Tag Archives: sharper image

Top Ten Ways to be a Perfect House Guest

1. Bring steamed lobsters for dinner (over 2 lbs) check

2. Buy clever lobster forks and citrus slicer from Crate and Barrel. check

3. Empty the dishwasher when you wake up. check

4. Bring 3 Stooges DVD for husbands to watch (with hands down their pants). check

5. Ride to the market to get supplies. check

6. Take ferries at convenient times. check

7. Bring a dog that does not shed. uhhhhh, sorry. thought the grooming would handle that! (labs have a tendency to shed full puppies in the heat.)

8. Bring dog that does not bark incessantly. really, she never barks like this at home. honest.

9. Don’t break the rod when you go fishing. hmmm… jews are not great fisherman. we prefer the fish market, “i’ll take a pound and a half of salmon…”

10. Don’t break the plumbing when taking a shower…

Yeh, well, that one didn’t work out all that well. My poor husband. Everyone else was using the outdoor shower (who wouldn’t). But no, he thought he would just jump into the seldom used indoor one before dinner. Seems when he turned the faucet… it kept turning. And turning. And would not shut off!

Ok, so now we have dinner ready in 20 minutes, a ferry to catch in an hour and a half and the scene in the bathroom would be:

My husband in a towel, the homeowner and his Sharper Image toolkit (only Jews own these – and they might be a collector’s item these days. honestly, would an Irish or Italian guy be caught dead with these metrosexual tools?), the homeowner’s brother-in-law, the neighbor and HIS brother-in-law (why so many in-laws?) inside the shower TOGETHER (calling this the beginning of a porn film) and of course both of the dogs trying to get in on the action. (mine finally not barking, thank goodness).

Needless to say the only solution was to shut all the water in the house and only turn it on (and the shower of course) when needed. And a plumber on a barrier island on the Saturday night of a holiday weekend? Non-existent.

Thanks, Sam and Katie, for being such good sports during our Annual Fourth of July Visit. Only dear old friends like yourselves would be so cool about all this. I promise by July 4, 2012, when you decide to invite us back again we will be sure to work on items 7-10 above. 

Then again, as Sam said, “What makes you think you will be invited back so soon…”

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Filed under friendship, humor, travel