Tag Archives: spouses

Nesting Like a Crazy Old Hag


Odd phenomenon, this nesting thing. Three days and counting till my kids come home. Where the hell did the summer go? There sits that list of ‘Things to do while the kids are away’ on my desk and there are certainly not enough check marks next to tasks.

Solution: mommy hyperdrive. Only this year it is more reactive than proactive. For instance we finally replaced the front lamp post because it snapped at the base and fell over in the wind. Hence the electrician was called to re-attach the fixture and while he is here he can fix the stuff that we have ignored for at least five years awhile.

Dinner conversation:

Me: The electrician is coming tomorrow.

Gary: Good, did you buy the timer for the basement.

Me: Oh, yeh, that. Um the hardware store didn’t have one. But I did pick up your hair gel.

Gary: Great (thinking that the electrician probably has no use for his gel, not to mention he could very well be bald).

Me: Oh, he needs to go in the attic to see why all the high hats and fan in the bathroom don’t work.

In Unison: NOT THE ATTIC (picture a horror movie scream here)

Gary: I just had tea (earl gray with honey, of course), I am not going up there in the hot attic.

Me: Fine, I’ll go!

So he went up to the attic (he is not  a fool) and started handing down things I had no intention of parting with tonight. For example: the shopping bag of Danny’s kindergarten Thanksgiving decorations, Jana’s cow lamp from her nursery, bags of old pictures. (yes I am an attic pack rat) STOP! The idea here is to clear a path to the part of the attic above the bathroom, not to actually clean it! Let’s just move the crap around like we always do.

Hey, at least he did not call me a crazy old hag like the last time he went up there.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under conversations, family, homeowner, humor, men and women

Janie Knight

Before I start today’s post I want to point out the most ridiculous thing that I have seen this week. This was tweeted by my friend Beth at techmamas and featured on TechCrunch. Burger King has launched a cologne that SMELLS LIKE MEAT! This is outrageous even by my standards. Check it out.

janie-knight_small1I am what you would call a vivid dreamer. Sometimes my dreams are so real that it takes me a few minutes to shake them off in the morning. I love to share them as soon as I wake up. This is usually when Gary walks out of the room as quickly as possible or pretends he can not hear the sound of my voice. 

One morning last spring I had a dream right before I woke up. In this dream Gary told me that he was leaving me. He had met a 30-year-old named Janie Knight with big boobs (cliche, I know), they were moving to Summit, MA and they were…

taking the dog!

Now mind you, we have 2 kids. Granted one is in college, but this guy was taking the dog?! He told me that Summit was in the country and the dog would be happier there.

What did I do when I woke up? What any loving, trusting wife of 20 some odd years would do, I grabbed the laptop off my night table and Googled both Janie Knight and Summit, MA. I will be kind to the 3 Janie Knights on LinkedIn (two of which do happen to live in New England, BTW) and the one on Facebook as I am pretty sure they are innocent. And probably allergic to dogs.

The next thing I did was open the shower door and start yelling at my poor husband who was shocked at first and then could not stop laughing at me. Actually, I think he was flattered by my jealousy. I do not always appear to like him. Oh, come on, if you are married you get that.

Fast forward to later that afternoon. The doorbell rang and I sent my son upstairs to answer it. He came downstairs with the above card in his hand and asked who Jill Knight was. Me, “You mean Janie Knight”. Danny, “Nope, Jill Knight. She just sent Daddy flowers.”

No joke. And they were quite nice. Not sure what was funnier; the flowers or the fact that he got her name wrong! The tough part is that he told the whole story to the florist who found it quite funny. Now I need to find a new florist!

Never a dull moment in this house. 

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, men and women