Category Archives: Time to Cry Tuesdays

September 14, 2009 · 10:16 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – It’s Only a Number

number

“Not bad for 99”, said the old woman in front of me at the supermarket as she gestured towards her husband counting out his change.

“99?!” I said, how old are you?” She told me that she was 95, he would be 100 in November and they would be married 76 years that same month. All I could think was that either Gary or I will surely run one or the other over with the car before then I hope to have such a long, happy marriage. Seventy-six years of marriage, YIKES!

Honestly, these people looked like they were in their early 80s. “He does all the cooking now. I did it the first half of our lives but he finds it relaxing and I just do the wash and the ironing now. Maybe a little dusting now and then.”

Now, here is a little something you do not know about me. It is more than a coincidence as it has been happening my whole adult life. At times when I am most stressed or aggravated, perhaps suffering from some good old-fashioned self pity, I get a sign. No seriously, I do. It is not that I am all that religious, moderately I would say, but I am spiritual. And I do pay attention to the signs.

So here is the thing. I could be having a rotten day, things can be going all sorts of wrong and then I will see a blind man get on a subway. Or someone with two canes walking down the street. All kinds of disabilities show up in my line of vision just as I am feeling good and sorry for myself.

And that is when I look up and say, “OK, I get it.”

So back to my little old couple, who by the way were driving which did concern me, but I digress. I was in the supermarket off schedule. I was racing from a soccer game in the rain to a Saturday night affair with an hour to shower, hair and make up. Oh and of course Spanx which take up 15 minutes of that hour. If you have ever put on Spanx you know what I mean. I realized that I did not have dinner for the drenched and famished soccer player so I stopped off to pick something up.

I was driving and thinking about turning 50. Not one to usually care about the numbers, this year was no exception. Until just then. And I thought, hell, 50 is old. I mean not out of it, life is over, drama queen, where has my youth gone kind of old. Just old. Or maybe old(ish).

And then there they were. My sign. The fact was these people were twice my age. And ironing for G-d sake! Seriously, get over yourself, kid!

To add to the attitude adjustment there were the 2 trips to the DMV today (a story for another time), that made me realize that in that context I was a totally young, skinny, babe.

So in celebration of turning 50 I will reaffirm my favorite thought:

There is no reality. Only perception.

Here’s to perception!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

10 Comments

Filed under Time to Cry Tuesdays

Tagged as , , , ,

September 7, 2009 · 7:55 pm

Time To Cry Tuesday – Penny

penny-nelson

Here is one for all you dog lovers out there.

Meet Penny. This past week she proved that poodles are no wussy dogs here on the peninsula. Her hairless sister has been featured here on Time To Cry Tuesday, and now it is her turn.

Take a look at that face. Ferocious? Perhaps not. She may actually look a little sleepy (or stoned – sorry El) in this picture. But in reality, Penny is the hero of the week in our sleepy little town.

Below is an email I received from her owner:

As you all know, I love my dog very much. With that said…

Yesterday, after being out for about two hours, I came home to find six police cars in front of my house. I walked over to one of the officers and asked what was wrong. He quietly took me over to my house and said there had been a break-in in several houses on my block and that he needed to walk with me through my house to see if this guy – who by the way was caught – had gotten in.

As we walked into my house I was greeted by my dog’s obnoxious barking and big smile. She was fine. As we walked through we realized that the burglar had not gotten in. Thank goodness.

But unfortunately he had gotten into the homes of seven of my neighbors. When I asked the police officer why he thought my house did not get hit, he said, you are holding her in you hands.

With that said, I love my dog even more than ever, all nine pounds of her! She got big treats last night and slept close to me becuase in my eyes she was a big time watch dog yesterday. And my hero.

So in honor of Penny, here is something to think about:

There was one of those heart-wrenching stories about a dog that dies and a kid’s perspective at the end of her email that I will not include in its entirety because of its length. I will, however, leave you with my favorite parts. Forgive my abbreviation (or thank me for it).

If a dog was a teacher you would learn things like:

Never pass up the opportunity for a joyride. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you are not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

Now go give your dog (or cat. or fish.) a hug and thank them for reminding you of all this.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

8 Comments

Filed under friendship, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

August 31, 2009 · 9:29 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – First of the Lasts

(this post is dedicated to my girls who have parented a matched set of kids with me since pre-school. you know who you are. thanks for always being there).

We have all been here before. We have all been here before. We have all been here before. We have all been here before. (No, I am not being annoyingly repetitive for no reason, I am quoting David Crosby)

Parental Déjà Vu.

Today marked the unofficial beginning of Danny’s senior year; varsity soccer practice 2-a-days. In seventeen-year-old-ese that means constant running from 8-11:30 and then again from 5-7:30.

Not wanting to be over-dramatic about this, but today, as I wondered through Staples after dropping him at practice, gathering office supplies, bombarded by obscene amounts of back-to-school signage, I realized that this was it.

IT.

Today is the first of the lasts. Last sports season as a parental spectator, last back-to-school season, last school year of having a kid home, last 10 months of an offspring in residence.

Right about now is when I would be sticking my fingers in both ears, babbling to drown out what I have to say next.

I remember all this with my first child. That combination of excitement and fear of losing the life we have known for the past 20 years.

Parental Déjà Vu.

Let the games begin and let me remember to savor ever one of these lasts.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

2 Comments

Filed under parenting, teenagers, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

August 24, 2009 · 8:22 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Circling the Drain

down-the-drain

This is cruel as the previous mentioned 7 girlfriends sending off 7 daughters (and a son) are in full swing of departure this week. But I could not resist this post because, well because after all it is Tuesday and quite frankly I need a good cry.

I would like to start this off with a quote that makes more sense every year. A dear friend told me when her first child went off to college that ‘It was good for them’. I did not quite get it until I experienced it myself. But let’s face it folks, they are in college and that is a blast and we send them off and have to stay home and figure out how to pay for it and that is not. Period.

My daughter comes and goes and has for the past two years. She is never home for more than a few weeks at a time. We are used to her ebb and flow, her presence and absence. We are thrilled when she is here, sad when she leaves and back to our routine within a few days of her departure.

Bullshit.

I mean the routine gets easier but it is mostly because we have trained ourselves not to dwell on it. This is the mother of all parental behavior modification techniques. We know we need to let go and we do (on the outside anyway). Her growth outweighs our desire to keep her close by because her very absence and experiences out in the world are what make her so much more of what she is; a remarkably independent, capable, amazing young woman, who happens to have a great sense of humor and fabulous hair. (ok, so I am partial because she is my kid. This is my blog, I can brag if I want to).

So today when my friend told me that she was ‘circling the drain here’ I could not help but laugh. Until I got choked up and started to cry. For her. I knew exactly what she meant. We are thrilled and excited for them but surely in the first few weeks of their freshman year we are also scared to death. Way more than they are.

Here it is in a nutshell. We are their mothers (and fathers). We spend all these years raising them to be what they have become. But there is that defining moment, the one where the universe as we know it shifts and things are never truly the same. Things are not worse, on the contrary they are actually better for this is the payoff for all that hard work.

But once a year, when the universe shifts yet again, we have that recurring moment where we feel like we are going down the drain.

Don’t worry my dear parents of freshman, let me be your emotional plumber. I will fish you all out and dry you off and make sure there is a good stiff drink on the other side. I love each and every one of you – and your daughters (and one son), and I am so very proud to have you all in my life.

Tissues, please!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

8 Comments

Filed under college, family, Jana, moms, relationships, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Tagged as , , , , ,

August 3, 2009 · 8:33 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Camp is Short and Life is Long

camp-is-short

This little pearl of wisdom spilled out of Gary while he was on the phone. He was explaining how we feel about the kids being counselors at camp. In these times of rising unemployment and stiff job competition it is hard to let go of the idea that internships and job experience are the only route to travel. Unless of course you understand the need they have to fill by going back to camp because you too, have known it first hand.

I have gushed about the way we feel about camp ad nauseam here, but bear with me on this one.

Read the title of this post and really think about it for a moment. If you ever went to summer camp you are smiling and nodding your head. If you have not, let me try to articulate the importance of this statement.

Camp is the essence of the freedom of summer. It is the place where you leave the social and scholastic pressures of the ten previous months at the threshold and you don’t look back for eight weeks. You can breathe and just BE YOU. The sweet core you without the hinderance of all that life piles on you. Yes, even as a kid. Or, in these times, especially as a kid. Sure there are social issues and competition, but somehow the aura that surrounds you at camp is one of tolerance. Kids of all kinds mesh into the fabric of the place.

When you walk into an alumni weekend at a sleepaway camp like we did this weekend, you see droves of young (and not so young) adults converging on the promised land of their childhoods. Some have just begun their journey down the path of adulthood. Some come back with their spouses in tow, trying to show them exactly why this place is so much a part of who they are today. Others are bringing their children to see the place in hopes that they will want to attend next year. And still others, like ourselves, watch our own kids become the leaders of the place.

How’s this for full circle? I watched my daughter tour a prospective camper around the place, giving her the full flavor of why she would want to be a camper there. This 7-year-old? She was the child of a woman who was my camper when she was ten. And the kid looked just like the mom did when I had her.

History. Love. Belonging. A sense of place.

Camp is short. And life is surely long.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

6 Comments

Filed under danny, friendship, Jana, relationships, road trip, teenagers, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Tagged as , , , , , ,

July 20, 2009 · 10:37 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Childhood

oak-school-three

Oak School #3. From tiny acorns to mighty oaks.

This is the sign that sits in front of my elementary school. Just to the left and below the bay window that was my kindergarten room. Inside was the window seat that I sat on and watched my mom walk away the first day of school. Back in the day we did not go to pre-k. This building housed my very first moments in school.

I can still remember the way the stairs were worn in the middle of each step. The way the cafeteria smelled – a cross between tater tots and canned string beans. The nurses office where I took my first eye exam and discovered I needed glasses; the oval baby blue kind (very Brady Bunch, indeed). The amazing Austin Powers style mole on my teacher’s nose. (seriously, we even had a song for it).

The school alma mater was never so deep as to mention acorns to oaks — that sign was added only recently. Yet I do still remember every word. One of the more creative lines:

When I walk to school each day, I stop and look and then I say, “Oak School Three, is the best. It’s really better than all the rest.”

I know what you are thinking, who was the genius that wrote those lyrics?

Why the corny walk down memory lane? Because two of my mightiest oaks of childhood were visiting this weekend from out of town and there is nothing more fun than doing the tour of the formative years with people you shared them with. These particular ‘oaks’ were my brother and his best friend since 2nd grade. These guys were the coolest. Four grades above me, I was lucky if they let me watch TV with them.

This weekend we all spent time together. Going to the beach, walking the boardwalk, hanging at my parents house. If not for my adult nephews to keep us in check I am sure we could have easily reverted back to being the kids in the house. Come to think of it the conversation at brunch was as adolescent as it gets.

Just when you think you are all grown up…

your not.

Thanks guys!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

2 Comments

Filed under carry a camera, family, friendship, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Tagged as , , , , ,

July 13, 2009 · 11:07 pm

Time To Cry Tuesday – Happy Campers

4109 056

No, make that counselors. Yes, after 11 years of writing a check to that haven in the adirondacks I am happy to say BOTH of my kids are staff members this year.

But the joy of not paying is tempered by the fact that for the first time in 11 years I will not be attending visiting day. And though I am sad that I will not be able to visit with my kids I could be equally heartbroken that I will not be able to eat the best fried chicken on earth and those heavenly little lemon meringue tarts with the little dollop of whipped cream on them.

Seriously, this is Time to Cry Tuesday so let me squeeze out a few tears for you.

We have aged out – for the second time in our lives – from a place that holds such intense memories that its culture is ingrained in our family as much as, if not more, any other piece of us.

I look at this picture and wonder, how can this be them? Wasn’t this just us? (note the Grateful Dead T) Ok, Gary’s beard was way more impressive (Danny is partaking in the great facial hair experiment). But I look at this photo and I know exactly what they are feeling. How the air smells first thing in the morning. How the lake tastes. The sense of belonging like no other from a place that is rival to none. For us still!

I look at those faces and the passage of time is so evident. (and I think what good money was spent on the orthodontist). Yet I could conjure up what a day at camp feels like as if I attended last year. So could my mom (yes, she went there too). And of course I have that tug at my heart that asks, “what happened to my little campers?”

I know they appreciate every minute. Jana surely did not think she would be there again this year. And they are forever grateful that we gave them this gift.

They are giving it right back with this image. Thanks guys for bringing us back, yet again.

We love you both, more than life itself.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

6 Comments

Filed under danny, family, Jana, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Tagged as , , , , , ,

July 6, 2009 · 10:51 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – License Plate Wisdom

This is not my usual Time to Cry Tuesday. The end of June was wrought with so many emotions that I am too played out to wrench any hearts this week. Instead I thought I would bring you some license plate zen. I truly believe that these messages show up on the road in front of me to make me think.

Or laugh.

Or not, just humor me here today.

Let’s start with a nice Beatles sentiment. When driving on the expressway it is good to just…

let-it-be

But by all means, never…

b-chicken

Because…

some-will

and some won’t. That is just how life is. Just don’t be a…

show-cat

Because you never know if you are being followed by…

2-nuns

(only in Wisconsin!)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone

2 Comments

Filed under carry a camera, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Tagged as ,

June 15, 2009 · 10:38 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Family Movie Night

family-movie-night

Countdown to the kids leaving for the summer. When they were younger this was the 10-day period when I was both anxious about them going and elated to have 7 1/2 weeks of adult time and freedom from schedules. (except for work, but doing only one job was like a vacation).

This is the eighth summer that they will both be away. People used to ask us, “what do you do all summer without your kids?” and our response would be, “whatever the hell we want!”

Now that they are older, the thrill of having all that time to ourselves is tempered with the fact that during the year we pretty much do whatever the hell we want! And truthfully, our first choice of social companions at this stage of our lives are the kids themselves.

At almost 17 and 20 they are truly fun to be with. They throw us a bone now and then and agree to hang out, especially if we are paying.

Last night was Family Movie Night (yes on a Monday!) Infants that we all are, we decided to go see The Hangover –  a fine example of good parenting, I might add.

Sitting in the movie theater, with the glow of the screen illuminating what are now the grown up faces of our offspring, I could not help but flashback to their little faces watching the insufferable kids’ movies we used to take them to. Invariably there was always a kid that puked in the next row.

This time the puking remained on screen.

I glanced at Gary and could read his mind. He gave me that misty-eyed Gary face that said: remember when they used to sit on our laps? Remember how his fuzzy little head felt under your chin? Remember how her hair smelled? How one of them ALWAYS had to go to the bathroom at the best part of the movie? When we were sitting in the middle of a row. Next to a very cranky family with a really big tub of popcorn.

Last night, the sound of their laughter, the feeling of being this family unit – one that we do not get to have often – THIS is what it is all about.

For real.

The news, the distractions, the daily grind; they all melt away at times like these when we realize what we have built. These small moments that could burst through the walls if they got any bigger. In a world where there are no answers, I have found mine right under my nose.

In my family.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

7 Comments

Filed under danny, family, gary, Jana, relationships, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Tagged as , , , , , ,

June 8, 2009 · 10:09 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday: Priceless

There are a handful of moments in advertising history that have touched the souls of those who see them. One of the more famous examples is the Mastercard Priceless campaign. This past week, one of my mommy idols could have starred in one of these commercials.

The scenario: The Dave Matthews Band was playing on the Plaza in the Today Show Toyota Summer Concert Series. Both my friend and her 10th grade daughter are huge fans of the band. In fact, they are a full DMB family of fans. This particular friend has found herself to be an unlucky member of the Sandwich Generation. Many of us are in the midst of raising children at the same time we are dealing with aging parents with health problems. Being an only child of a widowed mom, she is the healthcare concierge extraordinaire. Last week was a particularly harrowing one on that front.

Enter the opportunity to go into the city at some ungodly hour (3:30 AM) to stand in line for the concert. She was all set to take her daughter and a friend until the weather turned nasty and she began to rethink the event. At this point her college-aged son pulled her aside in a sage-like manner and told her that she would never forgive herself if she missed this opportunity of a lifetime that her daughter would never forget. (please note: said son aspires to be a documentary film-maker).

Funny how our kids spout back at us what we have taught them.

So, without hesitation, sporting rain gear of all kinds, off they went on the 3:30 train into the city. I received an early text telling me she was there. Within an hour I texted back that I had not only seen her daughter dancing on camera, but had DVRd it. Her daughter could not be happier. Until… (yes this keeps getting better)

…she screamed out, ‘Dave, I love you” during a lull in the performance and he turned around and smiled at her. Kind of like a young girl’s dream come true. Wait, it gets even better.

During the show they gave out foam guitars to the audience. The daughter’s friend was holding one. After the show, Dave came around and signed the guitar! And the friend? He decided that since he would not have been able to go to the show with out her, gave the guitar to this very lucky girl.

I know, Time to Cry all the way around. I love this story. Not only because the main character is one of my main women, but because every step of the way it was about what I like to call ‘the good stuff’. Truly a priceless experience.

Here is a picture of the two happy teens on the train ride home. The inset shows the Dave Matthews sig.

After-the-show

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

12 Comments

Filed under aging parents, family, friendship, moms, music, New York, New York City, parenting, relationships, rock 'n roll, teenagers, Time to Cry Tuesdays, women

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , ,