Category Archives: family

September 26, 2010 · 10:50 pm

From Cremation to Abscess

There is something about those old Seinfeld episodes, or more recently Curb Your Enthusiasm or even Arrested Development; you wonder how the writers think up those crazy story lines.

Honestly, I would imagine almost all of them are based, at least loosely, on the writers’ own family archives. My family is no different.

Tonight I was lucky to have dinner with my aunt and uncle who are in town from Florida. Through the years we have always laughed at the stories that come up at our family dinner tables. It never fails that there will be a story about death… we are Jews after all. If not someone recently dying there is the perpetual care at the cemetery to complain about (what the hell is perpetual care, anyway?).

Tonight did not disappoint. The evening opened with a bizarre story about a deceased overweight family member and the amount of ashes his cremation produced (I know, ew!) and ended somewhere around a story surrounding an abscess of someone I am pretty sure I don’t know.

The poor waitress was torn between staring at the accident of our conversation and wanting to run away as quickly as she could in between courses.

I for one, was little disappointed that we did not have time to cover the bodily functions topics that usually end the meal. This was in respect to my aunt who requested that we not go there with the remnants of the chocolate dessert melting on the table.

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September 9, 2010 · 12:01 am

A Sweet New Year (and the funny thing about mashed potatoes)

There is an odd phenomenon surrounding the making of mashed potatoes. There is truly a fine line between the perfect amount of milk and…

well I would have to say:

wallpaper paste.

Yes, you guessed it. I was there. They were really perfect. But I could not leave well enough alone and had to add that one little drop more of milk. And the next think I knew I was preparing boxed rice pilaf (on a holiday, that’s simply a crime!) and dumping those potatoes before Gary got home to witness my failure.

But here’s the thing. It’s not about the mashed potatoes. Or the rice. Or the fact that you find yourself cooking chicken soup and brisket on labor day as if someone pulled the switch on your summer and sent you tumbling down the Days of Awe water slide.

It’s about stopping and taking a deep breath and remembering that even though it is 85 degrees out and you have a Chambers Stove from the 1930s that is causing your kitchen to feel like a sauna; traditions, community, family and friends are what the whole thing is about.

Like the friend that picks up your parents’ synagogue tickets for you because you were too harried to get there yourself. Or the one who wakes up to remember that she is out of flour but she always bakes you a challah and makes sure to get to the store early enough to make you one again this year AND have her son deliver it to you. Or it is sitting in Synagogue (yes in that state of post ruining the potatoes shame) and looking to your left and right to see not just both your parents, but both of your in-laws as well.

So to all the members of the Tribe that read this blog, L’Shana Tovah. May you have a good, sweet year.

And just a tip, go light on the milk in the mashed potatoes.

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August 30, 2010 · 8:54 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Going, Going, Gone

“Mom, when are we going to go and get my stuff?”

That was the question in the last dream I had before I woke up. And there I was lying in bed thinking of what a busy day I had today and how guilty I felt that I did not have time to go with him to ‘get his stuff’.

Until I realized that there was no stuff to get (we had surely ‘gotten’ more ‘stuff’ over the past 4 days than humanly possibly). AND there was no Danny.

Yes, kiddies, after a year of ‘lasts’ and goodbyes ad nauseum as each of his friends left for college, my boy finally left too. Taking pride in being a family that is not prone to drama we were about on our last nerve until the moving day finally came. It feels like he has been going for so long I wonder why I felt so shocked this morning that he was actually gone.

So here is the thing; it comes in waves. When you think you have totally got your shit together and you know your kid is ready – and frankly so are you(ish) –  it grabs you around the chest and chokes you so can barely breathe. You know it is time for him to move on to start his LIFE (note the caps) and time for you to discover the next phase of yours. Of course you know all this!

And then there is that moment. Like the one in the Starbucks on State Street while I was ordering Shaken Iced Tea Lemonades and they had the nerve to play Cat Stevens Father and Son:

It’s not time to make a change,

Just relax, take it easy.

You’re still young, that’s your fault,

There’s so much you have to go through…

And there was my boy, sitting in the dim light at the back of the Starbucks with the sunlight streaming in through the window shining an eery glow around his silhouette. There he was with his scruffy beard and his Allman Bros. t-shirt and I realized that I had no choice but to let him go… for real.

And yes, I did start to cry right then and there in the Starbucks on State Street in Madison, Wisconsin. And no he was not all that happy with me but he did get it. Because he knew that by the end of the weekend when we left him and his sister, we would be leaving half our family halfway across the country. And there is simply nothing easy about that.

… Now there’s a way and I know that I have to go away.

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August 14, 2010 · 9:55 pm

You say it’s your birthday…

August 15th is a big day around these parts. It just happens to be the day that I am picking up my boy, and my girl’s boy from camp. But that is not all, today is MY MOM’S BIRTHDAY!

So kiddies, whether you know her or not, I would love nothing more than for you to wish my mommy a very happy birthday. For if you knew her, there would be no better present than tons of wishes. (FYI, if you are reading this on facebook or email, please take the time to click over to the actual blog comments so she can read them all, thanks)

Mom, the picture in this post is one of Jana’s special shots of your favorite place.

And of course there will be cake.

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June 30, 2010 · 12:30 am

Toy Story 3D

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I’ve always been a huge Toy Story fan. We had a Buzz Lightyear back in the day and probably a Woody. And is there a house in America that did not own the Potato Heads? I seem to remember a bunch of other vegies as a kid: cuke, carrot, pepper. Anyone else remember these?

I digress.

When Jana asked us to see the 10:10 3D showing tonight we could not resist. I am convinced that we were the only ones in the theater that paid (tonight is Optimum Triple Play free night – we only have double). We could have also been the only ones over 25.

And of course we were the only ones tearing up at the end when Andy and his mom are in his empty room as he is leaving for college. No seriously, I can’t get away from this crap.

Jana: Mom, are you crying.

Me: Yes.

Jana: Oh jeez!

Hey, it was still Tuesday! Nonetheless, it was fun and I only napped a little bit at the beginning because, well because it was 10PM on a Tuesday night for G-d sakes.

Long and short of it, Toy Story is still great the third time around and kids leaving for college will haunt me for at least a few more months.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 24, 2010 · 10:56 pm

Jeans, a Hurricane and Wet Feet

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I know what you are thinking, “She has finally snapped. The pressure of her son’s graduation has snipped the remaining thread she was hanging by”.

Close.

Long and short of it, Danny’s brand of jeans are nowhere to be found sending us on an exasperating quest. Some bizarre storm blew through a sliver of Long Island leaving in its wake the worst damn gridlock I have ever seen and the AC in the kids’ car is spewing ice cold water on our feet every time we make a turn.

Honestly, none of this matters. But it does give you a little glimpse into the type of day that Danny and I had – the last day together before graduation.

And there it is folks: The Last Day. Staring me down with its beady little eyes. Making me threaten to curl up in a ball and hide under the headless mannequins in the mall while searching for the perfect pair of boy jeans and finally letting it all out with either a primal scream or uncontrollable sobbing. (both of which are not all that desirable to witness your mom doing when you are a 17-year-old boy who is also at the end of his rope).

So we found jeans and the car will wait in line to get fixed. And I, being one who with a strong distaste for drama, did not lose it at the mall. It was tempting, but I used restraint.

Then I walked in the house and there it was…

The graduation gown hanging on the back of the door.

And the tape loop of a little boy turned man furiously ran through my mind. Legos. Why can I not stop thinking of Legos? And blocks. And Brio trains and bridges on the basement floor at 6AM Sunday mornings when I was dying to sleep. And little blonde bowl haircuts. Apple juice – why is the smell of apple juice so damn nostalgic?  And Axe, why do I tear up at the thought of the whole upstairs smelling like Axe Body Spray? Could I actually be craving the smell of sweaty soccer socks? Have I lost my mind or would I give any amount of money to drive one more carpool or sit on the sidelines of a soccer field in the broiling heat/pouring rain/freezing cold just one more Sunday morning in Center friggin’ Moriches or better yet Ronkonkoma?

This is what mothers do at times like these. We reflect. And we share. And we promise our sons we will keep it together when everyone knows that keeping it together is actually the last thing we are skilled at.

So here’s to the class of 2010.

And their moms (and dads). And to sons thinking that maybe it is ok to let mom lose it once in awhile… because they know that the act of keeping it together may be the one that finally sends her over edge. And that crying at graduation is the mom version of separation anxiety. And perhaps our sons remember that feeling from way back when…

as they watched us drive away.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 17, 2010 · 11:59 pm

Cracking of the Rock of Gibralter – Part 2

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Or: This chick surely does not have her sh*t together anymore!

Back in December of 2008 I wrote this post about the gradual – or not so gradual – deterioration of my ability to keep things together the way I used to. When the kids were young I could juggle a toddler, a baby, a job, a puppy, a husband in the ICU and still hold down a full time job.

Now? Lucky if I remember to feed any of them. Hey they are old enough to fend for themselves. Ok, maybe the dog has an issue with the can opener, but she could live off the begging she does just fine.

Today I bring you the top ten list of why I simply cannot consider myself superwoman anymore. And to let you know that I am fully liberated from giving a crap about it.

10. No milk for the coffee and cereal (for more than one day)

9. No lunch reservation for graduation day (next friday)

8. No corsage ordered for Danny’s prom date (again, next friday)

7. Danny’s suit for this Saturday night’s fundraiser is not altered (masking tape anyone)

6. Cannot find the receipt for Danny’s prom tuxedo (See a Danny pattern here? Hey, he needs to start taking care of himself, he is going to college)

5. Have not written a blog post since Tuesday (please tell me you guys noticed)

4. Picked up the materials for a presentation hours before I was giving it (usually had this done at least a day in advance in the past)

3. Have lost my blackberry, shoes, wallet, glasses,  ______ fill in the blank, at least once a day (hopeless)

2. Have not filed the last 2 month’s worth of paperwork (office is an embarrassment)

And the Number One reason I am convinced I am no longer even a shadow of the woman I used to be:

1. Camp trunks go out tomorrow and they are still in the attic at 2PM

Ok, but here is the thing. Eventually I went to Dairy Barn and got milk. No one in the house is starving to death, certainly not the dog. If I don’t blog for a few days, only my stats suffer.  Danny is 17 and does not care how well his suit fits, is fully aware that we will order the corsage today, and knows that even without the receipt I will find a way to get that tuxedo. (I still have skills, for G-d sakes!) The presentation went fine, I find and re-lose all items daily like the tides. Papers were meant to left in piles, and most important, those trunks will get packed in the same 1 hour window whether we do it over 2 weeks or one night at 10PM.

Lesson learned: it all get’s done anyway. Lighten up.

Superwoman is sorely over-rated!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 8, 2010 · 3:00 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Firsts and Lasts

So sorry for the late posting of Time to Cry Tuesday. I am sure there are many of you who are thanking me for not starting your day with a good cry but then there are others who might have missed it and I hate to disappoint. Hey, it’s still Tuesday!

Today is the first day of Jana’s internship.

Tomorrow is Danny’s last day of classes in High School.

This past weekend was Danny’s first time registering for college classes.

This coming year will be Jana’s last one in Wisconsin.

This was the first time I took both my kids to Madison to give them a glimpse into their year to come.

The flight home was the last time I will fly back with them both.

New beginnings and doors close.

The wheel is turning and you can’t slow down
You can’t let go and you can’t hold on
You can’t go back and you can’t stand still
If the thunder won’t get you then the lightening will.
The Wheel – Grateful Dead

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 5, 2010 · 11:45 pm

Winging to Wisco

Headed out to Wisconsin today with the kids. This state is really serious about their badgers, enough so that they feature one on the wing of the Midwest Airlines plane.

For those who live under a rock do not follow college sports, the badger is the UW mascot. We are here for my son’s orientation and my daughters sheer pleasure to be back after 5 months away.

The realization that both my kids will be living in the same college town has hit hard today. They could not be happier and for me, knowing they will be here together makes letting go the second time a lot easier.

Ok, I lied. I am insanely jealous that they will be here together, but in a good way. As I told Jana today, I may be losing him, but she is getting him back.

Go Badgers!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 31, 2010 · 9:33 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Family and Friends

There is nothing like a picture perfect weather weekend to kick off the summer. But the weather was not the only thing that was perfect. We were fortunate enough to have been invited to 3 amazing BBQs filled with good friends with our family unit firmly intact for a few fleeting days. There are so few times that we get to spend as a family now, adding old friends and their kids to the mix is truly a gift.

BBQ number one was so very special because all the 21 year olds were there, many of whom have just returned with stories of their semesters abroad. Looking at all those faces I have known since nursery school, seeing their friendships still so strong and comfortable was such a joy. These are the people we have raised our children with. We have sat through graduations, in ER waiting rooms and everything in between with this crowd. This is our Community with a capital C.

BBQ number two was the campies. This crowd is filled with our friends and their kids who have all attended the same summer camp. The kids are mostly counselors – or retired counselors – with many stories of their own to add to the legacy of the ones that we tell. So much history. A culture like no other. We truly feel like we have come home when we are with this group.

BBQ number three was with more of the home crowd. A smaller group of 3 families that have been together from the very beginning. Their kids (and dogs) are like my own and we never take for granted how special their friendship is to us. Or how amazing their cooking is.

To all our hosts, thank you so much for the great times. And to my kids, thanks for humoring us and spending some time together. Something tells me you both are beginning to appreciate the time we are all together as much as we are.

And hell hasn’t even frozen over yet.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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