Monthly Archives: May 2012

Parental Role Models

Today was our anniversary. This is the card we got from our kids:

This was what they wrote inside. And when I say ‘they’ I mean Jana. Sorry Dan but we know you had no idea it was our anniversary today.

Perhaps I need to be less candid with the kids.



Filed under danny, gary, Jana

Mothers of the Year – Tanorexic Mom and Pink Bikini Hooker Mom

Oh, how proud I am to live in the Northeast these days. We are blessed with two fabulous mother role models  just in time for Mother’s Day. How inspiring.

Some of you moms out there are worrying about your parenting skills. My friend Michelle Lamar has been writing about raising teens on Huff Po this week and lamenting about whether or not she is making sound choices. Have no fear, Michelle, these two beauties will make you feel much better.

Julio Cortez/AP Photos

Tanorexic mom? That would be the name of the new action figure doll from that is modeled after the woman from Jersey who got all sorts of attention for obsessive tanning. The story started with an accusation of taking her little one into a tanning booth with her, but the media became so enthralled with her that she hit SNL this past weekend with a sketch that had me in tears. (I loved the toast part… I am such an infant)

Fox News

Then there is Pink Bikini Hot Dog Hooker Mom (name just rolls right off the tongue, doesn’t it?) This morning as I poured my first cup of joe I was assaulted with the image of this lunatic. And, scary but true, she lives not far from where I grew up. As she told us so wisely, “Stripping and prostitution are 2 different things.” Ok, hon, so where does lap dancing fall? Better yet, where does lap dancing after luring the guys to your hot dog truck in a pink bikini. Talk about self esteem… I wish I could see what this chick sees when she looks in the mirror. I simply loved her closing statement on the news, “Come to Sunrise Highway in Baldwin tomorrow and I will have on my pink bikini and we’ll take a picture by the hot dawg truck.”

What’s the shot I can convince Gary that the best Mother’s Day gift he can give me would be a picture of him with this lunatic?

Leave a comment

Filed under absurdities, current events

Time to Cry Tuesday – Worry

Worry. We all do it. Some more than others, but worry comes into play as part of being an adult. Sure, kids worry, but for the most part they leave the heavy lifting to us until they come of age.

We worry about our kids, our parents, our careers, money, weather… you name it. See a pattern? Most of what we worry about is out of our control. Sure, we can help mold and massage parts of life, but for the most part it is how we live with what happens that makes us who we are. And certainly makes the ride a lot less stressful.

Years ago, Gary was very ill in the hospital. I had 2 small kids, a puppy (the last one) and I was working like a maniac. I commuted with a friend. We were on the train one morning and I must have gone into a frenzy of ‘what ifs’ that made her head spin. She stopped me in my tracks with one simple phrase, “Don’t pre-worry.”

Amazing, right? Many times what goes wrong is not what we worry about anyway. And everything runs its course. If you worry about every scenario that does not happen, you have wasted all the energy you need to deal with what actually does. This crazy notion of being happy all the time is ridiculous and surely never sustainable. As I always tell my kids, “Sometimes you just have to feel like shit, it gives happiness context.” (yes I have a foul mouth with my kids, relax, they are older now). I try to subscribe to the ‘ride it out’ philosophy. Sort of let the bad stuff happen and pass through you, don’t let it get stuck inside you.

Let it go or be dragged. (not mine, I found that one on Pinterest)

Sometimes I am successful at this. Other times I fall off the worry wagon and have to work on getting it all back in check.

I love the little worry dolls in this picture. A local Mexican restaurant gives them to you with the bill. (At the cost of their guacamole it is no wonder, they figure you will worry about how to pay!) I collect these in my wallet and every once in awhile I look at them to remind myself that worrying is sort of useless, and will surely sabotage any hope of living a fulfilling day to day life.

Oh and a pomegranate margarita every once in awhile can’t hurt.


Filed under Time to Cry Tuesdays

Sometimes Puppies Suck

Ok, maybe that won’t be the most popular post title for search. Or then again, maybe it will.

Bottom line, sometimes puppies DO suck. Like when you get up with them at 6AM, let them out, feed them and that is STILL not enough. They whine like a little baby when you go back to bed because it is – ahem… friggin SATURDAY! – and then when you ignore them they figure out how to ‘f’ you real bad.

That’s right, for those who know me, the prescription sunglasses that I have owned for at least 8 years are no longer. And yes, that IS a Gucci logo on there. Again, if you know me I do not do the designer thing, but I always loved these glasses and made an exception.

I could have been the first woman in the history of the eyeglass store in Great Neck, NY who ever asked to have the logo popped off the frames. The guy looked at me like I was from another planet.

I guess in Great Neck, I am.



Filed under animals, Iko, pets

Horny Goat Weed

Please discuss!


Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, products