I thought it would be a good idea to give fair warning in the title to all my friends who are about to embark on the road trip to graduation.
College graduation? Really? How could that be, she looks too young to have a child that age.
What? She doesn’t look so young? Oh right, she just thinks she does. Because she displays adolescent behavior she still feels like she herself is a college student. AND she is a little nuts with this talking in the third person thing. Ah, cut her some slack, her kid is graduating!
Ok, kiddies, here goes:
Four years? Has it actually been four years since I sat at this very keyboard and banged out the High School graduation post that brought us all to our knees? I suppose so, for as I look down at this keyboard I see that the passage of time has worn away any visible signs of both the ‘i’ and ‘n’ keys. (Odd, I know. There must be some significance to those letters, but it escapes me)
I have spent a lot of time thinking about this next rite of passage for my first born. At the beginning it seemed to not be such a big deal; certainly not compared to the emotions of her High School graduation. Sending a child off into the world felt monumental. It was the first step on the long journey of letting go. A tape loop of the curly-headed little whirling dervish danced in my head as I thought of leaving her halfway across the country.
She was SO ready.
I was so NOT.
For the most part we both did really well with it… until the first time she got sick and I felt just how far Madison, Wisconsin was from home. But she survived. And so did I. With flying colors, actually.
As graduation grows closer, the ‘not such a big deal’ theory is starting to get some holes in it. Who the hell am I kidding? I cry at Applebee’s commercials for G-d sake! I sent a 19-year-old kid off to college and this amazing young woman is coming out on the other end. It was like some crazy science experiment… 2 parts Badger, 1 part personal navigation and a 100 inches of snow a year. Shake well, supply digital equipment, a warm coat, a semester abroad, a shoulder to cry on when needed (aka, bitch too) and wait 4 years to see what it morphs into.
And morph she did! She is one of the few people on this earth that can put me in my place and not piss me off while she is doing it. She makes me laugh till I cry and cry till I laugh. She has my warped sense of humor tempered with a level head and a kind heart that floors me more often than not.
Did I mention she and her 80 lbs. of shoes (20 lbs a year) are moving back home. I suppose getting her back makes it easier than letting her go.
Sort of. But as much as she loves us, and our home, we are not foolish enough to think that this is where she wants to be. And as soon as her next chapter begins she will move out… for good this time.
Ouch. Sort of.
Here’s the thing (which BTW is the phrase she always used as a teenager to preface a difficult discussion… ironic). It is time for Miss Jana to become who she will be. And, like most young people her age there is a part of her that is scared to death. So this is for you my sweet girl:
I have always told you that you can do anything that you set your mind to (except maybe pee standing up… that one is tough). You can. Not everyone knows what they want to be when they grow up – most of my friends still don’t. The most important thing is that you just keep growing up – for the rest of your life. And equally as important, never forget the wonders of being young. Passions will find their way to you. Necessity will rear its looming head and drive you to reach your goals. Life is funny.
When you least expect it, you find yourself just where you should be.
11 responses to “Time to Cry Tuesday – The College Graduation Post”
This may be a tribute to your beautiful, gorgeous daughter Amy but it resonate at any age. Like mine. Thank you my friend and congrats! What a wonderful journey Jana is on!
Thank god it’s Tuesday, because I’m sobbing!
Congrtulations and best of luck to Jana!
That’s what Tuesdays are for.
Ok you’re killing me…… Four years is not enough I mean too much, I mean just enough for us, I mean them to grow wings and fly…
Congratulations to all the grads we know and love. Here’s to the next great part of your lives…
All along for the ride together, my friend
This has filled me with hope and joy on a Tuesday morning I’d previously expected to be only about caring for a feverish toddler. Thank you for the smiles–one on my mouth and the other in my heart 🙂
Deborah, although we sit on opposite ends of the parenting spectrum, the mothering carries the same sentiment.
And believe me, this college grad spent her share of days as a feverish toddler… croup, strep, you name it!
Okay, I’m crying. It’s a beautiful post to not only Jana but to you as well – to your relationship, to the love of family, to the bond of a mother and daughter.
Congratulations Jana. We are all so proud of you. For graduating but also morphing into a beautiful beautiful person.
of course I enjoyed every word you wrote and it brought a few tears to my eyes. Your little girl is a woman on the path of life & it touches my heart so that you will be there for her every step along the way. Congratulations to your daughter .. but remember without your guidance she’d be lost. Now that is what love is all about….. you’re so lucky to have each other. GOD bless
Didn’t we just graduate? Mazel tov to you all. Amy, you certainly have a wonderful way to express what we all feel. You have done a great job mothering. you are both very lucky to have such a wonderful mother/daughter relationship. Enjoy!