Tag Archives: parenting

September 16, 2010 · 10:33 am

Eighteen!

There is nothing like the wonder of a 5th birthday party when the birthday boy gets to open his presents after the festivities. What I would not give to know what gift prompted that perfect little thrilled face on my boy. And the equally impressed face of my other little boy to his left. Of course, his sister – the Boss, was on hand to make sure he opened his gifts correctly.

Fast forward 15 years that flew by so quickly I am suffering from a little mommy whiplash today just thinking about it. And there is my boy, firmly planted in his new college life, most probably still fast asleep right now.

But waiting for him in the package room in the dorm would be the ever famous box of…

you guessed it: 18 presents. This idea came from my friend Karen and I copied her for Jana’s 21st. Of course sending it to Spain cost more than the contents but it was surely worth it.

So, to my 18 year old ‘baby’, may this day and your new life be as filled with wonder and excitement as your 5-year-old face in the picture above. And know that no matter how old you get, you will always be a little bit of that bowl hair cut sporting, basketball jersey and t-shirt wearing, lego building little guy in this mom’s heart.

Happy Birthday Danny Boy. Be all you can be and…

be careful.

Love you, man!

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August 30, 2010 · 8:54 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Going, Going, Gone

“Mom, when are we going to go and get my stuff?”

That was the question in the last dream I had before I woke up. And there I was lying in bed thinking of what a busy day I had today and how guilty I felt that I did not have time to go with him to ‘get his stuff’.

Until I realized that there was no stuff to get (we had surely ‘gotten’ more ‘stuff’ over the past 4 days than humanly possibly). AND there was no Danny.

Yes, kiddies, after a year of ‘lasts’ and goodbyes ad nauseum as each of his friends left for college, my boy finally left too. Taking pride in being a family that is not prone to drama we were about on our last nerve until the moving day finally came. It feels like he has been going for so long I wonder why I felt so shocked this morning that he was actually gone.

So here is the thing; it comes in waves. When you think you have totally got your shit together and you know your kid is ready – and frankly so are you(ish) –  it grabs you around the chest and chokes you so can barely breathe. You know it is time for him to move on to start his LIFE (note the caps) and time for you to discover the next phase of yours. Of course you know all this!

And then there is that moment. Like the one in the Starbucks on State Street while I was ordering Shaken Iced Tea Lemonades and they had the nerve to play Cat Stevens Father and Son:

It’s not time to make a change,

Just relax, take it easy.

You’re still young, that’s your fault,

There’s so much you have to go through…

And there was my boy, sitting in the dim light at the back of the Starbucks with the sunlight streaming in through the window shining an eery glow around his silhouette. There he was with his scruffy beard and his Allman Bros. t-shirt and I realized that I had no choice but to let him go… for real.

And yes, I did start to cry right then and there in the Starbucks on State Street in Madison, Wisconsin. And no he was not all that happy with me but he did get it. Because he knew that by the end of the weekend when we left him and his sister, we would be leaving half our family halfway across the country. And there is simply nothing easy about that.

… Now there’s a way and I know that I have to go away.

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August 16, 2010 · 10:44 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Boyz 2 Men

Hold on to your kleenex, kiddies, we are in countdown mode till the youngest child goes off to college. I will spare the drama, but this post had to be written.

Those who are walking down this road with me, we all know that this will be the fall of doing whatever the hell we want. And that surely does ease the pain of letting go. But every so often there is a moment. One that gets stuck in your throat and makes it just a little harder to breathe than you would like.

This past weekend I got my boy back for a few short days between counselor at camp and freshman at college. As we pulled into the zip code he had just enough time to shower before we were off to a 5 family farewell dinner with some of ‘his boys’.

Of course we had to torture them with the cameras a bit. But I am pretty sure that this post will make them glad that we did. For in picture number one below, you will find some of the very same smiles as picture number two. They may be hard to find, what with the facial hair and the hunky builds (I knew you guys would love that one), but they are the very same smiles that kept us moms going all these years.

We cheered at the sidelines for all these athletes, and of course virtually for our ‘mathlete’. We have lived through your joys and disappointments together as a community of families as if each and every one of you were our very own; because in essence you were.

We let you puke on our couches (as little ones) and in our cars (as not so little ones). Our homes were all yours, and of course so were our fridges and pantries. Never once did our love for you fail, even when your judgement sometimes did. The friendships you have shared through these years are nothing to be taken lightly.

May you always know the feeling of someone having your back the way you have here with each other. And may your moms survive this without putting you over the edge.

I love you all. Now go out and be all you can be.

And for G-d’s sake, be careful!

Oh, and of course remember to come back and eat me out of house and home whenever your hearts’ desire.

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June 28, 2010 · 10:41 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Life Stages

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Well kids, it’s Tuesday and I am not gonna lie, I might be almost all cried out after this bittersweet roller coaster of a week. There are a only a few things I am truly sure of after all the excitement of graduating my second and last child. Here is my takeaway from the whole experience.

1. If one more person uses the term ’empty nest’ I am pretty sure I will have to just punch them in the face. Enough with that crap already. Empty, shmempty, we all know they come home with laundry in tow and lie on the couch like they never left. And we love it. Period. And then they leave. And we kinda like that too. Period.

2. This is a given, and it is huge when you finally get it: every life stage has its rocky parts at the beginning. When we move out of our parents’ house we are apprehensive. Then college life is the norm and as soon as we get used to that we are off in the ‘real world’ and we have to adjust to life not being one big party. Then we learn how to make life one big party with a paycheck and we get married and have to adjust to another person’s needs. So that goes OK and then we squeak out a couple of puppies and we pine away for those carefree days, sans diaper bags and mortgages until…

you guessed it. We become THAT life. A friend said to me the other day, ” There was one period of time when it seemed like time stood still and everything was perfect. The kids were around 8-12 and they were independent enough but we still had control. And then BANG, it all blew up again.”

I kept thinking about that all weekend. How being a parent with kids was who we were. It defined us in our community, throughout our days, in all our planning. It was ‘all about the kids’ (right Jo?).

And then it was not. Or not exactly ‘not’ but kind of ‘hey we can maybe go back to the way it was before we squeaked out the puppies’.

Ish.

3. Being a fast learner I get that as soon as I become used to this next stage these rotten kids will up and get married and have their own kids and throw me into the lead role in a friggin’ lifestyle commercial for irregularity (if you know me that is highly unlikely), or osteoporosis meds. And there we will be again, adjusting.

Keyword: adjusting.

The only constant is change. (another sentence I have heard ad nauseum this week – another comment worthy of face punching). Or back to the old love child in me: To everything turn, turn ,turn, there is a season… damn I always hated that song! And if I am not mistaken it might have been the theme of my high school yearbook.

So here’s to change. And not taking any of this all too seriously. And a nice rambling Time to Cry Tuesday that probably did not really even shed a tear…

because we’re all cried out.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 21, 2010 · 2:08 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Zen and the Art of Letting Go

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There are times in your life when you simply have to let it go. When you are a parent – and a control freak to boot – letting go is not the easiest thing to do.

But I know better. Time marches on and either we march along with it or we get trampled. Ok, so maybe I feel some boots on my back right about now. And I know I am not alone.

So, to all of you who are trying to march into step with the graduation class of 2010, here it is: the Time to Cry Tuesday post about graduating your youngest child.

The other day, during the 4-hour end of school/pre-camp errand, Danny and I found ourselves in the bookstore and I came across Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig. This 1974 novel was one of my most favorites back in the day – whenever the hell ‘the day’ was. Maybe High School, or college. I like to recommend some quality books to my kids in between the trash so I suggested that he read this. After being rejected by over 121 publishers it went on to sell over 4 million copies and was translated into 27 languages.

I suppose I was not alone in my love for this book.

While he browsed, I stopped at the Starbucks to try to alleviate the sleep-deprived haze I found myself in that is all too familiar this time of year. I began to refresh my memory by reading the back of the book. Up until this moment I had done a damn good job of holding it together. He is ready. He is excited. He is moving on to the next chapter of his life with the confidence and unbridled passion that only a young man of almost 18 could have.

I was good, I tell you, until I read this:

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance is a powerful, moving, and penetrating examination about how we live… and a breathtaking meditation on how to live better… an unforgettable narration of a summer motorcycle trip across America’s Northwest, undertaken by a father and his young son. A story of love and fear – growth, discovery and acceptance – that becomes a profound personal and philosophical odyssey into life’s fundamental questions…

And that was when it happened. I broke. There in the Starbucks while ordering the grande iced latte (not even half caff, for G-d sake) I could not breathe. What if I had not imparted enough to him? Could I have done more? Could I have ‘lived better’ by example? Why did I never take a motorcycle trip cross country with him when he was younger ? (ok, that one is a stretch) Wait, I need a do over! I am sure there is some colossal parenting task I did not achieve well enough. Seriously, it went too fast, how could he make it without me?

And then I looked across the store.  And there he was, with that scruffy almost-beard and that ultra-confident, but in no way cocky little swagger that he has. And I realized the only wisdom that was not realized was my own:

The Art of Letting Go.

My friends, the road is long. And then it ends(ish). But as we who have graduated the siblings before these kids know, being a parent is a life-long job. And this stage is in many ways more fun than any of them. They are the people we grew from babies.

Their own people. And with any luck they will take care of US when we are old. (which may be sooner than I think if I don’t get some sleep soon)

To my boy, may we always have days like these past few weeks we have shared. Thanks for humoring me through them. And for making me so very proud to be your mom.

I love you. Now go and be all you can be.

And be careful.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 17, 2010 · 11:59 pm

Cracking of the Rock of Gibralter – Part 2

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Or: This chick surely does not have her sh*t together anymore!

Back in December of 2008 I wrote this post about the gradual – or not so gradual – deterioration of my ability to keep things together the way I used to. When the kids were young I could juggle a toddler, a baby, a job, a puppy, a husband in the ICU and still hold down a full time job.

Now? Lucky if I remember to feed any of them. Hey they are old enough to fend for themselves. Ok, maybe the dog has an issue with the can opener, but she could live off the begging she does just fine.

Today I bring you the top ten list of why I simply cannot consider myself superwoman anymore. And to let you know that I am fully liberated from giving a crap about it.

10. No milk for the coffee and cereal (for more than one day)

9. No lunch reservation for graduation day (next friday)

8. No corsage ordered for Danny’s prom date (again, next friday)

7. Danny’s suit for this Saturday night’s fundraiser is not altered (masking tape anyone)

6. Cannot find the receipt for Danny’s prom tuxedo (See a Danny pattern here? Hey, he needs to start taking care of himself, he is going to college)

5. Have not written a blog post since Tuesday (please tell me you guys noticed)

4. Picked up the materials for a presentation hours before I was giving it (usually had this done at least a day in advance in the past)

3. Have lost my blackberry, shoes, wallet, glasses,  ______ fill in the blank, at least once a day (hopeless)

2. Have not filed the last 2 month’s worth of paperwork (office is an embarrassment)

And the Number One reason I am convinced I am no longer even a shadow of the woman I used to be:

1. Camp trunks go out tomorrow and they are still in the attic at 2PM

Ok, but here is the thing. Eventually I went to Dairy Barn and got milk. No one in the house is starving to death, certainly not the dog. If I don’t blog for a few days, only my stats suffer.  Danny is 17 and does not care how well his suit fits, is fully aware that we will order the corsage today, and knows that even without the receipt I will find a way to get that tuxedo. (I still have skills, for G-d sakes!) The presentation went fine, I find and re-lose all items daily like the tides. Papers were meant to left in piles, and most important, those trunks will get packed in the same 1 hour window whether we do it over 2 weeks or one night at 10PM.

Lesson learned: it all get’s done anyway. Lighten up.

Superwoman is sorely over-rated!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 14, 2010 · 10:11 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – A Hole in the Blogosphere

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If you read me regularly you have noticed that I also write over at 50-Something Moms Blog. I have been part of the SV Moms Group community for almost two years and consider them a family of sorts. Or as Gary likes to refer to them, my satan-worshipping blog friends.

As far as I can tell, none of them are actual satan-worshippers. Instead they are hundreds of moms – and a few dads with a strong sense of their masculinity – who write about everything from parenting to politics. The blogs are segmented geographically with one demographic group – the must current group of 50-somethings I have ever met!

In the background we are members of a thriving discussion board where we offer support, help promote one another, network and collaborate. Never before have I worked within such an amazing group.

I have been in business for many years. I have watched moms struggle with every aspect of the collision of parenting and career –  be it the choice to continue working or the option to stay home. As part of this group I have watched and listened. At times I have given council and at others I have been taught by the masters. When I needed an answer or a resource on any topic, they were my go-to group and there was always someone who would jump in and help me out.

It is with great sadness that I report the SVMoms Group is dissolving the site. The bloggers were all notified at around 3:00 PM EST on Monday. Within 6 hours a new alumni community was formed on Ning with members immediately joining by the dozens. I would imagine the whole group will migrate there within a day or so. This is a network that will not dissolve.

So, to the Sisterhood of the SVMoms I show my deepest gratitude for having been a part of something so very special. And to our fearless leaders, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for inviting me to be a part of something so life-changing. (oh yeh, and letting me lie about my age for the first year I was writing on 50-something).

Yes, there will surely be a hole in the blogosphere where we once lived!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 8, 2010 · 3:00 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Firsts and Lasts

So sorry for the late posting of Time to Cry Tuesday. I am sure there are many of you who are thanking me for not starting your day with a good cry but then there are others who might have missed it and I hate to disappoint. Hey, it’s still Tuesday!

Today is the first day of Jana’s internship.

Tomorrow is Danny’s last day of classes in High School.

This past weekend was Danny’s first time registering for college classes.

This coming year will be Jana’s last one in Wisconsin.

This was the first time I took both my kids to Madison to give them a glimpse into their year to come.

The flight home was the last time I will fly back with them both.

New beginnings and doors close.

The wheel is turning and you can’t slow down
You can’t let go and you can’t hold on
You can’t go back and you can’t stand still
If the thunder won’t get you then the lightening will.
The Wheel – Grateful Dead

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 31, 2010 · 9:33 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Family and Friends

There is nothing like a picture perfect weather weekend to kick off the summer. But the weather was not the only thing that was perfect. We were fortunate enough to have been invited to 3 amazing BBQs filled with good friends with our family unit firmly intact for a few fleeting days. There are so few times that we get to spend as a family now, adding old friends and their kids to the mix is truly a gift.

BBQ number one was so very special because all the 21 year olds were there, many of whom have just returned with stories of their semesters abroad. Looking at all those faces I have known since nursery school, seeing their friendships still so strong and comfortable was such a joy. These are the people we have raised our children with. We have sat through graduations, in ER waiting rooms and everything in between with this crowd. This is our Community with a capital C.

BBQ number two was the campies. This crowd is filled with our friends and their kids who have all attended the same summer camp. The kids are mostly counselors – or retired counselors – with many stories of their own to add to the legacy of the ones that we tell. So much history. A culture like no other. We truly feel like we have come home when we are with this group.

BBQ number three was with more of the home crowd. A smaller group of 3 families that have been together from the very beginning. Their kids (and dogs) are like my own and we never take for granted how special their friendship is to us. Or how amazing their cooking is.

To all our hosts, thank you so much for the great times. And to my kids, thanks for humoring us and spending some time together. Something tells me you both are beginning to appreciate the time we are all together as much as we are.

And hell hasn’t even frozen over yet.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 25, 2010 · 1:04 am

Time to Cry Tuesday – The Time Capsule

If you are an elementary school teacher this is a must read. If you are a parent of a child of any age, grab the tissues.

Tonight at dinner I remembered the time capsule that Danny had put together in his first grade class. This could be the single best project he did in elementary school. Mrs. Smith was his teacher and the only generic thing about her was her name. A fabulous Teacher (with a capital T) he ‘looped’ with her from first to second grade. This was the woman who recognized the fact that this little boy would spend more of his energy trying to sit than it took to do his work – so she let him stand. The same one who worked patiently to get him to read even though he had a slow start – and assured me that he was going to do fine. And of course she was right as he has become an avid reader.

Tucked away amongst newspaper front pages and Y2K party favors, custom baseball cards and a bag of 1999 coins, were some amazing artifacts, including the cover with the instructions to open December 2010. We deemed this a mistake and decided that now was the time to open it.

1. Cover of the box – notice the drawing of Franklin the Turtle in the center.

2. Picture with said Franklin

3.  A ziplock bag with the proverbial ‘the dog ate my homework’ remains – Mel got an A – and her puppy picture.

4. A letter from 7-year-old-Danny to 17-year-old Danny – lots of talk of goldfish.

5. His predictions of the future – yes he did say that matzoh balls would still be his favorite snack food.

6. And our favorite – self portraits at 7 and 17. We love that he predicted his blonde hair would turn brown.

Lesson learned: don’t ever throw this kind of stuff away. And most important, savor every moment because that 10 years flew by in a blink.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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