbreaker. If the spouse does not agree to send their unborn kids to this camp the wedding is off (you think I am kidding, don’t you?)  A few years ago I asked my son why one of his counselors did not come back and he said, “oh mom, he had to be a lawyer” This kid had been in law school and still going back!

30+ years later when I step foot on that turf I have a sense of coming home. Of being somewhere that makes me feel that I have finally struck a balance.

There is no greater joy than to watch your kids experience that kind of childhood euphoria that you have known. When they tell you about their time there, they know that you fully understand. It is a bond that transcends the parent-child relationship. You are them and they are you. What a gift!

It is bittersweet when they leave us now. They are at an age where they do not compromise our lifestyle, rather they enhance it. When they were younger (and needier) we counted the days to have our time to ourselves. Now we feel the void in a different way, maybe one of foreshadowing.

But we still have the same response when other parents ask us what we do all summer without our kids…

Whatever the hell we want!

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Filed under family, friendship, parenting