Tag Archives: love

Time to Cry Tuesday – On Doors Closing and Opening

doors

I always loved the phrase: When one door closes another one opens.

Last week I experienced an uber (no, not that Uber) example of those proverbial doors. I tried my very best to keep my emotions under the drama bar and go with the flow. This, by the way, does nothing more than exhaust you beyond description and is simply a control freak’s illusion, but I seem most comfortable in this state.

As with most of my life, the sequence of my doors were reversed. But this saying made for a nice thread for this post, so let’s go with it.

On Thursday, a door opened. Big time. The one to my daughter Jana’s new apartment. The apartment that she will be sharing with the love of her life – the young man who she has spent many long years waiting to live in the same city with, let alone under the same roof. In reality, the door to this apartment made it a challenge to get a queen-sized box spring through it and up the stairs to her bedroom, but this was the small stuff. (Rectified, btw, by sofasurgery.com. Quick plug for an amazing service that solved the problem in less than 2 hours from call to completion).

The opening of this door was one to the beginning of a wonderful life together and the joy I feel for them is beyond description. (And contrary to those who question this, his mother and I will not be living with them)

On Friday, a door closed. Big time. After many months of listings, contracts, deals, stops and starts, boiler and oil tank replacements, clean-outs, boxes, yards of bubble wrap, sorting, reminiscing, sales, dumpsters, tears, laughs, one broken toe and one tennis/schlepping elbow… we closed on the sale of my childhood home. With each stage of this process, no matter how much stuff we took out of this house, it still felt like the home of my childhood. My family is embedded in the walls of this place. Even that very last day, the one when the house was completely empty except for the bottle of Stoli in the freezer that we toasted one last time to my mom with, we could not help but feel that she would somehow come walking out of that kitchen.

The closing of this door? Well it certainly carries with it a bag of mixed emotions. I walked out of that closing (both the real estate deal and the door) with an odd sense of calm coupled with an overwhelming exhaustion. I certainly have said my goodbyes to that house, that life, that anchor. I am happy to be rid of the process. But there is a lingering phantom pain surrounding never being able to ‘go home again’.

Ok, so maybe I crossed over the drama bar for a moment.

The net of all this (other than my overuse of cliché and devices)? I am a women who loves signs and juxtapositions. I thrive on the meant to be and the alignment of stars. To close on 10.10 at 10am at 1010 Northern Blvd. rang that bell big time. And it was my grandfather’s birthday to boot.

But nothing rang the bell more than the site of my girl in her beginning as I was tying up an ending.

One door opens and another one closes… maybe it is ok to reverse that saying, after all.

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Filed under aging parents, childhood, cliches, doors, family, sentimentalites

Time to Cry Tuesday – Being Six

1526299_10202899101262805_1167290587_nYeh, that’s me. At six.

Six was pretty perfect. Obviously from this picture I was sure I was all that. This is such an amazing shot. Hey, it got over 50 likes on Facebook in less than 24 hours! I told Gary today I think I might have peaked at six!

All kidding aside, I had the most amazing childhood. And this picture seems to embody it all. I know those are my eyes. I remember her. The way she lounged on that couch and maybe ate a little chocolate pudding out of one of those fabulous green square glass bowls. Or one of the white milk glass ones with the gold rim.  My brother and I didn’t realize that this life was not the norm at the time, but as we grow older we appreciate how wonderful it was to grow up in our house.

And now that house has sort of outlived its happiness for our family. It’s not that it has lost its beautiful memories, it is just time. The master of its charm has left the building, and so now, must the contents of a lifetime. It’s an interesting task. One that uncovers the treasures of the past buried amongst the bowling balls, slide projectors and ice skates from the 1960s. I have just begun, and I am sure there will be many tears and equally as many laughs as we dismantle what was for me, the most wonderful place on earth.

Thanks Dad, for giving me this task. Don’t feel bad about it. Don’t worry about the time it will take. You know this is my process. And you have earned the rest.

What does worry me a little is that closet in the garage, though. Mom always told me if she had a third child after raising me she would lock it in the garage closet… she was kidding, right?

 

 

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Filed under aging parents, childhood, homeowner, moms

Up is down

up-is-down1Sometimes life feels this way. Things happen that throw us completely off kilter. Up is down indeed.

I am big on watching for signs; seeing what is around me and trying to take something away from everything I see. 

On my daily early morning walk, soon after the most ‘up is down’ experience of my life, I came across this painted in the street. I had to smile. Perhaps the person responsible for this did not have me in mind, but it is no coincidence that it was smack in the middle of my path that day.

Each day afterwards I would pass this in the street, and with each day, it started to fade ever so slightly… not unlike the feeling that I had. 

Today, after a weekend of almost normal – or as normal as it could be, or perhaps the new normal – I looked down, and there was my up is down message, faded almost to obscurity. 

up-is-down2Had I not known it was there I would never have seen it. 

This weekend someone told me a little story about loss. Someone had lost someone close to them and when asked how he was he said that although he was getting used to his life he was still holding on to that feeling of loss. That somehow there was something so very special about still having that feeling. And when the feeling has faded it will seem almost sadder. 

I get that. And all I can add to that is that the signs will always be there, they may fade and be invisible to those who are not feeling them, but those of us who are, know they will always be there. 

 

 

 

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Filed under aging parents, loss

Time to Cry Tuesday – Welcome to the Family

This weekend, a young woman made not only the love of her life happy, but his entire family as well.

My nephew – the firstborn grandchild – asked his girlfriend to marry him. Not to get all Sunrise Sunset on him, but this one is huge for me. He was the first little guy to win my heart. The first baby that I held and felt my own blood run through his veins. The first little person that made me stop and think, holy crap, this procreation thing is something I could definitely subscribe to.

My brother and I vowed to not let long distance prevent us from being a big part of each other’s kid’s lives. When they were young, we took the trek back and forth as much as we could, to make sure the kids knew each other. And it worked. The four cousins have a bond that will carry them through a lifetime. And a not so great memory of always having to go to the bathroom on the Staten Island Expressway.

Now the gift of one more amazing young woman has been given to us in his bride-to-be. Corny? Shit yeah! And I don’t care. For she is all I could hope he would find in a spouse. Times 10. The look on his face when he is with her, the way they share their lives already, the respect and joy that you feel when they are around… that is the foundation you dream of for the ones you love.

So, Matt and Carolyn, I wish you a wonderful life together. I love you both to pieces.

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Filed under Time to Cry Tuesdays

Time to Cry Tuesday – Love Ever After

I saw this post on Kickstarter today and it made me cry… because you know, it’s Tuesday. AND Valentine’s Day. Double hit.

A book by Lauren Fleishman, Love Ever After will share the love stories of couples who have been married for at least 50 years. Inspired by a letter her grandfather wrote to hergrandmother during World War II (and rediscovered after he passed away in 2007), she began photographing and interviewing couples in the New York area as a way to preserve their stories and to illuminate our universal experience of love.

After just spending a few days in Florida visiting my parents who have been married OVER 60 YEARS, I do believe in love ever after. Listening to them talk about the way they feel about each other after all these years is the main reason I remain a hopeless romantic. (Yeh, this shot is a killer, right?) I can only hope that Gary will refrain from running me over with his car for the next 34 years so we can hit that milestone.

 

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Filed under Time to Cry Tuesdays

LUVMYWIFE

Is it me? Tell me that no one else sees these things on a regular basis. It is uncanny how they present themselves to me; and so often in the early hours of the morning when Mel and I are walking (note her little paw in the bottom right corner of the photo).

The owner of this van was about to get into it when I stopped him and asked if I could please photograph his license plate (yes I actually asked this time). He sort of smiled sheepishly and told me that women love this. I asked who ordered it, him or his wife and he gave me a sweet little evasive smile.

I sent it to Gary. This was our conversation later in the day:

Me: Did you get my email?

Gary: Yeh.

Me: Funny, right?

Gary: Did you ask the guy if his wife was carrying his penis around in her pocket all day?

Gotta love my husband. Or should I say LUVMYHUSBAND.

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Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, gary, license plates

Time to Cry Tuesday – Valentine’s Day

Danny at 8 years-old, maybe

Scene: Sitting in a client meeting in the middle of an extremely busy (out of the basement) day.

Phone rings.

Quick glance and my son’s number comes up. I excuse myself for a moment and explain I am concerned as he rarely calls. Texts, sure, but call… this could be serious.

Me: Hey man, everything ok?

Danny: Yeh, sure.

Me: Wassup.

Danny: Just called to say Happy Valentine’s Day.

Time to Cry Tuesday… enough said.

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Filed under danny, Time to Cry Tuesdays