Tag Archives: parenting

April 5, 2010 · 10:59 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Life: It’s all about your mother

Ok, so I am a mom and I like to think in these terms. But this post is more than just a matriacentric (yeh I think I made that word up) view of the world as I see it in terms of my own mothering.

First, you should know that the beautifully manicured hand pointing to that shirt would be that of my mom. The full mom is in the original picture but I was afraid she might be a little shy about being featured here. Those who know her would recognize that hand anywhere.

So there hangs this cute little shirt in an equally cute little shop in Delray Beach. I am sure many a mommy (or maternal grandmommy) wanders into that shop to purchase this item and clothe some sweet little baby in it before they are old enough to have a say in what clothing they will wear (in the case of my daughter that would be by the time she was two!) My mom noticed it and we took a picture to send to my daughter. I am sure her response was something like ‘Aw, Gram!”

So what makes this Time to Cry Tuesday worthy. Well, just the way my daughter says “Aw, Gram!” is a start. Or the fact that we moms so often take the heat for what is wrong with our kids, I felt it was time to praise the idea of what we do right. Face it, we are accused of being overprotective (ahem, cough cough, Gary and Danny accusing me of that just yesterday), helicoptering, nagging, being the heavy, the number one culprit for all that is wrong in the lives of our adult children– as in all therapists blaming the mothers (exactly why don’t the fathers get the blame in therapy?)

This post is dedicated to and in recognition of all the fabulous moms in my life. Mine, my husband’s, both of whom I have been so very fortunate to have been able to share my adult life with – there is never a day I take that for granted. And all of my mommy friends who have been in the mothering trenches with me for the past (almost) 21 years. There is much truth in that silly little shirt. If you were raised by a woman who always put you first (as I was) or you know what it feels like to mother a child and how you would throw yourself in front of a bus for them – for real, you understand that it really is (kinda) all about your mother.

It is hard to explain the joys of motherhood. The best thing I can say is that without it my life would never have been so full. Colors would have been a little less bright. Things simply would not have tasted the same. Laughter would not have been as hearty and tears would not have been so sorrowful.

In short: Life, it’s all about your mother. (oh and of course your dad too)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 30, 2010 · 11:42 pm

Ah… Americans!

I snapped this shot at JFK airport. This kid was in full tilt meltdown mode and this mom was so nonchalant I found it hard to believe she had not be lobotomized. Her solution to her kid losing it was to basically hang him by his shirt.

From her finger.

Take a look at this pose. She is looking off in the distance barely paying attention to the little monster. At one point he was suspended in mid-air by his shirt. He continued to scream and rant and she continued ignoring him. A textbook portrait of fine parenting for sure.

But, I do kind of like the way they are dressed alike.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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February 1, 2010 · 10:58 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – It truly is a small world

We often take for granted how small the world has become. Our kids consider the technology that enables constant communication to be a given. Ichat, videochat, skype, texting, IM, bbm, facebook, twitter; these all make email seem like snail mail to them. They lose their ability to disappear but I think the trade-off seems worth it to them.

Access. All the time. Sometimes good, sometimes bad.

This post is about the good. Ok, so if you read me regularly you are not surprised that I would focus on the positive aspect of technology. But as a parent in the year 2010, with a daughter situated quite comfortably in Spain, technology is the greatest friggin’ thing on this earth.

Last night we had our first video chat with Jana since she left almost 2 weeks ago. You might imagine that this would have been about really important stuff. Well it was, sort of. For instance, we got to see the way her bathroom light turns on ‘all freaky’. And then she whispered ‘the boy’ into the computer screen as her spanish roommate came by and asked her a question. We got to wave hello to her other roommates and get a tour of her apartment. We talked about everything and nothing with her. Better than IM or texting, this was my kid with all her subtleties and nuances; her humor and expressions. The essence of who she is.

On the laptop screen.

On the dining room table.

As if she was there.

Now I know this is no big revelation. For the past few years this has become commonplace. But damn! I am a mom with a kid on the other side(ish) of the world and I can sit in the dining room and bullshit with her as if she were right here.

And it’s free!

C’mon, how cool is that?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 25, 2010 · 11:14 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – All grown up… almost

Friday morning at nine o’clock she is far away
Waiting to keep the appointment she made…

– John Lennon & Paul McCartney

If you have been reading along you know that my daughter left for semester abroad last week. I cannot put into words how wonderful it was to have her home this last month. The teenager that went off to college is long gone and a lovely, grounded, charming young woman came home in her place. She is all grown up.

Well, almost.

The day she was leaving I came upstairs to check on her last minute packing. There I found her carry-on in the hallway. And tucked away in between the hair mousse and the laptop, strapped in tight, was Chetley. Her main man since birth. Yes we realize ‘he’ is dressed in pink, many shades and patterns of it as a matter of fact as I have reconstructed his body on more than one occasion in the past 20 years.

If you know Jana personally, you surely know the Chetmeister. He has been through it all with her, the good and the bad. He sat perched on her bed at camp, from the first day as a nine-year-old to the last day as Senior Group Leader. When she was  a frightened five-year-old going into the hospital for neurosurgery to ‘get her neck fixed’, good old Chet went with her and sported a bandage on the back of his neck till her stitches came out. He proudly went off to college with her… this bear is a Badger through and through. And if I am not mistaken, Jew that he is, I think he even followed along on Birthright to Israel last summer. All that considered I don’t know why I imagined he would stay behind while she embarked on the adventure of her lifetime.

I truly had this whole going abroad thing under control all along. Gary and I are both so happy that she is able to have this experience. Many parents asked me if I was sad or nervous about her going. I am surely neither. I love her wings and the fact that she loves to use them.

But standing there at the top of the stairs, hours before we left for the airport, the sight of that teddy bear with his arm around the laptop just about did me in. Jana then and now just flashed before my eyes. Right in front of the door she slammed so often as a preteen that the latch is loose, sat the evidence that she was all grown up; and not completely – all at one moment.

They call them comfort items. The stuffed animals or blankets that children form an attachment to and use to self-soothe when they are young. Why has no one invented a comfort item for the moms when they find themselves in a moment like this.

Oh, that’s right, they call that VODKA!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 21, 2010 · 10:29 pm

¿dónde está el cuarto de baño?

At pivotal times in the lives of our offspring we feel compelled to impart some wisdom. We can’t help ourselves. As parents we are convinced that no matter how competent our children have become, they still need that last bit of advice from us as they jet off to exciting new destinations.

Tonight Jana left for semester abroad in Sevilla Spain. We were driving back from lunch when I told her that I wanted to give her some words of wisdom. All I could think of was:

¿dónde está el baño? , which I thought meant ‘where is the bathroom’ but in fact it means ‘where is the bath’. Great! So now not only am I being a total pain in the ass, I am giving her the wrong information. I also told her to ask ¿tienes mantequilla? , which may or may not mean ‘do you have butter’ in case they gave her dry toast. This was only because mantequilla rhymes with Sevilla and I thought that was entertaining.

As you can imagine there was quite a bit of eye rolling in the car.

So that’s it for now on the semester abroad updates (since some dentist that will go nameless seems to think I am acting like too much of a mom blogger and would like more MFTA stuff).

Unless of course till Time to Cry Tuesday…

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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November 9, 2009 · 9:16 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Stop, in the Name of Love

stop in the name of love

Every morning my dog and I go for a walk. We pass the same homes everyday and have a wave and nod relationship with most of the neighborhood.

Sunday morning we went out a little later than usual and the weather was simply spectacular. At 10Am it was already in the 60s and a perfect clear day. We passed a house that is on our usual route and the dad came out the front door in his golf clothes carrying his clubs to the car. He seemed rushed and trying to make a getaway.

As we passed by, his young son – maybe 3 or 4 – opened the front door of the house. He was wearing his pajamas and carrying a blanket. He was a classic portrait of cute. He called out the door, “DADDY! DADDY!”. The dad seemed rushed and did not answer. Again, the kids yelled, “Daddy, Daddy! I love you!”

And again the dad did not answer. I could not bear to look at that little face.

In all fairness, I have been that dad. Well, no penis, so I guess I have been that parent. I know what it feels like to have been up at the crack of dawn with little kids after working all week. I have done many a let’s play brio trains, let’s do puzzles, be my horsey, fall asleep on the rug with a pile of legos stuck to my face still clutching my coffee cup kind of morning. I have known the years when you die to grab a few hours to yourself. In this guy’s defense it was a gift of an extra golf day in November. And with the age of his son, there would be years of Daddy I love you’s still left.

But I wanted to stop him and tell him that although these mornings seem to go on forever they actually disappear so quickly. To let him know that before he turns around little Mr. Daddy I Love You will sleep till noon, wake up and inhale large quantities of food and then grab his keys to go out with his friends leaving you at the door thinking quietly to yourself, “Bye son, I love you.”

This Time to Cry Tuesday goes out to my friends and readers with young kids to remind you that it goes fast. And even though they grow up and still tell you they love you – my kids do at the end of each and every phone call and email – nothing is quite the same as being the center of their little pajamed, blanketed universe.

While on the topic of appreciating every moment, I am linking to the most moving post I have ever read. It was written by a reader/blog friend, Suzen of erasing the bored. She is the mother of a soldier that thank goodness has finished 6 years of service in the Army and is home safely. She bravely shares her experience of  sending her son off to war. Suzen’s heartfelt account is beyond description. She is, as I told her, my hero. On the eve of Veteran’s Day please keep all the children of military parents in your hearts and prayers. And let’s remember that no matter what your politics, there are families out there who need our support.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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October 19, 2009 · 9:03 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Where the Wild Things Are

where-the-wild-things-are

“Oh please don’t go – we’ll eat you up – we love you so!”

I can’t help it. That line kills me.

Every time.

To say that I have a soft spot for this book is an understatement. A few weeks ago I mentioned that my son hit send on his first college app as the movie commercial aired. Danny agreed to see it with me. Part humoring me, part his own nostalgia, I suppose.

Life takes mysteriously coincidental turns. As we were leaving to see the movie yesterday, I did a quick check on the college website to see his status. Miraculously, before my eyes, the pending status changed to…

Danny_accepted-collegeAll sorts of screaming, tears, and jumping up and down ensued (that was mostly me). And then we went off to see the film. (which by the way I LOVED, but by no means should you take little kids to see this).

Sitting there in the dark with my boy – watching this childhood fave come to life – was such a MOMENT. But when that last line was spoken, those words were almost too much to bear. In my head I thought, off you go, my son, on to your next adventure. But in my heart all I could hear was…

“Oh please don’t go – we’ll eat you up – we love you so.”

Congrats to my boy who worked so hard to get all that he deserves. And I want you to always remember that no matter where you go, when you come home to your ‘very own room’ you will always find ‘your supper waiting for you’

‘and it will still be hot.’

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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September 21, 2009 · 10:06 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Hit Send

send-button

We are here. Where, you ask?

Here!

On the other side of ‘send’.

And with that simple click of the mouse, Danny – the baby – has submitted his first college app.

Too melodramatic, you say. Hmmm, well I say you are all too vocal tonight. How do you like that?

Tonight, as we were watching promos for ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ – the movie adaptation of one of our favorite books from his childhood – that crazy app went soaring through the interwebs and officially turned my little boy into a college applicant.

‘It roared its terrible roar and gnashed its terrible teeth’ and transformed ‘that little boy who made mischief of one kind…

and another…’

into a man(ish)-type person.

Never in the history of ‘send’ has such a small gesture meant so much. (ok, I agree I AM leaning heavy on the melodrama pedal here). But there is something both exciting and petrifying about the idea of this process beginning.

First kid launched? Of course that was monumental. Second kid off? That means all sorts of things. Yes, even more than looking for that special cat food parmesan recipe because we are paying for two kids at the same time.

It means sad things like the end of an era. But it means exciting things too. Like having actually survived custodial child-rearing (with minimal scars). And not having to travel during school vacations.

So here’s to ‘send’. May it bring to my boy all he dreams of and send him where his new life will begin.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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September 9, 2009 · 8:42 pm

Putting the Fun in Funfetti

funfetti

Around these parts Funfetti cupcakes are the bomb. Pillsbury makes this mix with cool colored morsels in the cake mix and frosting. For as long as I can remember, my kids’ friends have been obsessed with Funfetti.

The week that my son came home from camp I made sure to make a batch when the boys came over. By some miracle there were still a few left over, so I left them in a container on the counter.

I arrived home the other day and noticed a piece of green note paper in with the cupcakes. The picture above is what I found. Similar to the famous initialed banana in my fruit bowl, these boys have a way of letting me know they were here.

There are times when 17-year-old boys can all but break your heart. This is one of them. Just when you thought that perhaps you were invisible, they make you realize that you are anything but.

I texted my son to tell Mark that I loved him too, and to let him know that these cupcakes were probably better 2 weeks ago when I baked them. (hopefully I did not poison the poor kid).

Thank you Mark C, for the sweet reminder that the little things do not go unnoticed.

(now, Pillsbury, let’s see how good your social media monitoring is)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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August 31, 2009 · 9:29 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – First of the Lasts

(this post is dedicated to my girls who have parented a matched set of kids with me since pre-school. you know who you are. thanks for always being there).

We have all been here before. We have all been here before. We have all been here before. We have all been here before. (No, I am not being annoyingly repetitive for no reason, I am quoting David Crosby)

Parental Déjà Vu.

Today marked the unofficial beginning of Danny’s senior year; varsity soccer practice 2-a-days. In seventeen-year-old-ese that means constant running from 8-11:30 and then again from 5-7:30.

Not wanting to be over-dramatic about this, but today, as I wondered through Staples after dropping him at practice, gathering office supplies, bombarded by obscene amounts of back-to-school signage, I realized that this was it.

IT.

Today is the first of the lasts. Last sports season as a parental spectator, last back-to-school season, last school year of having a kid home, last 10 months of an offspring in residence.

Right about now is when I would be sticking my fingers in both ears, babbling to drown out what I have to say next.

I remember all this with my first child. That combination of excitement and fear of losing the life we have known for the past 20 years.

Parental Déjà Vu.

Let the games begin and let me remember to savor ever one of these lasts.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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