Confession: I was THAT mom

02987f44146962c00ea7c5e013d8a591These days I feel so far removed from the original I Could Cry Days of having no time. To breathe. To stop and think. To smell the peonies. Now life is more under control. The parenting that I do is more cerebral and my maternal obligations are pretty low stress.

Even after a long, crazy work day, I feel like I have time because I am not torturing myself with the things I think I should be doing. As a working mom, and a lover of crafts, I could not escape being ‘THAT mom’. The one that worked all day but still made party invitations to match my daughter’s dress. The one that made the halloween costumes. And HAD to iron the graduation gown. Who knew this was all way more important to me than it was to my kids?

I stumbled upon this post today. Aside from simply loving his voice, Scott Dannemiller, hit a nerve for me – many years later, but a nerve, just the same. A little excerpt that had me laughing outloud:

“As the man who is married to the person who reluctantly put googley eyes and a graduation cap on all the fruit cups, I feel I am qualified to offer this sage advice to the mothers of the world who do this kind of thing through gritted teeth out of a sense of obligation.

Stop it!

Oh, Scott, where were you when I was sitting at the kitchen table till 3AM icing upside down cupcakes to chocolate chip cookies and wrapping shoestring red licorice around them to make little cowboy hat desserts for the 4th grade class? (what the hell was the theme of that class party, anyway?) That photo above was not my cupcake… a little gumdrop and a potato chip on an Entenmanns could have saved me a hell of a lot of time, though. If only Pinterest existed back then!

The kicker of that episode was that I took the day off to attend the class party and no sooner had I put down the tray of treats, than my daughter looked at me with a green face and said, “I don’t feel so good.” We rushed to the office to see the nurse, only for her to puke across the office floor. (sorry to bring this one up, Jana)

Needless to say she was too busy being mortified to give two craps about my cowboy hat desserts.

If I had it to do over would I have done less of this? Probably not. The thing about being a working mom for me was to make sure I did all the stuff that I would have done if I didn’t work. Was it ridiculous? Of course.

But when have I ever claimed not to be ridiculous?

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Inside out signage

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This sign hangs in the window of a restaurant in town. From the outside, it reads ‘Organico’.

From the inside… anyone see what I saw?

As I was taking this shot I said to Gary, ‘Hey, doesn’t this sign look like a penis with…”

And he finished my sentence “… one dropped ball?”

At which point the waiter – who I did not realize was standing behind me – said, “You are not the first person to notice that.”

Must be a full peninsula of Magnets for the Absurd.

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Time to Cry Tuesday – Control

Unexpected-ThingsI saw this quote on Facebook, only to find out that it was plagiarized from Queen of Your Own Life. I made it a point to find the original graphic. 

Today is a reminder of the fact that out of nowhere life can change on a dime and you have only two choices – get through it or let it it do you in.

Action… reaction. That certainly ties up control in a neat little box.

Courage. Humor. Grace.

Indeed.

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Wine Makes You Smarter (ish)

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My daughter saw this sign as we were crossing the street and rushing to get to a show the other night. As always, the family keeps walking while I take a shot because… well, because they are tired of standing around on the street and they get a kick out of watching me speed walk to catch up to them.

I took the shot, instagrammed it, fed it to Facebook and went about my business.

Without proofing. Me! The queen of proofing outrage. The woman who gets a thrill out of finding typos in books and on menus.

“Wine makes you smarter”

– Aristote

You know, he was Aristotle’s not so smart younger brother with a drinking problem.

Cheers!

Thanks to my instagram friend @kortetz and Facebook friend Nancy who both caught this before I did. 

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To my kids on mother’s day

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This day is a tough one for me, and you guys too. But as a friend told me yesterday, ‘now we are ‘the moms’, so I am trying my very hardest to make today about what we have, not what we have lost. We all know that is what she would have wanted. And we all know she is here.

So, here goes.

I could write all the cliché things about motherhood and you could both roll your eyes about what a sap I am and laugh at how I cry at Applebee’s commercials. But I think after all these years you fully understand the way I feel about being your mom. Instead, please indulge me with ‘the list’ you have heard ad nauseam your entire lives:

Avoid drama.

Don’t be an asshole.

Misery gives happiness context.

The fork goes on the left!

Keep your eye on your own ball.

NEVER blow your nose at the table.

Put the seat down.

But we ARE rich.

No means no. Maybe usually means I am playing it out till it fizzles. Yes is always well thought out.

Bathroom humor is not only acceptable, it is encouraged.

You NEVER know what will come out of my mouth but it has hardened you to deal with any situation.

There is nothing like a good cry and an even better laugh.

Be all you can be (and be careful).

Singing Kung Fu Fighting is, in fact, the best way to start a morning.

Whatever it is, call me first. I am the most likely candidate for getting you out of it whole. (with the help of AlNel if necessary)

LU2.

I love you more…

and always will.

Thanks for growing up to be the amazing people you are, the ones I want to be with the most. Thanks for flipping the parenting roles when you see me driving myself off a cliff, for learning how to truly love with your whole hearts, and for tolerating this crazy woman with such grace.

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This mom is dope

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Or is she just a dope?

This was taken at the same kid’s play as fashion dad. This place was blogger heaven. And what a perfect mother’s day post #1 (#2 will be the sentimental one where I refrain from parent bashing).

First, let’s run by the definitions of dope.

There is the Webster version, surprisingly puts drugs above stupidity:

webster-dope

I like to think that the last one is really ‘the poop’,  but hey, I tend to lean towards bathroom humor.

Moving to Urban Dictionary with their many versions of the drug definition, culminating with this one which is my favorite:

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Good old Smokey is one angry dude but he uses Gary’s favorite term, rat’s ass, so I love him x 10.

Then there is the definition that something dope is something cool (I am guessing this is the one she was going for). But we can’t rule out the fact that this mom could have just been… a dope. With the need to let everyone know.

Wait! Could she be married to fashion dad?

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Daddy Fa fa fa fashion

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Today’s dad has so little time in his day. But that does not mean he has to rush off to his kid’s play without looking his best.

This guy has got it goin’ on. Pairing a Long Island Carpet Recycling black long-sleeved T with those classic – never go out of style – half camo, baggy shorts is a big win. The black kicks with the matching black no-show socks are the obvious choice for spring footwear.

But nothing says, ‘hey, I am the ultimate family man’ like finishing this ensemble off with a Coach diaper bag.

It is so very clear to me that he is on the phone with his wife to find out where she put his penis.

Ok, that was mean, I just had to go for the obvious laugh. Admit you were all thinking the same thing. And don’t start getting all dads are equal parents and there is nothing sexier than a dad taking care of his kids on me. That was my life in a big way and we wouldn’t have done it any other way.

I just had a more gender neutral diaper bag.

 

 

 

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