Tag Archives: friendship

October 24, 2011 · 10:04 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – The Cure of Friendship

It has been a rough 2 weeks. For those who do not read regularly, we lost our dog suddenly. It has been very hard on me and I felt as if the sadness would never lift. There has been a heaviness in my chest that felt permanent and it worried me.

Until this weekend. I was lucky enough to be included in a birthday celebration for a very special friend. (and the bonus was it was near my brother and sister-in-law, so we got to spend some wonderful time together beforehand)

Nine women traveled from near and far to join together and celebrate. We were all tied by our love of this woman and the many ways in which she is special to us. Nine woman – some of whom knew only one or two people there before we arrived – all left with eight new friends. All sorts of both interesting and ridiculously outrageous conversation ensued. Hours of laughter and lots of great food and wine helped to accelerate what became one of the most extraordinary evenings I have ever experienced.

Her husband and sons graciously got the hell out of there  slept out so we could have the house to ourselves. Our wonderful chef prepared tapas paired with incredible wine choices. He got quite an earful with the topics we discussed. In true James Bond form we should have killed him at the end of the evening.

Instead we all followed him on twitter and promised to tell all our followers how great his food was. (we can be that way)

On my long ride home I thought a lot about what made the evening such a success. How could nine otherwise unrelated women all come to an event like this at our age… and sleep over! I think the answer was clear – because our friend is just the type of person you would do that for. I arrived there knowing that the conversation would be both stimulating and outrageous. That the topics would range from raising kids, teens, young adults to dealing with aging parents; career paths, art, music, life choices, of course social media and yes dying dogs. No topic was taboo yet every one of them was met with tolerance, empathy and a big dose of not taking ourselves all that seriously. Each one of us brought to the table their varied experiences and the humor to get through just about anything.

And most of us have.

A huge thank you to my dear friend’s sister-in-law and husband who made this happen. I feel truly honored to have been a part of this and grateful for the new friendships made.

Oh yeh, and thanks for the biggest jam-master hangover I have had in a long time… it was surely worth it.

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July 4, 2011 · 11:35 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Timing is Everything

Do you ever wonder what makes you decide to do something at the exact moment that you do? What makes you feel the need to complete a task that sets you on a specific path at a specific time? Sometimes there is a higher power at work. No, I am not getting all religious on you, more fatalistic. I am a firm believer that some things do not happen by accident. Sometimes we are part of a predestined plan.

Today was just such a day. Today we were supposed to go to the beach, but got caught up in doing stuff around the house. Today Gary had an almost obsessive need to drop a few bags of stuff that have been in the garage for weeks in the Goodwill box. Today he made the decision to leave at just the very moment that made all the difference in the world.

Minutes after he left – only a few short blocks from our house – he came upon a friend in dire need and set the ball in motion to help. If he was not there at that very moment the whole experience would have gone down completely differently. Our friend would have been alone. And more frightened than he already was. No one would have known what had happened. It was as if he was guided to that very spot at that very time to make a terrible situation a little easier to navigate.

Timing is everything.

And we are incredibly lucky to have the kind of friends that we do.

Very lucky indeed.

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December 14, 2010 · 12:07 am

Time To Cry Tuesday – Is facebook like gum on your shoe?

I had this conversation with Dr. Jimmy the other day. We were talking about people who had become facebook friends and how they fit into our lives. I don’t think that when Zuckerberg thought this whole thing up he had any idea how it would effect those of us who actually have a past.

This was created for people who basically had only a present – young people. People with barely any history. When they first came on they were looking to connect. Many were looking to acquire more or deeper relationships, but they were surely not looking for kids they knew in preschool!

Then we old school types came along and we were looking to REconnect with people from our past. And sure, people from our present too; but I think the lure for most people ‘of a certain age’ was to get back in touch with those that time and distance had squeezed out of our lives.

ish.

In the process we started to get ‘friend’ requests from people who had organically slipped out of our lives. And we were either not unhappy about it or at the very least… indifferent. I always say, if I did not connect with you in High School, why would I want to reconnect with you now?

Now we are subjected to the constant stream of intimate details of the lives of those that we really never knew all that well in real life. We don’t want to be rude and ‘unfriend’. Sometimes we cannot stand either the monotony of what they post or the cryptic crises that people feel the need to spout in status updates. (what is that by they way?)

Don’t get me wrong, I love the upside of facebook and the friends that I have found again and share with. But the others…

Yep, facebook can sometimes turn people from your past into gum on your shoe.

(oh great, now all my old friends are going to worry that I am talking about them… c’mon you guys, don’t get all insecure, you know I love you!)

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September 6, 2010 · 10:23 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Valentino’s on the Green

This week Time to Cry Tuesday takes a different twist. Having safely deposited both of my kids at college halfway across the country, I will focus this week on the joy of work.

Yes, you read that correctly. As a good friend from art school so wisely posted on facebook recently, ‘find something you love and then find someone to bill for it’. Every so often my career takes a turn back towards doing what I truly love; getting involved in a business and helping them to realize their vision for how they should look and feel.

One such client is a fabulous new restaurant and catering venue in the NY area called Valentino’s on the Green. I was hired to create their menus and associated materials. It just so happens that not only did I have the honor of working with this new venue, but one of the partners happens to be one of my dearest friends from High School, Chef Don Pintabona of Tribeca Grill fame. (we did not call him Chef, back then).

To add to the excitement, Don is planning to build a solar-and-biodiesel-powered vertical farm on the property, where he hopes to grow about 80 percent of his raw materials, from mushrooms and potatoes to farmed fish. He also envisions a teaching lab for local schools. How cool is that?

The restaurant is housed in Rudolph Valentino‘s summer home in Bayside Queens (hey, don’t laugh, in the 20s Bayside was like the Hamptons). The renovation is spectacular, the staff is award winning and stellar, the food is to die for. And Sunday night I had the joy of dining there during the Friends and Family opening.

I cannot tell you the thrill of entering that building I have watched turn from a construction site into an elegant restaurant over the past few months and see it filled with people. People who were actually holding my menus! But the most wonderful part of all was to see my dear friend Don – beaming as he walked through the place – at home in a way I have not seen in a very long time. There is nothing better than seeing a dear friend realize a vision and being able to take part in it.

Sometimes work feels like pushing a boulder up the hill. But if you are lucky, other times work is about doing what you love – with people you love – and finding someone to bill for it. It was an honor to work with a team of passionate professionals who truly cared about every single detail that led up to the opening of this restaurant. Don, Giorgio and Deanna, working with you has been a dream! Jimmy, Michael, Antonio, Don C., Lauren, Erin, and the entire staff, thanks for the great night last night, you were all on the top of your game.

So plug, plug, plug, full client/friend disclosure and all that transparency nonsense, you will surely thank me for turning you onto this place. Let’s help them find ‘many some ones to bill for it’. Join me in making this venue the great success I know it will become. Check it out here, or call and make a reservation at 718.352.2300 and tell them that Amy sent you. Do it now before this article hits and they are all booked up. (Oh and if you are looking to throw a party, their upstairs catering room is magnificent!)

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August 9, 2010 · 10:59 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Blogher Hangover

The other day I gave you a silly little peek into a moment I experienced at Blogher, the women’s blogging conference. I am usually prone to pick out the most absurd of moments and share them here because I like to entertain. And I have to admit, THAT was entertaining.

But the event itself was far from silly. For me it was proof that women from all over can come together and form a community that in a matter of hours becomes as close as those from which they have traveled. If not, in some ways, closer.

Women are a funny gender. We nurture by nature. Sure there are the mean girls and the cool chicks at the cafeteria table. And from where I came from, there are those who liked to mix it up with a little girl fight at the flagpole now and then. But for the most part, women rally around.

Someone is ill? We feed their families and care for their kids. Someone has a loss? We make arrangements, and give a shoulder in the darkest of hours when everyone else has moved on. And hey, when we puke, our truest friend will hold our hair back and never judge us.

So it is no surprise that when a hotel full of women bloggers got together there was a buzz; a feeling in the air that was hard to describe. Sure it was overwhelming at times. But the strangest things were happening. Coincidences and connections. With strangers. But not really. Women met each other in person for the first time when they had known each other online for years. And all we could say was, ‘I feel like I have known you for years.’

I spent the most fascinating hour drinking wine with a group of women in a hotel room. Most of us only knew one or two people in the room. ‘Where did you sit?’, my husband asked me. ‘You know, all over. In the chairs, lying on the beds. It was very relaxed.’ Of course his mind went into full blown girl on girl pillow fights. Yeh, well that is the penis for you.

I digress. The point was, the whole purpose of this conference was to share. Ideas. Lives. Business concepts. And everything in between. To give each other the balls to keep doing whatever it is that we do. For whatever reasons we do them.

I regret that I was only able to attend one day. But this 14-hour day left me so spent that going back was simply out of the question. I had a Blogher hangover (or maybe it was the wine) But, I needed to digest.

Now that I have, I am so proud to have been a part of this. Blogging is very much a way of life for me. There is no right or wrong way to do it. Some over-share, but it works for them. Some over-sell, but it works for them as well.

And me, well there were three things that made me happiest. One, I got to check in at the same time as Mrs. Potato Head.  Two, someone in an elevator saw my conference badge and told me that I had the best blog name of the day. And three, I got to hear a ballroom full of women chant the word vagina in unison. Seriously, where else could that happen?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 18, 2010 · 7:32 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Turning 21 and Locks of Love

Many of us know young women who choose to grow their hair down to their waists with the intent to donate to those who have lost their hair to illness. My daughter did it in 9th grade, as did many of her friends. It is the ultimate act of selflessness. Many of these girls have much of their identity tied to their tresses and by donating them to those who are suffering, they learn a great lesson of the true meaning of giving. (Locks of Love provides hairpieces to financially disadvantaged children in the United States and Canada under age 21 suffering from long-term medical hair loss from any diagnosis).

This weekend a very special young woman in our lives turned 21. She is the dear friend of my daughter and we have known her since preschool days. In celebrating her birthday, she too, chose to donate her beautiful long locks. Although turning 21 is a big milestone for many, this was monumental for Emily and her family and friends.  What is different about this remarkable woman is that she has known first hand what it is to lose her hair. Not once in her short life, but twice. By the time she was 12 years old she had battled Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia and become a two-time cancer survivor.

This young woman has battled cancer and won with the grace and zest for life like no one I have ever known. She is a true inspiration to me and every time I see her she lights up the room. To be loved by Emily is to be truly loved, and she let’s you know that.

There was a big party at her parents home where she showed her bravery once again by having her hair cut in a room full of people who love and support her. And was that room full! It is hard for me to put into words how much of an effect this person has had on those of us who have known her most of her life. If you can measure a life by the people you touch, Emily is a giant.

As she sat in that chair I could not help but flash back to both times that we learned of her illness, the years she spent stoically fighting this dreaded disease and the elation we all shared when she received a clean bill of health.

She has dedicated much of her life to helping ease the road for so many children who are suffering. Among her many activities she is a past speaker and major fundraiser for the annual Relay for Life event in our town and volunteers at Sunrise Day Camp – the only day camp in the nation dedicated to serving the childhood Cancer population and their siblings free of cost. Her latest campaign is Bald for a Cause, where she not only donated her hair but set a fundraising goal of $5,000 in honor of her 21st birthday. These donations benefit the Sunrise Day Camp and The Winthrop University Cancer Center for Kids.

If you can, please join me in honoring this truly terrific young woman and give any amount to help her realize her goal.

In her own words, here is a quote from her Relay for Life speech:

I’ve realized that true friends will stick with you, no matter what you look like or what you’re going through. They’ll remain by your side, ready to help in any way possible, giving you the courage you need to succeed. I believe that my battle with Leukemia had helped me find those real friends. I’ve learned that bad things do happen to good people, but its bravery and courage that helps those good people make it through.

To Em – my sweet, may you always know the love that was in that room this weekend. With all the awful things you have had to live through, you have known the love of so many and have given it back tenfold. When I grow up I want to be just like you!

What this world needs is more Emilys!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 4, 2010 · 8:41 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Say a little prayer

basketballwithmike

Ok, grab a tissue now because this one brought my whole family to tears.

High School sports. High stakes in the lives of young athletes who dedicate themselves to being the best they can be in order to play their game of choice in college. They switch schools, travel endlessly and make any sacrifice asked of them in order to realize their dream. They never quit and they never say die.

However, the tricky thing about sports is how in a split second the game can change. Not the game, but the GAME. The whole ball of wax sometimes hinges on a moment in time. This weekend we witnessed one such moment. Our boy (not our genetic one, but the one we choose) came down wrong on his ankle and was carried off the basketball court. In those minutes after the injury the shock, fear and anger was so thick you could cut it with a knife. And that was me, can you imagine how he and his real parents felt.

I have written about this young man before when his team won the state championship. (I recommend that you click that last link as his story is a great one – don’t worry, I will wait).

I am happy to report that with any luck the injury is hopefully only a sprain. But the pain in the heart runs way deeper with the realization that you just never know. I am a fatalist. And a coper. And that is fine when I am dealing with my own stuff, but when it comes to one of the kids – not so much. When you see a young person work so hard for something you want to see them succeed. And yes, the coping piece is a big lesson, but not today, k?

He is a trooper. Right after the ER visit he was sitting at the dinner table pounding cupcakes and cracking jokes, trying his best to suck it up when we all knew how hard this was for him. BTW, We were quite impressed with his skill of eating a cupcake whole in one bite. (oh to be 16!)

So, on this Time to Cry Tuesday, I want all of you out there who have ever had a dream – whatever your religious persuasion (and even you atheists) – say a little prayer for our guy to get back on that court again soon and play his heart out…

before he drives his mother absolutely crazy.

(had to use this picture again because I simply love it. The one on the right is my son)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

 

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December 28, 2009 · 8:54 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – The family you choose

We are very fortunate Jews; very fortunate indeed, as we are invited to a most amazing Christmas every year with our dearest friends. I wrote about this last year but I can’t help but post again about an evening that is so very special to our family.

Seated in one room were  members of four families, one friend of the boys and the boyfriend of my girl. The ‘kids’ table was now populated with 14 to 20-year-olds!

As we all took our seats, the vision of all those young adults took my breath away. Some in High School, others about to go off to college, still others scattered in universities across the country, some about to go off on semester abroad adventures, were the finicky eaters and meltdown whiners of Christmas’ past. Was it not just yesterday that the girls put on their famous dance show in front of the fireplace while the boys bounced balls incessantly through the house? Did we not pajama the kids before we went home a few short years ago?

And it’s amazing how we don’t look a day older. (ok, we had a lot of wine with dinner).

It is never a bad idea to count your blessings during the holiday season. So much time is spent on rushing around to make it all perfect, when the truth is, by nature of the players it already is.

Thank you once again to my dear wife friend, Joanne, who makes a holiday like no other. Go figure that the skinniest, most fit woman I know would also be the best cook! She gave me the little framed picture above this post long ago and I keep in on my desk to thank my lucky stars for the day her husband brought her into my life (and believe me, he dated many women I would not have been all that happy sharing my life with, most of whom I remember and he does not).

I am doubly blessed to have a real family that I would choose anyway and an extended family of friends that I would throw myself in front of a train for.

Happy holidays to you all. Count your friends as your blessings for without them nothing is all that important.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 14, 2009 · 10:00 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – People Who Need People

Ok, maybe the Barbra Streisand reference is a bit out of character, but hey, it’s not like I am quoting Barry Manilow or anything (my regrets to my friends who are Manilow fans, you know who you are and I love you in spite of your questionable musical tastes. Ok, perhaps one or two songs are acceptable).

I digress, for a change. Back to the subject of this post. If you know me you would probably describe me as fiercely independent, or at least a social recluse. I enjoy my time alone. I work alone, walk alone, sometimes I even talk alone but that is for another diagnosis post. Bottom line, I am not one that considers most activities to be shared ones. I am rarely lonely even though I spend long stretches of time by myself. This could explain the whole basement thing.

But, and this is a big but (not a big butt, thank you), the people in my life are extremely dear to me. Without them I would be toast. I take relationships very seriously and cherish those who have made a huge impact on my life. This past week was a busy one, and during it I was fortunate to spend time with people who have made my life richer in so many ways I could not begin to count. Without them my life would be so very different. Sometimes the road is not the one you expect, but in the end you always wind up Here. And wherever that is, it is where you are supposed to be.

This Time to Cry Tuesday is my way of saying that life is often hard – and short – but when you know you have your people, you have more than you will ever need.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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November 17, 2009 · 3:28 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Balance

I know, I know. This is a the longest I have been away from the blogosphere. I needed to cleanse, I suppose.

And cleanse I did. With a fine balance of caffeine and alcohol; laughter and tears; dear old friends and happily some dear new ones.

Ah, girls weekend. Who does not love the sound of that? Even when the ‘girls’ are turning 50 (or 46/47 – some are never really sure of their own age). Another weekend away with 9 women to celebrate the birthday of one very special friend.

We came from 3 stages of her life; childhood, young professional and current. Some crossed categories, others crossed the country, all showed up for the love of one friend that makes each and every one of us feel as if we are the most important person in her life. She is the problem solver. The go-to girl. The no-issue-is-too-big-or-too-small-larger-than-life-let’s-solve -this-baby-for-ya type woman that all of us would throw ourselves in front of a train for. Or a pitcher of bloodies, anyway.

Seriously, this is the woman who you call with anything from a health scare to a stubborn cleaning problem.

Throw in a the most beautiful venue on earth (W Hotel in Miami – more on this during the week) a beach, a pool, 80 degree weather and the most amazing hostess on earth and there is not one of us who is isn’t sitting at work today thinking, ‘why the hell did I come home?’

There is something about friendships like these that give you balance when the whole world tilts to the side. They stand you up, dust you off and make you laugh till you cry and cry till you laugh. Eye make-up did not stand a shot this week. As she so eloquently put it today: “Nothing like a little time away from home to forget all the problems and refuel with some good times.”

Life is hard. Period.

Friends make it not so hard. Period (again).

Only I could keep writing after saying ‘period’.

Thank you to all the amazing women who I shared this weekend with and thank you, as well, for pointing out that most of my wardrobe, in fact, looks like my black bathrobe (more on that tomorrow).

Love you all!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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