Category Archives: Time to Cry Tuesdays

December 4, 2012 · 12:27 am

Time to Cry Tuesday – The Beach

Yes, I am back. And after quite a long break I have decided to blog regularly again. I am not quite sure why I stopped, probably a little burnout and a lot busy. But I missed it, and hopefully you did too.

beach-boy

Here goes. Funny that I chose to come back on a Tuesday…

The beach. If you know me, my definition is not that place you go in the summer or on vacation. Sure, those are nice, but the beach is part of my soul. For my kind, off season beach is as enchanting as on.

As you know, Sandy beat the crap out of a lot of places in the Northeast.  The greatest victims were the beach communities. And with that she took a piece of many of us that is hard to reconcile.

Long Beach, NY. City by the Sea. To me, this is not just a town by the ocean. It is that part of me that threads itself through the fabric of my life. A constant.

It is 3 little sunburnt girl cousins in an outdoor shower of their Nana’s house, giggling and screaming after a long day in the sand and surf. It is those same little girls running barefoot to the stores ‘Around the Corner’ to buy candy, feeling the freedom that only a small beach town can offer a child. It is the entire extended family spending weekends together. It is the teenager who hitch-hiked to the beach in the off season with her friends, not because she did not have bus money, but because it was part of the adventure. It is under the boardwalk and all the experiments and rights of passage that happen in that magical space that are better left untold. It is new loves and old ones. It is my first summer as a mom, dragging that stroller and nursing that little baby non-stop under the shade of a beach towel. It’s a little boy on a skim board till it is almost dark. It is beach club cabanas and showered kids falling sleep on the car ride home. It is the boardwalk – that poor ravaged soul – where we took our 3 generation stroll every Friday after Thanksgiving for the past 25 years. And long walks on that same boardwalk to think something through or just calm down and BE.

It is where my family always goes to feel better. No matter what ails you, a little salt air and sea breeze is the best cure.

It is the place that never fails me when I am suffering. That great majestic soother.

So many have lost so much there, it is heartbreaking to comprehend. And it seems more than a little self-indulgent to speak of this type of loss in the shadow of shattered lives.

But anyone who grew up in those parts – or any beach community – will nod their heads and indulge me these thoughts. For you will understand that sometimes a place is more a part of you than you ever realized.

Let the rebuilding began.

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September 3, 2012 · 9:18 pm

Time To Cry Tuesday – Chicken Redux

Last year I wrote about ‘The Chicken”. If you don’t want to click back, I will make it short. When you live in a close-knit community and find yourself in times of need, people come out in a big way.

We tend to like to feed. I think outside the comfort piece, the idea of removing the hassle of the nightly meal for a family that already has too much on its proverbial plate makes sending in dinners seem like the right thing to do.

So basically, you love to make the chicken… receiving the chicken? Not so much.

This week we had two families in one close group of friends in need… of ‘chicken’. All I can say is that I sent out one email and within 24 hours there were six nightly home-cooked meals and a waiting list for one family and a Magic Bullet smoothie maker for the other, who for health reasons needed to puree, so to speak.

24 hours.

AND there were calls from more who wanted to help and text chains and emails and such an overwhelming sense of what community is, that it took my breath away… yet again. I never cease to stand in awe of what this means; how lucky we all to have each other; to try to imagine what my life would be like without this.

I cannot.

 

To have 2 dear friends in surgery on the same day is quite unnerving. There is not enough chicken in the universe that makes you feel like you are doing enough to ease the pain.

Until you stop an realize that you can’t. You can only love them. And their spouses. And their amazing kids and even their dogs. And be there for them the best way you know how when they get to the other side. Because they are the family you choose.

I am happy to report that both are doing as well as they can. And we want to let them both know:

There is plenty of chicken where that came from. Just say the word.

Because that is what we do.

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August 27, 2012 · 9:53 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – When was the last time?

Now there is a question you need to ask yourself. Think about it. As you get older it becomes harder to to. Not that there we are necessarily running out of things to do that we have not done yet. It is more that we tend to become complacent. We don’t like to step outside the comfort zone too often. Life is hard enough, we tell ourselves. Status quo is really not so bad, right?

Wrong!

This is a challenge to go out and do something this week for the first time. It does not have to be something big, just something you have never done. Hopefully something you always wanted to do.

Let me know how it goes for you.

 

 

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August 6, 2012 · 11:07 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Start to Finish

 

Ahhhhh! The short race. This is something I can understand. Start here. Finish here. Not a whole hell of a lot of trouble in between. I wish I had been around to see the neighborhood kids racing here.

Downhill.

What could be better.

This made me think of my work. Sometimes it is a short race, wham bam, super rush, in and out in days sort of thing. Sometimes it is the I have given birth faster than finishing this project kind of situation.

I am not sure which I prefer. There is something lovely about working your ass off in a condensed period of time and surprising yourself with how much you can get done in so little time. On the other hand, it is not so terrible to have the time to review and finesse… or obsess, as the case may be.

Seems I never get the happy medium projects.

I suppose I am just a woman of extremes…

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July 30, 2012 · 11:37 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Welcome to the Family

This weekend, a young woman made not only the love of her life happy, but his entire family as well.

My nephew – the firstborn grandchild – asked his girlfriend to marry him. Not to get all Sunrise Sunset on him, but this one is huge for me. He was the first little guy to win my heart. The first baby that I held and felt my own blood run through his veins. The first little person that made me stop and think, holy crap, this procreation thing is something I could definitely subscribe to.

My brother and I vowed to not let long distance prevent us from being a big part of each other’s kid’s lives. When they were young, we took the trek back and forth as much as we could, to make sure the kids knew each other. And it worked. The four cousins have a bond that will carry them through a lifetime. And a not so great memory of always having to go to the bathroom on the Staten Island Expressway.

Now the gift of one more amazing young woman has been given to us in his bride-to-be. Corny? Shit yeah! And I don’t care. For she is all I could hope he would find in a spouse. Times 10. The look on his face when he is with her, the way they share their lives already, the respect and joy that you feel when they are around… that is the foundation you dream of for the ones you love.

So, Matt and Carolyn, I wish you a wonderful life together. I love you both to pieces.

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July 23, 2012 · 4:41 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Blank Inside

Of course this card is ‘Blank Inside’. What could they possibly have written that would have been as amazing as that image on the cover? It stopped me in my tracks as I walked down the street. It was sort of like simultaneously staring at the accident and going to a small town carnival while taking hallucinogenics. Not that I have ever done that, but – you know – it is how I would imagine it to be.

As soon as I took the shot, both my daughter and I agreed that it reminded us of one of her friends. I immediately posted it on her Facebook wall.

So, this is where the Time to Cry Tuesday piece comes in. (I am sure you were wondering where I was going with this). I have known this particular friend of hers since pre-school – almost her entire life. I have watched her grow up as I have watched my own kids.

I consider her one of my own.

Her humor is like ours; leaning towards the offbeat (is that an understatement?) . She is bright and fun and funny and…

the first person I thought of to share this with.

Which made me realize that all these little girls had grown up to be women who I love to be around. Their wit and wisdom is beyond their years and they have a way of making me laugh at a moment’s notice.

And they can surely teach me a thing or two about honing my Magnet for the Absurd skills.

So here’s to you, Miss Kate, a blog post dedicated to all you have become. I cannot wait to see how far you will go.

Hugs, love and come over and bake any time your little heart desires.

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July 16, 2012 · 10:26 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Dog as Copilot

We have been away a lot this month, and Miss Iko has been a good sport about being in the care of others. But on the day after we return I always try to spend the day with her. Working at home makes that pretty easy.

Today I found myself having to make a last minute trip in the car and was going to be gone for a couple of hours. I just could not bear that little face as I was leaving the house, so…

I invited her for the ride.

The thing is, this puppy is far from a good car dog. Mel? She was the queen of the car ride. She sat in the back when asked and would never consider jumping out the window. Hell, she would sit in the convertible with the top down and never think of bolting. Iko? Not so much.

I know it is not good to compare dogs, and they all have their roles in your life. So I am going to deem Iko my co-pilot. I am sure it is a job she will take very seriously as she gets older. This shot pretty much illustrates her dedication.

As for the title of this post, it was inspired by this book, that I highly recommend.

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July 9, 2012 · 10:23 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Awesome View

Today I found myself stopped at a red light at the foot of the Freedom Tower. I was caught in the busyness of my day; thinking of the details of the meeting I had just left and planning my strategic navigation back to my home office through construction choked downtown Manhattan.

I looked to the left on the corner of Liberty and West and from that angle the tower soared over my head, reflecting that perfect blue sky on this glorious day.

I could not help but think that this sky was identical to the one the day the towers fell.

It was a Moment, with a capital M.

Never be too busy to stand in awe. Of the horror. Of the resilience. Of the sheer magnitude of both DEstruction and CONstruction.

And let those moments change you, for if they don’t, what is the point of having them.

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June 25, 2012 · 11:22 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – On Getting Happy

This was posted on Facebook today. The best part is that it was posted by a condom company. I know, all sorts of jokes brewing on that one.

I love Sir Richard’s, they are a condom company with a conscience. For every Sir Richard’s condom you purchase, you contribute one to a developing country. They are sort of the Tom’s of condoms.

Back to happiness. There are plenty of things to be happy about; equally as many to make you sad. The key here is what makes you happy on the inside? As a natural state. Maybe Warhol was right… the key is your willingness to get happy.

About nothing.

Sort of lifts the burden of misery, no?

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June 18, 2012 · 10:55 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Camp Trunks and Badger Tickets

For the past 13 years I have packed 22 camp trunks and duffles. When the kids were young, this was a process that started weeks in advance. I was old school and insisted upon sewing all the name tapes. Clothing and linens lined the living room with stacks of plastic boxes filled with quarters, phone cards (no cell service there), bug spray, bandaids… and every item that I could think of to keep them prepared. (still not sure what the thumbtacks were for)

The ritual of buying toiletries, packing them in plastic shoe boxes and having a ‘family mall day’ to buy new sneakers, socks and whatever else they needed, was part of the June frenzy that parenting spawns.

This year I have one kid heading back up to the Adirondacks for his 11th summer, his 4th as a counselor. The familiar comment, ‘the trucks go out on Monday’ that used to elicit a slight sense of panic deep in my soul was now answered with, ‘hey, maybe we should take them out of the attic’. And that comment was on Friday.

Family mall day yielded one item, a new pair of crocs. No new socks or sneakers were purchased; we have finally learned that 8 weeks at summer camp ruins them both and new ones should be bought at the end of the summer.

My boy has been a counselor of young kids for 3 years and can fold better than I can at this point. He has moved out of a dorm and into an apartment and packed to come home from Wisconsin on his own for the past 2 years. My role in this was more about tradition than real need. And the chance to share an activity that we both knew was probably going to be the last. Bittersweet, indeed.

This morning, that trunk and duffle – packed in under 2 hours – sat in the front hallway and the biggest excitement of the day was his waking at 8:15 to get online for the lottery for Badger season football tickets.

June is a whole different month than it was when they were little!

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