Tag Archives: loss

Time to Cry Tuesday – Loss and the 300th post

Yes, this my 300th post. Hard to believe and usually a cause for celebration in the land of blog. But today I am here to write about loss.

And oddly what I have gained. 

It is hard to explain to those who are not part of this world of blogging and Twitter what a true community has been formed through a medium that would seem to be highly impersonal. 

I come from a generation where the openness and sharing of this world can be a bit overwhelming. For my age group privacy was cherished above all and there is a thread of paranoia about having one’s life out in the open. This makes the world of the mom blogosphere a bit foreign at times. But this week, once again, I have seen the power of the social web and what it can do for those in need.

I am fortunate to live in a community that takes care of it’s own in times of trouble. I have known this kind of support more than once and I am in awe when I see that sentiment replicated on the internet – amongst strangers! 

Beyond comprehension, 2 young babies publicly lost their lives this week.

The first, Maddie Sphor was the 17-month-old daughter of a fellow Silicon Valley Mom Blogger. This darling of the internet whose mom, Heather, chronicled her difficult pregnancy, premie birth and fight to thrive has been followed by many through her blog and twitter. This baby’s infectious smile has haunted us all as we try to accept the tragedy of her sudden death. Within hours funds were set up to help the family with expenses, over $30,000 was raised for March of Dimes and walks in her name were organized. 

One by one, twitter avatars turned purple in Maddie’s memory to show support for her family. These past few days those haunting purple avatars have shown me how much I have gained from the experience of the social web. 

As if this were not awful enough, just days later Thalon Myers, the 4-month-old son of another momblogger lost his life. 

The unthinkable. 

And yet from all misery comes good. The legacy of these families will live on as evidence that humanity is not lost.

As proven during the tragic plane crash that almost cost the Nielson’s their lives, and the overwhelming outpouring to find a kidney for The Domestic Diva‘s daughter, the social web shows us once again that we are made up not of nameless faces banging the keyboard.

We are all people. Sometimes acting more human than you could believe possible.

Love, prayers and thoughts to the Spohrs and  Myers families. May you find a shred of peace in knowing that the world grieves for your loss.

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Filed under communities, current events, loss

Time to Cry Tuesday – Sitting Shiksa

sitting-shiksa2No, there is not a typo in that headline. Keep reading and you will see what I mean.

This past week one of my dearest friends – my wife of sorts –  lost her dad. She and I are known somewhat as the Lucy and Ethel of our community. Our antics are legendary (in our minds, anyway). The following is an adaptation of an email that I sent to our friends:

After a long period of compromised health, my friend’s dad cried uncle and died peacefully. Unfortunately, she was away on vacation with her daughter and had to return quickly to make arrangements. As you can imagine this has been a very difficult time for her. But I am happy to report her sense of humor and love of life is fully intact. Read on.

She will be going to Arizona for a first memorial service on Sunday and then to Boston on March 3rd where she and her brother will have his ashes buried next to her mom, hopefully in an ‘uneventful’ ceremony. Not a chance! (note: as with all families there is the predicted drama that is hard to avoid)

As her life is here in NY now, we know that there are many that want to pay their respects to her since she is always there for everyone else. Only our dear friend, in her grief, could call me this morning with this novel and frankly hysterical request. Let me share our conversation:

Friend: Hi, it’s me again. I decided you are right and I need to do something here.

Me: That’s great, what did you have in mind?

Friend: I think I would like to ‘Sit Shiksa’!

Me: That could be the funniest thing I have ever heard.

Friend: Oh and tell people to forget the boxes of cake, bring wine and have a drink with me to celebrate my dad’s life.

For those who are not ‘of the tribe’, when someone dies in the Jewish religion we sit Shiva. Shiva meaning ‘seven’ in Hebrew, we receive guests in our home to pay their respects for 7(ish) days. (it’s complicated)

Figuring that 7 days of guests would surely put her husband in a psych unit, sitting Shiksa will be an afternoon ordeal. Shiksa, on the other hand, means ‘woman who is not a Jew’. Of course we all know that our friend is a Jew by association by now as she has been to more Bar Mitzvot and Shiva calls than most Jews by birth.

Please join their family, not to mourn, but celebrate the life of the man who fathered our dear friend. One hell of a guy and a man who always loved a good party. He will surely be there with us.

If you have friends of mixed marriages, or live in a diverse community, pass this on. There are few that hear it who cannot relate.

Here is to my dear friend, who can truly make lemonade out of ANY situation in life. And who always keeps me laughing, even through her tears. When she married our dear friend, she married us too. And she has been a hell of a good sport about it for the past 20 years. We love you babe. May your grieving be cathartic and know we will love you forever.

Sitting on my desk is a framed piece you gave me years ago:

Friends are the family you choose.

I choose you!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under communities, friendship, relationships, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Time to Cry Tuesday – An Icon

Sorry, third time in as many weeks that I am posting about loss. However, this one is quite different.

Sunday I had the pleasure (yes pleasure!) of attending a memorial service for someone who helped shape the woman I am today.  Actually, not just me, but hundreds of women through the 60s and 70s. This woman, Alice Sternin, was the director of the summer camp I attended. I have posted about this idyllic place from my childhood before, as both my children are fortunate enough to share in the legacy.

I have never attended a service where there was as much laughter as tears. The essence of this woman was described by countless speakers. Everyone in the room shared the same memories of this tiny woman who was larger than life.

People traveled from all over the country. Family and friends spoke. One after another, stories were shared that sparked long forgotten memories for each one of us . When her famous lines were quoted, the entire room joined  in unison. Treasured camp songs were sung and tears were shed for the loss, not just of this woman, but the childhood jewel this perfect place had been for all of us.

My daughter has had the good fortune to have had this same experience. The following is an excerpt from a letter I wrote to Jana and her girls at the end of their last summer as campers. This sums up what this woman built. And her legacy will carry on long after she is gone.

You are so very lucky to have this piece of your life. Camp is something that you cannot put a label on. There are no words to describe how you feel when you are with your girls. How the sight of the lake and mountains fill your heart in a way that nothing else in this world truly can. The essence of camp is ingrained in each and every one of you. It is part of what makes you who you are, and believe me, who you will always be. We are all beyond lucky to know these feelings.

Leaving is never easy.  All these years later I still tear up as I walk out of camp and drink in one last moment of the place I love so much.

Never, NEVER, take this place for granted. Hold it close and it will never let you down.  

Today, as I sat with MY girls so many years later, I felt the full weight of those words.

Here’s to you Big Al! The toughest camp director in the East. With the biggest heart! You will be dearly missed, but rest easy, your legacy will never die.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under friendship, Jana, loss, relationships, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Time to Cry Tuesday – Sadness and Hope

Today marks a bittersweet Time to Cry Tuesday installment. The excitement and sentiment of hope surrounding the inauguration is tempered with sadness for our family. Must be some bizarre alignment of the stars that I should be writing of loss for a second Tuesday in a row.

This past week we lost a beloved family member. She was a woman who always looked you in the eye when you spoke. Hell, even when you were on the phone. Her infectious laugh and high spirit, even in the face of hardship, left us in awe of how she navigated a less than perfect life.

I believe that each person leaves a mark on this earth when they leave. Along with the great void that remains in her absence resides the essence of her special brand of optimism. Her wild sense of humor and ability to draw people together is carried on through the grown son she leaves behind. His home is filled with love, many friends and lots of children! They will carry on her memory with stories of the impact she made on their lives. And they can move forward with the comfort of knowing they were the light of her life.

I am pretty sure that wherever she is, they read blogs. And if she happens to read this I am sure she would say something to the effect of, ‘Who the F was she talking about?’ 

Once a jokester, always a jokester.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Time to Cry Tuesday – I don’t know and you don’t know

fire-in-the-sky_sm1

There are times in our lives when we are profoundly touched by another person even though we have never met them. Sadly, sometimes they are already gone and we have lost the opportunity.

I have a friend in my community who I am very fond of. We do not know each other all that well but have been friends for a long time and our husbands are btff (best tennis friends forever). She and her family emanate an infectious warmth and hospitality. Being in their home one feels instantly comfortable and engaged. Their circle of friends is equally embracing. We always leave their house feeling as if we have had a full experience. Does that make sense? I hope so.

This past weekend we attended a memorial service for her mom who passed away suddenly last month. This particular congregation has a beautiful custom of creating a booklet of readings for its life cycle events. Friends and family members read from this booklet and helped paint a picture of this vibrant woman.

During the service my friend spoke about the mom she had lost. Theirs was a tender relationship, one that every mother and daughter hopes to have. Her loss was very painful to witness, yet being there I felt the greatest honor she could give her mother was to share who she was with those who did not know her. 

She told a story about going back to her mom’s home to sort through the pieces of her life. The most precious things she found were two post-it notes. Her mom had a habit of scribbling down thoughts and sticking them around her home. (a woman after my own heart as I have a bulletin board filled with such things over my desk). One of the notes said it all for me:

You don’t know and I don’t know.

How perfect is that? Pretty much says it all. We can worry and ruminate. We can plan and organize. We can strive and learn and try to control it all. But in the end, you don’t know and I don’t know.

I am sorry I never had the pleasure to meet this fine woman, but in some ways I suppose I have.

To my dear friend, may your grief be tempered with the knowledge that you were loved fully by a mother who adored you. And may your wonderful boys, or shall I say young men, give you the strength and support you need during this terribly sad time.

And may I say, it was an honor to ‘know’ your mom.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under aging parents, fashion, friendship, moms, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Time to cry

I know this blog is about laughter, but sometimes we have no choice but to cry.

Yesterday a dear friend and neighbor lost her life in a tragic traffic accident. She was only 58 years old. This post is a tribute to woman who personified the word family.

Every so often in our lives we come across people who lead by example. We are fortunate enough to live across the street from such a family for the past 20 years. They have 4 grown children, all of whom moved back to the area. A magical grandchild who I have joked about being the third grandparent to. And a circle of friends so wide and deep it is illustrated by the never-ending stream of cars that have lined our street since the hours after the accident.

This morning I heard a 12-year-old boy and a grown man ask the same thing. “How can you be here one minute and gone the next?”. Of course, there is no explanation that could satisfy either. This is the unfathomable.

We all leave behind a legacy of sorts. I would like to think of hers as our neighborhood guide to motherhood. She taught us all how to be parents. My husband joked with her and asked what she fed those kids to keep them coming back. She knew how to live life to its fullest and spread love through her work as a teacher and the way she presided over her beautiful family. A tireless woman who always had a way of making everyone feel special. A friend said that their family was like 6 degrees of separation in our community. Probably less in my estimation.

The last time I saw her was the day before she died. It was late in the day and she, her husband, daughter and grandson were walking down the street. I looked in my rear view mirror as I passed and waved, and thought to myself how lucky they are to have raised such a beautiful family and be so young to enjoy the next generation. Her daughter is pregnant with her second child… a girl.

A bittersweet cycle of life.

To you, my friend. I can only hope that wherever you are, you are able to see the impact you made on this world.

Some days time loses out over crying.

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Filed under family, friendship, loss