…in the body of a grandma.
Sometimes when i am out in public (and not in the basement) i am amazed at how crazy people are.
there i was, getting a manicure (as I still do not believe that chipped nails are either fashionable or acceptable) and next to me sits a very cute little girl getting a manicure and pedicure for camp (another rustic camp experience is born). Her mom and grandma are waiting for her and they are reading magazines. I swear to you I am not making up this dialogue. You can ask my friend Cindy, she was there.
Grandma: Uh, what a horrible story.
Grandma: Oy, don’t read this, it is too depressing. Two people murdered in a place you would least expect.
Kid: Where grandma?
Grandma: No sweetie, don’t read this. Don’t worry about such things. Too horrible to talk about. Killed in broad daylight with no chance to survive. In Oklahoma of all places. You are safe nowhere.
Daughter: That is awful.
Grandma: No, please let’s not talk of such things. Did you see Tim Russert’s son on TV. So sad, to die so suddenly like that. Let’s not talk of such sadness. Did I tell about when I had my son, the baby nurse was still there and my friend’s husband dropped dead at his mother’s bedside. Just like that!
Kid: Who died grandma?
Grandma: Don’t worry yourself about such things, sweetie. You don’t know them, it was 49 years ago. Oy, he just up and dropped dead at his mother’s bedside, like Tim Russert. So sad. You should not think about such things.
For G-d’s sake, this friggin old yenta was lining up the corpses right there at the nail dryers and there was not a thing we could do about it! Seriously, can you imagine a holiday at this woman’s house?
Thanksgiving: “Did you read about the mother of 5 that choked on a turkey bone?”
Christmas: “Did you hear about the family that died in a fire from faulty christmas lights?”
Fourth of July: “Did you hear about the kid that blew his arm off with illegal fireworks?”
Of course, all followed by her signature:
“Let’s not talk about this, too much sadness.”