Category Archives: Time to Cry Tuesdays

August 2, 2010 · 9:55 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Checking Out

I admit it. I am a connection junkie. I have a blackberry, a blog, accounts on facebook, foursquare, twitter and countless other ridiculous places I won’t admit. I post, share, ponder, like, friend, tweet, IM, BBM, text, and in my retro way I am known to send an occasional traditional snail mail thank-you note when old-fashioned sincerity is in order.

But this weekend I worked pretty hard at checking out. Nestled comfortably in the heart of the 6 million acre Adirondack Park, I stayed in a sleepy little town called… no, not Petticoat Junction. But pretty damn close. It is called North Creek. And it is a bustling metropolis compared to the town we were there to really visit, which is called Minerva.

Minerva… 12851. 28N. Say those three things to anyone who has been lucky enough to spend their summers at the sleep away camps in that town and a glazed look will come over their eyes. The air smells so sweet, the sky is that extra shade of blue, the lake tastes like nothing on this earth. The stillness of its mornings and the majesty of its sunsets are amongst the most beautiful experiences on earth.

But the true gift of this little jewel on earth is found in its lack of cell service. Yes, you read that correctly. I was thrilled to be technically untethered for a few days. And although North Creek prides itself in its relatively new hot spots, I can honestly say I tried my best to keep away from them as much as possible while I was in town. Sure I threw up some shots on facebook and even checked in on foursquare once just to see if there were venues that were listed, but for the most part…

I checked out.

And kids, I have to tell you, it didn’t suck. Somehow being there and letting go made me remember who I am on some level. Or perhaps it was who I want to be.

Again.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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July 26, 2010 · 8:14 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – The Ingredients of Your Soul

We all have them; the ingredients that make up our soul. The core of who we are and how we function. I believe the Trinidadians call it ‘how we move’. There are things that we do inherently. Our sixth sense. We don’t know how we know them, we just do. They are not necessarily formally learned but more passed down or ingrained in us from where we come from.

So you are wondering what brought this up? Well, if you were with me at the beach on Sunday you might be starting to form an idea.

The day was hot, sunny and humid. Not a cloud in the sky but the forecasters did mention an afternoon storm. Assuming they were wrong, we ventured down to the beach around 3:00. We finally arrived, got situated, ate a delicious lunch and then suddenly everything shifted. The clouds began to roll in, the breeze picked up and there was a subtle change in… well, in everything.

I stood up. Took a look around. Felt that subtle charge in the atmosphere. Checked the horizon and promptly announced it was time to go. Skeptical, Gary told me I was the only one getting up and making a move. But that did not discourage me. Because, my friends, I was born here. Just miles from my childhood home, even closer to the house my grandparents owned, these were the beaches of my childhood. And like my mother and my grandmother before me, I can just TELL the difference between passing clouds, a sprinkle and a downright impending storm.

Almost down to the minute.

I announced that within 10-20 minutes we would be caught in a downpour and I guess I said it with enough authority that the dozen or so people we were with stood up, packed up and hit the road.

And at the 15 minute mark it started to rain. By the time we arrived home there were trees down and electricity was out in places.

So how did I know? Luck? Sometimes. But mostly it is the same way the animals know. They get a feeling. Their habitat shifts and they have honed the sensitivity to it. The air smells different. The breeze has that unpredictable way about it.

I like to think of it as simply one of the main ingredients of my soul. The one that makes me pretty sure I can never live too far from an ocean and ever feel truly at home.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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July 19, 2010 · 10:32 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Make More


Make more music. Make more art. What a lovely sentiment.

Last week, as I walked from the subway to Stuyvesant High School for a River to River Festival performance I passed this window. I believe it is a kid’s place.

Here in this little piece of Tribeca that used to sit in the shadow of the Twin Towers it struck me how resilient this city is. And how, almost 10 years since that horrific date, a neighborhood could thrive with families and culture.

Battery Park City and this edge of Tribeca are model neighborhoods in which to raise children. There is free music, public art, more green space than you could ever imagine, playgrounds, an esplanade along the hudson and restaurants, bars, galleries and shops all creating a quality of life that rivals any other neighborhood in NY.

It is hard to imagine how this neighborhood looked in the days following 9/11; a war zone in our very city.

Unthinkable.

And yet in the true spirit of New York it rose again to become a place to live where they encourage kids to:

Make more music and make more art.

Simply enchanting, is it not?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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July 12, 2010 · 9:41 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Enjoy the Moment

This plaque is on a bench on the boardwalk in Long Beach, NY. All along the boardwalk there are benches with dedication plaques. Many of them memorialize those who were lost in 9/11 that grew up in the area. I have sadly come across the name of someone I once knew on one of these benches. Sobering indeed. Yet it makes me think how much of a comfort it must be to the family members to have these in such a special place.

This is up there with one of my most favorite places on earth. I spent much of my childhood on the beaches there, as my grandparents lived walking distance to the beach. Their house had an outdoor shower and there was nothing better after a day spent in the sand and surf than to return to that outdoor shower.

This past weekend I spent both days walking on this board walk. The first day was more of a stroll. A ritual walk with 3 generations of my family. One that we have done hundreds of times, in all seasons. It is our ‘place’. It is Home with a cap H. It is the place where each and every one of us feels like we belong.

Not bad right?

So yes, I surely did enjoy the moment.

Here are a few more favorite shots to give you a feel for the place.

There is a special bike lane which makes it a great place to ride.

It is not uncommon to see flowers on the memorial benches.

Hands down the sweetest sight of the day, this couple was quite elderly and extremely slow-moving, but you could tell that they take this walk every day and probably have been for many years.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 28, 2010 · 10:41 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Life Stages

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Well kids, it’s Tuesday and I am not gonna lie, I might be almost all cried out after this bittersweet roller coaster of a week. There are a only a few things I am truly sure of after all the excitement of graduating my second and last child. Here is my takeaway from the whole experience.

1. If one more person uses the term ’empty nest’ I am pretty sure I will have to just punch them in the face. Enough with that crap already. Empty, shmempty, we all know they come home with laundry in tow and lie on the couch like they never left. And we love it. Period. And then they leave. And we kinda like that too. Period.

2. This is a given, and it is huge when you finally get it: every life stage has its rocky parts at the beginning. When we move out of our parents’ house we are apprehensive. Then college life is the norm and as soon as we get used to that we are off in the ‘real world’ and we have to adjust to life not being one big party. Then we learn how to make life one big party with a paycheck and we get married and have to adjust to another person’s needs. So that goes OK and then we squeak out a couple of puppies and we pine away for those carefree days, sans diaper bags and mortgages until…

you guessed it. We become THAT life. A friend said to me the other day, ” There was one period of time when it seemed like time stood still and everything was perfect. The kids were around 8-12 and they were independent enough but we still had control. And then BANG, it all blew up again.”

I kept thinking about that all weekend. How being a parent with kids was who we were. It defined us in our community, throughout our days, in all our planning. It was ‘all about the kids’ (right Jo?).

And then it was not. Or not exactly ‘not’ but kind of ‘hey we can maybe go back to the way it was before we squeaked out the puppies’.

Ish.

3. Being a fast learner I get that as soon as I become used to this next stage these rotten kids will up and get married and have their own kids and throw me into the lead role in a friggin’ lifestyle commercial for irregularity (if you know me that is highly unlikely), or osteoporosis meds. And there we will be again, adjusting.

Keyword: adjusting.

The only constant is change. (another sentence I have heard ad nauseum this week – another comment worthy of face punching). Or back to the old love child in me: To everything turn, turn ,turn, there is a season… damn I always hated that song! And if I am not mistaken it might have been the theme of my high school yearbook.

So here’s to change. And not taking any of this all too seriously. And a nice rambling Time to Cry Tuesday that probably did not really even shed a tear…

because we’re all cried out.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 21, 2010 · 2:08 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Zen and the Art of Letting Go

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There are times in your life when you simply have to let it go. When you are a parent – and a control freak to boot – letting go is not the easiest thing to do.

But I know better. Time marches on and either we march along with it or we get trampled. Ok, so maybe I feel some boots on my back right about now. And I know I am not alone.

So, to all of you who are trying to march into step with the graduation class of 2010, here it is: the Time to Cry Tuesday post about graduating your youngest child.

The other day, during the 4-hour end of school/pre-camp errand, Danny and I found ourselves in the bookstore and I came across Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig. This 1974 novel was one of my most favorites back in the day – whenever the hell ‘the day’ was. Maybe High School, or college. I like to recommend some quality books to my kids in between the trash so I suggested that he read this. After being rejected by over 121 publishers it went on to sell over 4 million copies and was translated into 27 languages.

I suppose I was not alone in my love for this book.

While he browsed, I stopped at the Starbucks to try to alleviate the sleep-deprived haze I found myself in that is all too familiar this time of year. I began to refresh my memory by reading the back of the book. Up until this moment I had done a damn good job of holding it together. He is ready. He is excited. He is moving on to the next chapter of his life with the confidence and unbridled passion that only a young man of almost 18 could have.

I was good, I tell you, until I read this:

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance is a powerful, moving, and penetrating examination about how we live… and a breathtaking meditation on how to live better… an unforgettable narration of a summer motorcycle trip across America’s Northwest, undertaken by a father and his young son. A story of love and fear – growth, discovery and acceptance – that becomes a profound personal and philosophical odyssey into life’s fundamental questions…

And that was when it happened. I broke. There in the Starbucks while ordering the grande iced latte (not even half caff, for G-d sake) I could not breathe. What if I had not imparted enough to him? Could I have done more? Could I have ‘lived better’ by example? Why did I never take a motorcycle trip cross country with him when he was younger ? (ok, that one is a stretch) Wait, I need a do over! I am sure there is some colossal parenting task I did not achieve well enough. Seriously, it went too fast, how could he make it without me?

And then I looked across the store.  And there he was, with that scruffy almost-beard and that ultra-confident, but in no way cocky little swagger that he has. And I realized the only wisdom that was not realized was my own:

The Art of Letting Go.

My friends, the road is long. And then it ends(ish). But as we who have graduated the siblings before these kids know, being a parent is a life-long job. And this stage is in many ways more fun than any of them. They are the people we grew from babies.

Their own people. And with any luck they will take care of US when we are old. (which may be sooner than I think if I don’t get some sleep soon)

To my boy, may we always have days like these past few weeks we have shared. Thanks for humoring me through them. And for making me so very proud to be your mom.

I love you. Now go and be all you can be.

And be careful.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 14, 2010 · 10:11 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – A Hole in the Blogosphere

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If you read me regularly you have noticed that I also write over at 50-Something Moms Blog. I have been part of the SV Moms Group community for almost two years and consider them a family of sorts. Or as Gary likes to refer to them, my satan-worshipping blog friends.

As far as I can tell, none of them are actual satan-worshippers. Instead they are hundreds of moms – and a few dads with a strong sense of their masculinity – who write about everything from parenting to politics. The blogs are segmented geographically with one demographic group – the must current group of 50-somethings I have ever met!

In the background we are members of a thriving discussion board where we offer support, help promote one another, network and collaborate. Never before have I worked within such an amazing group.

I have been in business for many years. I have watched moms struggle with every aspect of the collision of parenting and career –  be it the choice to continue working or the option to stay home. As part of this group I have watched and listened. At times I have given council and at others I have been taught by the masters. When I needed an answer or a resource on any topic, they were my go-to group and there was always someone who would jump in and help me out.

It is with great sadness that I report the SVMoms Group is dissolving the site. The bloggers were all notified at around 3:00 PM EST on Monday. Within 6 hours a new alumni community was formed on Ning with members immediately joining by the dozens. I would imagine the whole group will migrate there within a day or so. This is a network that will not dissolve.

So, to the Sisterhood of the SVMoms I show my deepest gratitude for having been a part of something so very special. And to our fearless leaders, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for inviting me to be a part of something so life-changing. (oh yeh, and letting me lie about my age for the first year I was writing on 50-something).

Yes, there will surely be a hole in the blogosphere where we once lived!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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June 8, 2010 · 3:00 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Firsts and Lasts

So sorry for the late posting of Time to Cry Tuesday. I am sure there are many of you who are thanking me for not starting your day with a good cry but then there are others who might have missed it and I hate to disappoint. Hey, it’s still Tuesday!

Today is the first day of Jana’s internship.

Tomorrow is Danny’s last day of classes in High School.

This past weekend was Danny’s first time registering for college classes.

This coming year will be Jana’s last one in Wisconsin.

This was the first time I took both my kids to Madison to give them a glimpse into their year to come.

The flight home was the last time I will fly back with them both.

New beginnings and doors close.

The wheel is turning and you can’t slow down
You can’t let go and you can’t hold on
You can’t go back and you can’t stand still
If the thunder won’t get you then the lightening will.
The Wheel – Grateful Dead

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 31, 2010 · 9:33 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Family and Friends

There is nothing like a picture perfect weather weekend to kick off the summer. But the weather was not the only thing that was perfect. We were fortunate enough to have been invited to 3 amazing BBQs filled with good friends with our family unit firmly intact for a few fleeting days. There are so few times that we get to spend as a family now, adding old friends and their kids to the mix is truly a gift.

BBQ number one was so very special because all the 21 year olds were there, many of whom have just returned with stories of their semesters abroad. Looking at all those faces I have known since nursery school, seeing their friendships still so strong and comfortable was such a joy. These are the people we have raised our children with. We have sat through graduations, in ER waiting rooms and everything in between with this crowd. This is our Community with a capital C.

BBQ number two was the campies. This crowd is filled with our friends and their kids who have all attended the same summer camp. The kids are mostly counselors – or retired counselors – with many stories of their own to add to the legacy of the ones that we tell. So much history. A culture like no other. We truly feel like we have come home when we are with this group.

BBQ number three was with more of the home crowd. A smaller group of 3 families that have been together from the very beginning. Their kids (and dogs) are like my own and we never take for granted how special their friendship is to us. Or how amazing their cooking is.

To all our hosts, thank you so much for the great times. And to my kids, thanks for humoring us and spending some time together. Something tells me you both are beginning to appreciate the time we are all together as much as we are.

And hell hasn’t even frozen over yet.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 25, 2010 · 1:04 am

Time to Cry Tuesday – The Time Capsule

If you are an elementary school teacher this is a must read. If you are a parent of a child of any age, grab the tissues.

Tonight at dinner I remembered the time capsule that Danny had put together in his first grade class. This could be the single best project he did in elementary school. Mrs. Smith was his teacher and the only generic thing about her was her name. A fabulous Teacher (with a capital T) he ‘looped’ with her from first to second grade. This was the woman who recognized the fact that this little boy would spend more of his energy trying to sit than it took to do his work – so she let him stand. The same one who worked patiently to get him to read even though he had a slow start – and assured me that he was going to do fine. And of course she was right as he has become an avid reader.

Tucked away amongst newspaper front pages and Y2K party favors, custom baseball cards and a bag of 1999 coins, were some amazing artifacts, including the cover with the instructions to open December 2010. We deemed this a mistake and decided that now was the time to open it.

1. Cover of the box – notice the drawing of Franklin the Turtle in the center.

2. Picture with said Franklin

3.  A ziplock bag with the proverbial ‘the dog ate my homework’ remains – Mel got an A – and her puppy picture.

4. A letter from 7-year-old-Danny to 17-year-old Danny – lots of talk of goldfish.

5. His predictions of the future – yes he did say that matzoh balls would still be his favorite snack food.

6. And our favorite – self portraits at 7 and 17. We love that he predicted his blonde hair would turn brown.

Lesson learned: don’t ever throw this kind of stuff away. And most important, savor every moment because that 10 years flew by in a blink.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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